Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Never married & no kids      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 starzgirl72
Joined: 2/23/2011
Msg: 393
Never married & no kidsPage 16 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
I wouldn't assume anything negative right off the bat; for me, it would be a positive to find that in a man as I'm in the same boat.
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 394
view profile
History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/31/2011 12:48:10 PM
I would assume she is sterile, frigid and/or has serious emo probs - unless of course she was really hot ‘cause then my brain shuts down and it becomes very difficult to function rationally.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 395
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/31/2011 3:53:46 PM
I don't assume anything anymore. That criteria matters little until I meet the person.


That worked perfectly my entire adult life until my only child died. Since then? Those that I've encountered since I've felt it was appropriate to date again, who have NOT had children of their own, simply do not quite understand the depth of the loss. It's been apparent to me time and time again while dating, that there is just an emotional disconnect for those who have not had children when it comes to dealing with my reality.


I have never been married, or had children; yet I cannot relate to men who don't want children. I'm a very family oriented woman.

Now, now sure we hear that all the time from profiles on here (I've read it myself). However I have lived with children almost all my life. I like them, but I can't have children of my own - there's not that many men around who have had a similar experience that I've met.

Finding a man who is similar to me and who does not want children is very difficult. I too often find men who don't want children (barring age, can't have etc.) to sometimes have strange ideas about family and traditions. I often found myself attracted to the men who did want children (both profile and photo).

When I start dating again, I will need to think a bit more on this. Maybe I'll just wait until men around my age stop wanting children LOL.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 396
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/31/2011 4:21:37 PM
Never married & no kids......and thank god for that!


....................................................................................................................................
 romancemann
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 397
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/3/2011 5:43:24 PM
i never had children because i always dated women who already had children and didn't want anymore.

now at 59 i find myself childless.

but i can still opt to have one or two if i want to.
 loves2runn
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 398
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/6/2011 1:05:08 PM
I'll admit, It's hard not to at least wonder considering by that age most people have been married or had kids. On the flip side of the coin, some people, myself included were just never in a real big hurry to get married or have kids. Being 35 and being in the single never married/no kids status to me ..makes me and others in this category pretty good prospects in my opinion. First of all by this age most of us are past the party antics and games that a lot of younger people tend to like to play and are normally more established financially ect. Also people who marry later in life have a better chance of staying married and having satisfying relationships. This is statistically proveable not opinion. That's not to say that getting married younger is a bad idea either. I prefer to date someone that has less relationship experience over someone who has a lot of failed relationships because they don't come into the relationship with as many preconceptions or hangups.
 Spank_Me_Honey
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 399
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/8/2011 9:46:41 PM

why do most married or divorced people with children pass judgement on people that are single and never married?

i would think if anything most single people would have more right to judge someone who has children and is divorced.your the ones who not only made bad choices but others besides yourself (your children) have to live with those choices.


nicely said
 bigben1731
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 400
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/9/2011 3:22:47 AM
never got married im basically childless but happy thought im 33 so no quams about that its pretty good being single most these days theres alot of divorce and stuff like that and im happy that i never been married or dont have kids to worry about
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 401
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/9/2011 6:13:56 AM
Well known in fraudster and telemarketing circles. Someone who fell for it already is more likely to again. Always single and childless is not as good a mark as someone who has already been duped.
 GerberData
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 402
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/9/2011 9:17:10 PM
Assume the best; expect the worst.

My experience? Many never married/ no kids women were too selfish to share anything, hence always single no kids. I'd assume there are those described here is in the same situation for other reasons. I just haven't met them.
 ThickCurvyCutie
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 403
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/10/2011 1:08:34 PM
I prefer to meet someone with no kids and never married. Divorced & with kids men that I dated, is a challange. The complication of kids, when to pick them up and drop them off is stressful. Then if newly divorce, the jelousy and anger on both end is truly frustating. Then being friends with single mom, that is a struggle. Nah, I am okay with being single and never married that enough.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 404
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/10/2011 1:34:31 PM

I prefer to meet someone with no kids and never married.

I agree. I made the mistake one time of going against my own best judgment, fell in love with the children, not the man. It was a nightmare ending in which everyone was wounded. I'll never do it again. JMO
 GerberData
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 405
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/10/2011 2:10:09 PM
Read back a couple comments. You'll see what I mean. Some that are always single/no kids don't want to deal with any perceived "issues". This likely makes them BAD candidates for any relationship because, after all, there will always be SOMETHING that takes work and when it comes up, off they will run.
 ThickCurvyCutie
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 406
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/10/2011 4:23:30 PM
Gerber, I have dated men who were divorce and had kids. It was a challenge because the ex wouldn't allow him to pick up the kids, cuz I was there. Or she got upset cuz I babysat them cuz he had to work. Or they would fight over alimony. It was headache, yet I dealt with it becaue I really enjoyed and loved the person I was with. Would I do it again? Hmmm...honestly, I would depending on the man.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 407
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 6:13:51 AM
^^^yep, I could have had kids and then they could have developed an health condition that is not cureable. After what I went through as a teen, I decided that I didn't want to see my children go through that and I also wanted to be the best mom I could and that my illness would interfere with me being able to achieve that.

And I'M selfish? The fact is, deciding to have children is a selfish decision. Once the child arrives, that's when it is no longer selfish.

I am still torn on whether I would date a man with children.
 starzgirl72
Joined: 2/23/2011
Msg: 408
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 7:25:05 AM
No, I'm not selfish for not having married or not having kids up to this point. I take marriage and having children very seriously. In my case, I didn't want to marry or have children with a man unless I was sure that we were truly compatible and could do "til death do us part". While I've dated many decent, good men, I've never dated one that could go the distance with me...I don't think it's something I could control; some people meet early in life and others don't meet until much later in life. I've been engaged, lived with a man, had many long term relationships that can be measured in years, and really enjoy kids and am hopeful that I'll still meet this man one day. I don't judge people for being divorced or being single parents alone; I would hope that they would extend me the same courtesy.
 Spank_Me_Honey
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 409
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 9:32:05 AM
I like what you have said Starzgirl - that attitude sits very well with me

I am amazed at the amount of women - divorcees or single mothers with children who claim they are seeking Mr Right or their soul mate

My question is to those women -- was not the father of the children that soul mate or Mr Right ? I mean thats why you decided to have children with him yes ?

ohh he wasnt ? - so why have children with that man ?

Oh extremely bad judgement maybe in choosing the guy is it ?

"I dont care I have my kids now they mean everything to me now" is a response I have heard - okay that is great - but I as a never married man with no kids will say "well they mean absolutely nothing to me as they are not my progeny "

 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 410
view profile
History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 10:15:32 AM

I believe having biological kids is one of the most selfish things anyone can do.


I saw some stats somewhere recently which indicated that most children are unplanned. I suppose the sex is selfish, but if the conception is unintended it can't be a selfish act.


If you want to raise children, and you want to be unselfish, how about adopting one of the millions of unwanted children already born?


If you're adopting to satisfy your own desires, then that too would be selfish. More selfish actually, than conceiving an unplanned child.
 starzgirl72
Joined: 2/23/2011
Msg: 411
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 10:19:59 AM

I like what you have said Starzgirl - that attitude sits very well with me

Thank you Spank. :)


My question is to those women -- was not the father of the children that soul mate or Mr Right ? I mean thats why you decided to have children with him yes ?

ohh he wasnt ? - so why have children with that man ?

Oh extremely bad judgement maybe in choosing the guy is it ?

"I dont care I have my kids now they mean everything to me now" is a response I have heard - okay that is great - but I as a never married man with no kids will say "well they mean absolutely nothing to me as they are not my progeny "

I think in a lot of cases (not all) people get into these situations because they have this timeframe in their head for when they want things to happen...for instance, I have an acquaintance that said to me by 28 she wanted to be married, by 30 she wanted to have her first child, etc. She did those things at the ages she wanted to and then guess what? She was divorced within 5 years. After the fact, she said the signs were there that she and her ex probably wouldn't last, but she went ahead and married him anyway because she wanted to be married and have kids. I think this happens a lot more often than not.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 412
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 10:32:26 AM

I think in a lot of cases (not all) people get into these situations because they have this timeframe in their head for when they want things to happen.


Yup, and I alluded to that in another thread. All the men I dated seemed to be in a rush to get married/have children simply because "the joneses" were doing it too and because "i'm this age and not married"! Like it was some horrible thing.

I'm hoping this changes for men as they age and that if I do end up married, it will because we really want to, as opposed to "doing the right thing" or what others expect.

I had a timeline when I was in my 20's. After 25, that changed. I have no clue why.
 Spank_Me_Honey
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 413
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 10:35:58 AM

I believe having biological kids is one of the most selfish things anyone can do. If you want to raise children, and you want to be unselfish, how about adopting one of the millions of unwanted children already born?


I like this comment and have considered this scenario often - marriage and my own children do not appear on my immediate future for reason of choices ( womens choices not to see me in the light as husband / father material ) nor does it loom on the horizon as far as I can tell.

As such, having found myself in a good position of truly being a free man ( that is my own boss, no debts, no mortgage and passive income coming in ) I have often considered if I as a single male would be treated fairly in adopting a child or two from an impoverished nation to give the child/ren an opportunity at perhaps a better life in a stable loving and nurturing environment that I believe I can easily provide.

However considering how modern western society is and its paranoia as well as discrimination against bachelors, I believe I would be immediately flagged as a suspect pedophile as I am a single never married no children heterosexual male.
 starzgirl72
Joined: 2/23/2011
Msg: 414
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 11:02:24 AM

I had a timeline when I was in my 20's. After 25, that changed. I have no clue why.

I did too at that age and I threw the timeline away once I realized that life didn't always go according to my plans; sometimes life throws you unforseen circumstances and/or opportunities and you have to learn to be flexible and adapt.
 Spank_Me_Honey
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 415
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 11:21:33 AM

^^^If you don't look into it, you will never know. If you are really interested, look up some international adoption agencies and make inquiries.


The more I think about it the more it appeals to me


Better this way than some woman getting knocked up taking me for a ride financially and denying me the right to see my children
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 416
view profile
History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 11:25:49 AM
I think in a lot of cases (not all) people get into these situations because they have this timeframe in their head for when they want things to happen...for instance, I have an acquaintance that said to me by 28 she wanted to be married, by 30 she wanted to have her first child, etc. She did those things at the ages she wanted to and then guess what? She was divorced within 5 years. After the fact, she said the signs were there that she and her ex probably wouldn't last, but she went ahead and married him anyway because she wanted to be married and have kids. I think this happens a lot more often than not.
I had a friend who did the same thing, everyone warned her but she wouldn't listen because she had this idea that life would be perfect if she just got married and had kids, the big house with the white picket fence, it was a disaster.
I actually had a guy recently tell me that not being married with no kids were big red flags because I obviously couldn't commit to a relationship, the sad part is that many of my past relationships have lasted longer than his marriage did.
 starzgirl72
Joined: 2/23/2011
Msg: 417
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 1:43:11 PM

I actually had a guy recently tell me that not being married with no kids were big red flags because I obviously couldn't commit to a relationship, the sad part is that many of my past relationships have lasted longer than his marriage did.

Yeah, I believe it; one need only read through this thread to see this sort of mentality. IMO, you really shouldn't judge whether or not it's a red flag without getting further clarification from the person first. Just as with people who're divorced or are single parents...you really can't judge whether their marital status is a "red flag" or not without getting more details from that person.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Never married & no kids