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 espngirl
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 176
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Never married & no kidsPage 8 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
Man, I guess I need to move to England! :) People in the states make all sorts of assumptions when you are in your thirties and have never married and have no kids. Most of my friends are married with kids and they aren't the happiest people. Sometimes I really think I dodged a bullet. I have no trouble waiting for the right person. I've never understood why people settle!
 Geoff in GA
Joined: 2/17/2008
Msg: 177
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/9/2008 12:20:55 PM
To the OP - When I see "never married, no kids" on a profile I see a person who might have a lot in common with me. Im NMNK also. I spent most of my 20s working on my career and myself and what I wanted to be doing in my 30s and beyond. I often look back on where I would be if I married that girl I liked when I was 21 and settled down in my hometown. Both of our careers and personal development goes on hold. We would have struggled financially as most young couples do. Having kids might have put us on welfare or at least poverty. We would have moved around a bit yet stayed close to home for financial help if needed. Eventually I would have grown disgusted at myself for not taking enough chances in life. For not having the opportunities because I was too busy with family life. I would have too many "what ifs". Too many regrets. Now I would be divorced with steep alimony payments. She would have 2 or more kids without a father (I honestly have no idea where she is now). How is that situation more socially acceptable than being NMNK in your 30s??
 SoMuchForThat12yrs
Joined: 2/25/2005
Msg: 178
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/9/2008 12:59:09 PM
I would definitely fall within the category of never married and no kids. Have you ever thought that there are some men out there that value success over fun? I put a lot of my time the past few decades trying to establish myself as a success in my profession, so I could be more attractive to women out there. Believe me, we all need love and a successful relationship in our lives, but I'd rather be by myself than in a relationship with someone I am not compatible with. I have been in some rather dysfunctional relationships with dependent personalities - which don't just drain your wallet, but also suck the life out of you, and even worse - women that were diagnosed as mentally ill - try keeping in synch with that - its also impossible to trust them at that point (and, no I did not drive them over the edge). Relationships are a learning experience, which require a lot of work on both ends, and I'd much rather want be in a 50-50 relationship where we enhance and improve each others' lives than destroy each other. My 2 closest friends are in rather dysfunctional marriages because they were in a rush to get married (as were their wives), only to realize they didn't truly know one another. Try talking your best friend out of suicide because his wife served him divorce papers (even counseling didn't help - but somehow they stayed together) and having to get them to actually fight and argue (vent their frustrations) to open up lines of communication between them. Also, some guys really do not have the patience at this point to deal with children, their career is top priority, and children cost a ton of money as much as time and emotional energy.
 flyingiguana
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 179
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/10/2008 12:19:03 AM
so to sum things up. if you're over 30 and have no kids/never been married there must be something wrong with you. on the other hand if you have kids, others avoid you.
 HELL_RAISER
Joined: 11/17/2007
Msg: 180
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/10/2008 3:00:50 AM
I'm 31, no strings, no kids, no baggage, just a free spirit who knows what he wants and won't settle until I cna't help myself but to settle.... and I've dated my share of women from different walks of life, and I never judge... as I would be very offended by someone judging me on status like that... I've dated the most screwed up selfish people with no baggauge, and met the most amazing people with kids etc, and vice versa... don't judge a person by what they have in their lives, but how they deal with it...
 seasons in the abyss
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 181
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/10/2008 8:28:23 AM
My mom enjoyed marriage so much she tried it out 4 times.
My dad enjoyed marriage so much he also tried it out 4 times.
Thats 7...yes, SEVEN combined marriages between my 2 parents.

Need i explain why im 31 and have not been engaged, married, or had children? I suggest people dig deeper to understand the reasons why.

Its nothing Ive considered jumping into without a lot of thought. I'm not over the hill(just yet) have my own home, and no baggage(crazy ex wives or whatever) to dump on anyone else. I'm free to travel as i see fit and spend my time doing whatever healthy lesiure I see fit. I feel I have gotten a lot out of my youth and had my share of fun. I know a fair share of people who can't say the same because they got married/had kids, and thier life became not thier own. Nothing wrong with that, but it is what it is. My situation aint all bad ladies....
 2catlvr1969
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 182
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:22:09 PM
Interesting topic.
I am 39, never married, no kids, but I never wanted kids and still don't. I've broken off with guys when I found out they wanted kids. It's a dealbreaker with me.

I wouldn't date a guy with kids either. I know at least 2 women who are childless but dating men who have kids and it makes nothing but problems. In both cases, the kids' mother (aka the Evil Ex) is always lurking around making trouble. And then the kids have all kinds of behavior problems because of their fighting parents, and these women are stuck in the middle as Daddy's girlfriend/stepmom figure. Way too many issues to deal with, way too much baggage. I would never date a guy with kids even if he was great in every other way. It's not worth the negative stuff.
 Rut Roah
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 183
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:56:15 PM
First post here!

I'm 37 no kids/never married.

Just don't see whats interesting about kids.
 GINTL
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 184
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/10/2008 10:28:04 PM
What assumptions would you make? I ask myself how, and why and never really come to a good conclusion.
 KiwiJewl
Joined: 1/16/2007
Msg: 185
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/12/2008 5:55:33 PM
I am never married with no kids-it was by choice as I had other things going on in my life early on due to school, taking care of family, etc. People meet me and say "wow you are so normal why aren't you married?" -like I should be missing my brain or an appendage or something. I think society places too much importance on being married. If you meet the right person it is great! I would rather not settle and wait for the right person.....
 Route55
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 186
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/12/2008 6:25:18 PM
I suspect that anyone who makes assumptions why someone isnt married and has children by a certain age is undate able I would suspect your critical thinking skills are poor and you should start using Tide instead of Calgon.

There could be thousands of reasons why someone over 30 isnt married and has kids, everyone is different , instead of getting to know a person and finding out some people are quick to jump on the bandwagon and assume something is wrong with the person? Good Lord.
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 187
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/12/2008 6:54:45 PM
The new dating ettiquette seems to be to find fault with a date rather than get to know them.
 Mister Incognito
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 188
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/12/2008 8:45:19 PM

SO IF YOUR GOING TO JUDGE THEN PLEASE LOOK AT YOUR OWN LIVES FIRST, BECAUSE WHILE YOUR GETTIN UP 3/4 TIMES A NIGHT AND CHANGING NAPPIES, I AM SEEING THE WORLD SOMETHING YOUR PROBABLY NOT EVER GOING TO GET TO DO, UNTILL YOU RETIRE!!!!

HAVE A GOOD LIFE AND DONT JUDGE, BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW





bravo!
 42 4 U
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 189
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/12/2008 11:11:50 PM
I've never married and have no kids.When I was younger,I expected that I would meet the right girl,either get married or live common law,and have kids,but I haven't met her,and the older I get,the more I realize that having kids probably isn't in the cards for me.Though I haven't totally ruled it out,if I meet the right woman,it will be up to both of us to decide what we want.
Also,the world is so over populated now,and with the way things are going,I don't want to bring kids into the world and have them grow up with expectations that are basically unattainable.I know,people would argue that kids are our future,and the world is what they make it,and I agree 100% with that.Also,I realize you're way of thinking changes when you have kids,and since I haven't,I can only speculate,so don't take my word for it.Its just an opinion.

As for making assumptions,I don't bother,people have a right to want what they feel is right for them.It doesn't change any potential interest I may have in her.Some women aren't medically capable of having kids,that Ok with me as long as she isn't one of those people that obsess about having kids,taking fertility treatments and stuff.Thats an emotional roller coaster ride thats definitely not for me.
 ISHTAR38
Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 190
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/13/2008 10:39:37 AM
Some of us just never found the right person or made mistakes. But it does seem to be in style to be married and divorced a few times and have children with all kinds of people. I wonder what kind of impact this has on all those kids who don't have full time parents in their life. Seems like a popularity contest between all the single parents to see who could get more dates.
 ChildfreeGlow
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 191
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/13/2008 4:35:15 PM
What I would think is, hallelujah! I think it is absolutely great to find a guy who has none of the "pre-existing relationships" baggage. I come into a relationship ready to focus on my partner and prioritize our relationship and I want the same in return. Plus being in his 30s or 40s means he may have done a lot of self-development and be better able to relate to me, since I've done a lot.

Of course, I could find out after getting to know him that he is simply incompetent when it comes to relating and that's why he hasn't had a relationship that went as far as marriage, but that wouldn't be my first assumption.
 SweetFiingers
Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 192
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/13/2008 5:11:53 PM
I never assume. Personally it took me 36 years to get married for the first time and it took me 4 months to get a divorce. We were just not right for each other. I am now 38, and have no kids or have a girlfriend. I have made wise choices that were right for me. Having protected sex and living my life. I have a good job and just enjoy being me. when that woman comes along that i cant live without then i'll know. Never pass judgement or make assumptions for the choices people make. You havent been in there shoes or lived there life.
 ~Hydro~
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 193
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:15:20 PM
I spent many many years going to school which required putting in 80+ hour weeks. That's my excuse. I never dreamt I would be unmarried at 37 but hey - the bright side is is that I'm not divorced yet either.

Hydro.
 Genuine_Heart
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 194
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:26:52 AM
I’m 36, and have never been married or fathered any children, and I don’t assume anything about anyone else in the same position. Personally, I find a woman with no kids/never married to be quite desirable, for many of the reasons mentioned on other posts. Nobody I’ve met to date, that is around my generation, has “judged” me based on not having kids or ever been married. If they’re curious, they ask, and I answer.

However, there is one exception: being a first-generation child of immigrants, hailing from an old world background (southeast European) – I have received MUCH (often stinging) criticism from both immediate and extended family members about it, starting when I was 22 or so (yeah, yeah, I know – these are the first people in the world who are supposed to love you for who you are, etc., etc.). To them, life is about going to school, getting a job, finding a wife/husband, getting married and have kids – that’s simply what you do, and you should be happy about it. To go for things such as an advanced education, develop a career and travel / enjoy life is not within their mindset – it’s completely foreign and incomprehensible. Not fitting their expectations, I have been on the receiving end of some rather condescending remarks regarding my “manhood” on several occasions. I sometimes wonder if these old world attitudes have so much cultural inertia behind them that it blinds people to other opportunities that life has to offer.

Like quite a few of the other posters on this thread, I’m fortunate in that I’ve developed a very strong desire toward personal growth over the past 10+ years, and am a much better person for it. Hence, I’m in much better position to contribute to a healthy relationship than ever before – and that fact alone makes me quite glad that I didn’t “take the plunge” much earlier in adulthood (though I don’t judge people for doing that either). This path was simply right for me.

G_H
 Muzikluva
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 195
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/17/2008 4:46:40 PM
I don't make assumptions...it's best to line up a date and ask them directly!
 Lofty_maiden
Joined: 1/7/2006
Msg: 196
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:06:20 PM
i will be 31 in may. I like to have what little social life I do have after work. do i want kids and want to get married yeah but I want to have fun for mysel first. Once you have kids and a husband you have responcibility to tham. If I dicide to go out camping with the girls I don't have to worie aobut if "he" will get mad or who would watch the kids. I can go out any night i am able to and stay out as late as i want.
 swgal
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 197
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:59:31 AM
I dated a guy for over a year who was 46 never married, no kids, never lived with a woman. I have 4 children and am divorced. Let me tell you about being worlds apart. He did not understand the bond that a parent has with a child. He didn't understand the inability to pick up and go whenever you want. He really didn't understand the joy and fulfillment a parent gets from spending time with her children. It was the most difficult situation I have ever been in. He was very self-centered, me oriented, and unable to connect with my life. He was used to his schedule and his needs.

I didn't make assumptions about men who were NMNK before that relationship, but I tend to do so now. That man was commitment phobic and too into his bachelor lifestyle to accomodate a family or long-term relationship. I know now that I need to be with someone who has children (grown or small) or has a close relationship with children (nieces, nephews, friends kids, etc) so he can understand the importance of that relationship and all of the things that come with it, such as activities, and bedtimes, and homework, etc. I don't necessarily need someone who was married before, but who has at least lived with someone so he understands how that situation works.
 merkitty
Joined: 9/11/2006
Msg: 198
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/19/2008 2:03:09 PM
What bothers me is when a guy dumps me for a chick with kids. Especially when he doesn't have any himself. I guess I feel that birds of a feather should flock together. I live in the mid-west and there are ALOT of never married mothers who prey on the no kid having dudes. What's left for me? I say if a dude has kids it's a no go. I will never come first and I wouldn't expect to, maybe I'm selfish or maybe I feel children are more than a tax credit.
 moundpuppy
Joined: 1/27/2005
Msg: 199
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Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/19/2008 7:48:59 PM
swgal,
just want to say that not all men over 40 or even 50 are commitment phobic nor are they all set into a bachelor life style. I as I have stated before have no children and never married. Now if any man and I say that meaning any man that would not understand the bond between a mother and thier child had better go back to school and start over. They need to take and start learning what is important in this world expecially when it involves a mother and her offspring. But I also know that it does not just work between a mother and her child but also a man and his child or one that he has helped raise. Both can have a bond that is so strong that nothing can step between that bond. Personally I as said before am 56 and I do know of that type of bond. I also can say that for some reason a small child will almost always come to me and try to talk my head off. Only had one that backed away from me and it was my brothers son. Took years for him to relax around me. Never understood why and really it never bothered me. I treated him just like all the other kids and left him to make his own mind up when he would trust me. That boy or I should say man now just graduated basic training and him and I are very close as I am with the rest of the nieces and nephews. I will say I never tried to bond with any and it was due to the fact that I can not have kids but I have always known that the bond of a child and thier parents is something that should never be questioned. If a man does not understand this then he is not wanting to. on the other part of your post involving living with someone No I have not but that was by my choice. The long term relationship yeah been there and done that a few times. if a person enters into a relationship then they must be willing and ready to share and understand and communicate with the other person involved. If one can't do this then they had better not ever approach a relationship in my opinion. a booty call is easy to find a relationship is something that one should respect and work on completely 100%. Give and take otherwise walk away.

Mound
 Rachelle~C
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 200
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/20/2008 7:12:45 AM
u see a profile of interest & he or she is 30something & up, as you continue 2 read a lil further, you notice that he or she has never been married & has 0 kids, do you question why or just immediately make assumptions?



I think "wow that is one smart person".
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