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 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 87
Are there ANY social graces left in our society?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
The sad part of the decline is that when you show kindness, because that is just the way you like to live your life.
It gets interpreted as a comeon for whatever.
Even so I agree with you that nice is contagious.
I live my life like I have been given a gift of another day and If I choose to connect with someone in a nice, graceful way it is my way of excercising my right to be me.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 88
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Posted: 4/5/2011 3:08:31 PM
Read the history of peoples, this has been lamented throughout the ages by most every society. It's the same old whiny call to things not being same, the same as what? There are worse things in the world that running into someone rude, some people are rude, some people spend a lot of time judging other people. I don't know what world anyone ever thought was around where people were sweethearts and then they turned bad, what world is that? Have you read history???
 trinity818
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 89
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Posted: 4/6/2011 6:47:49 AM

This thread is over four years old by now and the guy who started it is dead. He got run over by a steam roller while he stood in the middle of the street wringing his hands.

What's the magic word? WHAT'S THE MAGIC WORD? "Please?" Good! Here's a smarty.


LOL. spewed my coffee on that one.

As mentioned in many other threads, the anonymity of the internet breeds rudeness. I believe people are more polite when dealing with others face to face.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 90
Trite subjects that we enjoy.
Posted: 4/6/2011 9:55:10 AM

As mentioned in many other threads, the anonymity of the internet breeds rudeness.


I would say that it has the ability to breed rudeness. It's up to each individual to act in the manner that they so choose. I think it's a good filter personally. ;)
 Earthpuppy
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 91
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Posted: 4/6/2011 4:20:05 PM
I agree with sowrite. The internet does not breed rudeness, but merely enables the rude to be more like who they are without getting a bloody nose. I've found that of those I know, their personalities are the same whether in facemail or email.

As a transplant from a more guarded and less warm culture, living in the south of the US for over half my life, I have come to thoroughly embrace the best of southern culture, it's courtesy and gentleness toward others. Everyone holds doors open for one another. Your first encounter in the morning usually ends with giggles and likewise ends with giggles at the last encounter. It's a pay-it-forward good will thing that seems to work quite well. When encountering the grump or rude ones, the choices are to react negatively, try to turn it around, or ignore that and move onto the next smiling face. Rarely is the first choice a viable or productive option. The golden rule seems to work just fine.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 92
Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 4/8/2011 6:50:06 PM
I think it has to do with a couple of things.People are so rushed now that I don't know if they even realize when they have been rude.Also more and more children are being raised to believe they are the center of the universe and that no one else matters. Apparently teaching your child good manners means you are indoctrinating them and forcing them to behave in unnatural ways.
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 93
Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 4/9/2011 1:00:29 AM
60to70 I hear you. My parents immigrated from Ukraine and I carried the same legacy of bitterness, racial hatred, and deep trauma from the war. I believe I started to feel it in my mother's womb, and grew up with no idea what a grandparent, aunt, or uncle is. It left a spiritual void that can't be filled, but, like you, I don't personally carry any bitterness or animosity, and I'm not carrying the legacy forward to my own grandchildren. I see it as a clean slate, and an opportunity to give them what I never had.

And to get back OT, I taught my children good manners and kindness (so did their father) and we are all teaching the same to the grandchildren. When we had the winter Olympics in Canada last year, people from many nations complemented Canadians on our politeness. People joke about us, that if we bump into a chair, we apologize to the chair.
 ALMOSTABLONDE
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 94
Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 4/9/2011 7:25:44 AM
My parents immigrated from Ukraine

my Dad was from a small town ?Toky? & came to the US via a displaced person's camp in Germany after the war. My Mom is mostly Ukrainian w/ a smidge of Czech, BUT raised in France for 15 years, so she considers herself "French-American". We were raised strictly & have manners & a work ethic.

On my last cruise, a Brit couple said they thought I was Canadian because I was polite & dressed well I was flattered of course.

I've posted in other threads about the lack of manners, class & basic normal behavior at my office & am about ready to quit very soon

Somewhere out there, there is an employer who will appreciate me
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 95
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Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 4/9/2011 4:32:10 PM
If anything, I've seen an INCREASE in the locals being nice to each other here in D.C. We hold doors, smile at strangers, apologize for mistakes, help each other with packages and child care. Of course, I've made it part of my own life, to encourage all that by doing it myself, and by NOT going nuts when someone else forgets to be polite. Maybe I'm cheating by helping it along.
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 96
Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 4/9/2011 9:46:43 PM
Not here in Florida..I never met such screwed up people..Her is one of 100s of examples..My next door neighbor is a single mother of 3...By 3 different fathers..Living on the tax payers dime....I have no interest at all for her,But i thought out of the goodness of my heart that i pay the deposit so her kids could go to summer camp last year.through their church..Unfortunely i paid cash to her..I ask for a receipt..GUESS WHAT?..It took me 7 weeks to get a receipt,And when i did get a receipy from her it was all wriiten up in her hand writing..GIVE ME A BREAK!!!That was last summer..I have not spoken to her since..I already know that she did not spend the money for camp..It was spent on her lazy behind..I could go on about screw up people in the state of Florida..But i do not have the time..
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 97
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Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 4/10/2011 7:38:42 AM
The Florida story isn't about social graces at all. That's just a tale of a sloppy attempt at an act of charity on the part of the one posting it. If you think a kid has a selfish mom, and you want to buy the kid ice cream, BUY THE KID ICE CREAM. Don't give the selfish mom cash and cross your fingers.
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 98
Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 4/10/2011 8:21:35 AM
@Holly Golightly1..Your town reminds me of Jacksonville FL...As for the other 2 posters below you..You 2 do not know a clue of what is going on...I never do something for someone and expect in something in return..I ask for a receipt because i like to make sure the kids money is going to the right channels..It is called being responseable..OH!!Yes for the poster that think that i am above people..You BETTER BELEIVE IT!!!Any body that steals from me or deceive me..Then yes i am above them..(Dirt beneath my shoe as you put it)I am 45 years old and i have never lied or steal from someone....Or a matter of deceiving..IT is called CLASS!!!!And respect......And the other person that stated give it to the kids..WELL I DID..I gave it to a so called responseable adult that was suppose to give it to the right channels..Before you go spounting off about my intentions(which were sincere) get your facts straight..You do not have a clue!!!!!!!!!!!!
 ALMOSTABLONDE
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 99
Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 4/10/2011 6:01:29 PM
The last day @ my job, I will pick my nose, fart in my seat & curse

if I'm going out, i'm going out w/ a bang
 curiouss211
Joined: 1/15/2011
Msg: 100
Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 4/10/2011 6:06:57 PM
OP, I'm sorry you feel this way. Social graces have not disappeared. I assure you, gallant men still exist, both online and offline. I've had guys as young as late teens or early 20's tell me to get ahead of them in line at the check-out. Men of all ages open doors. They also say 'have a nice day' and 'thank you.' Some will see me walking towards the door some 100 yards away, and hold the door until I am through it. Did you know that some men still tip their hats when greeting a woman? It is true. Those men still exist. Men are far from the worst offenders.

Online, I'm amazed at the emails I get from men who simply want to comment on this or that. There are some very intelligent, kind and decent men on this site. I have also received a couple of nice emails from women. Not entirely true, I received a third, but she was looking for a birthday gift for her husband, if you know what I mean. I found her email to be of poor taste.

Oddly, I have also received a couple emails from men commenting on my appeance in a negative way. According to them, I have a plastic, unrealistic look about myself. I think I was accused of enhancing my appeance surgically. I don't think they were being nice.

You will find well mannered and poorly mannered at some point in this life, as we all have to share the planet, but I can confidently say that the majority of men are kind and well mannered. This applies to women as well, but in all honesty, I have found some women to be very rude and unkind for no good reason.
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 101
Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 6/9/2012 1:50:45 PM
Are there ANY social graces left in our society?


Hello, JJ — Here in New Zealand, where I have been living for the last 19 years (I am from Scotland) I have noticed a severe decline in manners — in fact, in the overall basic decency of our society.

Let me give you some examples, although I am aware that examples are not representative of the whole nation. But from first-hand experience and everything I read, see on television and hear on radio, people are ‘losing it;’ they are becoming more extreme in their behaviour towards each other. I mean, for instance, people can’t simply say ‘yes’ to a question today. They now say absolutely! as if their very lives depended upon it.

A few weeks ago, I was driving up our main street here in town, and I noticed a woman trying to pull in to the main road. There were many cars behind me, and I saw ahead that no one was entertaining her. I slowed down a few feet from her, flashed my lights, and allowed her into the vehicle stream. She then gave me the finger, a symbol of “up yours.” I looked at my flatmate in the passenger seat, and he shook his head and said: “Don’t. Don’t even go down that road.” I then noticed that the woman was shaking her head and laughing. I could see her face in her mirror. It was not a pretty sight.

Just recently, as I was sitting in the car waiting for the library to open, I noticed an old woman with the complicated walking-sticks that have four fold-out legs on each stick. She would have been in her late seventies, a gracious and elderly soul. She was hobbling along and reached an alleyway that she was about to cross. A courier van, driven by a young woman with a multitude of hair colour and a variety of metal rivets and sharp objects in her ears and nose, screeched to a halt to let the old woman cross this small stretch of road. The old woman paused, looked up, and nodded gratefully to the driver. I watched the driver. As the old woman’s back was to her, and not before, the driver gave her the finger, forcefully, and about as far ‘up’ as her arm could reach, all the way to the vehicle’s roof. She was agitated beyond belief, that a few nanoseconds of her day should be wasted on this person in front of her van. I was speechless. Dear God, I thought, what have we come to?

One incident, however, restores my faith in humanity. It happened when I lived up in Christchurch (this was before the earthquake). I lived something of an isolated and hermetic life at that time, a lot more so than now, a bit of a lone wolf with precious little human contact. One night in a well-known café, around 9pm, I was packing my briefcase up with all my books and notes and what have you and decided to leave and go back home. Going home was not ‘going home.’ I lived in the YMCA, a soulless place with 24/7 banging and crashing doors, where people skateboarded up and down the corridors whenever they felt like it. I wouldn’t converse in any depth with people for days at a time. Anyway, I am about to reach the electronic doors of the café when two young men, perhaps about 13 or 14, were about to come into the café. I stood back to let them through . . . and, something one of the boys said, the one on the left, literally blew me away, to use a modern-day expression. As I stood back and gestured with my hand to make way for them to enter, the boy said, without effect or pretentiousness and almost under his breath, although I heard it clearly, to such an extent that these two words have burned themselves upon my soul — “How kind.” It was almost whispered to me.

During all my time in New Zealand (almost 20 years) I have never heard these two words stringed together, let alone vocalized. What makes it more unusual is the age of the person involved, about 13 or 14. An old soul, I would say.

You know how in the average lifetime there are ‘incidents,’ crossroads, turning points, that touch you deeply, to the very core of your being? This boy’s words, uttered in such a simple manner, have left an indelible mark on me. Whoever you are, son, I hope that your delightfulness touches a great many people on your travels.

Blessings to everyone on PoF.
Peter
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 102
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Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 6/9/2012 5:19:59 PM

such behavior is catching. When the standard is high in any area for polite and friendly behavior, it is contagious. Someone entering such an atmosphere will pick it up naturally.


That's something for all of us to keep in mind. The better you keep your own standards, the more likely people around you are to pick up their own. We've lapsed into a society of slobs, and it's high time we started fighting back. Conduct yourself in a way you can respect and that lets you demand respect from other people. Roll in the slop with pigs, and you will soon feel like one.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 103
Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 6/10/2012 1:07:48 PM
I also have noticed a decline in manners & respect, not only among my contemporaries, but the younger generation seems out & out NASTY to older people.

I've noticed no hello, good morning, good bye or goodnite. Even in stores, banks, restaurants, etc the staff seems short/curt compared to years ago.

At @ TGIFridays last week, a man in a booth w/ his friend was talking loudly, using the F word quite often. He was oblivious to other people, particularly the 60 something year ladies sitting in the booth next to him.

yikes...
 Balsamica
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 104
Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 6/10/2012 3:55:24 PM
""When you look at what we reward in society, it is no wonder that decent behavior is shunned. Look at the attention given to celebrities for their outrageous behavior and dress. Did you ever think you'd see the day that a 20-something singer flashing her cootchie in a car would be considered newsworthy? Did you ever think you'd actually see footage of this?""

That about sums it up. The media has a very big influence on kids growing up, it's huge, but the media shamelessly panders to the lowest common denominator.

It doesn't matter. Humanity is all set to get wiped off the face of the earth, there's no sense in preserving what doesn't have a future.

Someone let the dogs out and they're never going back in.
 Earthpuppy
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 105
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Posted: 6/10/2012 4:15:27 PM
I do feel sad for those who succumb to the worst case scenario.

I moved into a culture, where while we would have problems with many social issues if that was the litmus test for interaction, that people from childhood to the senior years, are the most amazingly gentle, polite, and honorable in their interactions that I could have imagined. The kids are just as unexpected in their kindness as the elders. This is the way, the culture as it was and will be...unless, you infect the folks with divisiness via manipulation and media. Thanks to the gods that people around here don't ask for your affiliation before doing what has been natural for generations. Everyone opens and holds the doors for everyone, no questions asked. Seems to work and pay it forward, people giggling at people, seems to go on all day long around these parts. To me it was a theraputic move at the time. I like it.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 106
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Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 6/11/2012 3:50:01 AM
I agree
manners, is a lost art
but that does go for women as well as men
I work, have from the age of 13, and have a very good trade, and make enough!
I just can't believe how many women on here,go right out and ask me what I do, how much does that pay,What do I own....
most often right off the bat,I wonder if these ladies know that they are behaving like $ 20 hookers
I guess about %0% of all the women who contact me do this, On this site
but trying to find anyone anywhere,from restaurants , retail, to government
it just seems like everybody thinks they are doing you a favor , taking your money!
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 107
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Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 6/12/2012 5:10:48 AM
( PARENTS.... we are in trouble if we continue to allow the kids to speak and behave as poorly as they do).....

I couldn't agree more that "we are in trouble" but I do completely disagree that "today" has much to do with the dissentigration of good manners (social graces). The lack of manners, good upbringing, respect for authority have been history for quite a while.

My opinion is based on "experience" learned in childhood. 47 years ago...at the ripe old age of 12, I took my first trip to NYC with my Grandmother to visit my Aunt and baby cousin who lived there. Having been reared to KNOW that I was permitted to sit (on any appliance made for that specific purpose) AS LONG AS....all adults also had a piece of furniture designed for comfortable sitting to rest upon. It was NOT necessary to tell me "get up and let Mr. Smith sit down"...I KNEW! Imagine my surprise when on a city bus, as I'm seated next to my Grandma, Aunt and 2 yr old cousin (who was btw, exempt from forfeiting her seat only because she was too little to stand on a moving conveyance safely) and the bus begins to fill up....leaving NO empty seats. I did exactly as my upbringing had dictated, and the instant that an adult was without a seat, I very politely stood up and offered a rather elderly gentleman (at age 12, he could have been 60 and I'd have thouught him "elderly") my seat. The MAN....proceeded to CUSS me out!!! I was aghast! Then, I got a lecture from my beloved Aunt, who was the most genteel lady I have ever known, about the futility of excercising the "social graces" with the barbarians who live in NYC! LOL!

On a separate outting, coming home on the subway, behaving as a typical 12 yr old, I was skipping ahead of Grandma and Aunt but stopped at the door (El station) to wait for them. When they reached the door, I had it opened for them and was about to exit onto the street but realized that if I had done so, the door would close almost at the same time 2 gentlemen reached it. Naturally, I waited the 10 seconds required to hold the door for these gentlemen. They thanked me, and I said "You're Welcome", but as I was walking away to catch up with my Grandma, I heard one say to the other...."that girl is NOT from NYC". I wondered if their comment was related to the fact that they were Black gentlemen because even in rural Ohio in 1965, there were those who questioned my Grandparents teaching that I WOULD show the SAME respect to ALL adults regardless of race or gender....but all I remember thinking at the time was....how odd that children in NY have NO MANNERS!
I'm glad that the latter 2 gentlemen also had good upbringing and properly "thanked me", because after the cursing out I'd taken on the bus earlier, I might have began to question whether my politeness was interpreted by adults as being a smart aleck...and therefore insulting.

In any case, the lack of good breeding is NOT a "today" issue; it has been around for quite a few decades.
 Earthpuppy
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 108
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Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 6/12/2012 4:16:21 PM
Grandmabooboo and mrnova. Good points!
Large cities, like NYC, constitute congregations of too many people who naturally exhibit rudeness like the studies of too monkeys on the rock at the zoo, or rats in a cage. The loss of personal space leads to all sorts of anti-social behavior. Some people consider Florida to the one of NYC's largest bouroghs.

Rudeness and anti-social behavior has a "pay it forward" negative feedback loop. If you start the day cussing out someone rather than making them giggle, you are more likely to end the day being cussed at, planting the seeds for the next day of the negative feedback loop. I see this in the negative postings and the styles employed as well.

35 years ago, as a relatively hyper damned Yankee moving south into the hinterlands, I was taken aback at the dawdling going on in the checkout counters, the humanity of folks just taking their time and being human toward one another. I was quickly put into my place by residents essentially saying "chill"..."this is the way we live here". When the August heat finally settled in, I realized why people just need to slow down. I also learned to love the more "Mayberry" method of southern gentiliness and grace that was absent in the land of my upbringing. I attributed cold climes to lending to colder people. When I do the annual return to the land of my peoples, the land of two seasons, shovel and swat, I find people uncomfortably brusk at times, but also see a mellowing over the decades as generations are removed from old world sensibilities.

I have also seen as mrnova noted, a generation or two of princes and princesses, who were to have it better than their folks and those before them, who are spoiled rotten, incapable of doing an honest, hard days work, take pride in workmanship, craftsmanship, and have an over-whelming sense of privilege and incapable of bucking up to the simple tasks that we were raised doing. By the age of 8, many of us were fully engaged in farmwork, paper routes, mowing lawns and learning to be productive and self-sufficient for our treats and dreams. Now it has gotten to the point where the few farmers remainging have to hire folks more than a thousand miles south, across borders, to do the simple things like milking the cows, gathering the hay, wheat, corn and soy, doing the meat packing, working the orchards, and canning factories, etc. People did little to raise their princeses and princesses, to lower themselves to be productive and necessary components of a sustainable culture. The same people now complain when good Catholic families from the extreme south, take up these jobs with enthusiasm and appreciation, put up with northern winters, send checks home to support families, do it with humor and humanity, but also having to be treated as second class citizens, much like the Irish, Swedes, Norskies, Pollacks, and other kids that came before a century ago that worked, but were considered "immigrants".

mrnova...I feel your pain. I went through 50 plus slackers when replacing a workmate a few years ago. Lots of kids who could not call in to say they were late, not coming back, too high, and the worst, cranked out on drugs and unstable. I finally found a guy my age to help. He, and many, many others share that same tale of woe in trying to find an acceptable candidate for actual work.

Grannybooboo. Due to the luck of the draw in landing in these parts, as much as I have a problem with the C. Taliban here, people are amazingly polite, chivalrous and kind, with all age groups, genders, body sizes, and everything else put aside when opening doors or standing in line. They taught me the value of paying grins forward. Nearly every day starts out with giggles at my first interaction, and nearly invariably ends with even more grins. This goes for locals, damned yankees, and people who came here from across seas, Germans included lately. Rather charming place all in all.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 109
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Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 6/13/2012 9:56:58 AM
Ok, then what about, Montreal ,Tokyo, Mexico City,Rio, they are all very friendly....
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
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Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 6/13/2012 11:33:49 AM

Grannybooboo. Due to the luck of the draw in landing in these parts, as much as I have a problem with the C. Taliban here, people are amazingly polite, chivalrous and kind, with all age groups, genders, body sizes, and everything else put aside when opening doors or standing in line. They taught me the value of paying grins forward. Nearly every day starts out with giggles at my first interaction, and nearly invariably ends with even more grins. This goes for locals, damned yankees, and people who came here from across seas, Germans included lately. Rather charming place all in all.
LOL!!! Had to look to see where you were talking about Earthpuppy, but I agree...I like Tennessee too, only they are soooooooo sloooooooww!!! LOL! Born in Ohio myself, but a byproduct of that Tennessee, North Carolina, Virginia heritage, but I'm pretty adaptable to different cultural settings. LOL! Once, a guy I worked with told me that the couldn't believe that I was actually related to my cousin, Louie....because I TALK so much, and my cousin is usually perceived to be a pretty quiet guy. LOL! I told the man, "NO, he talks just as much as I do....only it takes him 10 times longer to say it!" A few months later....the guy came up to tell me that I'd been absolutely right!!!!

I didn't intend to diss on New Yorkers though....I love (heart) NY!!!! LOL! It's just that whenever I go there, it usually takes one or two well placed "FU's" before they realize that I'm NOT exactly the country bumpkin that I sound like. ;-) One other thing that I have noticed though about big city dwellers IS....that while they may be rude....they are the MOST PATIENT people on earth!!! I would be insane if I had to sit in traffic for 10 minutes a day....much less 3-4 hours a day!
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 111
Are there ANY social graces left in our society?
Posted: 8/11/2012 12:45:42 PM

And to get back OT, I taught my children good manners and kindness (so did their father) and we are all teaching the same to the grandchildren. When we had the winter Olympics in Canada last year, people from many nations complemented Canadians on our politeness. People joke about us, that if we bump into a chair, we apologize to the chair. - honeycognac


I saw something like this once back in London around 1992. I was on the Tube, travelling on the District Line. There were no vacant seats, the train being packed. A young woman was standing beside a black man as the train rushed and rocked along. He stood on her feet and she yelped something awful. She then apologised. She apologised to him. And to make it worse, he said it was all right.

Maybe she just didn't want to be dragged to the Court of Human Rights if she made a complaint or looked at him the wrong way. If he stood on my feet, he'd get more than an apology, that's for sure. I don't do political correctness. I don't fall for the global trance. I know it's unkind and 'judgemental,' but I stand up for myself.


Peter
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