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 svj2
Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 201
Never married & no kidsPage 9 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
I just assume that they're either very smart or have a face that can stop a clock.
 merkitty
Joined: 9/11/2006
Msg: 202
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/20/2008 4:49:02 PM
I agree with svj2 on that one, if they are good looking then they are smart or thier just not good looking enough for sex
 BamaToon
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 203
view profile
History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:24:17 PM
Well I just turned 32, and am never married, and have no kids. I've never really thought that much about either one, to be honest. But then I've never had a serious relationship either, so that could be why. I always figured I would worry about that when the time comes.

Now when it comes to women, I tend to look for those that are also never married with no kids. Which I'll admit, is not easy to do the older I get. Lately I've been thinking about lowering my standards a little, at least when it comes to that. But on the other hand, I'm wary of the women that are just looking for some poor fool to pay the bills for them and their kids. I know not all women with kids are like that, but I've read too many horror stories about that to not at least be a little wary of it.

Plus, I'm not even sure I want kids of my own, much less someone else's.
 Saturday Night Rocks
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 204
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:09:39 PM
If he/she was 45 and never married/no kids, I might wonder why, but everyone has their reasons. (Maybe He/She couldn't find anyone to hook up with during the 15 yrs they were in prison LOL!!!)
 oklacountrygirl
Joined: 9/21/2007
Msg: 205
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:49:14 PM
Although I have been married twice and fortunately was smart enough to get away, I don't have kids. At 45 I feel fortunate now that I look back. At the time that events happened in my life, it totally sucked. (Miscarriage, tubal pregnancy and surgery which only found more problems that were corrected, but unable to conceive) So, things are not always as they may seem. I was with 2 abusive men so I have since made some changes in dating and what I expect or accept from those I date. I have been single for 13 going on 14 years and enjoy the fact that I don't have to worry about whether or not my kids like the guy, who's gonna baby-sit, etc. I also have enjoyed traveling some and would like to do more in the future. I helped raise my ex-husband's kids and that was very, very difficult emotionally. He and his ex were constantly fighting it out and I was the "middle guy". Fortunately I was able to be the one the kids came to talk to about their problems, so I could still help them all I could. BTW, they still call me every now and then, so I must have been a decent Mom! LOL!
 5174
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 206
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/23/2008 8:10:06 AM
ppl are getting married and having kids later into life and now its just more apperant that that is how it goes with generation X. My cousin just turned 40 and just got married to a woman he was with for 6 years or something like that. I am 33 and have never been married nor do I have any kids, (well I was almost married once)... No rush no worries, responsible with sex, and growing as a person, and building a career are all fesible reasons that someone isnt married or has no children by their 30's.

shrug-
 svj2
Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 207
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/23/2008 11:13:01 AM
Why this focus on money?

Because most of society spends more time watching televison than interacting with other human beings outside the context of work or school. And television tells us that there is nothing more important in life than fame and money.



Do anyone really want a harmonic life or what?

Yes and no. People want harmonious lives, they just don't realize that they have to go out of their way to get one.
Few people realize that our drives (to survive and procreate) and our desires (to be happy and fulfilled) don't necessarily have anything to do with each other.

And a 50% divorce rate is a pretty good indicator that marriage (alliances for survival and procreation) is no gaurantee of happiness.

And then consider that there is no possible way that all of the "surviving 50%" are happy.(Some people take "'Til death do us part" waaaay too seriously)

Put those two factors together, and it becomes pretty apparent (to me, at least) that marriage isn't just not the path to happiness in most cases, to those of us whose #1 aspiration in life is something other than having a family, it's actually counter-productive.

Before I get jumped on, for those that are happier being married, more power to you!
But the numbers suggest that you'd be in the "lucky" minority whose "drives" just happened to lead you towards happiness.

If we don't examine what drives us, we're basically playing "craps" with our happiness. Some win. Most don't.
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 208
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/23/2008 2:00:57 PM
Why do some people judge you for not being divoced or not having children? I look at it this way. It shows I am careful..it shows I have not messed up someone else's life and my child's life. I plan to be with my Ms Right for the est of my life and my goal would be that my children are not from a broken/single parent home.
 merkitty
Joined: 9/11/2006
Msg: 209
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/25/2008 4:57:35 PM
I hear ya, my folks split when I was in Highschool and it breaks my heart now as a 30 year old woman that they aren't together.

I don't want to do that to my kids, I want a guy who loves me for me, then we can bring life into our marriage.

Marraige first, then kids, thats my motto.
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 210
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/25/2008 5:48:31 PM
nahhhhhhhhh.. Life is too short to over-think things!

things have changed from the old days... we don't leave our family homes and date and mate and have families in our 20s anymore.

people are more mobile...they choose to travel, further their education and live life... it is a continous process. Life happens and we don't all need a mate at an early age.

I met my Ex when I was 19...we got married... I quit school... worked...travelled... we had kids.... divorced at 45.
I wish I had taken time to learn more about myself and to be on my own... yeah....so I envy those who are 30something...and had a life...and are ready to continue to grow and prepared to now look for a mate.... I would hope it is a situation of them being more mature now.
 merridian
Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 211
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:52:02 PM
Actually, I would question whether this person would want kids with me or not. It would make me hesitate more. I have kids, and I don't want to have any more children. I would feel more at ease if he already had children of his own as well (and doesn't want more with me). I'd rather blend existing families than bring more children into the world.
 Tattooed Lawyer
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 212
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/27/2008 9:28:39 PM
I haven't read all 200+ responses so if I'm repeating stuff, you know why.

If you're never married and childfree, people assume negative things. He/she is ugly, he/she is not a grownup, he/she must have some issues, etc.

I don't have kids because I simply don't want them. For most of my life, the pomp, circumstance, and symbolism of marriage did not appeal to me. It's so cliché and tacky! Nowadays, I'm more agnostic about marriage.

Issues? We all have them.

Looks? A diversity of people say I'm attractive.

I own my own place. I'm stable, financially and otherwise. Educated. Work full time. No drama. I'm an uber grownup without kids or marriage.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that one should not assume anything.
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 213
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/28/2008 8:36:40 AM
Well I do not have children but want to have one one day and as I have never been married or have children a woman should see I have nmore money and resources to give to her.
 merkitty
Joined: 9/11/2006
Msg: 214
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/28/2008 8:38:23 AM
I agree about the assumption thing, I mean, unless you ask there are a dozen reasons why people don't have kids.
 TrixieinDixie
Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 215
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/28/2008 10:53:36 AM
Having lived all my life in the south, I have to admit it would make me wonder, because in my personal experience, people around me tend to marry pretty soon after finishing college and starting their careers. There's no particular reason not do, no over-thinking or analyzing - you fall in love, you get married, and maybe have kids if you want them. Not everyone has kids, but most people in my circle have them or want them. I don't even have any single friends, not even divorced. My own parents married right out of college and have stayed happily married throughout their respective careers and raising me. This is what I always wanted for myself. I married two years out of college and unfortunately it did not work out for me, but not by my choice - I loved being married and would very much like to be married again. I am not crazy about casual dating without any real attachment. I really want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I believe there are many possibilities out there, not just one. As for having kids, I think that's a separate issue. It's a matter of choice, not something that just happens that you have no control over. I didn't have kids while I was married, wouldn't have them outside of marriage, and now I'm past the point where I have any interest at all in having them.
 katbaloutoo
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 216
Never married & no kids
Posted: 3/28/2008 4:28:36 PM
Don't necessarily come to any assuptions nor conclusions... but admittedly wonder and figure it will come out in conversation, as necessary.
Tho, have found that a man who actively participated in raising kids, particularly daughters does seem to relate better with women (or if grew up with sisters)

Over 30....pfffft, nothing to be concerned about these days; 40-50? have that conversation sooner rather than later if it really matters to you. There are a variety of reasons and better to be able to gauge a person's candor about themself, which is what builds that necessary level of trust for any successful relationship - friendship or romantic.
 fossape
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 217
view profile
History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/2/2008 10:47:57 AM
so, after reading some of these responses, is it selfish, or even realistic to expect to meet a female to have a family with when yer 30 and over?
 myronlong
Joined: 1/25/2008
Msg: 218
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History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/2/2008 3:01:50 PM
Well, I reached the 30 mark, never married and no kids.. Far as I'm concern, I'm a good catch for a woman
 ISHTAR38
Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 219
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:35:09 PM
So what some of you are saying it's better to date someone who has been married 4 or 5 times and have kids all over the place because they know all about life and relationships??? If that's true then why have all those relationships failed?? Makes me wish I was a lawyer I'd be rich in no time with mentalities like that.
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 220
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/3/2008 9:26:27 AM
IShtar38:

I agree with you.
 tinkrbella
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 221
view profile
History
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/3/2008 10:41:14 AM
Ah, Ishtar38, I didnt even have to look at you profile to know that you do not have children, nor havent been married. It is sad that there is so much profiling going on with both sides of the spectrum, though I m not judging you. Take care
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 222
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/3/2008 11:17:26 AM
I have never been married and do not have kids...all it means is that I am free to give all mytime and resources to my soecial lady and not have them divided among an ex and children. I am smart enough not to have a child with the wrong person or a series of failed marriages/common-law relationships.
 merkitty
Joined: 9/11/2006
Msg: 223
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/3/2008 5:48:58 PM
ISHTAR hit the nail on the head! I would question why people can't manage to stay married and why they procreate as if the human race is going extinct.

There is something seriously wrong with a woman who has more than one ex husband, in my opinion, and if she doesn't think so, go ask her ex husbands
 ISHTAR38
Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 224
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/3/2008 8:27:23 PM
Same thing can be said about all those men who cry about how evil their ex-wives were. Makes you wonder?? There's always two sides to the story though. But, yet these people still think they're better than we are. Better at what?? I don't know.
 Audial Liaison
Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 225
Never married & no kids
Posted: 4/5/2008 9:38:21 PM
People can assume whatever they want to about me....they dont know me...and perhaps will never have that blessing.

Marriage? well i found a few that i did actually want to marry...but it didnt work out, im not afraid of the "M" word...i dropped it a couple times.

i want 1 person to share my life with...not a family..one treasure to cherish forever, and explore the world with me.

My goals and lifestyle is far too important to me to waste it on children....
id rather be spending my nights with my special someone with no distractions and plan weekday and weekend gettaways whenever...without even thinking of a babysitter...
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