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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > He can't drop the psycho ex      Home login  
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 26
He can't drop the psycho exPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Not knowing the full extent to the situation… however 20x phone calls in one day is enough to work out… geez..
However nice he is to her, this is giving her hope that there is still some feeling there for her… there is constructive ways of telling someone it is over.. Rather than either ignoring it hoping it will go away....As she will be more persistent in wanting an answer.
… or talking to her as if nothing has happened even though the true fact that he’s moved on…
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 27
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He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 4/20/2007 12:32:29 PM
Don't mistake self absorption for compassion. Although we're not monogamous by nature however "psycho" this woman is a good man focuses on one woman if that is their understanding. Holding people on a string is not an endearing quality IMHO. you either have an understanding of substance or you don't. Since you're upset I'd bet on the latter.
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 28
He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 4/20/2007 1:02:44 PM
My guess would be that the ex is not actually psycho. Rather than put fault where it probably belongs. He lied. He no doubt put her on an emotional roller coaster ride, and feels guilt or he would never answer her calls or have her in front of him to SEE the tears. The hold my dear - his guilt. Have you ever spoken with the ex to make sure she is an ex.
Joined: 12/8/2006
Msg: 29
let him go ... for now
Posted: 4/20/2007 1:04:50 PM
He is spineless, a player, or has some mental health issues of his own. Whatever it may be, he is NOT good relationship material.

^^^^^Yep- what Frau B. said.
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 30
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He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 4/20/2007 3:16:14 PM
Here's what he told me: they went together for 3 years, they were engaged. Yet she would scream, break windows, throw tantrums, pick fights while they were on trips (when you can't get away) and he had to go on meds because life with her was so stressful. Um, first thing I thought was "why did he ever put up with this for 3 years?" I suspected she has borderline personality disorder. These folks can be manipulative, but also charming and attractive. They are psychic vampires who build their life around you, which is flattering, but if you are ever out of their sight they go nuts, call you a million times etc.
So he left her, and I guess met me shortly afterwards, I didn't really know about her till recently. In the last few weeks he's been "busy", and then mentioned in emails about how "this person from my past has showed up" and "she needed a shoulder to cry on" and, of course, "she says she's changed."
I don't believe in that "changed" baloney. My ex-husband specialized in that "I've changed" line.
So after all this, I can't figure out why he is letting her suck him in. Maybe the nymphomania is a draw??? Or is it the money (apparently she comes from a wealthy background.)
I'm really wondering what's wrong with anyone who would put up with a person like that for 3 years and then give them another chance.
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 31
He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 4/20/2007 3:33:08 PM
Sounds like the tears work wonders on him.....if you want him, open up the flood gates and show him how hurt you are!!!

I'm just kidding......

You know, I'm not speaking in this man's defense but I am wondering if he feels some form of guilt/obligation to this woman in response to what he feels she may do if he abandons her. Maybe he fears that she will harm herself if he closes her out of his life. Everyone in this thread is kind of ripping on the poor guy, but if he's genuinely concerned about her, I almost feel that he deserves a medal if he's willing to put up with this crap to protect her.

I think you should confront him about it and see. One way or another though, you need to know if this will continue, because you probably don't want these problems in your life too if this drags on.
Joined: 12/8/2006
Msg: 32
He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 4/20/2007 3:34:34 PM
Oh well- that explains it. You were the rebound .
He's been 'busy" the past few weeks because he went back to her.
That is, IF he ever really left her.
You'll find someone better.

OT: ^^^^^ Don't listen to the guy that posted above me! Just kidding - he's a smart guy. MUAH B!
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 33
He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 6/5/2007 4:44:14 PM
run green feather run by holding onto his ex hes making the choice to not to get serious with you his ex is an excuse to keep things where they are now the descion is up to you but id think about the situation before you let your heart get broken!
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 34
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He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 6/14/2007 6:05:37 PM
CAN you say "BYE BYE DYSFUNCTIONAL LOSER?" Sad to say, sweetie, he LIKES it. I was in an abusive relationship for 12 yrs and, sad to say, it DOES get a hold on you. Only HE can choose to break that hold.
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 35
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He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 9/29/2008 12:06:12 PM
I saw..I left...I conquered. Thanks for the imput...ex's are 5mins ago
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 36
He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 9/29/2008 12:23:32 PM
He has addiction issues!

Juanes Adiccion!

Seriously, the only reason people can't break contact with exes is because they have become accustomed to the rewards those exes provide. Same thing as addiction. One can become addicted to anything if it is in your makeup to do so. And one can consciously make a decision not to continue seeking out such things, too. He has chosen not to. So there's no confusion about it. Leave him be.
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 37
He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 9/29/2008 2:43:24 PM

What hold does she have on him, and what am I supposed to do?
Be a mature, intelligent, logical, ethical woman and "3) tell him I'm going back to the dating forums to look around?"(not sure why you'd use the forums for looking); you must have met here on POF or he knows of it therefore its not such a great idea to post your relationship issues on forum while trying to form a relationship....relationship by committee wont work unless he asked you to take a poll to determine what he should do.
I was just getting to the point where I thought maybe we could be 'more than friends'
While it may be disappointing to leave your friendship at the purely platonic stage(it is STRICTLY platonic according to your statement right?) Its the best thing you can do for BOTH of you actually. Its OBVIOUS(dispite his contradictory words/actions) that he is NOT interested in a long term committed monogamous relationship with YOU at this point. What difference does it make what "hold" she has over him? He just isnt that into YOU. He ISNT ready for a HEALTHY committed relationship at this point. Both of you should grow up, but he should grow up and BECOME A MAN who can make up his own mind and stick to it. You simply need to look at things for what they actually are and not what you simply wish they can be, thus leave him and the relationship where it is and if you wish to be in a real relationship find someone else.
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 38
He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:31:34 AM
You really want him? Offer him something she hasn't or can't offer at the moment!! That is what he is waiting for believe me!! He will cut her loose....dismiss her in a heartbeat...just be of more 'worth' to him! Oh and by the way.....don't believe ANYTHING he tells's manipulation, cunningness........he's shopping and you OR writing the check!!!
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 39
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He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:38:49 AM
He is as psycho as she is. DUMP him.
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 40
He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:39:22 AM
Go back to the forums and find someone else. Since she still has a chance, it appears that his heart is still with her. I see alot of heartache ahead for you.

Take care and good luck
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 41
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He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:47:49 AM
Who would willingly be with a nut case...except another nut case? Why give him any more chances? Your self esteem is low because you have a low opinion of yourself...and you reinforce its lowness every time you do something like settle for a situation like this. There have to be some non-nuts out here who would date you. Settle for one of them instead.
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 42
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He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:53:05 AM
The question is NOT: "why would he put up with her for three years?"

The question IS: "why would you put up with him for a week?"

I've seen your profile, and can assure you that you can do better than Mr. Nutty. If you ever get to Oregon, look me up. Until then, dump the nut job, and look for someone less nutty than he is a bit closer to home.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 43
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He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 9/30/2008 10:32:33 AM
He says "I tell her I'm thinking of you, but she turns on the tears. She asks me if she has a chance and I say Yes..."

Well ok then, that's his answer. She "has a chance." Are you going to hang around and wait on him to dump you so he can give her that chance? The only person who has no chance with him is YOU, and you won't until he grows some vertabrae. IF that's really the case. He might just want to have his cake and eat it too, and she might not be psycho at all. Maybe he's telling HER that YOU are psycho and he can't get rid of YOU because he's "too nice." Bless his heart. I think he just enjoys having two women pining for him and he doesn't WANT to get rid of the ex, because his great big ego would deflate if she wasn't being all "psycho" over him.

Oh, and have you ever noticed that you can talk to 100 single people, and 90 of them will tell you that their ex is "psycho?"

what am I supposed to do?

Do you really need someone to draw you a picture?
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 44
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The psycho Ex revisited
Posted: 1/2/2010 3:38:12 PM
I wrote a thread back in 07 about this guy I was seeing, who kept getting stolen away by his psycho Ex. Well, somehow he got rid of her, and I started going with him in Aug of 09. We were starting to get 'serious'.

Would you believe, about 2 days before New Years Eve I hear from him that the Psycho has been dropping by, having coffee (she lives closer than me) and then made her move, asking if he is coming back, and saying she will "fight" to get him back.

He acts like he is some helpless bystander who has no control over what goes on. I was sympathetic, until I learned that when she asked if she had a chance to get him back, HE DIDN'T SAY NO.

I asked if he was still spending New Years Eve with me. "I need to sort things out," he said.

Next morning I wrote him & said "don't talk to me until you tell her Goodbye forever!!"

Needless to say, I haven't heard from him since. If he does write back, I'm going to say "I need to sort things out". Actually, I am THROUGH with him. I'm mostly mad at myself that I wasted several months with this loser and turned down the chance to meet someone else on this site.
Thanks for listening.
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 45
The psycho Ex revisited
Posted: 1/2/2010 3:58:15 PM
THREE years and you are still with HER.

You LIKE the drama. He LIKES her in his life. There are restraining orders and criminal prosecution for people like her.. IF he isnt encouraging her.

Most sane people would be DONE with him Why arent you?

Ya know.. you could wind up on the receiving end of her wrath.. Think Glenn Close
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 46
He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 1/2/2010 11:15:18 PM
What is to be confused about? He is more psycho than she is. Be glad to be rid of him.
Joined: 1/29/2010
Msg: 47
He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 2/18/2010 4:03:58 PM
tell him to get a restraining order!, i wouldn't deal with that mess, he need to man up either it you or the psycho chick. don't ever put urself threw bullshit over someone else drama....
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 48
He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 2/18/2010 4:49:20 PM

I thought maybe we could be 'more than friends'.

have you guys had sex yet?

What hold does she have on him,

if you answered no to the above....then you have your answer...
Joined: 1/16/2010
Msg: 49
He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 2/19/2010 10:53:43 AM

he likes the drama from his ex...your going to get hurt if you stick around.
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 50
He can't drop the psycho ex
Posted: 2/19/2010 11:35:56 AM
Kenge says is best you need clarity. Do what Kenge said.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > He can't drop the psycho ex