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 raceme
Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 251
Never married & no kidsPage 11 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
I think it meant one thing for my generation and another for younger people, including the age you mention. I think there are more reasons, these days to wait. Career pressure is much more strenuous than back in my day. Career changes are too. People are more prone to be pickier due to their parent's marriages ending up in divorce. I think I respect the generation that has had to watch things change so much. I think there are many more people now that delay marriage and children. I think it should be talked about, but it's a case by case thing.
 mshazelize
Joined: 1/12/2007
Msg: 252
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/20/2009 1:47:09 PM
I don't have any kids BECAUSE I'm not married.

I try not to look sideways at a guy who is over 30 and is not married, and does not have any kids, but I still find myself doing it sometimes. I try to tell myself that maybe he's just like me, maybe he hasn't met the right person yet; and that I shouldn't assume that something is wrong with him because he is over 30, never married, and no kids. I hate for people to assume that "something must be wrong with me" or that "I'm crazy" and those are the reasons that I don't have any kids and have never been married. But every now and then, I do find myself applying the double standard, and wondering what's wrong with a guy if he is over 30 and has never been married, and doesn't have any children.
 bigben1731
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 253
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/20/2009 4:53:15 PM
im quite happy and i never married and dont have kids so im pretty smart cause alot of people out there rush and get married than endin divorce so ive been pretty smart all along and i couldnt cacareless about marriage as its only a piece of paper and not only ththat if your single you do have alot of advantages where single mums or single dads have got the kids for the rest of there lives to put up with and alot of single guys wont deal with single mums issues and if i do ever plan on getting married i would rather see my woman and seeing her for the first time with my child and i i would not date single mum as they have already being down that track so i would have the single woman with no kids as that where i would start a family with and haveing a happy family
 teemack87
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 254
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/23/2009 4:51:43 PM
I find it hilarious that people smart and responsible enough to wait are being questioned, shouldn't it be the other way around???? Makes you wonder.
 canadianguy976
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 255
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/23/2009 7:48:36 PM

I find it hilarious that people smart and responsible enough to wait are being questioned, shouldn't it be the other way around???? Makes you wonder.


Haha props on that comment bigtony33!

My own story was that I had a girlfriend younger than me by 7 years and I figured I had better wait until she herself felt she was ready so it didn't blow up in my face instead of pressuring her. It backfired on me though, she started dropping hints for a few months and I popped the question and bought her the ring and a year later she took off to go screw other people and travel the world.

It backfired because I spent from 23 to 32 with a girl and now I'm plunged into the dating scene looking for a life partner to have kids with and get married so much later, it's a pretty scary task; not the dating part (well that is a bit scary because everyone has so much baggage) but the timeline. If I got a chick knocked up tomorrow, I'd be 40 by the time the kid was 7 years old; that kind of puts a real sense of urgency to everything.

Honestly, while this isnt conventional wisdom, I think that people should have their kids when they are like 19 years old. When the kid is 6 and in school THEN start university and worry about the career. I have friends who ended up doing this and they are in wicked shape because of it, they own their own house, been happily married for a decade, and now they have money, kids, a good job, and everything.

I think that our society today places WAY TOO MUCH emphasis on partying your ass off and playing the field these days; and the emphasis just keeps going longer and longer (30 is the new 20, 40 is the new 30 etc). Problem is that the biological clock and life expectancy start to get into the way and it can get in the way of raising your kids. If you dont have kids until you're 40 you'll be a senior citizen by the time they graduate. Fertility clinics and triplets and quadruplets abound, I think society kind of has it all backwards.

If I could do it all over again, I would have gotten a chick knocked up 10 years ago if she was into it. Went through the stress and not dealt with this ticking clock thing today, where everyone is running around trying to find Mr. Perfect in short order and everyone else has kids going into junior high.
 *~*Royal Majesty*~*
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 256
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/25/2009 3:07:45 PM
Ha! Yeah! Isn't it funny how those of us who are not married and do not have children are constantly questioned by those who have?

EG: "What's wrong with you"? (That's a classic!) or "Why didn't you..."

Here's my Answer; "Because I'm SMART! That's WHY!"
 brynn005
Joined: 9/14/2008
Msg: 257
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/25/2009 5:33:59 PM

I would just make assumptions.

I would assume, that he has been responsible enough, to use birth control with his partners, because he might have realized, that 1. There are already too many people on the planet. 2. He might feel that he would be unable to provide a safe, financially secure environment for his offspring, and he doesn't want to be irresponsible. 3. He didn't find anyone compatable to marry, and was not willing to settle for a relationship out of mere desperation, in order to avoid being single.

I'm sure there are many more assumptions that can be made, just as there can be made for women and men who have been married several times, and have a bunch of kids that they cannot afford to take care of properly.



Well said, Geneseo. And I feel the same about the matter. I don't plan to have kids, myself and I'm not sorry about this decision. It's not that I don't like children, but I just don't want to actually have any right now. But if i met the right guy and HE had kids, I wouldn't mind helping him raise them.
 brynn005
Joined: 9/14/2008
Msg: 258
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/25/2009 5:41:37 PM

I find it hilarious that people smart and responsible enough to wait are being questioned, shouldn't it be the other way around???? Makes you wonder.


You would think people would admire a man or woman for being responsible and holding off on having children, wouldn't you. But I think society still kind of expects people--women especially--to be/have been married and have children. But thankfully society isn't as rigid about this idea as they used to be. I'm grateful for that as I'm 39 and still don't have children (and have never been married) and may choose to to NEVER have children. Otherwise I guess people would give me odd looks or consider me a 'spinster' or something lol.

I had talked this over with a friend of mine and she said she thought the people who give me odd looks would probably be people who had 2 or 3 kids and were jealous or envious that I didn't have any.
 VF102
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 259
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/26/2009 8:39:49 AM
I immediately judge that book by her cover just like THEY do to us. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Over 30, no kids, never married = take a hike in my book.

Jason
 poisonakki
Joined: 9/23/2008
Msg: 260
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/25/2009 3:24:37 PM
Seems like it'd be easier to find a partner who has been married and have kids than one who has done neither :(
Personally I prefer someone who is like me single no kids and have similar interests.
 Steel Phoenix
Joined: 2/20/2005
Msg: 261
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/25/2009 5:43:01 PM
"The more I see of married folks and their offspring, the happier I am never to have married nor had children."

There are a lot worse things than being single, that's for sure. I've escaped from a few of them.
 Amorecuore
Joined: 3/14/2009
Msg: 262
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/25/2009 6:27:13 PM
Im over 30 and have been married but have had zero children. I was one of the "more intune" youth who recognized very early (age 16) that I had zippo maternal desire. My eldest sister had a baby girl and everyone gooed and gaaed at her, I had no idea what that was all about and could never understand the need for them to hold her. I understand all that now but still have no desire to participate in that "instinct". I admit it, I would be one of those women that should not have children and I didn't but that was MY choice.

I would happily date men with children as long as they remain the parent and not expect me to fill any motherly role. As far as how people view me, well, I dont care, its my life - not theirs.
 sportsgirl7700
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 263
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/27/2009 6:44:02 PM
It's called birth control. I went on it when I was 17 and have taken that little pill everyday since...I have had several long relationships, but none that resulted in a trip down the asile which would be the only reason I would stop taking said pill...
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 264
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/27/2009 8:51:44 PM
I didnt read all the post on this thread but i find it intresting and funny.. I you are over 30 and have no kids then there must be something wrong with you... If you are over 30 and do have kids then you would have harder time finding someone to date you cause you do have kids... Most of the time the ones that would say there must be something wrong with you are the ones that do have kids. Well im 43 dont have kids and would rather date someone with no kids. If i would have to take care of kids i would rather they be my own and i would like to have them with someone i want to have kids with.. Maybe it is the city i live in but there are plenty of single not married and no kids women out here. But then many of them have "i wont settle" in the profile as well it might have something to do with it lol ...
 dagss
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 265
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/28/2009 1:34:57 PM
The basic assumption is that you must be too fat, ugly, stupid or unsuccessful and couldn't find anyone. In my case, it's simply that I don't like children, ain't got the patience time or money for them. I love cats and horses but y'all go ahead and have all the kids you want. I've been responsible and done my part to control the population.
 She_Biscuit
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 266
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/28/2009 6:39:55 PM

You see a profile of interest & he or she is 30something & up, as you continue 2 read a lil further, you notice that he or she has never been married & has 0 kids, do you question why or just immediately make assumptions?


No assumptions here, that would be a great opening for possible shared commonality's.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 267
Never married & no kids
Posted: 10/11/2009 12:24:05 PM
never engaged, never married, no kids. Spent my younger days in the military and out to sea; didnt make sense to have a wife and ruglets at home. And from what i have seen in the unit, it was the right choice on many levels.
 GQSunset
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 268
Never married & no kids
Posted: 10/11/2009 6:19:08 PM
Never married, no kids, why?

I didn't want to be on jerry springer or cheaters.

The good thing

No baby mama drama for the next one that comes along.

Don't have to pay alimony so she can give it up to some other guy on my money,

And i don't have to pay child support just to see her spend my kids money on herself rather than my kids.

Pretty smart if you ask me.
 GeekedNow
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 269
Never married & no kids
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:20:52 PM
Bill Gates was 40 before he got married.

I personally know a lot of people over 40 who are single and not married.

In many circles its actually a perference.

I also have a friend who was married twice and he said if he would have to do it over again he would do it differently.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 270
Never married & no kids
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:51:23 PM
Yes, I make assumptions. I assume she is a smart person who didn't blunder into early parenthood or a hasty marriage. She is a strong woman who took control of her own life and didn't leave things to fate. She is the kind of person most worthy of respect.
 jennivieve
Joined: 2/14/2005
Msg: 271
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 10/15/2009 4:52:02 PM
I am never married with no kids.....

I find it amusing when people tell me I am lucky I never got pregnant....at 36 it isn't luck anymore...

I also had an ex recently say something about there must be a reason I am never married with no children...he was seperated with children...there must be a reason for that too....

It's not easy to find the "one" these days and that's what I want.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 272
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:33:05 AM
If this is a 'taboo' then it's a great 'taboo'!
~sc~
 Iamrealdeal09
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 273
Never married & no kids
Posted: 10/18/2009 2:15:15 PM
I am nearing 34 and never been married and no kids, it is because never met the right one, maybe about 3 years ago I did, but she kicked me to the curb......lol
 antiquedude
Joined: 8/25/2009
Msg: 274
Never married & no kids
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:00:51 PM
I've never been married and have no kids. It simply hasn't happened. I just haven't found anyone that has the qualities that I'm looking for in a relationship.

As men instead of the, "lucky you never got pregnant" comment. We get people wondering if we're gay. lol

Not that there is anything wrong with that. (Seinfeld)

 Angeleyes 4 U
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 275
Never married & no kids
Posted: 1/22/2010 7:55:01 PM
I would strongly have to agree with you.
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