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 Hermit2Long
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 301
gloomy fishPage 13 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
Don't stop now, first fun I've had on this site. 19 views, 1 skammer response(pretty damn sad) Profile currently under construction. somebody got a camera?
 tanzanite99901
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 302
gloomy fish
Posted: 9/1/2008 7:23:42 PM
sounds like a productive day on POF to me!
 autumnbaby2939
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 303
Never married & no kids
Posted: 9/3/2008 3:21:19 PM
I don't because I don't have kids and I've never been married. Not that I don't want either, I'd like them to happen in a certain order and so far...no dice.
 mcopado
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 304
view profile
History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 9/3/2008 4:23:33 PM
I'm kind of stunned to hear that there are people out there who actually
think there's something wrong with me because I am over 40 and single an
childless. There's actually another thread on here that accuses me and
guys like me of being selfish simply because I happen to now be over 40 and
never been married.

Let's see, maybe I could have been married a couple of years ago, but I
needed to put my new career and my life on hold for a year and a half to
care for my elderly parents who both became I'll at the same time, then
I lost my father, and need to make sure my 82 year old mother could
function without her husband of 65 years..Yeah I guess that's selfish...

Maybe I could have gotten married in the 6 years prior to that but
suddenly after working in a career since I was 16, I had a "calling" and
ended up (kicking and screaming mind you) to devote 4 years to going to
graduate school, so I could help my fellow man...yeah I guess that's
selfish...

Maybe I could have gotten married in my early 30's, but let's see I was
"working on myself" doing all sorts of personal growth stuff, so I could
be a better human being...to potentially be a great partner to someone,
and an even better father than my father was to me, because he came from
a time where men didn't necessarily show affection, especially to their
male children because they wanted them to be tough, and I didn't want to
be that kind of parent/husband when I did find the right person to share
my life with...yeah I guess that was selfish of me..

Hmm maybe I could have gotten married when I was in my 20's, yeah that
would have been a great time, when I was struggling financially, and was
basically an arrogant and immature twit who didn't know anything about
life, and was barely a few years out on my own..hmm that's a great time
to get married eh? A better time to be a parent too?

Getting married when we're "young and dumb" as opposed to when we've
learned a a few things about life, the universe, how to be a partner is
"unselfish?" Or the reason the divorce rates are so high, and there's so
many people in there 30's and 40's on here (and in society) who are
listed as seperated or divorced???

And who carry enough baggage with them to fill at least 2 U-Hauls.

Now that doesn't mean I haven't had relationships...I was engaged once
when I was young and dumb, and again about 5 years ago, neither of those
worked for various and complicated reason. I've also had a couple long
term relationships, where we realized that we weren't "it" for each
other and parted ways, and countless other dates and periods of dating
women for a short period on the quest for finding the right one...

Usually one if not both of us agreed that we just weren't the ones for each other for the long haul.

There's no shame in being single....Our lives are complicated. I'd
rather be single and relatively happy than with the wrong one and be
miserable...I've been there way too many times. The only difference is,
that I didn't jump into anything...I'm looking for a rest of my life
partner, I only want to be married once. I'm glad I found out before
hand that it wasn't going to work, with whoever it was....that way I
won't be bitter and judgemental like many of the people who start
threads like this.
 2tall Cyn
Joined: 11/25/2008
Msg: 305
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/16/2009 5:02:02 AM
Never had children of my own I guess not in Gods plans for I had wanted children.
I have been married and did do the until death do us part my husband passed away after almost 22 years together from a brain tumor.
I believe that life gives you chances, if you do not ever take one then you are the one being left behind or passed up. I took a chance on a man sixteen years older , he never looked it and was very active and had longevity in his family oh well I nolonger plan I just do or live.
 CosmicMisfitJon
Joined: 3/8/2009
Msg: 306
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/16/2009 7:24:02 AM
I'm 37 and was never even in a relationship yet. The reasons are I feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness (probably due to Autism), and I refuse to "lower my standards" and "settle" for someone I'm not really into. I have met some women who I would go out of my "comfort zone" for and try to enter a relationship with but they are never interested in me in that way. For the most part I would rather be involved in an active social life with many cool people, although it seems most people my age settle down and foresake the lifestyle I desire, in favor of raising a family and focusing on a career, and smile less.
 MelloDLyn
Joined: 10/25/2004
Msg: 307
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History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/16/2009 7:45:30 AM
I prefer never married and no kids! I want someone that has time to date and time for me! When u get into the ones with kids they don't have time to date. I require someone with alot of time for me.The every othe weekend don't work for me. If I were doing that I would have to find someone to date the off weekend! Why should someone have to sit home cause one has their kids? I think people with kids should date people with kids and get their schedules so they have the same weekend off!
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 308
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History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/16/2009 3:35:49 PM
Divorce, separated... call it what you want, but it's still a failure.
To compare:
No soldier wants to serve under a general whose lost a war (even if he says "he's changed" or learned a lot since then). They'd rather serve under a general who has a string of victories to his name. It's just common sense.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 309
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/16/2009 6:12:27 PM
rose666,

i for one dont agree. i am 20 years old i have been married for 4 years i have a 3 year old son ... so really i have achevied what most people achevied in theres late thirtys and for that i am proud

Okay, so now you're 21, on a dating site, listed as single, and looking for older men, and point out you find the charles manson types interesting in your profile.

Still look at people who were never married as those who have a lack of "achievements"? lol
 jim1970
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 310
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/17/2009 12:45:38 PM
I'm 38 never married and no kids, been engaged twice, but it just never worked out. I have use protection and even had this cause problems in relationships. Now I feel I am ready to support a family. I have a college degree, a great carreer, and my house will be paid off in 9 months. If I already had kids it would be great, but I would be a part time Dad and my kids would hardly know me. Thats not the way I want to raise a family. Until I meet a woman that I feel will be with me for the rest of our livies I will not get married. I have had great times and know wounderful relationships with women many of I an still friends with. I do not have any regretes in my life and the decisions I have made.
 raceme
Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 311
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/17/2009 12:56:50 PM
I think it meant one thing for my generation and another for younger people, including the age you mention. I think there are more reasons, these days to wait. Career pressure is much more strenuous than back in my day. Career changes are too. People are more prone to be pickier due to their parent's marriages ending up in divorce. I think I respect the generation that has had to watch things change so much. I think there are many more people now that delay marriage and children. I think it should be talked about, but it's a case by case thing.
 ttowngirl
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 312
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/19/2009 8:52:21 PM
well alot of people that are over 30 and have no kids is because either they want to wait till marriage or they dont feel they want kids ever
 mshazelize
Joined: 1/12/2007
Msg: 313
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/20/2009 1:47:09 PM
I don't have any kids BECAUSE I'm not married.

I try not to look sideways at a guy who is over 30 and is not married, and does not have any kids, but I still find myself doing it sometimes. I try to tell myself that maybe he's just like me, maybe he hasn't met the right person yet; and that I shouldn't assume that something is wrong with him because he is over 30, never married, and no kids. I hate for people to assume that "something must be wrong with me" or that "I'm crazy" and those are the reasons that I don't have any kids and have never been married. But every now and then, I do find myself applying the double standard, and wondering what's wrong with a guy if he is over 30 and has never been married, and doesn't have any children.
 bigben1731
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 314
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/20/2009 4:53:15 PM
im quite happy and i never married and dont have kids so im pretty smart cause alot of people out there rush and get married than endin divorce so ive been pretty smart all along and i couldnt cacareless about marriage as its only a piece of paper and not only ththat if your single you do have alot of advantages where single mums or single dads have got the kids for the rest of there lives to put up with and alot of single guys wont deal with single mums issues and if i do ever plan on getting married i would rather see my woman and seeing her for the first time with my child and i i would not date single mum as they have already being down that track so i would have the single woman with no kids as that where i would start a family with and haveing a happy family
 guyd42
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 315
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/23/2009 4:34:40 PM
Make an assumption? Why? Because I was smart enough never to make such a mistake? Because this proves that I have no alimony support to pay any ex? Because my pay checks are not garnished to pay my child support? Because I chose not to have kids so they would not end up being raised by a single parent while we spend years of fighting issues in court?

Well, if someone is dumb enough to draw negative conclusions over this, I guess I can now say that I’ve heard and seen it all….lol.
 teemack87
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 316
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/23/2009 4:51:43 PM
I find it hilarious that people smart and responsible enough to wait are being questioned, shouldn't it be the other way around???? Makes you wonder.
 canadianguy976
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 317
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/23/2009 7:48:36 PM

I find it hilarious that people smart and responsible enough to wait are being questioned, shouldn't it be the other way around???? Makes you wonder.


Haha props on that comment bigtony33!

My own story was that I had a girlfriend younger than me by 7 years and I figured I had better wait until she herself felt she was ready so it didn't blow up in my face instead of pressuring her. It backfired on me though, she started dropping hints for a few months and I popped the question and bought her the ring and a year later she took off to go screw other people and travel the world.

It backfired because I spent from 23 to 32 with a girl and now I'm plunged into the dating scene looking for a life partner to have kids with and get married so much later, it's a pretty scary task; not the dating part (well that is a bit scary because everyone has so much baggage) but the timeline. If I got a chick knocked up tomorrow, I'd be 40 by the time the kid was 7 years old; that kind of puts a real sense of urgency to everything.

Honestly, while this isnt conventional wisdom, I think that people should have their kids when they are like 19 years old. When the kid is 6 and in school THEN start university and worry about the career. I have friends who ended up doing this and they are in wicked shape because of it, they own their own house, been happily married for a decade, and now they have money, kids, a good job, and everything.

I think that our society today places WAY TOO MUCH emphasis on partying your ass off and playing the field these days; and the emphasis just keeps going longer and longer (30 is the new 20, 40 is the new 30 etc). Problem is that the biological clock and life expectancy start to get into the way and it can get in the way of raising your kids. If you dont have kids until you're 40 you'll be a senior citizen by the time they graduate. Fertility clinics and triplets and quadruplets abound, I think society kind of has it all backwards.

If I could do it all over again, I would have gotten a chick knocked up 10 years ago if she was into it. Went through the stress and not dealt with this ticking clock thing today, where everyone is running around trying to find Mr. Perfect in short order and everyone else has kids going into junior high.
 edward689
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 318
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History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/24/2009 11:41:04 PM
no baggage! how could you go wrong? he better have at least an MBA though.
 *~*Royal Majesty*~*
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 319
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/25/2009 3:07:45 PM
Ha! Yeah! Isn't it funny how those of us who are not married and do not have children are constantly questioned by those who have?

EG: "What's wrong with you"? (That's a classic!) or "Why didn't you..."

Here's my Answer; "Because I'm SMART! That's WHY!"
 brynn005
Joined: 9/14/2008
Msg: 320
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History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/25/2009 5:33:59 PM

I would just make assumptions.

I would assume, that he has been responsible enough, to use birth control with his partners, because he might have realized, that 1. There are already too many people on the planet. 2. He might feel that he would be unable to provide a safe, financially secure environment for his offspring, and he doesn't want to be irresponsible. 3. He didn't find anyone compatable to marry, and was not willing to settle for a relationship out of mere desperation, in order to avoid being single.

I'm sure there are many more assumptions that can be made, just as there can be made for women and men who have been married several times, and have a bunch of kids that they cannot afford to take care of properly.



Well said, Geneseo. And I feel the same about the matter. I don't plan to have kids, myself and I'm not sorry about this decision. It's not that I don't like children, but I just don't want to actually have any right now. But if i met the right guy and HE had kids, I wouldn't mind helping him raise them.
 brynn005
Joined: 9/14/2008
Msg: 321
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/25/2009 5:41:37 PM

I find it hilarious that people smart and responsible enough to wait are being questioned, shouldn't it be the other way around???? Makes you wonder.


You would think people would admire a man or woman for being responsible and holding off on having children, wouldn't you. But I think society still kind of expects people--women especially--to be/have been married and have children. But thankfully society isn't as rigid about this idea as they used to be. I'm grateful for that as I'm 39 and still don't have children (and have never been married) and may choose to to NEVER have children. Otherwise I guess people would give me odd looks or consider me a 'spinster' or something lol.

I had talked this over with a friend of mine and she said she thought the people who give me odd looks would probably be people who had 2 or 3 kids and were jealous or envious that I didn't have any.
 FourUms
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 322
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/25/2009 7:29:42 PM
If it's a female, she's attractive and otherwise interesting, I send her a message. I neither assume nor care why. If it's important, I'll learn that when I get to know her.
 VF102
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 323
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/26/2009 8:39:49 AM
I immediately judge that book by her cover just like THEY do to us. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Over 30, no kids, never married = take a hike in my book.

Jason
 irish 22175
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 324
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/26/2009 3:17:04 PM
iam over 30married and no kids , and i am been single for a long time to, sometimes i think women find it a turn off cause , they think that some guys havent matured in a trelationship, but then theres the other side of the coin too , guys that have never been married and no kids are more carerr oriented too, my self iam rather successful, but i do like kids , and i do like realtionships , i just never wanted to put a child through a divorce , or anything like that , plus i would like to be settled with a solid career so i can support both , so thats what i think and i could be totally be wrong too
 poisonakki
Joined: 9/23/2008
Msg: 325
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/25/2009 3:24:37 PM
Seems like it'd be easier to find a partner who has been married and have kids than one who has done neither :(
Personally I prefer someone who is like me single no kids and have similar interests.
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