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 Tarika
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 27
asking to borrow money on first datePage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Eeeewwww, how absolutely gauche!!!
 kimsy
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 28
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 4/30/2007 7:59:17 PM

And they have a new feature on this site to warn women about guys, huh?


Do they really have this? Where is it? :-)
 spfldlady
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 29
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 4/30/2007 9:14:15 PM
LOL Shield!!! I got one of those emails today!
 Just Carol
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 30
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 5/2/2007 6:26:50 PM
tdh46...man I can always depend on you to post some sanity onto a thread I love these forums...the topics are interesting and most of the time the posts are either informative or amusing.....BUT.....a lot of POFers are a cold cynical bunch!!!!I mean really....everyone complains about how far they have to drive, how much ANY date/meeting costs as well as fighting over who pays, thinks everyone has an ulterior motive, b***hes because men/women aren't 'truthful' about their appearance, convinced they are being used, and are freaked because everyone you meet is a potential 'axe murderer'...and you are confused as to why your dates/relationships don't work...go figure! Before I would humiliate any human being...much less a date by asking them to sign an agreement to pay back $30.00....I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.....hey at least she showed up, was dressed appropriately, looked like her pic, didn't make a scene, and didn't come bearing coupons
 justcueit
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 31
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 5/2/2007 7:51:38 PM
FabulousSmile... I had to check your profile to see if you were located in my city! I had the same thing happen... MET a guy on a Sunday... we were together a total of 2 hrs... he was nice... we had fun... we decided we'd like to "see where it goes"... told him I'd be too busy during the week but we could make plans for the weekend... he calls Monday night... we talk on phone for almost 2 hrs... it was fun... he calls Tuesday night and sounds down... I ask him what's wrong... WAY LONG story short... he's got money problems... rent... car insurance... blah blah blah... can I move in with you at the end of the month? (9 days away)... I laughed... he said he was serious... I said... we haven't even had a DATE yet and we are NOT having this conversation... we said g'nite.... he calls Wed night and almost immediately starts in again about how I should let him move in with me and that I couldn't possibly be serious about having a relationship if I didn't let him... I repeated the NOOOOOOOOOOO convo of the night before... we said g'nite... and the next day he got a "dear john" letter. I repeat... we had a total of TWO HOURS of a MEETING together before he asked!! *****ROLLS EYES*****
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 32
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asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 5/2/2007 8:26:28 PM
^^^^ wow, that is just totally amazing... i HAVE had a number of guys tell me right away, on the first or second date, things like "i've been waiting for you all my life" and "i want to spend the rest of my life with you" and "i want you to have my child" (all of which freaked me out completely, the 'ive; been waiting for you all my life' one was said after spending one hour in his company!) ... but no one has asked me if he can move in with me after spending two hours in my company! wow, that is just totally freaky!

what are these guys thinking????
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 33
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asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 5/2/2007 10:45:59 PM
.....Big Red Flag....
 *cee~cee*
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 34
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 5/2/2007 11:08:19 PM
OP... you didn't do anything wrong... in fact? I think you were quite clever in asking her to sign something ensuring she'd pay you back. Even though it was $30, it's the principle of the thing. I can't believe the nerve of some people!

I wouldn't ever go out on a date unless I had more than enough money to cover my portion and my ability to get home. I can take care of myself and wouldn't even agree to meet unless I had the means to get there and back safely and pay for MY portion. IF when the bill came the guy had no money, I would throw down my portion and walk out. I don't think anyone should be agreeing to a date or meeting at a place where money is needed if they can't afford to pay their own way. I would never expect or feel comfortable with that. It's just rude and ludicrous to ask for money on a date!

On the matter of loaning or borrowing money in any situation, I've learned from past experience that it gets in the way of relationships. I ended up getting pretty screwed over as a result of my wanting to help a friend out and won't ever do it again. I never ask to borrow money and the only time I've taken any is when a family member offers it, but then I will give them something in writing (on my own accord) clearly pointing out when I'll make payments and how much those payments will be. Life, friends, family and other relationships are just too important to lose over money. I'd run for the hills if I met someone that I didn't know wanted to borrow money from me... huge red flag and totally disheartening in my opinion.
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 35
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asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 5/3/2007 5:53:05 AM
i had a similar tip experience once -- the guy insisted on paying for our brunch even tho i had said i'd pay my half, he pushed my money away and said 'no no no, you can't take it with you, it's just money,' etc... but then he was really struggling to figure out what to leave for the tip, finally leaving a $5. then i went to the restroom, came back and noticed he had taken the 5 back and left a one dollar dollar bill there (the check was @ $30). so i just took a 5 out of my purse and added it to the dollar while we were walking out...

it didn't make sense to me, why didn't we just split the bill and leave an appropriate tip? it's like he wants to be the big guy with me and pay the bill but then when i'm not looking he wants to short the waitress on the tip?
 shieldvulf
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 37
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asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 5/3/2007 9:53:30 AM
You're exactly right to take care of yourself first, OPie. The situation you found yourself in could not have ended any better than it did. Your "date" panhandled you, the same as she might any other stranger. You found it out one way; you could have found out by losing a spot of cash. Even that would have been a cheap ticket to the truth about the woman.

Those who fault you want you to defer to a woman in chivalric terms, even a stranger making an outrageous request, which is precisely what your "date" was counting on. She changed the terms of your encounter from social to financial. It's on her that you replied in financial terms.

Cheers!

Vulf
 Jude6806
Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 38
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asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 5/3/2007 10:30:39 AM
Johne102 - You were so right not to just hand over the money. Who goes out on a date - a first date, at that - without a way to get home? I would call a friend from the lobby to help me, before asking a date for cash! Had she expected you as the man to pay for dinner and then you asked to split it, and that was why she was short money, maybe it would be more forgiveable, but even at that - I would never come unprepared.

Another way to handle it however, if you were interested and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt that it was truly not a scam... might have been to say you were not comfortable in giving her money, but you would be glad to give her a ride home or call a taxi and pre-pay the taxi to get her home.

I still think walking out on such a request would not be unreasonable, but depending on the vibe you got throughout the rest of the date, making sure she got home ok without actually handing over cash would have been another option.

But all said -- she was wrong. Way wrong.
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 39
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asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 5/3/2007 11:25:45 AM
but johne (OP), why did you want to see her again even after she did something that made you feel she was trying to use or (worse) scam you? how could you still be attracted to a person you feel has tried to use or scam you? dunno, that confuses me. isn't it important to be with someone who is honest and doesn't use people in that kind of way? or in ANY way?

i'm just curious about why you would still have been interested in continuing to see her if you felt that way...

cheers!
 whothehellknows
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 41
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 5/3/2007 1:51:45 PM
I think everyone has gone through periods when they are just broke. But normal people just stay home of find something to do that is inexpensive. If a date asked me for money I would politely decline and would probably never see her again.

It's one thing to help out a partner you are dating, but just one date does not equal "we're dating."
 VargaGirl
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 42
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 5/7/2007 6:45:52 PM
WOMANS LIBERATION????????


Why didn't she ask you to drop her off to a friends house so she could borrow money from them?

Why didn't she tell you before she turned up that she was going to run out of petrol?

Why didn't she get you to meet her at a place that was closer to her house so she could walk or get a bus home?

Why didn't she tell you she was skint and would prefer to go and get a coffee during the day?

While she was crying you should have said, "Why didn't you ask your daddy to pay for your petrol, youre obviously used to that YOU BIG BABY?"

At the moment I am a female with very limited resources. I have felt compelled to go halves when my "male friend" and I go out for lunch simply because I am very proud of the fact that I can stretch my money a long way and I have independence. There is nothing worse then a female who can't change a lightbulb, check the oil in her car, or take care of herself financially. This isn't the 1950's. We earn the same wage usually, so why do we expect the world to owe us a living. GUYS NEVER FALL FOR IT!

We went through womens liberation to earn equal rights and now we want it both ways?

What do we value? Things? Stuff? I wreckon a good hug and a guy who makes me laugh is worth more then a plate of food with Mr.Dull and primpy!
PULEASE!!!!!


Spoil a girl occasionally.... but pay for their lack of resourcefulnes? DONT DO IT!
 ~Juggernaut~
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 43
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 5/7/2007 7:33:08 PM
Hey you got a couple bucks I can borrow ?
 int21hex
Joined: 5/3/2007
Msg: 44
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asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 5/7/2007 8:55:51 PM
Wow, that is insane. I would run for the hills after that. Seriously WTF. It is one thing in the course of flirting to see who will break first and pay. But it is meant to be something trivial and related to the date. To blatently ask for money to get home or because they have failed to fufill an obligation is well... I am at a loss for words to describe what that is. Scary perhaps.

I would have drawn her a $30 dollar bill on the napkin, and said sure you can borrow it. It would have difused the situation with a little humor, and made her realize she wasn't getting anything from you. But, thats me.
 berrysweetncgurl
Joined: 8/2/2004
Msg: 45
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 5/7/2007 11:47:46 PM
to the OP: maybe she read a little too much into your profile.....it does say you are generous !! Maybe you should change your title on your profile, to me it comes across as a green flag for gold diggers....

But seriously asking you for money on a first date is horrible......
People have no dignity anymore, anyone will just ask you for change or $$ and not feel the least bit embarrassed by it.

There were a group of teenagers in Wal-mart the other day going around and asking people for change. The one boy come up to me (no older than 16, mind you) and asked if I had some change. I couldnt help but laugh at him and tell him No not that he could have. this may sound mean, but these kids were probably making a fortune asking everyone for change.
 Rocketgirl4
Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 46
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 6/24/2007 8:27:33 PM
Double holy hannah!

If I was desperate for some unthinkable reason I would maybe ask but that we only be if I was bleeding profusely and needed bandages lol. My god.......run.......
 Rocketgirl4
Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 47
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 6/24/2007 8:28:07 PM
would......oops a typo.
 NotherFishNtheC
Joined: 6/20/2007
Msg: 48
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 6/24/2007 9:33:55 PM
Interesting approach to it. There was this girl I was "talking to" once, from offline (she was a "beertub girl" at a club I used to go to; should have probably been a clue), and I mean, we'd been out a couple times, nothing exclusive. I used to go visit at the club, you know, big deal. So, she asks me for 2 grand, to bail a friend out of jail. I asked what her friend did. Wouldn't tell me. Just like that.....just ....out of the blue. Look I'm sorry but I need 2 grand. Needless to say I told her no. Do you know this woman hounded me about this money, for about two three weeks??? I kept just fobbing her off after the initial request (and denial) call; stuff like lemme call you back I'm busy, you know, BS, but I was driving in my great-grandma's funeral procession in fact, and she called my cell yet AGAIN , asking about how she could get this money. That was when I finally lost all patience and civility with her and started speaking to her ... the way "Superfly" might, lol... no, but seriously, there are some strange ppl out there who will not hesitate... not hesitate at ALL to ask.... one would think common decency if not common sense would preclude someone from doing this kind of thing really (I mean, I'd have a hard time asking a long-time close friend for money), but yeah you were totally right to not give her any (good that you paid for dinner though; I always do that myself too). I wouldn't have even done the agreement thing; just tell her no and don't talk to her again. It's not right. IMO at least. Something's not right about a person who asks to borrow money from you on a first date. No way. Sorry.
 moniquesc
Joined: 6/11/2007
Msg: 49
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 6/25/2007 6:41:38 AM
I would have never given her the $30. If she didn't have the money to het home then she shouldn't have come in the first place. How unbelievable that she would ask you for money.
 Gr8_Kisser
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 50
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 6/25/2007 6:53:19 AM
Dude, I swear you start the weirdest threads

Cheers,
Christopher
 atlast
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 51
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:10:26 AM
It clearly demonstrates a total lack of class for someone to try to borrow money on a first date. I always offer to sleep with my date for it!
 Struedel
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 52
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:42:12 AM
She's playing a dangerous game scamming people like that - someday she's going to meet up with someone not so nice

You should've stuck to your guns when you said no
 JBike
Joined: 3/27/2007
Msg: 53
asking to borrow money on first date
Posted: 6/25/2007 12:13:13 PM
tdh, I have read some of your posts on here, and the one common thread I see through all of them, is mate, you're beyond stupid ! WHY in God's name would you give someone asking for money on a 1st date your ATM card AND your pin?? Let me guess, yesterday, you were an embryo, right? You need to detach your lips from the proverbial female hiney and stand on your OWN two feet, it's men like you, that the rest of us (The metaphoric pack) would destroy, you're a burden and you do not function normally in the world around you ! I suggest you read Thomas Paines "Common Sense" because you're obviously lacking it.
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