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 AUTHOR
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 368
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...Page 5 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)

So,I must be a hopeless romantic.

Member of the ROMANTIC club here too ^^^^^.

This kind of a relationship was a part of my life in past but after initial physical satisfaction emptiness filled my heart. So, my preference is either to have it all or nothing.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 371
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/15/2010 10:13:29 PM
and who here has said just because they have a FWB in their life at the present time
that they don't want a romantic relationship at some point in their lives?
We just don't want it with our FWB.

Once again......I understand and respect someone's desire to not be in a FWB situation.

But by God........you have no clue what "type" of sex is involved in a true FRIENDS w/ benefits.
There is absolutely nothing cold, empty or meaningless about what is shared between friends.

I think many people confuse "Passion" with "Love".
One can be passionate about many things......doesn't mean they are in love with those things.
Think back to your marriages.........how many times did you have sex with no passion?
You have to be honest and admit there were times you had sex and it wasn't some
big passionate event. Didn't mean you didn't love them anymore now did it?
Just means you weren't really into that night but was going through the motions because you felt you should.

FWB's don't deal with that! When FWB's have sex.....it's because they both want each other and sometimes it's a very passionate experience.
Look up the definition of passion.......as a noun......it means to have "a strong enthusiam for".

as I said, if you don't want to engage in this type of relationship.......then don't.
But don't assume a FWB relationship lacks all the qualities you need for great passionate sex.
I repeat myself......but a true FWB relationship is based on friendship.
and that friendship is based on trust, compassion, communication and yes, love.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 373
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/16/2010 5:58:39 AM

cold empty meaningless sex does nothing for me.

Why in the world would somebody intentionally-with no monetary gain or other material advantage involved-have bad sex with someone they didn't like?

That doesn't make a LICK of sense in any scenario, IMO.
Cindy O
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 376
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/16/2010 8:04:59 AM

life's confusing enough not to have to wonder whether she's wet from the excitement or wet from left-over sex from the other guy.


To start with.......mature, responsible adults end the "benefits" if they decide to
date

and how do you know your date isn't "wet from left-over sex" from her POF date the night before.
and possible a different date the weekend before.

Until you become "exclusive"......your date could be dating 5 other guys.

There are no guarantees in the dating world.

Labeling someone a bed hopper just because they have a FWB is ridiculous.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 377
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/16/2010 9:43:37 AM
I can do it and remain 100% monogamous, although the passion might be turned down a click. My current lifestyle just isn't taylored to work with anything else...unless the woman can get by with or wants little attention and isn't looking for marriage. The last time I was involved in such a relationship, internet dating wasn't a widely known option. I would really have to think twice about it under current conditions. I think men are more capable of pulling this off than women. I know women are wired different and need the security of a full blow relationship, regardless of what they tell you... so I wouldn't trust such a relationship with the internet in the equation. While I'm off on some adventure, she would be on a dating site looking for the whole package. The part that puzzles me, is why do women get involved in relationships like this and pretend it's what they want....then three months later the tears start flowing because my mind hasn't changed?
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 380
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/16/2010 10:12:09 AM

To start with.......mature, responsible adults end the "benefits" if they decide to
date


Wait..I'm confused.

Let's say you have a FWB situation. You start to 'date' them..you cut them off the sex?
WTH?!?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 381
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/16/2010 10:17:30 AM
No ping!!

When I say "start to date" ........I mean someone besides your FWB.

If I meet a man that interests me enough to date......I would let my Friend know immediately. There would be no more "benefits" from the moment I said yes
to a date.

read the comment I was replying to.....you'll understand the context of my reply.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 383
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/16/2010 11:04:27 AM

I don't get having sex. I get making love, expressing to another person how much you care for them. I get getting closer than two people can possibly get and sharing some earth shattering O's. But don't get doing that with someone you don't give a flying fart about. Why?

It's entirely possible to have some earth-shattering Os with someone whose company you enjoy, that you find attractive and sexy, that you feel affection for, while fully realizing that this is not the "happily-ever-after-ride-off-into-the-sunset-on-a-snowy-white-charger" or someone you want to be joined at the hip with.
I think what's misunderstood here is "emotional attachment"-as I said in a previous post, what would be the sense of having bad sex with someone you dislike or just don't care about? I think, other than in "professional" services, or the "who gives a rat's ass I'm horny" Saturday night drunk-ass ONS-one would have to have SOME positive emotions about ongoing encounters with a particular individual sex partner. You just don't have the level of feeling that constitutes 'serious dating' or 'a relationship', and you aren't going to try and MAKE that feeling exist to counteract some old " you should only do it with someone you love" guilt trip tape playing in the back of your mind.
On the other hand, I don't think anyone here is trying to imply that people who find FwB or other sexual involvements, that are not part of a progressing longterm relationship, to be unappealing-they're not saying that people who feel like this a re bad, wrong, misguided, whatever! But, for myself, I can't see having sex with someone that I feel nothing for-what in the world would that be in aid of? I'm sure there are people of both genders who CAN-to whom it's all about the weiner and the kitty-more power to them but I think the 'emotional attachment' referred to means feelings of a level and quality that would sustain a relationship-I say emotional attachment CAN be friendship combined with some degree of sexual chemistry,that is NOT going to lead to the altar- or heartbreak hotel, either one.
Cindy O
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 386
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/16/2010 1:24:25 PM

Other than you I can see no one else who would be insensitive enough to use this term...certianly I did not say this nor imply it.


My term......which I thought was a bit nicer than your description of

wet from left-over sex from the other guy.

so what were you implying with that comment?


OK...so you'd end the FWB...and then start to look to date?

As I have already stated......I would end the "benefits" as soon I accepted a date with someone. I don't do multiple partners either. There is a chance that a date could lead to further dates. Further dates are more than likely going to lead to sex.
If I decide to date.......I do it with all the best intentions of it leading somewhere.
I would never date one man and have sex with another.
Just because I'm( or anyone else) able to engage in a FWB.......doesn't mean I'm a
cold hearted or promiscuous.

Question for ya......
You and I go on a date......on our date we discuss the relationships we've had.
I tell you I had been seeing someone for 3 months and was intimate with him.
It ended 2 weeks ago with no hard feelings.
How is that any different than if I was intimate with a FWB 2 weeks ago?

BTW.......I'm not trying to convince anyone, or myself of anything here.
I'm trying to shed some light and open some eyes.
There are way too many misconceptions about FWB's.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 393
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/16/2010 5:02:29 PM

the whole point of having a FWB is to openly absolve both oneself and one's sportf.ucker partner of any sense of commitment or emotional responsibility.

Let me point out a distinction that I find important-if it is a F.riends w.ith B.enefits-you do have a certain degree of emotional responsibility-as you would with ANY OTHER FRIEND. If its just F.vck B.uddies, probably not so much. I'm not real big on straight-up FBs, but that doesn't give me any right to judge or preach at any other adult who has one in a RESPONSIBLE manner.
Actually, I had an experience with a FwB that kinda started out with me being open minded to a 'relationship' ,even though it could have been pretty close to being the straw that broke the camels back, in terms of time and energy resources that I really needed to allocate differently...however, it didn't take long for me to see, that though I was fond of the guy, attracted to him, (mostly) enjoyed his company-and we did stuff together other than just boinking!-that we had basic perceptions of human beings, values, and what goes on in life, that were too divergent to make for a workable relationship. And really, it would have been an exercise in foolishness and misallocated time and effort to try and conduct a full-scale "relationship". We still run into one another from time to time, or he'll stop by to say hello( no benefits are awarded ) but I have little interest in restarting the involvement.
But that's another facet of FwB, you enjoy someone's company/companionship to a certain extent, spending a lot of time looking for and grooming a "real relationship" might not make sense at that point in one's life, as long as there's a strong mutual liking, respect, and physical attraction-and an understanding that this is NOT a "relationship in training", it can make a lot of sense for centered, calm adults. For those who just can't distinguish any gradient between hit-it-and-quit-it, or "serious relationship", it WON'T work.
Cindy O
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 395
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/16/2010 10:36:28 PM

you see...as I'd read this..it, to me, isn't clear that the fwb stops and the romancing new partnership begins...until you cleared it up.


that would be because you already have a picture formed in your mind that
anyone who engages in a FWB relationship is somehow without morals.
You assume we would date the new guy and screw the FWB because you
assume we're "that kind of person".
I and others have repeatedly said in all these FWB threads we stop the "benefits" if we
start to date. There is actually a whole thread on that subject alone.

That's the whole reason I participate in these threads......to try and show
that someone that has a FWB isn't automatically promiscuous, cold hearted, not capable of a loving relationship, without morals or values, or any of the other degrading descriptions I've read in these forums.
I also would like people to understand that it's not "just a fuk".......
there are emotions involved......they are just different emotions than "romantic relationships".
A few of us have repeatedly told ya'll there is respect, compassion and trust involved because of the FRIENDship that exists. Most choose to ignore our "truths"...
and go on bashing.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 400
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/17/2010 6:36:03 AM

Well yea...there should be some sort of break between partners to get oneself right...heal...move on as it were...yes, I do believe in the celibacy period...how long...Idunno...certianly longer than the time between lawn mowings.


If one needs to "heal" after only 3 months of dating.......then one needs to
stop and ask themselves why they are investing so much emotion in someone
they've only known 3 months.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 403
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/17/2010 6:46:58 AM

Sometimes sex is just sex.
If it doesn't work for you, simply don't do it. If it doesn't work for you to be with
someone who has had a FWB relationship in the past, simply don't do it.
nuff said.

With that said, I've not had a FWB relationship, it's simply not my cup of tea.
But I can understand those that do.


I understand some can have sex with no connection, I simply can't.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 406
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/17/2010 11:18:04 AM

Yeah, I guess I feel like you are settling for less than the whole relationship and don't know why anyone would.

I can to some extent understand how you could have that feeling, if one presumes that EVERYONE wants and is in a position to have a "whole relationship". I'm not talking about married cheaters here-I'm talking about people who may be dealing with other important time consuming issues,and don't at the moment have time for, nor want-a "whole relationship". If more people recovering from a divorce , breakup of a LTR, or death of a SO would permit themselves a "lover"-or 'friend with benefits' maybe we'd see fewer disastrous relationships/breakups caused by loneliness-driven bad decisions, or trying to FORCE something to be a relationship because it would be "wrong" to have some companionship and sexual enjoyment more casually.
I'm not going to rattle off a laundry list here, but I can think of a few life situations where someone might actually want-or only be able to handle-something less than a "whole relationship".
Cindy O
 faith2565
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 410
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/29/2010 6:53:08 PM
I do not think so. We tell ourselves that we can become intimate with someone with no strings attached, but once sex enters the game you form a 'soul tie' and those are hard to break.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 411
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/29/2010 7:10:13 PM
No............YOU form this "soul tie".

Not everyone else does.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 413
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/30/2010 9:56:46 PM
I'd like to place an order for some of that.........and hold the STDs please!........................
 ljohnson79
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 414
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/14/2011 9:45:56 PM
Men have emotions, even if it's only the "I'm a rock star / sex god !" emotion. Don't buy into it when people say men do anything without emotion.
 rcdkoolkop
Joined: 7/27/2010
Msg: 417
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/15/2011 8:59:46 AM
For a woman especially I don't think its really possible on a long term type level , a guy can if its understood by his partner that this is what the relationship is about ,the sex and platonic friendship. I've met very few ladies that can handle that- so that's why that line is rarely crossed.
 Annie1108
Joined: 12/31/2010
Msg: 421
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/16/2011 11:09:59 AM
I believe it's totally impossible for a woman to...
Unlike a man.....who finds it easy to meet with a woman for the purpose of sexual consent between the two of them with total detatchment...I don't believe a man feels anything at all during the act of sex if the two of them had mutually agreed to meet on the terms of " meeting for the act of sex itself".... and not to establish a relationship...
I think what a woman needs to realize is that men and women are just aren't wired the same way...
Women tend to be more about romance...love....security... family.... and responsibilities .... and from having a few casual conversations on here i've found that men seem to be more about internet porn... naked pictures... sexual conversations.... sexual attraction .... sexual satisfaction.....intercourse... and emotional detatchment....... Noted... that there are a few good guys on here that .... after a hard work week ... want to just sit back and have an intellengent conversation with a woman.... they are gems of course... a diamond in the rough... and far and few in between... I think what most men need to realize is that by offering nothing more than his sex organ... washboard abs... and a nice behind... a casual relationship without friendship total detatchment... meaning real intimacy.... or communication.... leaves much to be desired.... sort of like ... fishing in the ocean without bait... wouldn't u say?... :}
 11hellohello
Joined: 6/16/2011
Msg: 424
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/17/2011 9:19:21 AM
If your open it definitely can work. Sometimes its the best thing.
 dtp1952
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 431
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 9/4/2011 5:27:20 AM
i think so as long as both partners are out for the same reason purley sex i must admit ive been down that road
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 433
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 9/4/2011 6:07:03 AM

Hmmm........interesting thread. But what do you do when a person who has a great relationship going emotionally with fantastic sex between them also, but they unknowingly to the loving, caring, person they are with, get involved and cheat with a FWB secretly?


I'd call BS on the "great relationship going emotionally"..if that was true, there would not be a need for a FWB, would there? Especially if there were "fantastic sex between them also".
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 440
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...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 11/26/2011 4:07:55 AM
FWB: friend with benefits. Two friends who decide to become sexually involved with each other.

FB: F_ck buddy. A man and woman who have no friendship or relationship who decide to become sexually involved with each other.

--------------------

Some people seem to define both of the above as the same. While I've never been involved in either it seems to me number 1 (FWB) has a relationship to begin with. A FWB are two friends deciding to become sexually active.

Yet in forums whenever FWB is mentioned some (especially women) seem to equate and/or define FWB the same as FB. So I guess the question comes up, "do Friends really get involved sexually but not develop a deep romantic connection"?
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 441
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 11/26/2011 6:18:19 AM
I think FWB is a wonderful thing- as long as the parties involved are honest & respectful...same thing w/ f-buddies...just because there is no "window-dressing" of emotions, etc. doesn't make it any less of an enjoyable experience IMO. In fact I think it is more enjoyable, no worry or angst attached to the whole process
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