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 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 401
Never married & no kidsPage 17 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
Well known in fraudster and telemarketing circles. Someone who fell for it already is more likely to again. Always single and childless is not as good a mark as someone who has already been duped.
 GerberData
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 402
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/9/2011 9:17:10 PM
Assume the best; expect the worst.

My experience? Many never married/ no kids women were too selfish to share anything, hence always single no kids. I'd assume there are those described here is in the same situation for other reasons. I just haven't met them.
 ThickCurvyCutie
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 403
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/10/2011 1:08:34 PM
I prefer to meet someone with no kids and never married. Divorced & with kids men that I dated, is a challange. The complication of kids, when to pick them up and drop them off is stressful. Then if newly divorce, the jelousy and anger on both end is truly frustating. Then being friends with single mom, that is a struggle. Nah, I am okay with being single and never married that enough.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 404
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/10/2011 1:34:31 PM

I prefer to meet someone with no kids and never married.

I agree. I made the mistake one time of going against my own best judgment, fell in love with the children, not the man. It was a nightmare ending in which everyone was wounded. I'll never do it again. JMO
 GerberData
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 405
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/10/2011 2:10:09 PM
Read back a couple comments. You'll see what I mean. Some that are always single/no kids don't want to deal with any perceived "issues". This likely makes them BAD candidates for any relationship because, after all, there will always be SOMETHING that takes work and when it comes up, off they will run.
 ThickCurvyCutie
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 406
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/10/2011 4:23:30 PM
Gerber, I have dated men who were divorce and had kids. It was a challenge because the ex wouldn't allow him to pick up the kids, cuz I was there. Or she got upset cuz I babysat them cuz he had to work. Or they would fight over alimony. It was headache, yet I dealt with it becaue I really enjoyed and loved the person I was with. Would I do it again? Hmmm...honestly, I would depending on the man.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 407
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 6:13:51 AM
^^^yep, I could have had kids and then they could have developed an health condition that is not cureable. After what I went through as a teen, I decided that I didn't want to see my children go through that and I also wanted to be the best mom I could and that my illness would interfere with me being able to achieve that.

And I'M selfish? The fact is, deciding to have children is a selfish decision. Once the child arrives, that's when it is no longer selfish.

I am still torn on whether I would date a man with children.
 starzgirl72
Joined: 2/23/2011
Msg: 408
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 7:25:05 AM
No, I'm not selfish for not having married or not having kids up to this point. I take marriage and having children very seriously. In my case, I didn't want to marry or have children with a man unless I was sure that we were truly compatible and could do "til death do us part". While I've dated many decent, good men, I've never dated one that could go the distance with me...I don't think it's something I could control; some people meet early in life and others don't meet until much later in life. I've been engaged, lived with a man, had many long term relationships that can be measured in years, and really enjoy kids and am hopeful that I'll still meet this man one day. I don't judge people for being divorced or being single parents alone; I would hope that they would extend me the same courtesy.
 Spank_Me_Honey
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 409
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 9:32:05 AM
I like what you have said Starzgirl - that attitude sits very well with me

I am amazed at the amount of women - divorcees or single mothers with children who claim they are seeking Mr Right or their soul mate

My question is to those women -- was not the father of the children that soul mate or Mr Right ? I mean thats why you decided to have children with him yes ?

ohh he wasnt ? - so why have children with that man ?

Oh extremely bad judgement maybe in choosing the guy is it ?

"I dont care I have my kids now they mean everything to me now" is a response I have heard - okay that is great - but I as a never married man with no kids will say "well they mean absolutely nothing to me as they are not my progeny "

 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 410
view profile
History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 10:15:32 AM

I believe having biological kids is one of the most selfish things anyone can do.


I saw some stats somewhere recently which indicated that most children are unplanned. I suppose the sex is selfish, but if the conception is unintended it can't be a selfish act.


If you want to raise children, and you want to be unselfish, how about adopting one of the millions of unwanted children already born?


If you're adopting to satisfy your own desires, then that too would be selfish. More selfish actually, than conceiving an unplanned child.
 starzgirl72
Joined: 2/23/2011
Msg: 411
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 10:19:59 AM

I like what you have said Starzgirl - that attitude sits very well with me

Thank you Spank. :)


My question is to those women -- was not the father of the children that soul mate or Mr Right ? I mean thats why you decided to have children with him yes ?

ohh he wasnt ? - so why have children with that man ?

Oh extremely bad judgement maybe in choosing the guy is it ?

"I dont care I have my kids now they mean everything to me now" is a response I have heard - okay that is great - but I as a never married man with no kids will say "well they mean absolutely nothing to me as they are not my progeny "

I think in a lot of cases (not all) people get into these situations because they have this timeframe in their head for when they want things to happen...for instance, I have an acquaintance that said to me by 28 she wanted to be married, by 30 she wanted to have her first child, etc. She did those things at the ages she wanted to and then guess what? She was divorced within 5 years. After the fact, she said the signs were there that she and her ex probably wouldn't last, but she went ahead and married him anyway because she wanted to be married and have kids. I think this happens a lot more often than not.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 412
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 10:32:26 AM

I think in a lot of cases (not all) people get into these situations because they have this timeframe in their head for when they want things to happen.


Yup, and I alluded to that in another thread. All the men I dated seemed to be in a rush to get married/have children simply because "the joneses" were doing it too and because "i'm this age and not married"! Like it was some horrible thing.

I'm hoping this changes for men as they age and that if I do end up married, it will because we really want to, as opposed to "doing the right thing" or what others expect.

I had a timeline when I was in my 20's. After 25, that changed. I have no clue why.
 Spank_Me_Honey
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 413
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 10:35:58 AM

I believe having biological kids is one of the most selfish things anyone can do. If you want to raise children, and you want to be unselfish, how about adopting one of the millions of unwanted children already born?


I like this comment and have considered this scenario often - marriage and my own children do not appear on my immediate future for reason of choices ( womens choices not to see me in the light as husband / father material ) nor does it loom on the horizon as far as I can tell.

As such, having found myself in a good position of truly being a free man ( that is my own boss, no debts, no mortgage and passive income coming in ) I have often considered if I as a single male would be treated fairly in adopting a child or two from an impoverished nation to give the child/ren an opportunity at perhaps a better life in a stable loving and nurturing environment that I believe I can easily provide.

However considering how modern western society is and its paranoia as well as discrimination against bachelors, I believe I would be immediately flagged as a suspect pedophile as I am a single never married no children heterosexual male.
 starzgirl72
Joined: 2/23/2011
Msg: 414
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 11:02:24 AM

I had a timeline when I was in my 20's. After 25, that changed. I have no clue why.

I did too at that age and I threw the timeline away once I realized that life didn't always go according to my plans; sometimes life throws you unforseen circumstances and/or opportunities and you have to learn to be flexible and adapt.
 Spank_Me_Honey
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 415
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 11:21:33 AM

^^^If you don't look into it, you will never know. If you are really interested, look up some international adoption agencies and make inquiries.


The more I think about it the more it appeals to me


Better this way than some woman getting knocked up taking me for a ride financially and denying me the right to see my children
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 416
view profile
History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 11:25:49 AM
I think in a lot of cases (not all) people get into these situations because they have this timeframe in their head for when they want things to happen...for instance, I have an acquaintance that said to me by 28 she wanted to be married, by 30 she wanted to have her first child, etc. She did those things at the ages she wanted to and then guess what? She was divorced within 5 years. After the fact, she said the signs were there that she and her ex probably wouldn't last, but she went ahead and married him anyway because she wanted to be married and have kids. I think this happens a lot more often than not.
I had a friend who did the same thing, everyone warned her but she wouldn't listen because she had this idea that life would be perfect if she just got married and had kids, the big house with the white picket fence, it was a disaster.
I actually had a guy recently tell me that not being married with no kids were big red flags because I obviously couldn't commit to a relationship, the sad part is that many of my past relationships have lasted longer than his marriage did.
 starzgirl72
Joined: 2/23/2011
Msg: 417
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 1:43:11 PM

I actually had a guy recently tell me that not being married with no kids were big red flags because I obviously couldn't commit to a relationship, the sad part is that many of my past relationships have lasted longer than his marriage did.

Yeah, I believe it; one need only read through this thread to see this sort of mentality. IMO, you really shouldn't judge whether or not it's a red flag without getting further clarification from the person first. Just as with people who're divorced or are single parents...you really can't judge whether their marital status is a "red flag" or not without getting more details from that person.
 MrFication
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 418
view profile
History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 2:14:18 PM

I actually had a guy recently tell me that not being married with no kids were big red flags because I obviously couldn't commit to a relationship

I've heard it too--but from women. Somehow by not ever having a relationship (so no failed relationship yet) meant that I can't have tong-term potential? This was from a woman that had been in many (hundreds?) of relationships, engaged a few times, yet never married and no kids....and she ended up with a guy that was twice as old and never married/no kids. Huh? It seems to be more of a 'nice' excuse for many, rather than saying what really bothers them.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 419
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 5:21:00 PM

I actually had a guy recently tell me that not being married with no kids were big red flags because I obviously couldn't commit to a relationship

I do not understand such silly stereo-typing. My SO is never married/no children. However, the two relationships he's had in his lifetime are 13 years, 5 years. If he was never married/no kids and no significant long term relationships. He's 40. 18 out of his adult years were in committed relationships. That's more longevity than many marriages. It really means very little to me who's had a piece of paper between them or not. I do, however, care whether or not they can envision longevity and know about the realities of day to day to day to day stuff. It's that stuff that kills relationships. JMO
 Spank_Me_Honey
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 420
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 7:20:40 PM
Have to say I agree with you greeneyes and mrfication

what is it about a ceremony and a piece of paper that some seem to be the sign of ability to commit
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 421
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/12/2011 7:32:09 PM
^^perhaps they have never seen otherwise?

I was raised by my aunt and uncle who have been together since they married. My bio parents are divorced. One brother has been married once and divorced and re-married, another brother has been with his partner since they were 18 and are not officially married.

I've seen all sorts of "arrangements" fail and succeed, hence I know that a ceremony and piece of paper make not a commitment.
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 422
view profile
History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/13/2011 8:41:39 AM

what is it about a ceremony and a piece of paper that some seem to be the sign of ability to commit


A subject for a different thread really, but there is a lot to be said for ceremony and official recognition. - Not saying it’s for everyone or for all seasons of course.
 Thisisme2get2know
Joined: 1/29/2011
Msg: 423
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/13/2011 7:25:33 PM
I'm 32 and never had the desire to get married or have kids in my twenties. I don't see marriage as a necessity to life. I'm not religious and the tradition isn't that important to me. If I meet someone who wants to get married and it's important to them to further the relationship, I would probably do it. But I wouldn't look at a girl who hasn't been married or doesn't have kids and think she's "damaged goods." If my grandparent's or parent's generation waited until their 3o's to do those things, yeah, people would question what's wrong with them. But this day and age, I say the longer you wait , the better. You do so much growing(hopefully!) as a person in your 20's, how can you maintain a relationship and raise kids when you're still figuring out who you are!? Have fun in your twenties, take risks, do all the things you've wanted to do in life. When you get to your thirties, start settling down and make your long term plans for the future.
 60to70
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 424
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/16/2011 10:30:12 PM
Who the heck did all of you people orignate from? Did you not have parents?
If you do not have children count yourself somewhat fortunate.
Children are your conscience. Children are neater than you.
Children are always welcome even if they were believed they are not.
Have some children in your life. You may be amazed and surprised at
how delicious children can be.
If you do not have children and do not want them...do not be righteous
and mouth untruths and silly trash about population dilemmas, etc.
If you have children and find yourself single, consider staying single.
Until these children are gone. Get your ya ya discretely. You may
be further ahead. If not and you are successful in finding a mate, how
wonderful.
People with no children and no vocation (NOT..vacation) are pretty sad.
I am prejudiced. My child taught me plainly and simply that I was glad to
give myself up to a frankly thrilling and exciting proposition. Prove me
wrong, if you are childless. Who, by the way, were your parents??? lol.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 425
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/17/2011 8:42:03 AM

You may be amazed and surprised at
how delicious children can be.


I totally agree with this.


People with no children and no vocation (NOT..vacation) are pretty sad.


I totally think this is judgmental.

Coming from someone who basically could not have children and loves kids, I easily see both sides of this story and frankly some people do not want to have children once they are older due to all sorts of reasons.

Sure, one could say that people who decide not to have children are selfish; but honestly it's not my place to get all self righteous on them. It`s their choice, not mine.

I`ve met plenty of selfish people who have kids and honestly they shouldn`t have bred.
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