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Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 26
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Depression and suicidePage 2 of 31    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31)
My daughter committed suicide on June 12, 2006. She'd been divorced about 6 months. My last phone conversation with her was her crying that she never wanted to be hurt again like that, but that her new boyfriend was pressuring her for a committment she wasn't ready to make. I won't get into other particulars, but I believe that my experience, and great loss entitles me to an opinion on this issue.

Suicide is an act of selfishness, made by a person who has rarely ever been selfish. It's a desperate act in an attempt to control that which is NOT yours to control.

You cannot control what others think, feel, do or say. YOU cannot change people by YOUR desire for their well-being. YOU are not responsible for ANY of the craziness that other people want to bring into THEIR lives.

You are only responsible for YOU, and you can only change YOU. There's no sense in trying to make sense out of something that makes NO SENSE! Learn to recognize when something simply makes NO SENSE...and WALK AWAY...don't let it drive you crazy!

It took me over 45 years to LEARN that there's no point in trying to please or satisfy a person who doesn't WANT to be pleased or satisfied. Shortly after learning that lesson, I realized that it was NOT my purpose in life to see how much "abuse" I could take before I opened my mouth and said..."OUCH, that HURT...don't do it again!" When you encounter someone who treats you like you have NO RIGHT to feel "x,y or z", then you NEED to walk away. By the same token, when you encounter someone who is "hurt" by EVERYTHING, this is a person who CANNOT be satisfied, and NEED to walk away!

Life does NOT have to be one drama after another.

On Mother's Day this year, my other daughter threw 1 dozen roses on Adele's grave, called her a ****, and walked away. It's been almost 1 year now and I haven't been able to work up any anger. I just shake my head and say, stupid, stupid,, how could you have been so stupid. Adele simply didn't THINK about the mass of depression and grief she would leave behind her. If she would have considered it for 1 moment.....

I offer my ear to anyone considering this as an option.

 blanche dubois
Joined: 4/17/2007
Msg: 27
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 9:59:50 AM
and for michaelann- your info is no accurate
clincal or crisis related depression can trigger and does trigger a chemical response and becomes
what you call "organic"
sometimes temporary stabilization with meds can help
that's what post partem depression is-
andrea yates was not on meds
although she obviously had other issues- all she was given was a heavy dose of
guilt and jesus christ
not good enough when you are suffering
neither is " you'll get over it" advise
sometimes you don't
Joined: 4/2/2007
Msg: 28
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 10:13:27 AM
I am really trying to understand myself. My boyfriend committed suicide in March. I am desperatly trying to recover and go on. It's such a huge area to understand. I loved him so much.
Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 29
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 10:15:37 AM
my marriage broke up about 5 years ago and apparently caused PTS which made me suceptable to major depressive episodes. i never had symptons of depression before. after my marrige i self-medicated with disfunctional relationships. after one traumatic breakup i considered suicide. i have to say a combination of talk therapy and medication has kept my head above water. i feel pretty good now. if you have never been to that dark place it's like we've been somewhere that only others visit in there nightmares. like i said i'm feeling well and thank god everyday for my mental health and my children.
 Forum Guy
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 30
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 10:16:58 AM
Its ironic that the cutting of one's skin causes the release of endorphins which brings a person out of depression.

To those who make an effort to weather it through, slamming a toe with a hammer will cause the release of endorphines to bring you out of it.
 Hey Sam
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 31
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 10:20:53 AM
How do I help someone realize that its not just words that I'm throwing at them??? What words can I say??

I can say "Get help from the pros! It will HELP!" I can deliver the message. It falls on deaf ears though and I worry. Some pros are not as qualified as others IMO and even if they go a few times, they quit because they think it's not going to do any good.

Maybe they don't have the energy or desire to go to counselling?

Maybe they think its okay for now, they'll get through it AGAIN?

Maybe the sun shines today and tomorrow and they feel better so they say, don't worry, I'll be fine?

What if you believe them? What if they CAN handle it by themselves. Maybe it WILL eventually pass.

What if you don't believe them though? What if they are trying to fool themselves?

I phone, email, they write 'notes' on facebook that I respond to sometimes, plan family get-to-gethers, send words of inspiration ... and I don't think it seems to matter.

... And I DON't EVER want to wake up to the sound of the phone in the middle of the night, to the call that says "They killed themself, Sam! They left a note. They said life was too hard. They're gone!"

My family and I would be devastated. The children in the family would be devastated. There are about 20 of us that would be DIRECTLY affected for a life time. There would be SO MANY others that would be also affected for a life time. Then there would be each of the people WE come in contact with in OUR life time that would be affected. I believe the children would pass the hurt on in to their future families.

Do I sound selfish? I admit it ... I AM!

If I didn't care, it wouldn't bother me!

Heck, I worry about those of you, here, that have had even ONE thought! My heart goes out to you. And my heart goes out to those who have lost family and friends to suicide.

I worked with a lady two nights ago, midnight shift. During our conversation, she broke down crying. 50 years ago ... yes 50 years ago ... a man took the lives of his whole family, and himself. The one little girl had been in her grade 2 class (she remembered her name and her 'pig tails'). She can still totally see the little girl in her minds eye. She still suffers pain, knowing that the family were shot to death. Why did that man do it? He wasn't well? He was hurt, sick? He needed help? His pain has caused a life time of suffering for countless others. What could have been done about it. How could he have been helped? Did he never made it as far as a doctor? Did someone reach out? Did it work?

Those I know suffering from depression say they are LIVING that life time of pain. I can understand that. No, definitely not TOTALLY. In theory, I CAN understand though. Everyone gets 'bummed out'. Multiply that times ... more than I can imagine at times?

However ... I would wonder ... and be guilt ridden asking ... HOW could I have avoided this? What could I have said or done?

Sorry so long ... its that family members birthday this weekend ... we're planning a party ... and the topic is on my mind.

Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 32
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 11:05:30 AM
First let me start off by giving you guys and girls a big kiss and and hug.
Even though i don't know any of y'all.I still care and have love for y'all.Were all human beings cast to a big planet with no instruction Manuel on how to work everything correctly.Thats why we have the saying you live and you learn.

You got to understand one simple thing.Depression = sad. Its no different no matter what some people or doctors say.What do you do when your sad? You try to find a way to be happy.
The medications out there that supposedly help "get rid" of the depression works for most but the rest it doesn't.But the ones that it does work on,it doesn't get rid of the depression but only sedates your brain not to think and analyze so much of your thoughts as much to worry.It pretty much puts it in a closet in the back of your brain until you come off of them.There are better ways to deal with depression,I'm just going to name 2 important ones.

Ask yourself what makes me me depressed? Find out what does and do something to get what ever is making you depressed out of your life.I know its easier said than done,but the first steps are always the hardest.
Get a piece of paper and write down what makes you unhappy and sad and find out what you can do to eliminate those and the next one is get with a group of friends and go out and have fun.You don't have time to be depressed if you are too busy enjoying ones company and havening fun.I know that is easier said than done too because a lot of people have kids or just don't have enough time.But you HAVE to make YOU time or else you'll go crazy.

And to those people that are quick to dismiss deep depression and suicidal tendencies.You don't have any ground to commit on that unless you have been through some harsh times,not bad times but harsh.Depression--Sad and suicidal thoughts can happen to ANYONE.All people are going to experience being sad,but not all of us are going to experience it on the same level.
So don't be a prick and say just move on and forget about.It just makes you look immature and childish.Would you comment on mechanical engineering and rocket science too like you would this?Its NO where as easy to just do that or we all would.It takes time,love,support, and friendship to beat this bad emotion.

A doctor/therapist is not going to recommend something natural like those 2 things which i know works better because it did for me and some other people i know that tried it because if they told people to get a friend and go out to swimming,sailing in the ocean,rock climbing in another country,They wouldn't have any money to make off of you.and the giant pharmaceutical companies that work for would start taking huge hits in their wallets.

I wish everyone the best of luck and send each and everyone of you lots of love.
Stay focused on being happy and find that peace within.
There is a lot more i can add and other things i can suggest but i have already wrote a lot.But this is a serious subject.
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 33
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Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 11:40:35 AM
Most depression is short term caused by things going on in our lives. It usually lifts when our life style changes. True depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Nothing cures that, medication helps, some medications can even intensify the desire to commit suicide.. So damned if you do, damned if you don't. I suffer from depression and anxiety, not bad enough to want to take medication, just bad enough that it makes me want to stay home and do nothing.
Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 34
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 12:00:59 PM
i don't know who you are but your nuts. exercise brings out endorphines also. gee what's better for you? it helps depression but it's not the cure all.
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 35
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 3:25:17 PM
I didn't say anything was better for me.It helped work for me and for people i know.
and its no cure by any means.But it is a way to battle a very dark emotion.
There really is no for sure way to totally eliminate depression.One of the best ways would be to try to go to the root of the problem and handle it from there and whatever has you depressed fix it.But somethings you cant do that like if you had someone that you cared about die.There is nothing you can do to bring them back to life.But if you take something like being in debt or wanting to lose weight you can get up off the couch and do something about that.
I only gave my opionion,i didn't say it was the cure of all cures,because if it was it would be all over the news and i wouldn't have to be the one to tell anyone.
But i don't want to stand by and not say anything.If what i said can at least touch one person on this forum,i feel good that i stopped and wrote my thoughts.People should have to die by there own hand because they are happy and think there is no hope left.
But please keep in mind that is my opinion and theory and do not mean any disrespect to anyone.
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 36
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 7:23:18 PM
msg 41,
slamming a toe with a hammer will cause the release of endorphins to bring you out of it.

yeah right, might have more to do with the fact id be hopping and cursing that would take my mind off things.

also, im allergic to pain
 Hey Sam
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 37
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 7:35:04 PM
AB2 Its good to have the opinions of people who are making it work for them! You only fail when you don't try?
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 38
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/18/2007 2:23:25 AM
that is very true sam.

the thing is, some people are negative by nature, and some are negative because they are sick of the down side when the try something.

let me put it this way, if your depressed and think something good is going to happen, and it doesnt then its a long way down,
however if your depressed and dont think anything good will happen then you cant fall very far when it doesnt.
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 39
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/18/2007 2:57:54 AM
all very good points, and the one thing i am glad of, is my allergy to pain. ergo, no self harm or slicing of wrists, jumping under a train ect.
 Hey Sam
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 40
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/18/2007 6:23:35 AM
I don't agree with the statement that people are negative by nature. Have you ever seen a 'negative' baby? Maybe a 'horrible' 3 year old! lol

I believe we create our own negativity when we don't try to understand situations, thereby blaming others.

I believe that 'understanding' and 'responsibility for our own happiness' (among TONS of other 'lessons') should be something that is first introduced and TAUGHT to us when we are VERY little. Not every parent believes this or has the skills or energy to do so.

I believe it should be a skill we should have to practise while we are growing up, but again, truly believe that ALOT of parents don't have the skills themselves, so are UNABLE to actually TEACH their children.

All those years of learning available ...

And then we're thrown into the world of adults!

Without the necessary skills, we are unprepared for what things will get 'thrown at us', as inevitably, things WILL get 'thrown at us'.

Was life MEANT to throw us perfect situations? Or was it MEANT to test us and make us the best person we can be? Is our happiness, ultimately, our own responsibility?

When we blame and don't take responsibility for our role in the situation, it makes us feel weak. The weaker we feel and the more shiot that happens, the more we blame.

We hide under so many layers and years of blaming others ,and get SOOO weighted down with lessons, we aren't able to see LIFE for what it truly is ...

I believe we have to learn 're-parent' OURSELVES, for a lack of a different phrase.

... but THATS just another one of my opinions ...

... and I realize I am NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO professional!!!!!!!

What I AM, is the custodial parent to 3 wonderful children (as most of you know though, the challenges can be HOURLY!), from 2 different fathers. My parents are divorced but working at great jobs and living in nice homes (and very unhappy), my siblings are divorced but living in nice homes (and depressed). I'm living in a small 2 bedroom apartment, far enough away from my family that I have to work DAMN hard ON MY OWN (happily) to get things done, working at a great job but struggling because I live 'pay cheque to pay cheque' HAPPILY. My ex husband lives in the large, beautiful home on the lake that we purchased 14 years ago but I didn't want to take as part of our split so he's mortgage free in 5 years, he's an electrician with a supportive family, he pays $200 support himself for 2 children so he has extra money to join 2 volley ball groups, go hand gliding and go on fancy dates if he wants. He can call or see his children whenever he wants - and he's depressed.

The only difference BETWEEN MY FAMILY, who I love dearly and want SO bad to become happy again, and I is that I KNOW that my situation was created by ME. And I work DAMN hard every day to make the best of my situation and try and improve it EVERYDAY.

This is not to say ANY OF YOU are in a situation similar to us. My attitude is just the product of MY personal experience.

I truly just would just like to know HOW to help family members and friends SEE that LIFE can be truly wonderful, REGARDLESS of what is 'thrown at us'!

I truly would like to know how to get them out of their 'pit'.

And I wish I could offer a way to help YOU if I am 'virtually' able to.
 Rosie Two
Joined: 3/16/2007
Msg: 41
view profile
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/18/2007 11:03:57 AM
Many of you who suffer from depression will notice that it is worse in Winter. This is caused by a lack of sunlight and lack of exercise. If you get badly depressed the "natural" way of dealing with it is to lock yourself inside your dark bedroom and hope and pray that the horrible world outside your door will disappear. This is the worst thing to do as it will make the depression much worst. Make yourself get outside into the sunshine and get some exercise. Also, make sure that you are eating a good meal at least once a engine can run without fuel! Hospitals and nursing homes are all run on a tight timetable which is basically: breakfast, morning tea and biscuit, lunch, afternoon tea and snack, dinner, supper, then bedtime about 10pm. This makes sure that the body's sugar/energy levels are kept up to a normal level. Are you caring for your body as you should be? Go for a walk, take up gardening, go for a bike ride, go to a gym, go for a swim, take up a sport or coach someone else. Then get involved in doing some kind of voluntry work for people who you feel really need your help and stick with it even if it upsets you sometimes.......that is good, it shows that you have a heart and are a caring person. Don't be ashamed to have a cry about something that is upsetting you. Then put it behind you, it is probably about something in the past or if current, is something that you can't change anyway (ie someone else's actions) SO ask God to take care of it, put on some happy music or watch a comedy movie. Oh, and remember your friends and give them a call, they need you. Drop in and help them.......How?.........listen to them, don't talk about your problems, offer some practical help, it is much more fun and satisfying to do some gardening etc with someone else. You can talk while you work, two can lift things that one can't, the time flies by, and when you finish there is someone else to admire the finished job and have a cuppa (cup of tea or coffee) with. Smile at strangers, do good deeds without expecting anything in return, you will receive it back when you least expect it but need a helping hand the most. Be polite and have a caring attitude to all those that you contact on this site, they all have feelings too. God bless you all (hey, that means the whole world!).
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 42
view profile
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/18/2007 5:03:15 PM
I just have to shake my head and roll my eyes at some of the helpful comments here. Bad Depression is like sitting in a dark room...chained to a chair. It's almost like throwing oneself into an abyss when it gets bad. In it's worse times the harshness is relished and as big as the center of the earth.

Fortunately I'm better and certainly understand all the intrusive thoughts. When you are feeling worthless and you truly don't care what happens must pick up the phone. You must make a pact with one or two people that won't freak out and can just talk to you without BS. That's what helps me...I take a medicine too but hope next year to get off of it. It's nice to have that crutch but I'd rather not take meds. Tuka

PS, Don'tcha love all the peeps that think taking an antidepressant is sooo bad. I figure they must be slightly over narcisistic!!
Joined: 3/5/2007
Msg: 43
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/18/2007 7:58:11 PM
it would be great to think that you could get rid of ur depression so easily... ive read ever post in this thread and some ive though wow i get like that, wow ive tried that..i cant honestly say what the best way is because every body is different and everybody suffers differently.
ive suffered depression on and off for years now. yes medication works but i hate feeling like i have to take a tablet to control my life haha
When all is going well i make the mistake of going off it in the hope of me being able to deal with my daily life without chemical help. But sometimes those chemicals are whats needed to balance things out.
I have come to realise that me and only me can make me feel better. I have to choose to take my tablets, i have to choose to love myself when no one else does.
As I was reading these posts I was crying , as im having a down moment but it helps to put things down in writting and knowing that you are not alone.
I now think of my family and friends if i get in a really dark spot. My aunty and uncle both commited suicide through depression and I saw how that affected all the family.
I now suffering depression refuse to be the cause of that pain to people that I love.
So no matter how hard its gets there is always someine worse off then you.
People might disagree or agree , to be honest I dont care because in writting this I have now stopped crying and am about to take my dog for a walk in the sunshine .

Life is way to short as it is to let lifes crap keep you down,
I nearly lost my life to a car accident and lost a baby so i have had a small share of suffering,
I know I will always suffer depression but it is my choice to wether im going to let it get me down or im going to take it by the horns and say no not today
Today im going to smile again walk and enjoy the day
hugs to all and smile for a hug and a smile will always make someone feel better.
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 44
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/18/2007 10:20:21 PM
post 54, yep the time of year does indeed have a lot to do wit the level of the depression. Be it seasonal, or a time of a particular event in the past.

However, with the many causes of depression, it is not always such a simple thing as going out for a walk.
In my case, one of the factors that adds to my depression is never having any kids, another is getting older and being alone.

Ohhh that’s not so bad some will say, maybe they don’t value a family environment, or the company of a special lady.
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 45
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/20/2007 2:07:36 PM
Ole I can definitely say for a lot of people that is normal to get depressed when you don't have that family environment, like having that special lady in your life to share with and kids that you helped create.
Somtimes I feel depressed towards those same things too and i'm only 25.Even though people say your young you have a lot of time.But if you know what you want why wait?
Thats just more time you could be doing what you knew you wanted to do.
For some people they have no problem being alone,and some alone time is good and healthy.But not when it adds up to weeks,months and years.
The rest of us hate being alone and want people in our life to share things with.
Now taking a pill will not give you those things but rather "help"deal with the fact that you don't have them.I rather have those things and be happy than to take a pill and deal with why i don't have them.
Keep your head up,you will eventually find someone soon to begin a life with.Just think positive.
Have you thought about adopting until you had your won kids?
If i don't have my own kids by a certain age i think i will most certainly adopt.
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 46
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/20/2007 2:18:43 PM
Sucide is not an option. Just try to hold it together. We all go through low points in our life. It just makes us stronger.
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 47
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/21/2007 1:31:29 AM
How true so many of these posts are.

I guess in some ways I have blown any chance of meeting a lady on here with being so open, but then it also saves having to open up face to face with someone, and then having them do a runner once they do know.

It seems like some people treat those who have depression with contempt, like the bubonic plague or something.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 48
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/21/2007 1:53:15 AM

Just how many here have become depressed over loneliness, and how many have actually thought of suicide?

~OP~ I wouldn't worry about what type of ladies will judge you based upon this post. It's a good topic and there have been some great posts.

I am not prone to depression or loneliness. However, I've had raging panic disorder since my late teens that went undiagnosed (or even discussed by me) until I was 29. By age 30, I was completely housebound and had I had one once of self-esteem left, I think I might have ended things that day. I was so riddled with panic and self-doubt, I was afraid to attempt suicide because I would probably botch the job and end up a head of cauliflower. It was then that I realized it was either get busy living or get busy dying. Since dying wasn't an option ~ I had to pull it together.

Several years ago, I was in an amazing relationship (which fate took away from me, sadly.) During that time, I hoped for death. But, when I thought of suicide, the only real thought that I had was my son. He knew I was physically ill (extremely), heartbroken, and that I lived 1750 miles away. For me, I didn't want to die before seeing him, which meant I had to live long enough to make the trip out here. Obviously, that was my excuse for living. Thankfully.

Maybe others don't understand that there is truly a fine line between those of us who think or have thought about this and those who actually atttempt it or those who succeed. In all reality ~ I don't find it disturbing that someone has/had these thoughts, I find it disturbing that so many judge when one is honest about it.

I can only sympathize for those who have depression. But I can empathize with those who have had thoughts of not wanting to live anymore. For me, once I stopped fearing death and started actually living ~ those thoughts have never once entered my mind. I hope you find peace for yourself and that it sticks around! JMO
Joined: 12/16/2006
Msg: 49
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/21/2007 2:52:46 AM
Very Interesting posts on this topic..I to have started a topic on the Newfoundland Forum...If any of you are interested in reading.....for I to...suffer from depression! I will say in ANYONE who suffers from this Illness....Is depressed because of getting older....being alone...not having children...what ever it may help NOW! Life is like a book....each day a different page....each month a chapter....but it is up to us how that book is written! Believe it or can get better! Trust me, "I HAVE BEEN THERE....AND BACK"...... Good luck to all....

Joined: 4/23/2007
Msg: 50
Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/21/2007 3:04:41 AM
my 8 yr old daughter father committed suicide by hanging himself she was 5 at the time. It did it at the worse possible time which was a day after fathers day. So know every time fathers day comes along all i can think about is him doing it. i went to the house that he did it and found the bent hook that he used. The house was very very spooky. I have his tv cabinet and every birthday of his comes along and it creeks and it does this on the annaversary of his death. On his first birthday after his death i had to put on a birthday party for him because she wanted to. Evrer had a party for a dead person before??????????????? Very very very very very strange. The saddest moment after his death was after we left the house that he died in my daughter told me she wanted to die to be with her dad. And this is coming from a child was was robbed of ever having a relationship with him because of his cow of a wife that he so stupidly married.
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