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 AUTHOR
 bobbyp719
Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 1
the truth about finding midlife relationships onlinePage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
being online for over a year now looking for someone to begin a new relationship withI've noticed one loud glaring problem.........people are scared to open their hearts, people are scared to bare their soul and people are afraid to love..... its not uncommon to see many of the profiles with more than a hundred on their friends list.....first thought when you see that is what are these people doing ??? and then the second thought hits........their doing anything but forming loving relationships........ secondly everyone has been hurt at one point or another but the many profiles that list the hurts IN CAPS!!! no less begin to make you wonder how they could ever love unconditionally.......all of a sudden you realize that already 25% of the dating pool is somewhere you don't want to go.........so you think a miniute and you ask ..........well what other problems exist??? it seems that 50 % of all people live just too far away for any realistic relationship.........I know that there are exceptions to every rule but are we really going to move away from our aging parents?? are we going to quit our jobs ?? and don't we all know that maybe the guys can hop a plane once or twice but in the end its not gonna happen..... so we have 75 % just not gonna work..............what else ??? will ever see the profiles where someone 53 wants to date someone 38 to 47?? so lets take another 5% off there too...... of the remaining 20 percent that we still have to dream of a lovinglife together unless your very attractive take off another 5% they are just not attracted to you........me I'm average cute so the 5 % applies.....
and well what goes around comes around so I guess 5% of all the profiles I will not be attracted to........ and the 5% of profiles without a photo I just never respond to!!! ( way to scary right).and if my math is right that leaves just 5 % to find your charming prince ladies or that hot tomato you guys........ but I have a feeing that 5% of all you guys and gals are nursing bad relationships or your in a bad marriage........or your deep in depression......or your writting from jail.......... or your not who you sat you are....or your photos are ten years old.............your much heavier now and maybe we won't notice if we meet you..........or you just and to date......your not intereste d in marriage or a living together relationship.....your in your 50's and just want someone to date and have on the shelf when you want them........... so where is my one in a million ??? oh yea I wrote to her a few times ( no joke look up the profile "one in a million " ) and it seems we have everything in common and she liked what she saw in me but we never met.........
I'm not bitter ..... Im smilling as I write this tonight..........Im beginng to see that its all in Gods hands after all...........the internet is not going to brink the love of my life to me..........
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 2
the truth about finding midlife relationships online
Posted: 5/12/2007 9:10:48 PM
you don't respond to women without photos...your loss...
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 3
the truth about finding midlife relationships online
Posted: 5/13/2007 2:38:07 AM
I have been here two years also,no mail , only women for the most part get mail , even the ones that guys do not thing are great catches , women get most of the mail , the vast majority of men are actively sending mail, women for the most part do not send or respond to virtually all their mail. Like the woman here said , she gets a lot of booty calls , doubt if many men get any "hello I am interested mails" hahahah.

Do yourself a favor go out to the real world and work it , the internet dating is made and geared for women and mostly works for them , they are in demand , men are not as much, it is probably about culture and desire. Men here have the same problem as you do and I do .
 JWA
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 4
the truth about finding midlife relationships online
Posted: 5/13/2007 3:59:51 AM
How in the hell did this BS crap ever survive NOT being deleted?? If there ever was a pity thread, a redundant thread or one that's just foolish from start to end it would have to be this one!!

C'mon people----let's nip this sort of nonsense in the bud next time!!
 mlm_mlm_mlm
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 5
the truth about finding midlife relationships online
Posted: 5/13/2007 6:24:40 AM
OP, yes older people have more baggage.... no doubt and what you speak of is emotional baggage ( there are other types of baggage like severe debt and more). You can reasonably ask for anything you offer and in middle age there is no reason to settle. Just make sure your " one in a million ( as you say)"... that you are being realistic in your expectations.
The internet is no different that real life, it only gives you the opportunity to connect with more people than you would without it, after initally meeting in person, it's all the same. There is no magic bullet ! LOL
 mimosa
Joined: 4/5/2005
Msg: 6
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the truth about finding midlife relationships online
Posted: 5/13/2007 6:34:53 AM
Actually your math is right on, love like money doesn't grow on trees, so the percentages are about normal. If it were 100% we wouldn't be here anybody would do.
Finding love is like the needle in the haystack.
 mlm_mlm_mlm
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 7
the truth about finding midlife relationships online
Posted: 5/13/2007 6:42:20 AM
I dont know if love is like finding a neddle in a haystack... I know several people who have found love in middle age, many off the webs dating sites. People dont go to bars as much anymore with the hard drinking and driving laws, you can't date at work because its too risky for your job... the web is a good alternative BUT> you have to really know how to date and not keep people around who are just around to waste your time or use you to entertain them.

I know of at least a dozen people who met off the web... married. They are all educated, gainfully employed, healthy, attractive ( not magazine cover hot) people... who are all stable in their lives even before they met someone.
 bobbyp719
Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 9
the truth about finding midlife relationships online
Posted: 5/13/2007 3:40:39 PM
you missed my point intirely or more to the point you only confirmed what I was saying........ your somewhat angry response is exactly what I was talking about....... I do not want pity from anyone .............the point was that some people have no concept of loving or understanding from a deeper level........ can you not see that your response to me was " complaining your ass off" as you would say............. you were one of the groups I talked about and so what else than an angry response from you....... thank you for your shallow angry response..... I guess you told me off good......
 gardennut
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 11
the truth about finding midlife relationships online
Posted: 5/14/2007 1:00:04 PM
I agree that it's all in God's hands. I was not brought together with my current partner until the time was right.

My partner and I connected right here on PoF. We are the same age: 49 (well, he will be in a few weeks). I'm happy to say that 8 months later, this mid-life online relationship is going strong!!!
 kjamesb
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 12
the truth about finding midlife relationships online
Posted: 5/14/2007 2:09:46 PM
Welcome to the world. It's no different that the dating pool outside of the internet.

I've been playing with Internet personals off and on since my divorce over 10 years ago so I've seen it grow up and I've met some really great ladies and some not so great ones. Bottom line is that it's just a reprensetation of what is in the world.

I do like the drinking from a fire hydrant comment. That hits it. You're looking for ONE in a sea of millions.

Be pacient and stop with the math. Some you will click with and some you will not.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 13
the truth about finding midlife relationships online
Posted: 5/14/2007 2:35:17 PM
"There are 3 kinds of lies; lies, damned lies, and statistics"
Mark Twain( also accredited to Francis Bacon, Dr Johnson, Shakespeare, et al)

Finding a GOOD relationship in middle age is tough going no matter what way you slice it. Online is just one of the methods one can use but I don't recommend relying on that alone.
I happen to agree with the OP on some of the issues, from where I sit spending a lot of time money and effort in long distance relationships or relocating to "be near" someone you met online is just plain out of the question.

So what to do? I can't answer that for anybody but myself. I've chosen to see the pursuit of a quality relationship as an interesting hobby,seeking after a luxury that it would be LOVELY to have but NOT a necessity to my survival and sucess as a valid and worthwhile human being. That mindset keeps life delightfully interesting and a lot less stressful, compared to what it was when I saw the acquisition of a "significant other" as an absolute requirement of life. If I'm meant to find someone, I believe God will cause it to happen. That said, I do not epect to just sit in my house and have the Lord drop a guy into my lap! (The Lord helps those who help themselves,thus the online dating and the involvement in a variety of activities that put me in contact with other human beings)
Cindy O
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 14
the truth about finding midlife relationships online
Posted: 9/28/2007 2:07:39 PM
There are 6,748,796,420 people in planet earth, adding about a person every second. Half of those are women. So let's say you are looking for that one in a million. That means that there are 3,374 women out there that are absolutely perfect for me and me for them. Damn that is awesome, so now my problem is do I try to meet them all, or just pick one.
 flowerforce
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 15
the truth about finding midlife relationships online
Posted: 9/28/2007 3:08:26 PM
I am only looking for that 1% of the male population. I only want one man. That man will be my Mr. wonderful. He does not have to be perfect just perfect for me. For every read-no response or read/deleted I get I am one step closer to a yes. I send out about six notes for every one I get returned and rarely have I received notes from men. So What! This is only one venue for finding a date or mate. We all have in mind the kind of person we are looking for. Photos do not tell you about the person I take a very poor photo and I am a terrific person. So press on. The only way this internet dating will do is provide you with is an opportunity to connect. The rest is up to God and the universe.
Keep fishing if you do not get a response keep fishing and do not take it personally if you get no response.
I agree it is all in Gods hands but the Lord helps those who help themselves.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > the truth about finding midlife relationships online