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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !![T      Home login  
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 workingonagoodname
Joined: 1/12/2007
Msg: 51
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!Page 3 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

It would not be WHERE you go but WHO you are with !!!!

Hey Astreaa , I hope you recognise that quote.. it's from your profile in the "First Date" section... a little more idealistic than realistic perhaps ?

I applaud the guys and women who have agreed with me...

Ahh! So the reason for posting here is not to interact with others and get various points of view and see whether your own viewpoint may be a little myopic or lop-sided, but rather the purpose is to accumulate as many people as possible who agree with you ? Well then honestly hun you didn't need to post at all, did you ?


Well said Wazza.

Creativeguy as well.
 1800DoUCare
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 52
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:06:37 AM
I agree Campfire Girl,,,
Ain't no mountain high enough,ain't to valley low enough,ain't no river wide enough to keep me from "YOU" if we cared about each other!!!!

The attraction does have to be there and you do have to want to meet this guy big time.
Like the Op. she may not be to into this guy, If not I can see her point there,,,,Just tell him,
I drove an hr, rode a bus 9hrs.to see a guy, fate and faith, "first time"didn't worry how many pennies it cost me, "You have to want to do it bad ebough" Now I wouldn't do it for every guy,, Call me stupid or desperate, some things are worth going after.
 Laidback_Catguy!
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 53
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:10:22 AM
If invited a woman for coffee, i would be the one driving. Hell I flew to winnipeg on a whim to meet someone. Best damn weekend I ever had.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 54
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:19:27 AM
'Cept for the fact that I don't do mornings (any mornings) for anybody, I absolutely agree with Thorn.

Good luck fishing, Sweetie.

Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:22:38 AM
See this thread:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts6938917.aspx

See all of the opinions regarding the concept of shared distance and what exactly is considered "gentlemanly" in todays dating environment.

Quite frankly, if a woman is not interested in putting out the same amount of effort to meet me as I am willing to invest in meeting her why whould I even bother? The old adage about not making someone your priority that does not do the same for you applies here.

The audacity of the man in question here! Lets see, you both obviously exchanged emails, then a phone call and there was obvious interest from both. You agree to MEET him and then have the gall to complain that he wanted to meet half way for coffee? What is truly your issue here? Is it that he wasn't willing to buy you a meal, or that he wasn't willing to invest more time in the meeting?

No wonder us men are always confused as to what women want. The concept of the "First Meeting" versus the "First Date" is oft discussed here in the forums. A First Meeting" (as this was to be) is to be a brief meeting to ascertain the validity of the attraction that has developed through email and phone calls. The option to extend it to something more than coffee or a drink is always there if both decide the interest continues to be mutual. From what you told us the gentleman in question did not rule this out. He just didn't want to make this the initial plan. I would say that was the right thing to do. Anyone that has had the experience of sitting through a long date with someone they feel no attraction to understands this.

OP, perhaps you need to examine your own personal dating philosophy and the concept of "selective equality". I think this man was absolutely correct in asking you to invest as much into the meeting as he was willing to invest. Attraction, interest and dating are a two way street. Both people involved need to put an equal amount of effort into it for there to be success. You have shown that you are not willing to put out the effort which may in turn cause you to be on POF for a very long time. You are not a Princess and he is not your Suitor. You are both adults in the year 2007 and your dating/meeting philosophy needs to be updated to reflect this.
 MischievouslyPlayful
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 56
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:25:41 AM
I think from your first post you said you didn't want to travel that far for coffee. He disagreed. So you don't meet. Big deal. Move on to the next person you are interested in.

Did you create this thread to bash him and try to make him feel bad?
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 57
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:45:13 AM
Oh my sweet dying jesus. Did you people miss messages 23 and 24?
He not only read her thread, he responded .
Willow, that guy was NOT Astreaa's date. Let's go back to Msg1:

This has got to be the most ridiculous request I have ever heard.
Talked to someone on the phone I met on here and he wanted me to drive over 60 miles to meet him for a cup of coffee !!! What a joke and on top of that it was to be on Saturday morning. I mentioned at least lunch and he would not even entertain the thought of it.
I said..." let me get this straight now ...you want me to get up at like 7 in the morning on Saturday, my day off of work , and then drive 60 miles that would take me about an hour and 15 minutes to meet you for a cup of coffee ! "
First when he mentioned about meeting on Saturday....I was thinking dinner or at least lunch and I still would have to drive for about an hour to get there which I figured was halfway. Then he says....well can you drive another 15 more miles to get to the next town. I asked him why and he said ...well that would make halfway more equal !!!!
He will be waiting a long time for me to call to confirm that one !!!
This is the second time I've witnessed an OP hijacking her own thread. The subject isn't the subject. The OP displays poor attitude, gets called on it, you find out what axe she's really grinding, nothing makes sense, the OP gets the attention she wants, and we all waste time debating a worthless dating circumstance. You got to get to Msg32 to find out just what in the blue hell the OP is thinking. You find out there the OP thinks the guy is cheap, and that the guy had some ridiculous conversation topics. Then she thanks people who were misled into posting the only exact thing she wishes to hear: her wacky dating concepts make sense.

Back on topic:
Here's a thread truly about the "subject" of this thread:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts6938917.aspx
Regarding driving a bit to meet for a date: if I'm considering a long-distance date, I generally offer to meet at the lady's venue of choice. If she lived 2 or more hours away, it would be nice to meet halfway, but I'll generally suggest somewhere close to her to help her put aside some of her internet dating fears. Now that there is some travelling time potentially for me and her, I'd think a meal is in order--hopefully it would be dutch, but I play this by ear. You really don't know exactly who you are meeting; my experience has been the women I've met often misrepresented their physical appearance, so I wouldn't necessarily plan an elaborate meeting. But leave it open-ended to continue the date into the day possibly if mutually agreed upon.

Did you create this thread to bash him and try to make him feel bad?
My sentiment too, along with sprinkling in some "hey look at me" attention and some man-bashing to boot.
 funcple2no
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 58
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:57:56 AM
As the saying goes...

Ever w**** has their price, apparently lunch is enough but coffee isn't! At least we know what the price is here!!!
 Algy
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 59
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:59:46 AM
Why would you connect with someone on a dating site who lives further away than you are willing to travel to meet?

The halfway issue is currently being fully explored in:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/6938917datingPostpage8.aspx
 COOLIN WATER
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 60
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:04:22 PM
He just wanted to make sure you were fine before it would cost him so much :) then once he concluded you were "fine" then he would have possibly took you too dinner.
Thats what happened to me I drove 20 miles and the girl didnt look nothing like her picture, so we had coffee and I sped out and never looked back lol... but in your case your pretty.
 ArtofLiving
Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 61
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:11:32 PM
I had an invite to come over for dinner, cooked by him. What's the catch? We've never met in person or even talked on the phone! AND on top of that it's OVER a 2 hour drive ONE WAY to get there!!! UM.....alone, with someone I don't know, 2 hours from no where as far as I know at their house for a first time meeting??? NO WAY!!!
 newlifeat49
Joined: 7/11/2005
Msg: 62
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:16:29 PM
I personally think it's only fair when you meet the first time to both drive half way...I don't think that's unreasonable. If you didn't want to be fair then why bother even chatting/emailing anyone that is not close to you? It's true what that one guy said...we can't pick and choose our 'equal rights' .....I'm sure if you had met him and did NOT like him you would have been glad that there was no lunch/dinner to get thru. Comon gals we gotta start being fair.
Newlifeat49
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 63
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:17:05 PM
no problem willow. i enjoy reading ridiculous threads like this sometimes, it provides great entertainment value, see how strangely warped some people are.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 64
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:17:52 PM
Help me out here fellow fishies;
Have just "met" a guy thru a different dating site, and "halfway" would be in the middle of Lake Michigan. Are we doomed?
seriously, whenever possible I shoot for meeting halfway, but I can be flexible if the situation seems to warrant it. And yeah, round these parts "halfway" could easily be a 30 mile drive. Of course there's always the risk that you'll get stood up. Or WISH you got stood up. I've had very few of those sorts of experiences so maybe I'm overly optimistic,perhaps the OP has been jerked around a lot by liars and guys who think that a woman using internet dating sites will do ANYTHING to meet a man, some man, any man....( they show up on forums all the time accusing women of being "too picky")
Cindy O
 charliemcsd
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 65
view profile
History
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:25:34 PM
You write:
I mentioned at least lunch and he would not even entertain the thought of it.

reply:
I agree with you. About a month ago I met a gal here, she lived about 70 miles south of me, but roughly 45 minutes west of my vacation home at the NJ shore. I was going down one weekend to check on the place and suggested she meet me in town and also indicated that we would have lunch. What is the point of doing the driving and not spending some time...
 Zippidy-Doo-Dah
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 66
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:29:57 PM
When it comes to dating and old fashioned women and men: What's not worth coming for - is not worth getting!!!
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 67
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:43:39 PM
Geee OP so it didn't matter what type of lunch it was as long as it wasn't just coffee?
Frankly, I think your "date" dodged a bullet there.

When I actually used to date I was flattered and very much appreciated a first date making an effort to meet me such as driving to meet for a drink. It meant something and was not forgotten.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 68
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:49:12 PM
well...as to the comment when it comes to dating and old fashioned women and men:
whats not worth coming for - is not worth getting

my guess is most of the people here are here because the old fashioned way of dating
isn't working quite as well as we had hoped...its hard to meet people out there.
the internet is a whole new way of dating and it opens up a whole new bunch or opportunties... in my opinion...its time to change some of the rules.

Im not saying we should forget our manners or our social skills...but when our dates are coming from a couple of hours away...I don't personally have a problem driving.
and if someone is flying...I think it depends on who is best able to travel or perhaps the destination.

but again thats just me
 Robin4wheels
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 69
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:31:21 PM
Attention seeking thread.
She wanted "aw, how dare he ask that of you" and even got a bit uptight when many didn't agree with that.
Hehe, backfired on her.
 Astreaa
Joined: 1/25/2007
Msg: 70
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:32:07 PM
Its me....highjacking my thread again....as I did not know it was against the law... Mr. Bike Man.
My comment in my profile "its not where you are , its who you are with"....I would like to explain myself for you people who do not GET IT !
I don't care where I am .....as long as the person I am with has the decency to treat me with respect and want to show me a nice time and give both of us ample time to get to know the person for who they are and that really can't be done over a cup of coffee for 15 minutes after a long long drive......I felt insulted as my circle of friends would never treat each other so "matter of fact" and shabby.
I am sorry but after the conversation with him I really can not treat him like the KING he thinks he is and try to get to know another his way! Also sorry for those of you who feel his behavior is warranted as I think much more highly of myself than maybe you would think of yourself.
Ta Da !!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 71
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:41:28 PM
actually I think very highly of myself.
I guess Im just willing to compromise.
But thats just me.
Whatever works for you
and of course its all opinion...there are eleventy seven thousand people out there...
surely you didn't expect everyone to agree with you.
happy fishing!
boo
 who_the_fox
Joined: 1/19/2007
Msg: 72
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:41:41 PM
I think much more highly of myself than maybe you would think of yourself.


Um, actually, I think the issue here is that YOU think more highly of YOURSELF than we think of YOU or is warranted.
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:42:03 PM

I am sorry but after the conversation with him I really can not treat him like the KING he thinks he is


Cause you want to make sure you are treated like the Princess you think you are?
 MischievouslyPlayful
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 74
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:47:32 PM
^^^^^^^I was thinking something similar - you hit the nail on the head.
 justcueit
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 75
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:50:44 PM
The first "date" isn't for coffee.... the first MEETING is... and I don't see anything wrong with his request. You are both travelling the same distance. If I were him I'd have said goodbye at your first hesitation to do this because if THIS is hard on you?? how would you EVER sustain a relationship????

(your emphasis on lunch/dinner makes you look like the man is secondary in your decision making process....)
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