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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Never married & no kids      Home login  
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 Biggie_CA
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 101
Never married & no kidsPage 5 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
I send a note.
I try not to make assumptions but usually my thoughts are that the woman in question is:
responsible
driven
smart
quick witted
likes her freedom
and knows what she wants but hasn't found it yet.
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 102
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/19/2007 4:54:26 PM
Everybody has different circumstances- I think being judged by this is highly unfair but judgments are what many use without knowing the facts.

I dated and lived with someone for most of my late 20's and 30's. She went to school twice and got her career going. I worked hard on my career with the expectation we would be married. She finished school, we bought a house and then she decided she didn't want to do this.

Go back to the dating scene to find

women are bitter and mistrustful of guys
women my age aren't interested in dating guys their age
go onto online dating to discover I'm competing with married men, young guys and old men for a women's attention
dogs are more valued than men

But I keep the faith and try to keep my eyes open for that one that will come along. I think a can be a bit too selective sometimes but I have tried to let people into my life that may be not my perfect ideal and it hasn't worked yet but maybe someday the right one will come along.

Guess I'll just keep on trying- right up until they start tossing the dirt on me. Its part of the human condition I think.
 Erikyo
Joined: 7/17/2007
Msg: 103
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/20/2007 8:24:03 PM

You see a profile of interest & he or she is 30something & up, as you continue 2 read a lil further, you notice that he or she has never been married & has 0 kids, do you question why or just immediately make assumptions?


Simple, I don't question why and I certainly don't make assumptions ! Since I don't have kids and I'm well over 30. I simply say : "wow, great !!!!!"
 GRANDWORLDDRAMA
Joined: 8/16/2007
Msg: 104
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/21/2007 2:05:31 AM
ITS the END of the WORLD....
I DONT WANT TO BRING CHILDREN INTO
the END of the WORLD
 irishmage
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 105
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/21/2007 12:46:39 PM
Fascinating thread, with a great many opinions on it. Figured I would throw my .02 pence in. I am 42, have never married and have no kids. Why? I honestly haven't met someone who matches me yet. In some ways I have a unique lifestyle that would be rough on most partners. Also the past several years I have been living like a gypsy floating from job to job . I don't think it is a red flag, more of a point to chat on as they may had the most fascinating time growing up and it needs to be heard.
 nomadd77
Joined: 5/21/2007
Msg: 106
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/21/2007 2:28:43 PM
I never been married never had kids. I have had alot of long term relationships and I think the only effect of me not getting married with those girls when I had the oppourtunity. Is now I'm not divorced. I would be open to having kids with the right person.I would have to feel like it was someone I could depend on staying consistant in a relationship. I came up in a single parent home , my mother was married 2 times. I would want my kids to have their biological mother and a father living in the same household who are together. But also im fine with not having kids if I dont meet anyone who seems like they would have the devotion to go the long haul
 bohnbones1
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 107
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/21/2007 5:26:18 PM
This also might be different for men, as men can procreate into their 50's and 60's.
 Harry Bumchuckle
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 108
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/23/2007 9:18:38 PM
I agree with agentangi, I am the same - went to school, had fun, went on to get a business going and after awhile the business was like my child and wanted to grow it and attend to its needs. The challenge after that is that you rely on your staff for socializing ( i don't mean sleep with them) and your old friends have gotten married, taken tradional jobs in their field and are busy with raising children. After that it gets even harder to find a good match ( not a tropy partner ). When you do meet someone you like, you are already trying to schedule them in - instead of taking time to get to know them. I truly believe that you need someone who is in a similar situation. I have dated women who already had children on a few attempts but they are at a different point in their lives - either already having experienced what I was seeking to experience for the first time - ie. the joy of the experience of having children together. Even in the case where the woman was interested in having another child, it still isn't the same. For me it would me -omg , omg - and for her it would be - ho hum, ho hum...I hope this doesn't offend anyone - I have the greatest respect for single moms and the challenges they face.
 Banks114
Joined: 8/5/2007
Msg: 109
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/23/2007 9:50:24 PM
I was married and had 2 step-kids but now am divorced but still to this day think I will make awesome dad one day. My ex had 2 miscarriages so being a father just was not in the cards for myself at that time. I hope to one day find that special someone and be blessed with a child. It's all in the man upstairs hands as far as I am concerned. As far as dating someone with children I am all for it as long as I show a positive impact. I still have memories from my childhood of people who were influences to me. I want tht\at impact on any kid I meet.
 shoree
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 110
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/24/2007 1:23:04 PM
Never married, no kids here.

Why?

Because.

I've always cherished my freedom and intellect. Therefore, I have a career, my own home and my independence. I've never had a maternal instinct, therefore no unwanted babies. I was responsible enough to use birth control.

I'm a woman who knows what she wants and I'm not afraid to defy societal expectations.

If anyone decides to make their own assumptions, that's their problem. What do I care what people think? I'm living the life I've always wanted.
 jg65
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 111
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/24/2007 1:28:24 PM
WHY IS THAT?
BEEN THROUGH a lot of bad relationships, am glad i did not have to give 1/2 of everything i own to get out of it///and the same for having kids with some of the psycho females i have had the pleasure of dating/leaving...
 livinglikingloving
Joined: 5/3/2007
Msg: 112
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/26/2007 6:05:49 AM
I am 44 and have no children and never been down the isle. Its a personal decision for everyone.
 GENTILE
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 113
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/26/2007 2:20:37 PM
Really, I think that it's next to impossible to find someone in my age group has not had children or been married. It's just that most of these ladies may prefer a man who also has children of his own because they believe that somehow he will understand, or they have something in common. DEEVA, what do you think they assume?
 XoticDeeva
Joined: 4/10/2007
Msg: 114
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/26/2007 6:44:13 PM
Hello all,
For those who think I started this thread 2 have people "explain" why they chose not 2 get married or have kids... you're wrong! I started this thread becuz I noticed how some people tend 2 judge 30something's or older in a negative way, as if there's something wrong w/them, I can remember an x co-worker who had this HUGE crush on a guy ( in his late 40's) who had just joined the company we worked at, she finally got up enough nerve 2 ask him about his marital status, he told her that he's never been married w/0 kids, she then comes back to tell me & a few others how disappointed she was becuz he seemed like a great catch, in "her"opinion... if a man is in his 30's, 40's ect., never married & 0 kids, he's either a total nut-case, has committment issues or he's gay, I was amazed at how some of the other women agreed w/her, becuz I never would've thought that about him, it's kinda like those on here who post negative comments about others that they don't even know.
 kissimmee_guy
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 115
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/28/2007 5:42:08 PM
Yeah, would think the person is gay, a nut case, or both.

There, I said it.

Nevertheless, that is a rebuttable presumption.
 andmanlu
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 116
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/29/2007 8:29:12 AM
You should never question or make assumptions. I myself have never being married or have kids but that only because I had mor important things to do when I was younger. I loved to travel and made it out almost six weeks of every year. Something I needed to get out of my system so I never had time or interest to settle down and raise a family.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 117
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/29/2007 3:00:43 PM
Most of the men from my past had never been married, nor did they have or want children. Today, the only man I think I might like to date is near my age, never married/no children. That seems to be my "norm." To each their own. It's not a red-flag to me that he hasn't married or have children ~ what a red flag to me is a man who has children (or a child), never sees them, never plays an active role in some part of their life and the quickest deal-breaker in my life: trash-talking the mother of his children. Once that happens, we're done. It takes two people to fail in a relationship ~ unless she is standing there to tell me her side of the story, I don't want to hear it. And I definitely would wonder about the ilk of that man. But, that's just me.
 Banks114
Joined: 8/5/2007
Msg: 118
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/29/2007 3:48:24 PM
Very well stated greeneyez!
 cowboylar
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 119
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/29/2007 8:23:59 PM
I have never been married and have no children. The reason is as complicated as the reason I don't date very much. Not that I'm against getting married and having kids but in my case and Only mine, I would prefer to have my children with my wife and live that way for what the vows said for better or worse . I have dated some women with kids and it has not gone well but remember I'm only talking about myself. There is nothing more
wrong with someone as myself who has never been married or children than there is a guy who has been married multiple times , its just a circumstance that happens for X number of reasons way to complicated to get into in a forum such as this.
 S__
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 120
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/30/2007 3:55:46 AM
never married --- there are as many crazy women out there as there are pervert men. A good woman is NOT an easy thing to find and I refuse to settle for a marriage that may fail in a few years.


No children --- why have children if you can't find a woman you want to be with longer than a couple years? Children mean a lifetime of dealing with that woman.


I find it terribly interesting that a responsible man sends up red flags to some ladies. Kind of feeds into the perspective that women don't want a good man, they want the irresponsible, bad, boy.
 kathareeene
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 121
Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/30/2007 10:11:09 AM
when u see neva married no kids
STEP AWAY
these are comittment phobes and itll be hell tryin to bring em around to ur way of thinkin as they will FIND N E excuse to dump u
been there girl like knockin ur head against the wall
kathi
 irishmage
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 122
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 8/30/2007 6:42:53 PM

when u see neva married no kids
STEP AWAY
these are comittment phobes



Bull. Sorry you went through that but DON'T lump us all into that category! I am never married and no kids. I am still looking for someone that completes me. Read my post earlier in this thread on it. I have never dumped any of my ex's, we always parted amicably and I am still in contact w/most of them. We catch up on lives share our joys and downs.And WHY should they be brought around to YOUR way of thinking may I ask? I always thought a relationship was part give and take and to some degree compromise! NOT "do as i want if you want this to work" (which seems to be what your implying here). If thats what you want go find a little milktoast of a man an make him miserable, no skin off my nose.
 nikon_07
Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 123
Never married & no kids
Posted: 9/1/2007 6:37:14 AM
Kathareeene, are you speaking from personal experience or just making an assumption. I have never been married and have no kids, what I am looking for is someone that will except me for me and so far I have not found that. If and when I do meet the right person and she has kids, which it is most likely a given, we will see how that goes, but I will not turn my back on her.

Being 30+, never married and no kids means that you weren't in that cluster from high school that ran out and got married the day after graduation. The group that is talked about here decided to focus more on education and career while still having plenty of fun. Now there is one thing that I have noticed over the years, the longer you go unmarried, the more it is that married friends and family try to hook you up with other people, why is that? A friend at work told me it is so that they are jealous and want you to share in their misery.
 Dale-Allen
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 124
Never married & no kids
Posted: 9/1/2007 3:46:58 PM
I'm allergic to kids...LOL
 Lookin pa nub
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 125
Never married & no kids
Posted: 9/3/2007 8:56:28 AM
Never Married/No kids - why?

Just not the right relationship. Not the right 'feel'. Not the right time. Not the right situation. Why do some think it is a commitment problem?

It isn't.

It's about realism. It's about exercising prudence, caution and not living in fantasy-land of denial and thinking "it'll be ok - we'll manage, we'll figure something out."

It's about doing it once, and doing it RIGHT.

Procreation is the 'golden-egg' of a good relationship. It comes as the end result of two compatible, similar-minded people wanting to share more of their lives and become closer as they move forward through life together. The additional responsibilities of caring for and raising a child will help forge the family bond making a strong relationship even stronger.

On the other hand, it will do the opposite if there is no compatibility, or kids are being considered to "help make the relationship better". My belief is that it won't. I know far too many people with unhappy relationships, split or multi-tiered families, painful dealings and headaches from ex's, financial trauma, and seemingly nonstop bickering, yelling and suffering from poorly matched partners. Does this sound like fun?

Maybe I am just a chickenshit who is scared of commitment, or possibly I am too selfish and enjoy my free time too much but don't think that having kids is always the answer - having a trusting, caring relationship is far more important than kids.

Believe me, when the time is right, the vibe is good, when all of the talks have been had and the feeling of 'comfort' is there, it will be time to start getting busy.

Anyways, what's the hurry? I think that too many women are reading garbage info about their 'biological clock ticking' and feel they are going to miss out on having kids, so they 'settle' for something that they think is going to work out but ultimately it doesn't. The time and effort wasn't put forth initially to develop the strong relationship 'base' before adding kids to the mix. This is nothing more that setting yourself up for failure. Guaranteed.

My 2 cents.
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