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Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 81
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Attraction in your 50'sPage 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I guess I was tainted by having 5 sisters that could change from their 'everyday look ' to beautiful looking women when they prepped for a date. I learned that looks mean nothing past getting that first attraction and though I can appreciate a good looking woman all made up, I've always stayed attracted to women with great personalities over looks.
I know a few guys with trophy wives that look the part of a 'perfect' couple but they are miserable when they get home.

I've had a life long condition that caused me to have trouble with my weight and was never that disturbed by women that wanted a trophy and therefore ignored me. The condition I have cause my cell growth to slow down and I was not diagnosed until I was 45 and replacing the missing hormones cause me to shed most of the unwanted weight. I believe that the slow rate of cell growth is responsible for people to guess my age to be 10 to 15 years younger.

Part of my recovery included massage therapy and the therapist was very cute. We got to know each other well during those years and when she was sad that I didn't need the massages any more she said she'd miss me. I said we should go out and do something together and she said no I was too young for her. I asked how old she was , 45, and how old she thought I was she said 35. When I told her I was 51 at the time, she said "oh! you're too old for me.

After my health came back, the life long depression that went with my condition disappeared and I had a perpetual smile. The smile has attracted more women than I can count but mostly from younger ones and older women often thought I lied about my age. One woman said she'd date me if I could prove I was old enough and I declined because I didn't wish to prove anything.

I waited until I found a woman with a great smile that goes along with a great personality, it's the best makeup (attractor) of all.
Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 84
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:32:11 PM
Artz I am looking forward to it.... I believe that it is not age, weight or height that matters. I think that we all have criteria that we look for in the person we might be attracted to. I am attracted to intellectual well-read men who have a sense of fun. Men who take pride in their appearance and emotional well-being. If you are a woman attracted to the strong, rugged, take-control type of men who sport 18 inch moustaches then that is what rings your bell. By the same token, if you are a male and you like tall blond-headed women with killer bodies but maybe a little on the dipsy side, who is to say that it is wrong or right. If we were all attracted to the same type of person, then God should have just "cloned" us all after Adam and Eve. I think that we spend an awful lot of time trying to figure out why someone doesn't respond to us. Is it my age, weight, look etc. etc. What a waste of time as there is no answer that fits all of us. I think we are all beautiful and perfect for someone and it just takes time. Whether it is the internet, a club or whatever - we would still have the same issues. I think you are all perfect, just the way God intended you to be. We just need to work with what we have and feel good about ourselves.
Serre 1
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 87
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/4/2007 1:49:10 AM
But I do believe there is a gender difference between the things most fibbed about. For example, I would guess that more women than men lie about age. When it came to age, 24.3 percent of the men were untruthful, compared with 13.1 percent of the women. Of course it all needs proper research. But it's my experience (and that of my friends) that lot (not all!) of middle aged men are looking for someone younger. A dating agency interviewed on TV a while back confirmed this. So women are perhaps more likely to be tempted to shave off a few years. Similarly, men are probably more tempted to add an inch or so to their height. About 52.6 percent of the men in the study lied about their height, as did 39 percent of the women.

Slightly more women lied about their weight (64.1 percent) than did men (60.5 percent).

Less than 4% difference between men and women on the BIGGIE: weight. Nearly twice as many men lie about age as do women. And more than 25% more men lie about height than do women.
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 89
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/4/2007 4:36:48 PM
When you find someone on here you agree with and find attractive...alas the live so far away. So it is with you leo52.
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 94
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/5/2007 2:09:28 PM
"Many of us are ok with being single. That means we are not desperate to find a man to do "whatever it is those women need done". It means that we can survive alone , but we would rather have some company along on the trip. JMHO "

Willow ... I couldn't agree more.

I'm new to this site and have noticed that there are predominantly two kinds of users. Some are primarily looking for dating and sex, and some are looking for "company along on the trip" (to borrow your words).

Figuring out who wants what seems to be the challenge. Along the way, judgments are made about looks and weight, which have nothing to do with the quality of "company," and plenty to do with the quality of attraction and sex. Sometimes there are misunderstandings and people's feelings get hurt. Certainly friends or "company" can't be appropriately judged by appearance.

If it's "company" that we're really after, then looks and weight don't matter. And age matters only to the degree that it involves a person's life experiences. A more important factor is shared interest(s).

On the other hand, we generally assume that eventually our relationship with a particular companion will become sexual. At that point, we're back to the place where looks and weight matter, after all, because they impact physical attraction. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, we've still got a friend.

If it's really companionship that people want, they'll respond to e-mails even when there is no physical attraction, as long as there are common interests and intellectual stimulation. It's generally only when people view every contact as a potential sexual partner that they begin to judge appearance.

I suspect that, in general, people who aren't getting responses aren’t attending to the recipients’ areas of interest or are e-mailing people who are only looking for someone for sex, whether they admit it or not. People who are having trouble getting responses might do better to look for potential partners who are interested in friendship, then see where things goes from there ... unless, of course, they're only interested in sexual relationships. In that case, they’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Joined: 4/16/2005
Msg: 100
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/6/2007 5:58:01 AM
I agree with most of what you said. I have seen many women who prefer younger men. I have found that my limit on younger men is within a 5 year ranger. I look at profiles of men that range from 55 to 70. Younger than that I rather shy away from. Older than 70 gives me the concept of dating my own father image. As far as Men are concerned, I do believe that in that range they are visuals. They have been married to the woman who is no longer trim and Barbie Dollish, they want a change. Someone younger to carry on the arm for their own self esteem, they gain more attention from their peers. It really is a shame that people are really being shallow. Most Women and Men my age, are divorced or Widowed. All of us are in the same situation, we are alone. I've seen many profiles where the man claims to be 60 and I guarentee you they are 65 to 70, they have the same age tire around the middle, their hair is grey. The kicker is the now famous quote! "I don't like people who play Head Games". It seems no one has advised them to this point, they are playing head games with themselves. They shy away from Women their age, who they might well have a great relationship with, one that would carry them through the rest of their lives, and they wouldn't be alone. I have always wondered why a 35 or 40 year old woman would want with a 65 year old male,
who has his middle tire.. Grey hair and the attitude.. I'm set in my ways.. Your arm candy.. my legs hurt to bad to dance.. do we have to have the grandkids over, their too noisy.. why do we have so little in common..
Although you might think that I am being negative, I'm being very honest here. I have spent 18 years single after divorce, and truly never believed I would want to settle into another marriage. Not because of baggage, I believe that some people are happier when their single. I have keep profiles online for 10 years, had many hits at times and none at others, what I did learn is few and far between are success stories. I may go for 6 months and never check the profiles, add or remove to the commentary, change the photos. Even did a research test on a profile. I wanted to know what attracted men to a profile, the results were amazing. If anyone would ask me my opinion on whether or not they are going to find their soul mate online, my answer would be.. You have a better chance of meeting your soulmate setting in Church on Sunday morning, or visiting the newest widower in town, and inviting him over for dinner.
So, you are right, we not only need our birth certificates to prove actual age, but we need divorce papers, and quite possible our spouses death certificates, a recommendation from an ex spouse, and two out of three of their childrens written statment comfirming what the profile list as absolute truth.
 Flag Day Baby
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 107
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/6/2007 6:44:22 PM
I was married for 28 years to a man 13 years older and scared to death to start dating again. At age 58, the first guy who asked me out was 45 and I kept refusing worried I'd be laughed at until I realized how much we were enjoying being around each other, the rest just came naturally and although I now live far away from him we talk and remain good friends. I have since dated a 41 and 44 year old who both pursued me. I don't have those low ages on my profile search, I'd like to date men 52 to 65 but until that happens I'll continue dating anyone who makes me laugh, treats me like a lady and truly enjoys my company. Age is a number, what you make of life is what's important, don't intentionally hurt anyone's feelings and God guides you the rest of the way. I really would like to know from some younger guys what the attraction to older women is, anyone?
Joined: 10/24/2006
Msg: 110
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Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/6/2007 9:59:33 PM
Why do you think most men "shave off" some years from their profile...
That, my dear is a commentary in itself!
Perhaps men haven't realized that an "older woman" could run circles around her younger both interests, confidence, and experience (mmmm).... besides the 'tude.... and sexiness! (hey ... take me for example!)...Goin on 50... woo woo!! and feel hotter than ever!! SO THEREEEEEE!!
Joined: 10/24/2006
Msg: 111
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Attraction in your 50's----WHOOPS!
Posted: 7/6/2007 10:00:38 PM
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 115
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Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/7/2007 7:45:23 PM
I'm 56 also and I want to be completely honest about that. When I first put a profile on a dating website, I took a few years off my age. I soon found out how embarassing it is to meet someone in person and have to tell them my real age. (It would come out eventually anyway.) I found it's much less complicated to just be honest. If it leaves me out of some searches, oh well. I will date men up to 10 years younger than myself mainly because I have a high energy level and I can keep up. I'm finding a lot of men my own age and older are just fuddy duddies and the ones who aren't, are looking for younger women.
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 118
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/8/2007 6:49:34 AM
About posting photos ...

Some people have good reason not to post a photo. People who have professions that require them to meet one-on-one with strangers might not want to advertise a desire to meet someone in an online dating site.

Even if we can agree that most of the people who use this site are “safe,” we can also understand that some people prefer not to put themselves in a situation where a mentally unbalanced individual would recognize our photo or otherwise determine our identity (in small towns, it’s possible), then make an appointment to see us at our place of employment.

Certain kinds of mental health issues can be extremely dangerous for those people who are required, by their profession, to be alone with strangers. These professionals do everything they can to protect themselves, and one of the ways they protect themselves is to avoid the appearance of “advertising” for a sexual partner. Not that everyone on POF is advertising for a sexual partner, but an individual with mental health issues might see it that way, regardless of our intentions.
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 138
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/18/2007 10:44:18 AM
As long as we breath there'll always be attraction.

But as we age I think we look for different things in people, I think we look deeper and notice less the window dressing around a person. We look for strength and character, a kind heart, a sense of humour and more. And I believe we value these things more than we did when we were younger.

Am I sounding old now? LOL
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 146
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Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/24/2007 8:25:32 AM
My son encouraged me to start looking around. He had a lot of complementary things to say and gave me the courage to begin looking rather than waiting for something to happen. More than anything I want to find someone who wants to get on with living. Something my son told me made me think. He said "Mom, lots of men date younger women. It makes more sense for older women to date younger men because their life expectancy will even out."
There are many levels to attraction. I can't see that being defined by age, but what is to be gained by lying about our age. I'd rather be thought to old than dishonest.
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 147
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/24/2007 11:51:44 AM
LOL..I love it !! CAn U imagine having to show U'r ID in order to have a first date !!!
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 148
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 7/24/2007 11:56:53 AM
Hear! Hear!! U got it.... Age is one thing, but the height thing is my biggest peev with all men....DO they really think We women will not notice !! DUH!!!!! Its always the ones who are 5'7" or less that think they are 5' 10"... Something is wrong when they look in the mirror..
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 150
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Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 8/1/2007 6:43:03 PM
OOO, touched a nerve, didn't we steveracer? Who said anything about a 20 year age difference? How about she's 50, he's 45? 50 and 48? What is your benchmark?
So, did you date an older woman or something? After a point age is less relevant than experience. I think "cougars" are in the minority, but you sure see enough of it the other direction.
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 151
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 8/3/2007 12:26:09 AM
I'm guy is 34....He is a great fella and we met here but get on this site once in a while for the forums...-we are together now 4 years....he thought I was younger and I thought he was older although we posted REAL pics-when we met it was great fun...and you are right most guys want to meet someone younger and I just think it's because of the firm body,tight skin etc....but most young girls won't consider an older man unless he has money and a house.When will these silly old farts realize this? lol
When I was with an older guy he complained constantly about his ex,their kids,etc.
Life is great now and I hope that yopu will KEEP on this site because good chances are you will meet someone! Keep the faith!
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 152
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 8/3/2007 5:31:12 AM
I dont think age is an issue...attraction is...and where and how do you meet the right guy?
Joined: 1/19/2007
Msg: 155
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 8/5/2007 6:06:57 PM
I think that if a nice, thoughtful, regular guy doesn't get responses, perhaps he should question whether he is targeting the right women. I have often seen profiles of men who do not state any exemplary qualities and whose pictures and physiques are not particularly attractive or even fit yet who specify that they will only consider women who are "beautiful", "fit", "athletic", "a knockout," etc. I have even seen profiles of men who seem to recognize the incongruity of looking for someone slim when they are not, affluent when they are not, well-educated when they are not, etc. etc. but who emphasize that they "want what they want." There is a lack of realism there and a self-defeating pattern of holding out for the dream and ignoring women with whom they might experience happiness. I'm sure there are women like that as well.
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 158
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 12/6/2007 2:16:33 PM
There are a number of us---average-looking guys with average-paying jobs, who know that MOST people in their 40s and 50s have put on a few pounds, have a few wrinkles, and maybe (horrors!) even have a little bit of arthritis setting in.

We know that outer beauty is just that: outer. We hope that women feel the same way; that is, that they judge us on our personality and character rather than our physique and income.

So, ladies, take heart ! We are out there, believe it or not.

Good luck!
Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 159
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Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 12/7/2007 4:03:02 AM
The age problem thing is how you look and feel - as in your "real age" thing that is so popular right now.

I love modern music (not rap, just new artists from Death Cab for Cutie to Neil Young), I'm slim, don't smoke, don't have kids, I love modern technology, etc. A lot of much younger people are stuck in the oldie goldie mold in more ways than one.

So if I put my real age of 57 and in January it'll be 58, that does not attract men!!

So that is why we shave a few years off. And you have limited your age group in any event.

The profile on personals is a starting point, nothing more.
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 162
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 12/7/2007 12:37:10 PM
Well said Debb !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joined: 7/17/2007
Msg: 164
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 12/8/2007 12:58:48 PM
I prefer someone younger than I.
some women look at me as a father figure, and/or a confident! If she is young in her thinking, I like it. She brings a fresh aspect to my life.
My wife is old thinking, does not like change, and dead in bed, which is why I am looking outside for fresh thinking, a good cuddler, and kisser.
Joined: 11/28/2007
Msg: 169
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 12/9/2007 10:15:04 AM
To the Guy Inamonkeysuit..

I think you are dressed exactly right for what your looking for..and being that your first and second wives didn't find you worth keeping..tells me that you are always looking and never mind the age.. which is pretty much coming right from your own words.. your not worthy of any real women at any age..for anything more than what your are already getting..and the monkeysuit code name just screams for help.. beware of whining about women with a few extra is a dead give away of a man who's holister has gotten much bigger than his pistol..

No harm intended but like you..I tell it like it is...
Joined: 11/28/2007
Msg: 170
Attraction in your 50's
Posted: 12/9/2007 10:34:55 AM
If you find him..will you see if he has a twin brother?
I would give the world to find a older man that is sure of himself and has overcme his insecurities and accepts not only his age but mine as well..
It makes them so sexy when they know that it makes them look stupied to have some gal that is the same age as some of their granddaughters.. for arm candy.. sorta like Robert Redford and Clint Eastwood..they both dumpped their older wives for younger women..lost my respect..even as actors..
Are there Anna Nicholes out there? millions of them and the ones that get them (IMO)deserve them.. but sadly it dose seem that a lot of older men on dating sites are after just that..I think they are trying to fullfill a childhood dream..of being the guy who got to take the homecoming queen to the prom...
Now please...I'm not say all men..just that what ejlvetolaugh said is right on the button and saddly if they are not going through a mid-life crisis then they probley aren't on the dating sites to begin with..
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