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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !![T      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Algy
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 51
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!Page 3 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
Why would you connect with someone on a dating site who lives further away than you are willing to travel to meet?

The halfway issue is currently being fully explored in:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/6938917datingPostpage8.aspx
 COOLIN WATER
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 52
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:04:22 PM
He just wanted to make sure you were fine before it would cost him so much :) then once he concluded you were "fine" then he would have possibly took you too dinner.
Thats what happened to me I drove 20 miles and the girl didnt look nothing like her picture, so we had coffee and I sped out and never looked back lol... but in your case your pretty.
 ArtofLiving
Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 53
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:11:32 PM
I had an invite to come over for dinner, cooked by him. What's the catch? We've never met in person or even talked on the phone! AND on top of that it's OVER a 2 hour drive ONE WAY to get there!!! UM.....alone, with someone I don't know, 2 hours from no where as far as I know at their house for a first time meeting??? NO WAY!!!
 newlifeat49
Joined: 7/11/2005
Msg: 54
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:16:29 PM
I personally think it's only fair when you meet the first time to both drive half way...I don't think that's unreasonable. If you didn't want to be fair then why bother even chatting/emailing anyone that is not close to you? It's true what that one guy said...we can't pick and choose our 'equal rights' .....I'm sure if you had met him and did NOT like him you would have been glad that there was no lunch/dinner to get thru. Comon gals we gotta start being fair.
Newlifeat49
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 55
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:17:05 PM
no problem willow. i enjoy reading ridiculous threads like this sometimes, it provides great entertainment value, see how strangely warped some people are.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 56
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:17:52 PM
Help me out here fellow fishies;
Have just "met" a guy thru a different dating site, and "halfway" would be in the middle of Lake Michigan. Are we doomed?
seriously, whenever possible I shoot for meeting halfway, but I can be flexible if the situation seems to warrant it. And yeah, round these parts "halfway" could easily be a 30 mile drive. Of course there's always the risk that you'll get stood up. Or WISH you got stood up. I've had very few of those sorts of experiences so maybe I'm overly optimistic,perhaps the OP has been jerked around a lot by liars and guys who think that a woman using internet dating sites will do ANYTHING to meet a man, some man, any man....( they show up on forums all the time accusing women of being "too picky")
Cindy O
 charliemcsd
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 57
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History
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:25:34 PM
You write:
I mentioned at least lunch and he would not even entertain the thought of it.

reply:
I agree with you. About a month ago I met a gal here, she lived about 70 miles south of me, but roughly 45 minutes west of my vacation home at the NJ shore. I was going down one weekend to check on the place and suggested she meet me in town and also indicated that we would have lunch. What is the point of doing the driving and not spending some time...
 Zippidy-Doo-Dah
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 58
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:29:57 PM
When it comes to dating and old fashioned women and men: What's not worth coming for - is not worth getting!!!
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 59
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:43:39 PM
Geee OP so it didn't matter what type of lunch it was as long as it wasn't just coffee?
Frankly, I think your "date" dodged a bullet there.

When I actually used to date I was flattered and very much appreciated a first date making an effort to meet me such as driving to meet for a drink. It meant something and was not forgotten.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 60
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:49:12 PM
well...as to the comment when it comes to dating and old fashioned women and men:
whats not worth coming for - is not worth getting

my guess is most of the people here are here because the old fashioned way of dating
isn't working quite as well as we had hoped...its hard to meet people out there.
the internet is a whole new way of dating and it opens up a whole new bunch or opportunties... in my opinion...its time to change some of the rules.

Im not saying we should forget our manners or our social skills...but when our dates are coming from a couple of hours away...I don't personally have a problem driving.
and if someone is flying...I think it depends on who is best able to travel or perhaps the destination.

but again thats just me
 Robin4wheels
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 61
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:31:21 PM
Attention seeking thread.
She wanted "aw, how dare he ask that of you" and even got a bit uptight when many didn't agree with that.
Hehe, backfired on her.
 Astreaa
Joined: 1/25/2007
Msg: 62
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:32:07 PM
Its me....highjacking my thread again....as I did not know it was against the law... Mr. Bike Man.
My comment in my profile "its not where you are , its who you are with"....I would like to explain myself for you people who do not GET IT !
I don't care where I am .....as long as the person I am with has the decency to treat me with respect and want to show me a nice time and give both of us ample time to get to know the person for who they are and that really can't be done over a cup of coffee for 15 minutes after a long long drive......I felt insulted as my circle of friends would never treat each other so "matter of fact" and shabby.
I am sorry but after the conversation with him I really can not treat him like the KING he thinks he is and try to get to know another his way! Also sorry for those of you who feel his behavior is warranted as I think much more highly of myself than maybe you would think of yourself.
Ta Da !!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 63
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:41:28 PM
actually I think very highly of myself.
I guess Im just willing to compromise.
But thats just me.
Whatever works for you
and of course its all opinion...there are eleventy seven thousand people out there...
surely you didn't expect everyone to agree with you.
happy fishing!
boo
 who_the_fox
Joined: 1/19/2007
Msg: 64
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:41:41 PM
I think much more highly of myself than maybe you would think of yourself.


Um, actually, I think the issue here is that YOU think more highly of YOURSELF than we think of YOU or is warranted.
 MischievouslyPlayful
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 65
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:47:32 PM
^^^^^^^I was thinking something similar - you hit the nail on the head.
 justcueit
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 66
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:50:44 PM
The first "date" isn't for coffee.... the first MEETING is... and I don't see anything wrong with his request. You are both travelling the same distance. If I were him I'd have said goodbye at your first hesitation to do this because if THIS is hard on you?? how would you EVER sustain a relationship????

(your emphasis on lunch/dinner makes you look like the man is secondary in your decision making process....)
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 67
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:56:48 PM

!!!)....because he also asked me if I had a house and was looking for a roommate as he was selling his house and since he was in some type of blue collar union was looking to move anywhere !!
As you can see there were alot of other reasons why the request was totally out of line

OK these factors you did not include in your initial post.
So you pegged the guy as a cheapass loser looking for a woman to move in with and live on HER dime mostly....why didn't you SAY these other issues instead of focusing on the distance driven/reward received equation? Or just not even bother to post? Sweetie, just about any woman who indicates that she can and does support herself is gonna get some contact from the " just lookin' for a home" guys.

In this case you were probably right to pass up this (dubious) opportunity but it was the OTHER circumstances that we'd have understood more easily than just a 60 mile drive.
As food for thought, I've combined first meeting long drives with other errands or business matters, visiting other friends along the route, checking out some interesting sights, to increase the number of birds killed with one tank of gas...er, stone. Sometimes online dating requires on to think outside the box a little bit, no?
Cindy O
 ORCAANNA
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 68
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 3:11:31 PM
hey, at least he invited you!!!, and that is a biggy right there.There are potential daters that live right next to you, or co-workers that you see everyday- and guess what- unless your willing to go out on a lark- they are too wrapped up in their own stuff, to even suggest a get together. Take a chance, go pass go, and advance to , maybe your next great love!!! Bi g deal on the 60 miles for a coffee( your drive)!!, maybe next time would of been for a lobster dinner, and dance????? your loss.............!!!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 69
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 3:12:32 PM
Okei...its not my imagination...my posts are getting deleted...
whats up with that? I haven't been rude or anything?
 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 70
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 3:30:13 PM
When 2 hours of driving, $15 in gas and a $2 coffee is an unacceptable risk to take to find Love, one has to really wonder how much you really want it, and who exactly is "cheap" in this case.

Heck, at xmas I spent $500 flying out to OR to visit my family, and as a side trip rented a car out there (almost $400 for a week) to drive 4 hours north, and rented a hotel room for 4 nights (another $400) to meet a woman I'd been chatting with on POF for a couple months. I figured at the least (from chatting) we'd have a good time, get to meet, and see where it went from there, 'friends' or more. Whats wrong with taking a risk? Heck, *love* is a risk!
 Realityissubjective
Joined: 9/24/2006
Msg: 71
view profile
History
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 3:30:36 PM

as long as the person I am with has the decency to treat me with respect and want to show me a nice time

....Yea... the *tone* of that comment kinda stuck in my craw too. Just wondering if anyone else caught it too.
 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 72
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 3:37:56 PM
as long as the person I am with has the decency to treat *me* with respect and want to show *me* a nice time


Yup, ibechuck.... *me*, *me*, *me*... gee, I thought a first meet/date was for *us* (we) to hopefully have a "nice time".. *together*. A relationship is supposed to be about "us" and "we", not "I" and "me. Oh yeah, and this word called "compromise", that I'm wondering if she knows the meaning of.
 Reenie999
Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 73
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 3:48:00 PM
One of the very first questions I ask men on the Personals is if they are willing to drive to my town to meet.

If not I don't continue the correspondence because I don't drive out of town to meet strangers!!
 prettykylady
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 74
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 4:14:54 PM
Why couldn't he agree to meet you halfway? Why did it have to be you doing all the driving to his town? I wouldn't drive the whole sixty miles myself just to meet for a cup of coffee (I'd make alternate plans to either see the sights or shops in the other area if the meeting didn't work out), but if he'd agree to meet midway so there isn't so much driving on one person's part, I would consider doing that. This isn't about meeting just for a cup of coffee, it's about the fact that he doesn't seem to want to meet halfway for a meeting.
 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 75
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 4/19/2007 4:34:36 PM

Why couldn't he agree to meet you halfway? Why did it have to be you doing all the driving to his town?


Then he says....well can you drive another 15 more miles to get to the next town. I asked him why and he said ...well that would make halfway more equal !!!!


What part of that makes it sound like she's driving "to his town"?
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