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 LDF85
Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 51
Asperger's SyndromePage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Math and Science are male dominated fields and Aspie's are known for their skills in those areas.


I have to disagree with this. To my knowledge there is no solid correlation between mathematical/scientific excellence and Asperger's. What I believe is that the skills of those who show promise in those areas are enhanced (beyond those of their peers) by the intense focus which characterizes people with AS. I could be wrong though, and I'll gladly admit to being wrong if you can provide me with some verifiable information.
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 52
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/2/2009 4:47:54 PM
Males with Asperger Syndrome have it harder than Females with Asperger Syndrome since the Status Quo in our Society and Culture, it's the Social norm that us Men have to initiate everything with Women, unfortuneately, I'm just speaking the Truth.
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 53
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/2/2009 5:06:41 PM
Having Aspergers I speak from personal experience and I lost count of the number of male and female aspies I work with. As well as aspie friends and family who work in the high tech industry from Apple, HP, Sun Micro, Google, Yahoo, Microsoft, various labs, Lawrence Livermore National Labs and Sandia. As well as authors, artists, lawyers, medical personnel.

My late husband (a chemical engineer) like myself was a high functioning aspie and we were married decades. And I know a few aspie males from our son Dungeons and Dragon and SCA groups who are aspie and happily married. Much depends on where one lives and the number of other aspies in the area, which is much higher in university and high tech areas of the country.The thing about Aspergers is there are many variables, so one person may be closer to autistic and another person will be high functioning Aspergers and the problems they deal with may be lights, sounds, being in crowds or even small gatherings because of the over stimulation of the senses.

And in this day and age, even Aspie women ask men out. Usually because they sense something familiar about the man per his interests.

~Beth~
 LDF85
Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 54
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/4/2009 12:13:04 PM
Boys/men are three to four times more likely to have Asperger's than girls/women, so naturally, there's always going to be a larger percentage of men suffering. But even if we subtract Asperger's from the equation, men will still have a tougher time dating in general. C'est la vie.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/4/2009 1:54:26 PM
RE Msg: 59 by aspiring_angel:
Why would you think that women have it any easier? Do you have any theory to back up that claim, or is it simply that women have it easier in this (male dominated) world, just because you say so?
Studies have shown that that men are most likely to find a relationship if they are outgoing, and women are most likely to find a relationship if they are agreeable, even if they are not outgoing. Aspies in general are agreeable to things, when presented any reason to do so. Aspies are also known to be far less outgoing in general, living far more in their inner world, and in general, to be poor at approaching others and presenting reasons to engage in future social interactions. That results in aspies being far more likely to end up in a relationship if they are women, and far less likely if they are men. The only exception might be an aspie woman who has worked out a logical reason to conclude that she's always better off not dating, in which case, she's far less likely to find a relationship, because she refuses to accept any date, no matter what.

Math and Science are male dominated fields and Aspie's are known for their skills in those areas. So the reverse would stand to reason. I work far below my skill level and ability because female Accountants (and such) are more easily accepted in the workplace.
In the workplace, that can make it much easier for women aspies. Aspies tend to be socially inept, but equally, far less aware of what is going on socially as well, and generally don't display cruel or manipulative behaviour. A male aspie who displays incredible math and science skills is likely to be thought of by his male colleagues as seriously out-performing them, and thus becomes a serious threat when promotions come up. In the workplace, it's often more common to use social insults and disparaging comments to give the boss the impression that he cannot handle the management skills required for the greater promotion. So he's a serious threat for a promotion, and therefore, greater insults can be expected. As he usually lacks guile, it's normally obvious that he cannot handle the insults, and usually cannot return them, making it clear that using such insults is an excellent way of removing him from the running. The boss might feel it's wrong to do so. But he cannot deny that geater promotion does require greater management skills, and that if the male aspie isn't capable of management, then he is totally wrong to be promoted. However, his skill cannot be denied, and is highly useful. Thus, it's very common that male aspies are often passed over for promotions, and end up being handed the difficult tasks by his new supervisor, who was formerly his colleague, or often, his underling.

It's just a simple fact that the higher up you go in any business, the more social skills are required. Aspies don't have them, and that leaves them on the lower levels, or shunted into a very technical area, but still where they are subject to other far less capable people but who have better social skills, and that means just about anyone who isn't an aspie.

However, women are seen as being emotionally more sensitive, but generally less smart in maths and science than men. Thus, a woman aspie who displays incredible math and science skills, will be more likely to be seen as having skills far above the average assumed for women, and therefore being up to the level generally assumed for males, but without being seen as superior to men, and so not seen as a clear threat to promotion, but a competitor. As they are seen as more emotionally sensitive, and now, the law protects them from any form of harassment in case it is a hidden form of sexual harassment, companies won't allow for anyone insulting women aspies any more than any other women. They are expected to compete on ability alone, and they have that in spades. There is also the problem of management skills. But as women are normally expected to have great social skills, and this is extremely encouraged in women, women aspies are far more likely to have such skills, and because they are expected to, they are given the benefit of expectation. So in general, the boss is apt to think that she is up to the task of managing her subordinates, and is more likely to be given the chance.

It used to be true that male aspies had far more advantages than women, because there used to be a desire to encourage excellence in workers, and aspies excel at that. But since the 40s, there has been a drive to encourage the average and the less able, and to overall ignore the more abled, to use more employees at a far lower cost per employee, as that makes each employee closer to the average, and that makes it much easier to replace an employee if there is a problem. So now, there are far less jobs that want someone truly exceptional. Women only don't have that problem because they are assumed to be very emotional, and assumed to be far less logical. That assumption drives the perception of female aspies, who are far more logical and far less emotional anyway, to be actually closer to the average man. So it would be much harder for an aspie woman to get a job in psychology or counselling, but actually would be considered a better choice in math or science, or even in many male-dominated fields, than an aspie man.

I don't think it's quite accurate to say that women aspies have it easy, just that they tend to think more like a smart man about many things, and that puts them firmly closer to the norm. As there is a tendency now to support the norm, and disregard the unusual, that helps them. I think the same would be true of a man who is quite emotional and illogical, say a man who wants to be a hairdresser or an actor. He tends towards norms of femininity. But he's likely to be accepted far more, for the same reasons.

In regards to the test - I do not think the results indicate that I have Autism. I think it is relative to my field and my talents. I remember long strings of numerical information; always have. I find patterns where others do not see any. I have a unique view of the world. Am I Autistic? Not at all, I'm just an extreme geek. lol.

My father was a Cryptologist in the Navy. He solved puzzles for a living. I am his daughter.
From what I've read, and the people I've met, you sound normal. Many women who became mathematicians had a mathematician for their father. Even in uni, when I was doing maths, the girl on the course who excelled in maths, once told me that her father was a lecturer in mathematics. So I think it's something normal for many children to take after their father and it's often true for girls as well, even in maths.

But I don't have much in the way of evidence of women who excelled in maths and science, who didn't have a parent who excelled in either. I do know that many men have. Just I really don't know if spontaneous mathematical and scientific skill happens all that often in women.
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 56
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/6/2009 2:21:48 AM
thats another reason why it is tougher for us men with asperger syndrome, finding or meeting a woman with asperger syndrome is looking for a needle in a haystack, that, and the other reason that us men usually have to initiate everything.
 SamTheMan08
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 57
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History
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/6/2009 2:12:07 PM
I to have Asperger's and just found this out a few years ago I have had a few relationships over the years but have not had much luck recently I have done every thing from internat dating to being fixed up with a girl by a friend. I even went out with a girl who had Asperger's and even that was not right. I just wonder if there is really anything wrong or that different people who have Asperger's?
 SamTheMan08
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 58
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History
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/6/2009 2:32:36 PM
I just wonder how many men on this site that have Asperger's have ever had a long tearm relationship and how many are now at the moment in a relationship? If you have asperger's and are in a relationship how did you go about finding your partner?
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 59
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/9/2009 7:18:54 PM
about 70 to 80 percent of people with Asperger Syndrome are Male, thats another reason why it's harder for Aspie Men than it is for Aspie Women, that, and the fact that us men have to initiate everything with women.
 memphisinmay
Joined: 2/13/2011
Msg: 60
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 2/17/2011 11:51:13 AM
HOW IS THAT A MISDIAGNOSIS

THAT IS EVERYTHING THAT AS IS
 paulpa
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 61
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 2/24/2011 5:04:17 PM
It is easier, it is all about philosophy coming into it... same with real life, but with online you can move on, wash, rinse and repeat.

Walk in like you own the place, one thing that I found effective was a joking "If you feel like you are not good enough for me, then I totally understand." This communicates your intentions clearly without saying it, shows confidence, and places pressure on them to respond positively.

This "Nice guy trying to act like a douchebag and failing at it " act really works, it shows confidence (which most people with ASD lack because they feel labeled), it shows your true colors as you plan for them to see through an "intentional" rude and cold outer shell to be nice underneath, it shows need which many nurturing girls are attracted to, they will try and get you to get rid of your "harsh" shell and show off your "nice" core. (personal development, I wouldn't miss an opportunity.)

Well that is how I go about it, it is effective as it breaks her from the normal "true douchebag" type of guy to one who is being a jerk in order to fit into a norm but is nice at heart... (just don't tell her it is really the other way around).
 werewolf469
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 62
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 9/6/2011 3:45:45 PM
i am well aware that i display all the symptoms of this disorder and i find it to be the cause of why i am not successful at dating because it scares all the women that come in contact with me....that is why it is easier not to date and just be happy with who i am
 Westmiller
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 63
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 9/10/2011 11:39:17 PM
I have Asperger's Syndrome myself.
So I understand how most of you feel about the difficulty (trust me I know o_0 )
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 64
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History
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 9/11/2011 11:03:29 PM
werewolf.... consider taking GABA.... a nutritional.... 500 mg 4-6x daily.... your world will change.... trust me!!!
 Dancing_4_You
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 65
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History
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 9/26/2011 12:26:30 AM
although he has since left this site, there was a regular forumite here on pof, who was both aspie as well as aspie mentor. i don't have them anymore, but back then he gave me a number of online sites to forward to another aspie friend of a friend, near where i live.

most people on pof did not know his dx, just that he was a brilliant researcher in the medical industry. at any rate, he met a really hot nurse, here on pof, who was above average intelligence (not aspie), with sufficient social saavy. he kept on pof out of loyalty to forums, but eventually he went off as the forums link was eliminated from our profiles (now back again). but, last i heard, the "couple" were doing quite well.

this man was much older than you. but, he let time do it's "thing". it takes time to learn social "stuff" for anyone. just be patient. if you are eager to learn and to be open to possibility, you can do most anything.

although pretty intelligent, i am also street smart. so not an aspie but between those two features and a solid EQ, intelligence and success has had it's pluses and minuses. almost fifteen years ago, i became very ill. i am almost 63 now. i was told i would never find a good man online, w/o lying about my age. i kept true to myself and met a great guy. we both are givers and our connection is from the heart, not the brain. he is relatively smart (leaning towards aspie but much more natural EQ) and he has dyslexia so he can have empathy for my lymes. he is six years younger and although i did not fall in his age category, he saw my pic and that got him started. this was on another site, but it could have been this one.

i don't think you need to meet another aspie. you just need to find your emotional compliment AND there needs to be some chemistry. give it some time, and take risk, and if things don't work out immediately, learn something new from each encounter, friendship, romantic connection. that is what life is about: learning. we all have different things to learn. but nobody has it ALL from the start. don't ever listen to people who say not to risk. but, be safe. find yourself a buddy to toss things over with. in exchange, you can help him/her with things that need your brain.
 WhatWouldDrewDo
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 66
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 10/8/2011 11:07:33 PM
I have Asperger's Syndrome myself.

I had trouble with relationships at first, because expressing myself was hard, as I found it difficult to read "cues" from females. (I found it difficult to read cues from almost anyone, to put it that way...)

Yet, my "uniqueness", if one could call it that, gave me an upper hand. Women began to notice how I was "different" and it intrigued them, in a way.

I eventually was able to date women, and had several long lasting and successful relationships, so yes, it is possible to have relationships if you have Asperger's Syndrome. However, let it be known that every form of Asperger's Syndrome is not the same, so your results may vary, to put it that way.
 TheWonderingGuy
Joined: 4/30/2011
Msg: 67
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 10/25/2011 9:05:19 PM
When I was a kid I was told that it was "functioning autism" whatever that means. I grew up a lot slower than other kids and really only had friends if my mother made friends with the other guy's mom so that he would play with me. Things other kids learned at probably 12 or 14 I didn't figure out until I was 20 and even then relationships have always been hell. Eventually after watching a lot of comedy films I figured out a way to "act funny" so that I could have something of a social life (I nicknamed myself after one character in a movie I saw) and now have more friends who call me by that than my real name. When I act that way I can get a girl's attention but once they figure out how I really am they bail :( No girl wants a guy who can't figure out when she wants a hug, to hold hands or when to make a move without her telling him.

I wish I could just have relationships and be normal but I can't. At least I can be thankfully that God didn't decide to make me fully autistic that would really suck...

Hopefully none of the chicks I've been able to successfully message read this forum.

"werewolf.... consider taking GABA.... a nutritional.... 500 mg 4-6x daily.... your world will change.... trust me!!!"

I haven't heard of that but will try it thanks. Hope it's not snake oil.
 modivin
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 68
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 10/25/2011 9:13:43 PM
Please be incredibly careful when making your selections on supplements. There are many out there that are not of high quality and contain a variety of contaminants in them as they are not regulated by the FDA.
 rarebreed8982
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 69
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 10/27/2011 7:13:32 PM
yes i was Finally diagnosed at 27 with this and attribute it to my near lack of relationships as well as lack of other human interaction period. its left me an extreme bitter individual at times granted i can also traverse to the complete other end of that spectrum if/when things are actually going well.
 TheWonderingGuy
Joined: 4/30/2011
Msg: 70
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 11/2/2011 11:24:41 PM
"Please be incredibly careful when making your selections on supplements. There are many out there that are not of high quality and contain a variety of contaminants in them as they are not regulated by the FDA."

Heh. Considering the stuff I've taken in the past I am not worried about a non-FDA-approved supplement. I should relapse back to not-healthy stuff at least that was fun.
 RyanRoland
Joined: 6/21/2011
Msg: 71
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 11/9/2011 2:39:22 PM
Why would someone with this syndrome care to meet someone?

I thought it means the person lacks empathy and other relationship related feelings...?
 Akizzej
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 72
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 11/12/2011 12:36:56 AM
Recent evidence is beginning to suggest that rather than lacking empathy and relationship interactions, it's that people actually feel them too strongly... and can't cope - thus needing to avoid the situations that bring about having to process the overloading...

http://www.healthzone.ca/health/article/633688

and

http://www.support-for-add-and-autism-spectrum.com/Aspergers_empathy.html

so maybe it's the all empowering 'love' that they can have - but refrain from applying because of the sensitivities that come with it.

Interesting thread/discussion with lots of 'ah ha' moments... as I have mentioned elsewhere on POF I'm the mommy of an Aspie, and still undergoing major learning curves... and wonder what his life will be like in the future... he has already had his heart broken by being set up by his father... so even now at the tender age of[nearly] seven, he's understanding the 'feelings' that go with the social interactions with people in life.
 Kohmelo
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 73
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History
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 11/17/2011 3:11:05 PM


Why would someone with this syndrome care to meet someone?

I thought it means the person lacks empathy and other relationship related feelings...?


That's totally wrong. F the research, it is not needed (and effectively useless, see below). A person with asperger's has emotions just like everyone else, however, they face challenges in expressing them and even in understanding them.

If you want to learn abot Asperger's Syndrome read "Look Me in the Eye" by John Elder Robison. He has aspergers, he knows.

Now, the reason why research on Aspergers is useless (not useless, maybe skewed is the better term) is because someone with Aspergers will rarely explain exactly what they are thinking,simply because they can't. Unless it is terribly clinical in nature, then you get it to the letter. So basically what a "normie" would get from an "aspie" is sorta-kinda what he's thinking... though we are better in text.

And for the gent above who says to be careful about self-diagnosis... that might apply to various other aspects of psychology, but really does not suit the Aspergian mentality. Not only will we not want to discuss the inner workings of our brains openly with a total stranger, but we would also see no benefit in any way shape or form from that piece of paper stating what we are. Basically put, if you really feel the need for a professional diagnosis, you probably have something else
 Kohmelo
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 74
view profile
History
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 11/17/2011 3:23:11 PM


Regarding making eye contact...
I'm pretty shy and get insanely nervous sometimes- like doing public speaking, or going to job interviews....
I had an instructor in college tell me something borderline life changing: Look 'em in the nose. Seriously. If you can't maintain eye contact, focus on the upper bridge of their nose... Nobody realizes that you aren't making eye contact. Just don't stare at the one point like a deer in headlights or something... You can alternate with looking between their eyebrows too... LOL

I'm going to try that, but most of the time my eyes are jumping around the room. It's only when I'm totally alone with someone and extremely comfortable with someone that I can actually at their eyes, of course, with the greatest of difficulty.
 radiant_zamboni
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 75
Asperger's Syndrome
Posted: 12/2/2011 1:57:25 AM
i have it, and i've come to the point where just want to meet folks who have it too. i've been around many people from all walks of life, with nothing to show for it. it feels good to be on the same wavelength
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