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Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 26
Dating Turn Off TriggersPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
When they start talking about the other date they are going on right after this one.
Joined: 4/27/2007
Msg: 27
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:03:33 PM
An instant turn off for me is if a guy checks my caller ID after I have only been out with him a few times. What's mail? Looking through my purse?
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 28
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Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:03:34 PM
"recently met" is the phrase that kinda sticks out. I have an LDR and we both live in storm prone areas...both weathered our computers harddrives crashing and power outages. Stuff does happen beyond anyone's control, a couple of days wouldn't send me into panic mode. I'd just be worried that something happened to him.
Then again, we were already in an established and secure relationship. And not "recently met". It is rare, granted, but we did have that mutuality of interest from the beginning.
If it's new, then interest may differ, may wax and wane. Personally, I don't have patience for that, I have no problem with making my interest or lack of it known. When someone says, I'll be online, I'll call...all well and good but never sat in front of the computer or the phone after the prearranged time. But I'm not the average duck in the pond...and puleeze, not that I'm all that special or great, but me and my time ARE important to me and I choose how I spend it.
The forums are interesting and entertaining, particularly the threads about the dating "rules" or when someone has figured it all out. So amusing, I cut through all the BS personally, if there's not mutually expressed interest, then I'm doing something else and enjoying it!!
Bottom line is either both or interested or not, and both are just as interested as the other and will spend time investing in whatever is going on. One sided interests and relationships they DO exist, sadly but someone's going to be unhappy and someone's doing to be disappointed and/or hurt.
I've learned to avoid the snakepit of it, would I do it different..pfft...did I pass on someone great because they were "busy"? That's the biggest smokescreen of them all. I'm always busy, always have been always will be. Busy people understand the limitations of their resources and make the best expenditure of them.
If I'm looking for someone to do something and get it done, I'll go to the busiest person I know. They always seem to manage things better.
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 29
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:04:19 PM
I think when he doesn't smile when he meets me or if he doesn't open my door.....lil date actually never looked at me ...however when I told him i was leaving after about an hour of such nonsense......he didn't understand........who knows maybe I am high maitentanance and don't know it
Joined: 9/17/2006
Msg: 30
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:07:46 PM
Girl Next Door 39........Your response was perfect!
How about the guy who says he doesn't smoke, grabs you and lays a lip lock on you and you taste the nicotine! Takes 1/2 bottle of Listerene to get rid of the taste!
Or the one who says he "drinks socially" and in the course of an hour conversation has 9-10 drinks! Then expects YOU to pay 1/2 the bar tab and you've only had one Pepsi! Next!!!!
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 31
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Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:26:12 PM

Ok my personal turn off triggers that they (women)say to me. What I call the deal breaker.

“I love you” and I have known them less than a week.

“You need to fix the relationship with your ex-wife. I have a perfect relationship with all of my ex’s. It’s important not to burn bridges you know.” I have had 2 women say this to me.

And my all time favorite; “ I think we should just be friends.”
Joined: 4/8/2006
Msg: 32
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 7:00:46 PM
what on earth is the big deal about talking about an ex girlfriend or boyfriend?!? if it is all they ever talk about ok then i would understand it gets annoying so does anything you ramble about and being compared just isnt fair because your not the same person..but who cares if they talk about them...its like you wanna pretend your the only one to have ever climbed that mountain...when really if other people hadnt been with this person maybe you wouldnt either...each person your with shows you what it is you want and dont want and makes you who you people just chill...if they talk about their ex...USE IT! they like something then there you go free tips...if they dont then dont do that! its simple...dont stress out over something like that... everyone has a past!
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 33
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 8:00:50 PM
when i try to open the door for a lady and it is like i have to explain what i am doing like they never had thier door before,
and they do not say thank you or for anything?
and when a chic thinks something is cool that someother guy does that she thinks is cute, but really, he needs his ass kicked as if I would of did something like that?
eh ya know what i mean
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 34
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Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 9:06:14 PM
Red flags for me in dating:

* The victim routine - inability to take responsibility for anything in his life. "Explains" away every negative thing that has ever happened to him. Etc.

* Verbally bashes others, particularly his family or exes. I don't mind discussing previous relationships later on in the relationship as so much of who we are as a person comes from those life experiences, but even then, all communication must be respectfully conveyed regardless of how negative it might be.

* Can't/refuses to look you in the eyes when speaking. Now, granted, I don't need a stare down, but eye contact says a great deal about character, in my opinion.

* Inability to be true to his word. If a guy says, "I'll call you tomorrow" and calls a week later wanting to go out...notta. Now, if he simply says, "I'll call you next week", then it is peachy. The time frame isn't my priority, but rather the validity of his word. Obviously, things come up, and that is totally understandable, but consistent inability to follow through on his word will make me lose interest in short order.

*If he meets my dog and she doesn't like him...well, it is just over. I trust her sense of character more than anyone else's in the world.
 a bit nomadic
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 35
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 9:34:57 PM
girl next door (msg 22): I'm laughing. You spoke to me.

Weirdly, when it comes to basic personality quirks, what turns me completely off in one person I might not mind at all in another.

But the one, absolute, killer, no-return, dealbreaker for me with someone I've just met is RACISM. It amazes me the things people will say and just expect you to feel the same way. Yuck.

Do other people here get racial-slur spouting on first dates? Is this normal? Even for racists? hmmmmm..... maybe that's another thread. But I won't start it.

Edit: Oh yeah, inability to communicate on anything of substance. Kinda hate that.
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 36
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 9:46:18 PM
Racism does it for me to nomadic.
I once had such amazing feelings for a girl and one day....BAM.
She made some comment about how 'our ancestors used to own their (a person she was referring to) ancestors'.
I've never felt my heart strings be cut so quickly before in my life.
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 37
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Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/3/2007 10:01:43 PM
I believe most of what I'm reading...most of these problems...will correct themselves as you(all) get older. My biggest problem is the lier. This is the #1 turn-off for me. This doesn't correct itself with gets refined! This is a big problem,although I will never understand why,since it's so much easier to be truthful...nothing to remember. I can tolerate almost anything else,but just be yourself. Lie and I'm walking.
Joined: 5/24/2006
Msg: 38
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Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/4/2007 3:27:47 AM
i'm curious to understand this....
the guy asks for clarification with "What do You Mean?"
and you tell him to hit the road ?

did you bother to listen to or get an explanation ?
was he working overtime ? was he sick ? was he just super busy ?

i dated a woman for 2 1/2 years. we were almsot 2 hours apart from each other and each week we both "did a disappearing act" from monday till friday. she hated talking on the phone and didnt use a computer. she was secure enough in herself to know where we were in our relationship.

as far as my dating turn off triggers ?
#1 ) Prejudice. and not just about skin color. prejudice like making decisions about things when you have little or no real inforamtion about them. uninformed decisions.
#2) Arrogance. talking down about someone because of their circumstances, often it is also based on prejudice.
#3) "Princess Syndrome." i actually had a woman tell me recently "i like it when men buy me things." she is 41, living at home with mom and dad, does not work and looking for a "financially secure" man.

i have a few more but those are my top 3
Joined: 11/12/2006
Msg: 39
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/4/2007 3:29:39 AM
flakiness. i don't ask guys when i'll hear from them again, and i don't expect them to tell me. but if they do tell me "i'll be online tonight" or "i'll call you tomorrow afternoon" and then i don't hear from them for a couple days, i lose interest, mostly because i assume they're not interested and i should move on. so then it's strange when they come back in a few days or a week later like nothing happened. it's not important that i talk to you every day, it's important that i can count on you to do what you say you will do. if you can't follow through on little things like calling when you said you would, how can i trust your word when it comes to more important things?

also gay-bashing. can't stand it. the use of the word "faggot" is a huge turn-off. any kind of prejudice is a pretty big turn-off, but homophobes (or people who try to convince me my gay friends have somehow made a "wrong decision") are the worst, for me.

and finally, guys who want to know how they compare to other guys i'm dating/have dated. why does it matter? reeks of insecurity. and why would you want me to be thinking about other guys when i'm out with you?

those are the biggies for me!
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 40
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/4/2007 4:03:00 AM
Oh honey, I wrote the book on Turn Off Triggers!!!

It's completely impossible for me to give you a list of specific things that are a turn off....too many to list. All I can do is attempt some general areas: disrespect toward me in any way at all (and often to anyone else), hypocracy, laziness, irresponsible, poor treatment or neglect of animals, being a crappy father, poor health habits, liar, lack of ambition, no concern for his appearance, too pushy, invades my privacy, dumb with no curiosity about learning, biggot, narrow-minded, arrogant, selfish.

OK that's a good "starter" list for ya. Any and all specific behaviors that fall within any of these general categories are reason for termination.

Did you ask if I want to change? or fear I'm stuck in a bad cycle? HELL NO!!! I like my standards!!! There are guys who manange to have allllllllllllllllllllllll this going for them in a positive way, and THOSE are the guys I'm interested in. I've had guys like that, and I'll have more. I'm NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT in a hurry. Thank god I'm very patient and don't mind waiting for one who suits me!


Back to your situation OP. I don't know what your definition of RECENTLY is, but if I RECENTLY met a guy I certainly would not be upset if he was gone a few days. Hell WE AINT MARRIED!!!!! If there is no "exclusivity agreement" then the guy is ENTITLED to do what he wants and DATE other people and he certainly does not have to explain or account for all his time to me. Just as I DO NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO HIM. We are free adults in the DATING DATE for god's sake!! IIIIFFFFF your relationship develops beyond "recently meeting" and casual stuff......then you are entitled to more explanations and understanding what's going on in more nad more of his life even when you aren't there.
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 41
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/4/2007 5:44:15 AM

what on earth is the big deal about talking about an ex girlfriend or boyfriend?!?-maybe baby

Gee... I thought this was a place to view OUR opinions and PERSONAL experiences... I know that's what EYE did when I posted about "talking about exes". I don't need to CHILL as we were asked our opinions and that is mine. YOU could've answered the question too instead of taking offense to people who have a preference to NOT listening to a new date go on and on about the ex. Lemme guess.... your one of the ex talkers.... **yahoo's yakking icon here**
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 42
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Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/4/2007 7:54:08 AM
Regarding talking about exes, it depends in what context. I don't really talk about my ex-husband because that was a very long time ago. But I do talk about my deceased husband, and my boyfriend does talk about his ex-wife. I was married for 16 yeas before my husband died and my boyfriend was married for 17 years before he got divorced.

So that means we spent a lot of our lives with these people, and a lot of the stories about of our lives contain these people. So how can we tell each other the stories about our lives without involving their names? My deceased husband was an artist and photographer, and some of his art is on the walls. My boyfriend is understanding of that.

Now on the other hand, we don't compare our current relationship to our past relationships, and we don't talk about how his ex- or my deceased husband were angels, devils or whatever. But if we're going to talk about our experiences, how can we talk about them outside of the context of our marriages?

It seems a little paranoid to have to walk around on egg shells figuring out a way to live a daily life so that they're never mentioned. We CAN'T change our pasts. They happened. We just accept them as part of the continuum and live in the present.

Now as we have more of a history together, I'm sure the subject of our history apart will become less of a topic of conversation, but at this point we've only been together for two years.

Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 43
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/4/2007 9:25:41 AM
Gee I love you guys... yes I'm a hard azzzzz.... lol a little history been single since 1988 and was the M Word for almost 16 years before that so can't say I'm new to the dating world... just I've found when a man is dodging an issue he acts suddenly like he can't understand the Launguage... "What do you mean?" them thars fighting words for me... I don't have to explain bad manners or hurt feelings or anything!! EVEN the fact that he's talking on the cell with another woman and taking text messages while we are talking then excuses himself to get a "cigar from his car" ... and I just reach out and say you're not taking that cell with you ha ha ...(thinking jerk) I've pretty much seen it all.. but this time I let my guard down and let my heart lead me.... fault, but gang at least I still have a heart that wants to be loved.....

I truly believe we are all worthy of respect even in the most casual of acquaintences... the world would be a more peaceful place if that were true...

anyway... if you know someone who's really looking for the love of his life... send him my way.....

Oh and I agree men who talk about their previous loves.. I always wonder what they are going to say about me... BIG RED another trigger I don't like pulled on me!

Keep it up I need all the help I can get here!!! Love ya... Girlflower
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 44
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/4/2007 9:57:58 AM
Just a couple of turn-offs among my many: When a guy says "sorry" but you know he's not. He just wants to forget about his bad behavior, not change it. Recently had a first date and asked to go to this particular nice cafe in his neighborhood. He said no, he didn't want to run into anyone he knew, eventhough he's not married. He wanted to go to this cafeteria style, no atmosphere cafe seeing it was JUST a first meeting. At 54 yrs you would think he'd know how to please a woman, by saying YES to her simple request of a nice place. I agree with "What do you mean" leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Don't insult my intelligence and waste my breath explaining something you should have learned 20 years ago, pick up a book, call your mom and ask her to explain it.
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 45
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/4/2007 10:24:05 AM
Marina.. great response... it's like a man saying, Duh?????? lol

And what the hey not wanting to go someplace where he's going to be seen? I think as a nice lady in your neighborhood you'd be more worried about being seen with him! Afterall in most small towns it's ASS-umed you're already sleeping with a man on the first date these days... I know my neighbors can't wait to come by and ask me who was that such in such in your driveway I saw.... lol. Nice girls unite...afterall it's not his reputation we are worried about... and for "Sorry" just says the guy doesn't think before acting.. like sorry I backed over your dog in the driveway... What was I thinking? Then taking off for the hills.... leaving you to bury the dog! lol, story of my life... rotf.

I know I'm going to take a lot of flak for this post but as my Momma used to say... Look to the source!
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 46
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Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/4/2007 10:29:18 AM
Comments that are indicative of a jealous streak can fairly instantly kill any emotions I am feeling.
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 47
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/4/2007 10:37:24 AM
scary huh??? smarts of the control freak right? next thing you'll never get your hair trimmed again or wear sleeveless blouses..... yep had that too.... why can't men be more like women... rotf! Can't wait for the next male reply wow is it going to be a doozey!!!
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 48
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/4/2007 11:57:32 AM
turn offs, the whole talking about exs, if i wanted to know about some guy you dated, i would go and date him, but if they try a disappearing act, it wouldnt bother me, people have lives, family, friends, work ect ect ect
Joined: 8/23/2006
Msg: 49
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/4/2007 12:42:56 PM
When a guy knows nothing about the female anatomy, aka my eyes are in my head, not my chest kind of thing.

Dissing his ex on the first date

Talking incessently about nothing, usually himself, the entire date while ignoring the fact that there is another human being sitting next to him that just might have an interesting life too
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 50
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Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/4/2007 2:49:21 PM
Personally, I don't think not communicating for four days is that big a deal. I could go a week without hearing from someone and not bat an eyelid. Keep in mind that most guys run on different time schedules than women.. for them four days is four seconds, for us four days is four years. They can be stupid and naive when it comes to relating to how we feel, but it doesn't mean they're playing games.

Moving back to topic....big turn offs for me include
1.)if the guy gets ridiculously drunk--hey, one or two drinks is fine, but if you're getting sloshed every time I see ya, you've got a problem!
2.) If he texts or answers calls during the date--I had one guy I went to the movies with who spent the entire film texting his friends, making plans to go out drinking with them as soon as the date with me was over. Wow, that made me feel special.
3.) If he's cheap--now don't get me wrong, I'm not a high-maintenance, five-star restaurant kind of girl. But if you offer to take me for dinner and drinks on a first date, and the dinner and drinks turn out to be free wing night and $2.00 drafts at your local watering hole, we've gotta talk!
4.) if he starts telling me the story about how his ex left him for his best friend, and left him broken hearted, blah, blah, blah

5.) if he says he is a nice guy and respects women, then tries to get into my pants at the end of the night. BIG NO-NO!!
6.) if he makes plans and then backs out at the last minute.
and the biggest turn-off of all...

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