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 TensawEagle1
Joined: 1/5/2007
Msg: 102
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...Page 2 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
Hey there,

Just my 2 cents worth...When I was young I did it all the time..After I was married, I liked the personal touch...Now that I am divorced after 22 years, I have no desire for that kind of relationship. It would seem empty afterwards and I would feel empty...Besides, it's immoral:*)

Rick
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 104
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 5/3/2007 7:33:22 PM
Msg: 1 -- I think it's entirely possible. Two very jaded individuals who have totally given up on love but happen to be friends may very well decide to chuck the romantic fantasy and become permanent, exclusive FWBs. I am rapidly approaching that point myself.
 a1969baby
Joined: 3/23/2007
Msg: 109
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 5/10/2007 9:53:10 PM
Ok, here goes. I haven't really looked at all 6 pages of replies to this topic, but I thought I would give my own opinion. Consider this fact, there are over 6.5 billion people in the world today. I would bet money that at least one of them believes you can have a long term sexual relationship with someone without having feelings of love with them. Take for instance, in some middle eastern countries, men still have more then one wife. Do you think a man that has 8 wives actually loves every single one of them? Wouldn't this also be considered a long term sexual relationship without the bonding of love? My opinion is this, yes, you can have a friend with benefits relationship as long as it is established right at the very beginning and if one of them started having those feelings of love, then they would need to discuss it and either break it up, or persue it further. It also has to do with upbringing. There are many people that have never known love in their lives because they never got love while growing up so sex to them is the only emotion they might have ever known and it fills that empty void. To me, I wouldn't be able to handle a long term sexual relationship, because I know myself enough to know I would start having feelings, but there are people out there that could do it I'm sure.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 114
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 7/29/2009 3:10:12 PM
Need the connection piece so I vote, "No" on this one. I personally have never been with anyone long term and had a completely sexual relationship --- never gonna happen with this girl --- sorry!
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 117
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 7/29/2009 6:55:48 PM
I think An Emotional Attachment WITHOUT A Sexual Relationship -- aka marriage, or "just friends" -- is the better way to go.
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 122
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/4/2009 5:41:53 PM
I think it's more than possible...

However I do not think that there would be NO emotional attachment whatsoever, personally I would have to actually like the person to have sex with them, and I would have to find them attractive.. it would have to be a friendship (there's no good sex without trust IMHO)

But.. and maybe it's my age, and the fact that I enjoy my time alone and have a demanding career. Or maybe it's because I have been married and divorced, and widowed - been there, done that. I am far past the "starting a family" thing... I'm not a very dependent person. I relish my freedom to come and go as I please.. yes I could see some kind of mutual arrangement with someone whom I respected, was attracted to and liked, but wasn't "ga-ga" over. There would be no financial complications, or parenting issues... there could be quite a few benefits to it.

After a while "BOB" just doesn't cut it. There is something about sharing yourself sexually with another person that no toy can quite duplicate.

It's more appealing than a one night stand with someone you hardly know.

Maybe I've come to see that the hormones and chemicals released during the "dating and honeymoon phase" are just that.. chemicals. THAT is not real love.. it is infatuation... and after enough experience it becomes apparent that it fades, rather predictably in about 6 months to 2 years. It isn't real. THAT's when you make a decision to stay or go, to love this person (Love is an action and a choice, not a feeling, something I'm beginning to understand) or go in search of the chemicals that feel so good.

Real love... like I feel for my mom, or my child.. or my best friend.. and for the few men I have been with long enough to get past the chemical rush and get to know their soul has little to do with sex. (Funny, the people I REALLY love I take as they are.. hmmm...and I don't hold them to me like a life preserver) Sexual expression of real love with a beloved partner is a wondrous and (I believe) rare thing..and can greatly enhance the relationship, BUT! if the sex was removed (example - your partner develops a disease which renders them incapable of sex) the LOVE is still there. Chemicals be damned... real love isn't based on sex.

Honestly..., I believe I have fooled myself in the past into believing I really "loved" a few people in my life because of my (unrecognized) sexual needs and wants, and probably abandonment issues.. or whatever other insecurities I harbored as a younger person. Fear of being alone, or unloved (unlovable?) or whatever. Looking back at those particular experiences I now see that real love was not truly part of the picture. I was actually pretty dishonest and selfish, even if I was oblivious to my self-deception. In a way, I held those people hostage to my own unrecognized fear, needs and insecurities.. in the name of love. Sad.

I have issues with the whole "morality" thing. Sex (oooo that's a dirty thing only acceptable under the cloak of "Love") Why does love make it any less dirty? really? I've had it both ways.. with someone I truly and deeply care about and with someone whom I COULD NOT have known well enough to have that deep concern for (Sorry but dating someone for a month and sleeping with them does not qualify as a deep connection - we don't really get to know someone for at least a good year of spending time with them and building trust and intimacy - That's the truth of it) and the sex, for me, though ALWAYS better with a real beloved, was still pretty darn good. Morality, in some ways, can be a great disguise for personal discomfort with ones own deep or disowned needs which are then projected onto others. That's why some women who have chosen to fulfill their needs without shame get labelled "sluts", it's pure jealousy in a lot of cases, and also fear that if 'she' can enjoy herself it's possible for others too.. and a lot of people are TERRIFIED of their own desires. They fear losing control of themselves in their desires (we all have em) or they fear that that woman will rob them of their partner, real or potential. Some men fear it because female sexuality has been controlled by men for many thousands of years (for various reasons) and people fear losing control (for many reasons) but I think also because female sexuality can be a very potent and powerful thing.. maybe even a bit frightening. So sex is it is a very powerful drive.. and the whole "love" thing puts kind of a fence around it... it CONTROLS it. That makes people feel more secure, I guess. In themselves and with their partners.

I don't think it is immoral to have sex with someone you don't have a deep attachment and commitment to - IF one is honest about it, I DO think it is immoral to have a deep attachment and commitment to someone to have sex, or to secure a sexual supply.

I think it is immoral to have sex with someone you are married to when you just really don't feel that way about them and LIE TO THEM about your feelings.... to have a cushy 'secure' home life and social respectability. Especially if you are having affairs on the side or betraying that person in some way. It's dishonest, self-absorbed and despicable. It's dishonorable.

I think it is immoral to lie to oneself and another to have sex (players are just ONE example)

I think it is immoral to have sex without any concern for the others health and well-being.. whether you know them well or not.

It is immoral to have sex with anyone you are in authority over (see below)

I KNOW it is immoral to have sex, or gratify oneself sexually with those unable to give informed consent or against their will (this includes extremely intoxicated people, children, animals, emotionally distraught persons, mentally handicapped, or mentally ill persons.. etc... )

BUT... To have a mutually agreed upon relationship, between consenting adults, hopefully discreet, to fulfill each others needs, with respect and honesty, doesn't seem all that immoral to me. Actually it seems rather enlightened in a way - if not enlightened than at least honest.

This said, yes, I think it's possible, maybe for some preferable... how long term would depend on the people involved, their level of self-honesty and comfort with their wants, desires, needs and boundaries, their independence and respect for the emotional well-being and spiritual health of both parties.

I guess when it comes down to it that I can't close my mind to the possibility, though I am in search of nothing in particular. Life works better when I let it happen.

Peace
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 133
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/13/2009 4:32:31 PM
To hear it from a lot of men, it's more a case of an emotional relationship without the sexual attachment that they're having problems with
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 145
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/15/2009 7:31:10 PM
I don't do the fwb things so I can't answer this question...
 rj2360
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 155
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/16/2009 12:32:50 PM
Emotions are always there. The problem is , people don't communicate enough and are very controlling It's good to live in the moment. When I am in a relationship it usually works out for the best, because I live & let live. In other words, people let their emotions get the best of them based on some subjective nonsense.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 166
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/16/2009 9:02:16 PM
Sounds like having a prostitute but for free... a good deal if you can manage it.
 gdr
Joined: 11/26/2007
Msg: 172
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/23/2009 2:08:47 PM
Hello,

Men give away their freedom like women use to give away virginity!
TO ABSOLUTELY NO ONE! Tyra banks is great for a one night stand(maybe)
but commitment is a whole nother world. For MOST men this type of realitionship
is completely possible. I would venture to say that for MOST women it's not.
These are more or less scientific facts.
Brandon Green
 dsleeth
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 173
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/23/2009 4:36:26 PM
Nope. Sex was created as an expression for love.
 19justice78
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 176
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/23/2009 6:11:23 PM
I think that anything is controlable if you are strong and mature enough. I've had many relationships that I have been able to control my feelings whether they be sexually or emotional attachment. It all depends on how strong you are. My issues come into play when the other can not control themselves, either getting to emotionally attached or worse screwing around. I wish others were more in control of their feelings. But it's not likely to happen.
 dsleeth
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 191
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 1/15/2010 11:25:20 AM
Guys who have had sex outside of marriage are wired that way. Because it's something innately wrong
 dsleeth
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 192
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 1/15/2010 11:28:13 AM
If you seriously want an emotional relationship, lay the law down: Say no sex, not even teasing, and then put up a time limit. MINIMAL three months, but if you really want a great relationship, wait until marriage. TRUST ME! It's worth it!
 dsleeth
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 193
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 1/15/2010 11:31:38 AM
Yeah, I have this limit that I won't date a guy who has had sex in the last two years, and I won't date someone who has had more than 2 partners lifetime. Any more, and you're looking at ewwy gross stuff! lol The first rule is more important though. Two years, many health ailments will show up.

As a human being, I am worthy of more than that. We are all to be our best in life, and to receive the best from others. Shortcomings happen and need to be forgiven, but don't just run right back to a person who hurt you. Hurt people hurt others, so if someone hurts you, don't just run back to them after you forgive them because they're still a hurting person and they'll do it until they're healed. ONce they're emotionally healed, then you can start again a bit.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 194
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 1/15/2010 12:47:13 PM
The headline sounds desperate to me.

Why would you have sex with someone you have no emotional bond with?
 Mrpbody44
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 195
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 1/15/2010 12:59:16 PM
Yeah, I have this limit that I won't date a guy who has had sex in the last two years, and I won't date someone who has had more than 2 partners lifetime. Any more, and you're looking at ewwy gross stuff! lol The first rule is more important though. Two years, many health ailments will show up.

You are insane. This is the saddest post I have ever read on here.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 197
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 1/15/2010 1:33:19 PM
Anything is a possibility although not probable that two people would be involved in a long-term FB relationship without either party developing feelings. When it would potentially work is if both people firmly know that they are like oil and water as a couple.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 198
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 1/15/2010 1:42:18 PM
I can not have sex without having an emotional attachment first. I did have one drunken one night stand with a guy I had met twice and hated it. I tried being a FWB once but the problem was he could have sex and not have it mean anything and I had already developed feelings and was hoping for more. I thought I was in a relationship too soon another time and had sex then ended up confused when he said we were just casually dating. I think for the most part one person is going to get hurt over time. I guess some people can handle it but I never could. I made sure in my current relationship there was a commitment first. To me sex=love and although I've made a few mistakes along the way thinking sex could lead to love I know for me it is love then sex.

Before I was married and then divorced I never would of even thought of having sex without the emotional attachment. I had been with 2 men one I dated for over a year and the other one I married. Once back in the dating world, I tried finding love with sex but it went against my beliefs and didn't work.
 novoaus
Joined: 12/30/2009
Msg: 199
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 1/15/2010 2:07:10 PM
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments

yes its called being married for more than 7 years
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 202
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 1/15/2010 8:12:27 PM
I can't do it. I've turned down the emotionless FWB type thing because I know it doesn't work for me. I want and deserve more than that. I want to care about the man and I want him to care about me. I don't see how two people can have a long-term sexual arrangement without emotions getting in the way. I guess it works for some. Somebody is going to get hurt when the other moves on. I'm not going to set myself up to be hurt because I know that I'll develop feelings for that person.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 203
And you....
Posted: 1/15/2010 8:32:47 PM

Yeah, I have this limit that I won't date a guy who has had sex in the last two years, and I won't date someone who has had more than 2 partners lifetime. Any more, and you're looking at ewwy gross stuff! lol The first rule is more important though. Two years, many health ailments will show up.



You really think that having two or less sexual partners by definition means there is no "ewwy gross stuff", and more than two by definition means there is?

Do you share this definitive medical insight with others?


I have no idea what the "eww, gross stuff" is about with a man who has more than two partners, but she won't have sex with a man who has had sex in the last two years because that length of time means any STDs or AIDS have made themselves known.

But to the OP's query--yes and no.

If someone has a sexual relationship--more than a one-night stand--and there is NO emotion, then the two having sex must be automatons. In fact, even if they hate each other, that is still an emotion.

However, a couple could have a sexual relationship and not love each other in the sense of love that we associate with married people or long-term relationships.

Notice that I said "that we associate with"--couples do not necessarily love each other in the idealized concept of the popular media and long held stereotypical ideas of marriage.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 205
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 1/16/2010 8:26:23 AM

They are generally less possessive or emotionally controlled or controlling
{IMO and after 10 pages} This is the key. Folks who are generally this ^^^ way have more success within a simple sexual relationship.

Being "this" way, doesn't mean that the participants are not emotionally invested while in the moment, nor does it mean that when the "relationship" ends that they are not emotionally void of the lost interaction. After any ongoing length of time it's only human nature for a bond to form. The degree of the bond is within each indivitual.

Simple sexual relationships often don't work because of the possessorary nature of most people's definition of love and due to their societal conditioning..
 huggablekiss
Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 212
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 1/16/2010 11:40:31 PM
Short-term yes. Long-Term NO.

If you agree to go into this type of arrangement, make sure it's what you want (you're okay with it) and that your partner is in agreement, set the rules beforehand so you know what to expect from each other.

During the course of the relationship, if your feelings change towards him, cut the tie and move on. If you want to talk to him to get his perspective, that's up to you so long as you are mature if he should reject a more meaningful relationship with you. Do not take it personally if there is rejection.

If he wants a meaningful relationship as you do and he doesn't do the couple relationship thing (ie taking you out and he misses you ocassionally during the week) leave the situation immediately.
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