|PunchlinesPage 2 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4)|
|After that cue ball he checks everything to make sure it will fit.|
Posted: 8/30/2008 2:47:10 PM
|Then Little Johnny says to his teacher "Rectum? Damn near killed him!!!"|
Posted: 8/30/2008 4:17:36 PM
|But then i realised it said `Thick Cut`!|
Posted: 8/30/2008 4:51:46 PM
|Bring me my brown pants!|
So the mouse said, "Suffer, ****!"
Forget the water, how about some more of that buttery corn?
Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.
Wow, then mommy musta sat on a chain saw!
I'll keep an eye out for you.
Also, how about jokes where the setup IS the punchline? I know one:
Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself?
Posted: 10/4/2011 5:41:25 AM
|Pick up your head dummy, your licking the rug.|
Bigfoot has actually been sighted.
Posted: 10/4/2011 5:53:34 AM
|Nope!! But I got some pretty good leads.|
If you got a big**** you don't need a Corvette.
The prick is on the inside.
Posted: 10/4/2011 9:17:12 AM
|Well sir: She's got worms and I like to fish.|
Posted: 10/4/2011 2:33:21 PM
|Well, they didn't inflate the catheter balloon the way I thought they would... I guess that would've required the 'Head' nurse.|
Posted: 12/18/2011 5:15:33 AM
|And the black man replies " No! My girlfriends name is Nancy, it says, Welcome to New York and have a nice day! "|
Posted: 12/23/2011 7:24:28 AM
|Well,that's all my sister has,and that's her big fancy house and her Corvette!|
So I took my bowling ball and threw it in her toilet!
So the bear reaches down, picks up the bunny rabbit and wipes his a$$ with it!
Posted: 1/10/2012 8:39:52 PM
|This is like a treasure hunt. I don't recognize about half of these intriguing punchlines, and I'll have to look them up to find the rest of that joke.|
Posted: 1/11/2012 7:40:48 AM
|"What do you ****ing think happened? We had sexual intercourse!"|
Posted: 12/18/2012 1:20:32 AM
|...holding up the bucket, "I'm just here to feed the alligator!"|
Posted: 12/19/2012 12:37:10 PM
|Aaaarrrgggghhh... it's driving me nuts.|
Posted: 12/19/2012 5:06:02 PM
|"I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"|
"My throat feels much better now, and you're husband still can't believe that it was YOUR idea!"
"Of course I'm sure, the little one he uses to pee and the big one he uses to brush the babysitters teeth!"
"He had to quit his job cause now he is afraid of the dark."
"The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"
"I was in math class and my teacher asked "what comes after 69?" Apparently "I do" is not the correct answer."
Posted: 12/20/2012 12:08:31 PM
|"We're Number One! We're Number One!"|
"Because one's a Doc, one's a Worf, and one's a Marina."
"Oh no, my garden's on fire!"
Posted: 12/21/2012 10:10:15 AM
|Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am." |
Then he says "I define myself to be outside the fence."
And the philosophy department doesn't even want the wastebaskets.
Posted: 12/22/2012 11:51:41 PM
|"What God wants - he keeps!"|
It's his to keep....
I like this one A loving heart (and snow tires) is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle- I added to it ....sorry
Posted: 12/27/2012 10:24:40 AM
|"me and the Ole lady been having trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."|
Posted: 9/7/2013 12:01:43 PM
|Either you have no pulse, or my watch is broken.|
Posted: 10/12/2013 1:15:17 AM
|He should have quit when he was a head|
Now i have to tell the whole joke because my messages are too short.
A couple have been trying for years to have a bairn. Eventually
the wummin falls pregnant. After much pain she gives birth.
But all thats there is a head.
But over the years they nurture and love the head and take him
(yes they called the head mungo) to the beach, to the football
and away to spain on holiday.
Eventually its mungo the heads 18th birthday.
C'mon son says the dad, I'll take you down the pub to celebrate.
So laying the head on the bar the dad buys two whiskys.
Happy birthday son. As the dad puts the whisky to mungo
the heads lips a strange thing happens.
A torso sprouts out.
Another whisky and legs appear
Woo hoo they cry and down whiskys until a fully grown young
man stands there.
Right dad im away up the toon shouts a very drunk mungo,
steps out the bar, falls over a black cat ends up on the road
and gets hit and killed by a bus.
And the moral of the story is?
Posted: 1/8/2014 5:05:38 PM
|James in SD- Looking for me|
of course I picked the bicycle, what would I do with a cheerleaders uniform?
3, one stands on the stool, the other 2 turn the stool
Posted: 1/10/2014 4:31:47 PM
The Lifeguard said "Next time, put the potato in the front !"
I want all my friends to say, " look at that "S"-car-go ! "
And the Duck says.... " Can you get this guy off my ass? "
Posted: 4/12/2014 10:35:08 PM
|So I said "that's not how you milk a cow"|
The horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey why the long face."
And then we agreed that this was no place for a buffalo.
Posted: 4/13/2014 3:17:01 AM
|And then the farmer said to the new farmhand|
"No, that's not salable milk, but yes, that would have been the right way to milk a cow."