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Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 101
Dating Turn Off TriggersPage 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
"If I told somebody I was keen on them I wouldn't dissapear for days without contact. The very nature of a relationship is you find somebody you want to be with, not somebody who you just want to see occasionally. The two things are quite different types of relationship, and I don't think TubbyDaTuba was referring to an occasional friend here.

Dissapearing acts just show that you're not interested. Anybody who did that to me would be binned"

Have to agree with you but I think it is important that we acknowledge that everyone has a different level of "comfort" with regards to how often they see a new dating partner.

I'm not insecure in the least....I just dont like to waste my time. I am at the top of my list, and I'm looking for someone who is going to put me close to the top of theirs. We have a lot of things that grab our time in our lives - work, family, taking care of our homes.....but when someone wants ME in their life, I need to come pretty quickly after those three things. And FREE time is pretty fleeting too - it usually is only on a weekend - so if someone blows me off for a weekend with no contact and no PRIOR warning (so I can fill my weekend in another way instead of sit home and wonder what the heck happened), they would probably get an earful - if not a dismissal.

I guess its all about the individual. I go through guys like water - because I know exactly what I want and won't settle for less. Its all about the selection process, you know? that may not work for everyone - but it is my manual, not theirs. :-) :-0)
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 102
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/6/2007 10:58:07 PM
To me a big turn off is to have a guy setting a date, creating expectations and at the last minute (10 min exactly)he calls and says that he had a long day at work and that he would go in the shower and go to sleep.But still saying I will call you in half an hour.
So I called back to see if he changed his mind and he was driving a friend to the Banff Spring Hotel.If this is not a turn off what is it?

I was very tick off specially that I prepared something special and he asked me to be creative about it...
That was my last date but I still know and hope it won't happen again at least I learn something...I hope he did too...
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 103
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/7/2007 12:06:47 AM
Trying to pigeon hole you over politics. I have my view and you are free to have yours which may be very different from them, but don't try to make issue over them and convert me to your school of thought or make that a "make or break" issue. It's immature and totally insecure. If one is confident and secure in their beliefs then why make a clone of yourself in the one you date and might possibly marry. I'd rather be with someone NOT like me who has strengths and differences that make up for my own personal weakness so that we balance each other out. (Applies to men and women)

Being silent and then getting miffed later that you didn't use some form of clarvoyance to read their mind and to even go so far as resent being asked questions for the purpose of trying to understand and please that other person. Silence can be a powerful tool of manipulation as it will be used to keep you second guessing and also wondering if you are meeting their expectations. I've no problem with making concessions, but that requires communication not grunts, sighs, hisses, and other infantile displays. (Applies to men and women)

The my way or the highway attitude. Sometimes, not all the times, when someone says they need someone who is considerate it can mean in reality they want someone to control. Healthy relationships are ones where there is constant comprimise and sacrifice. I don't like the idea of agreeing on what will be compromised and setting that in stone either. If my love compromised on an issue and later on I am able to or the circumstances will permit (like finances, timing, etc.) then I should conceed and not do the "that isn't what you did before". It should be about growth and maturity. Better continues to get better for me and never plateus or levels off and is the result of two adults acting like adults instead of children. (Applies to men and women)

The "I don't know...whatever" attitude. This can be the result of being lazy and lethargic and it works more than one way. One can be a lazy, lethargic communicator and not express any ideas or make input so that it is so much, "I don't care." or "Whatver" and then you are left to decide for them to later complain. Another can be they are jaded and might of experienced someone else doing them the same way so that now they fear deciding. Pain and hurt can do that. (Applies to men and women)

All of these are preventable by deciding to communicate even if it is a heated issue and establish some healthy parameters. Like saying, "I was hurt in my last relationship for making choices." Then you should be empathetic and say, "Let us talk together then. I want you to be comfortable and at ease so let's find out what you like and what is available and then decide together." It takes work, but it is worth it, to communicate and to do so with genuine care and not that phoney kind ment to decieve. I am bothered not by someone being depressed or jaded, but that someone or a circumstance influenced them to be that way. I want to do more than say, "Suck it up, and get over it, you are week" in one way or another and at the same time not create some kind of dependency. Exhort and encourage one another within healthy settings. Real love that may not be based on emotion, but on what is best for them. Tough love is not always the best and neither is permissiveness. Healthy communication and understanding that comes from that helps narrow things down better so you know better how to respond and still it requires communication becasuse I don't believe in a "this is how it will always be" or one size fits all solution. Things change, people change, everyday is different and real love takes those things into consideration. That is what "considerate" is and it does not mean push over either.
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 104
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/7/2007 12:46:57 AM
yes there is a few things that can really make me loose interest in someone im starting to date.if i find out that person does drugs.
or someone who says theyre interested in u but dont act like it.that anoys the crap out of me
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 105
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/8/2007 4:30:34 PM
Hi Loadfactor:
I agree with alot of what you are saying. To me simply comes down to seeing eachother 4 days......that 4 days do not bring in deep feelings for eachother etc.
they were together for 4 days not yrs. Really he would not be woth getting upset over or your time to even figure out what happened......4 DAYS DOES NOT A RELATIONSHIP MAKE.....just my opinion

I thing it takes time to build any kind relationship whether it be friendship or lovers...
Being adult enough to want to look deeply into the communication ....its four days.....I have thrown out for after four days because i did not like the way it smelled ......

Have great evening.....nice to be able to express opinions
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 106
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/8/2007 4:33:06 PM
sorry bout typos ...I have thrown away FOOD......thats the word after four days because of the smell........him disappearing and saying what do you mean . to me that smells bad as well
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 107
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/8/2007 5:18:24 PM
Maybe he was in a very short-term coma lmfao...

Oh, and stenches. Girls with strong 'stenches'. I had a friend almost gag his bbq beef brisket at lunch when his date reached for the ketchup...

Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 108
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/9/2007 12:07:52 AM
I've been back in the dating game for about a year now and I can say that I have developed a few triggers. These things signal to me that things aren't meshing so well and it's time to move on. If communication falls off dramatically, or if he's not returning calls, or if he's just talking to you instead of asking you out. I think it's fairly easy to see when things aren't working between two people. The greatest lesson I've learned in the past year is that you can't take every word out of a person's mouth to be true. Actions always speak louder than words.
Joined: 4/28/2004
Msg: 109
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/9/2007 3:57:11 AM

1. if a guy gives me his phone number and says to call him sometime if i feel like it.

that is a big one for me.

honestly, i don't think you were over reacting. if you had spent a lot of time with this person, talked to them alot, and then the communication suddenly broke off, that would be a trigger for me as well. i would think, a) he is not that interersted in me, and b) if i had a long term relationship with this person he would be random, and detached, and perhaps even sometimes emotionally unreachable.

if a man is interested in a woman he won't blow her off for a weekend or a week! if a man is crazy about a woman he will spare no expense, neglect all sorts of things, and be willing to skip watching monday night football... all to be with her...

right guys?

Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 110
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/9/2007 7:11:07 AM
Thank you lar that's exactly how I feel too.... !!!!! And I think most everyone feels the same way too... just afraid to admit it... Thanks Girlflower
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 111
view profile
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/9/2007 2:08:10 PM
If someone questioned me about where I was for a few days . I would hit the highway. First of all unless I'm in a serious long term relationship my where abouts is my business. we're adults our days of answering to someone are over. You should have better things to do thenj pine over someone not being in touch with you for a few days. Let it go........
Joined: 5/4/2007
Msg: 112
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/9/2007 4:32:34 PM

just wondering if anyone else out there in dating land has Triggers that Instantly Turn off a budding relationship?


Bad table manners. Was he raised on a farm?
Addictions to IM, texting etc etc etc blah blah blah
All just "friends" eh? *smirks* sure buddy sure ... as he hides behind closed doors whispering on the cell.

And all the other things that men who are not serious or really into you .... do.
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 113
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/9/2007 4:45:02 PM
I am going to go against pretty much everyone in the thread, and agree with the OP when she says she's an idiot. You are right.. you are upset because a guy you're dating didn't come around from a Thursday till the next monday??? a whole 3 days!

Maybe he sees that as a sign of being clingy and needy? I sure know I would.
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 114
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/9/2007 4:45:37 PM
WOW, I had to stop reading halfway down the first page... I think I have more triggers than I originally thought!! uh oh...
I was going to say, my main trigger is the "push/pull." The powerplay that some guys play, showing interest, then pushing me away again. I don't really give in to that much anymore.... now I'm going to have to go back & read the rest of the triggers... see what else I need to work on!
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 115
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/9/2007 4:46:33 PM
Only if he doesn't had friends or family, larissa.. there are other things in life besides bf's and gf's, you know?
Joined: 5/12/2006
Msg: 116
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/9/2007 5:01:26 PM
I have two turn off triggers when on a first date with someone I've never met before and that would be 1. the 'touchy feely' type and 2. the loud eater. They would have to be gonged off the show.
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 117
view profile
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/9/2007 6:09:53 PM
1. Talking about themselves the WHOLE TIME.

2. Giving me a crass proposition, on the first date / meeting
Asking me back to her place for a coffee is fine.
Do not ask me to **** you.
Wayyyy too easy.

3. Asking me to move in, after 5 minutes.

4. Asking me to marry you before we've slept together, or at least kissed.

I'm a very slow mover.
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 118
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/9/2007 6:10:49 PM
A wandering eye, poor table manners and Cave Man Behavior!
Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 119
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/9/2007 6:14:32 PM
instant turn off,, lady swearing.
Joined: 4/28/2004
Msg: 120
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/10/2007 5:33:44 PM

i don't know about that. i have guy friends that have flown half way around the world just to see a woman that they were crazy about even when they hadn't had anything going on between them yet... just the mere possibility of her being "the one" had them spending thousands of thousand of dollars in order to be with her...

if a man is crazy about a woman he could be super busy but still find a moment to just tell her how busy he is and that he can't really talk right now. if a man is really crazy about a woman he will go out of his way for her. he will be attentive, available, reachable, and interested.

Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 121
view profile
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/10/2007 5:40:46 PM
"he will be attentive, available, reachable, and interested." And she will be as well. If it's not mutual it's not worth it.
Joined: 8/10/2005
Msg: 122
view profile
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/10/2007 5:42:40 PM
the guy who calls last minute, has no specific destination in mind , plans his time around when we will be having sex.. and leaves right afterwards or as soon as he realizes thats just not happenin today....
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 123
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/10/2007 6:01:57 PM

Msg: 25 -- dislike when they dont open my door. I know I am capable, but it just shows me that he cares a little.

I hate it when I show those courtesies and get b*tched out about it. Oddly enough, it happens far too frequently.

dislike people who show up late. HATE it.

I hate it too. It is quite rude. Worse, she's not ready when I pick her up at her own home. Now, THAT is VERY rude.

One good thing about it though. The first time is the last time. I won't go out with her again.
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 124
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/10/2007 6:14:12 PM

Msg: 30 -- How about the guy who says he doesn't smoke, grabs you and lays a lip lock on you and you taste the nicotine!

Yuck! How did he get that close to you? I can smell it when someone first walks in the room! It overpowers any other odor in the room unless I have a PineSol bottle under my nose.
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 125
Dating Turn Off Triggers
Posted: 5/11/2007 12:03:52 PM
Personally, I have changed my opinion about this matter.
In the beginning, I was quick to eliminate someone due to certain "triggers".
But I have come to realize that evaluating someone in an hour or so is tricky business.
For example ( due to nervousness?) the more I like someone, the more likely I am to say something that is not a true representation of myself. Well, maybe it's the same for the guy.
I have come away from first meetings with a sense that all I did was talk about myself. But on the other hand, how can I not talk about myself when the person sitting across from me is firing questions at me as if it were a job interview? Just for the record, I don't like talking about myself...afterall, I'm with myself 24/7 and quite frankly would like a break :>) I want to know about the other person, but he needs to give me a chance to ask.
Bottom line: Unless we find someone to be physically unappealing, or there are clear signs that we are not compatable, maybe a second meeting would be helpful to get a clearer picture of what we are all about.
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