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 forforumfun
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 93
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperatedPage 2 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
I sure wouldn't. I did once and boy was he a jerk. Actually, he lied and said he was divorced, when he was actually just separated. Many women such as myself only want long term, leading to marriage. A guy who's separated usually just wants to date around and isn't ready to jump into a marriage again. I'd be a little wary if he were. I think people should get all of their things in order (including no longer being married) before they jump into dating again. IMO, separated would definitely be a dealbreaker.
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 100
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/25/2009 12:45:23 PM
I believe separated is still married.....and frankly on here.....sometimes separated means the wife is at work.....lololol......anyway I say if you are interested then look me up once the papers are signed.... I dont like that kind of drama......
 Wombat59
Joined: 9/3/2008
Msg: 105
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/25/2009 5:54:22 PM
well - i was on sick leave with a bad back (May 07) - and i got up to find my husband carrying boxes out the back door - i asked what he was doing and he said he was moving out! As it happens - he moved back in a few weeks later due to finances (spare room of course) and actually moved out in June 08. We have no plans to divorce at the moment. I would most definitely not have him back. So what is the difference between a couple who live together for 15 or more years and split up - and a couple who are married for 15 or more years and separate? As long as you are honest with new people you meet then that should be fine. relationships can go wrong anyway - nothing to to with the separated/divorced issue. I am still on friendly terms with my ex - we just stopped loving each other and now want to move on.
 cannpeters
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 123
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 3/9/2009 6:46:03 PM
No, I have done that and won't do it again. There was tons of drama with the soon-to-be-ex and children, the children, were hurting, tons of fighting. He told me he was ready to move on, but he spent all his time complaining about her actions (and then feeling sorry for her on the other hand). I just don't feel like being a therapist again for someone. After almost a year of dating, he realized it was a rebound relationship and found someone else. I heard a year later he was still trying to get a divorce. I am glad to be out of that relationship. I don't think any relationship is perfect but, in my opinion, dating a separated person is often "borrowing trouble."

And, one question for the separated person...why do you HAVE to date someone so soon? Why not wait until you have the drama behind you? I mean it's one thing to want to go out and have a nice time, meet new friends, etc, but why do some separated people want to go straight into another serious relationship?
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 128
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 3/12/2009 8:34:02 AM
I met a man who was separated.... because everyone deserves a chance........right ?.... then I come to find out that he was only separated because his wife was at work.......so after that one.......I learned.....get your divorce.....and then call me.......
 sunkist76
Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 129
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 3/12/2009 5:06:48 PM
i would date someone that is seperated. however, it depends on ONE major thing: when will the seperation become a divorce?
 ShyNQuietNYMiss
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 138
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 3/14/2009 10:40:18 AM
I agree with all here. I would never date a man who is separated. He is still legally married.

I also try to stay away from divorced men who are close to their children, for fear of becoming an obstacle.
 simbagirl123
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 139
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 3/14/2009 11:38:47 AM
I think people need to heal after a broken relationship so not interested in getting hurt or becoming a therapist. So heal, Divorce, and then go fishing
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 140
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 3/14/2009 12:51:21 PM

Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated

NOPE. Get a lawyer, get a court date, get a final Decree, live alone a year or two, fix your part of the failure and then maybe we'll talk. JMO
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 144
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 3/18/2009 2:24:02 AM
The man that I had dated i cared about very very much. He was incapable of feelings. I was stupid to let him in my life.

FYI~~~~I was SEPERATED~~~Waiting on papers and my ex was married to another woman at the same time in another country. So, I was divorce from a bigamist and waiting for the papers.

But I dated a man who was "seperated" for about 6 years without being divorced and boy if there is anything that anybody can learn from this thread is
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DON'T DON'T DON'T DON'T
I cannot say it enough times!!!! with how much this man hurt me~~and he is back on POF looking for his next casual sex victim whos head he can mess with...........but that is not what he says or what his profile says................because he is a pathological liar and a very hurtful man. Many things that he said to me were untrue and that really hurt me deeply. I wanted to know the truth because I gave him my heart. I (called)contacted his seperated wife. She told me that he demeaned her and abused her emotionally the way I felt and His son NEVER NEVER wants to speak to him again till the day he is DEAD!!!!!!! They both said that I am lucky that he is gone!
People think twice before date a "seperated" person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 nitenurse4u
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 169
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 4/16/2009 4:41:06 AM
absolutely! as long as a person is truly separated in body,mind, and spirit and is moving foreward with no intent to reconcile with the other person, my answer is yes!i have been separated for 2 yrs now and am finally going thru the divorice because of financial reasons. life goes on!
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 177
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 4/18/2009 4:00:22 PM
OP every situation isn't different like some are saying; it's not that hard.

Being separated means;

1. they are married
2. they have unfinished business


Do you want to risk them going back to their ex? Do you want to date a married person? This is a no brainer; I tell each one the same thing; I dont date people with unfinished business.

Separated means you are still married.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 178
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 4/19/2009 7:06:13 PM
I will not date a man who is separated,he is still married,with some problems period.
 kadence1212
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 183
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 4/23/2009 11:28:06 AM
so depends on the situation.

And what constitutes seperated vs divorced? Technically one is not divorced until the divorce is finalized by the courts...

but yet my papers have been filed (Several months) i'm in no way interested in going back to him (ummm ever) and have dated a few times since we split. i'm now ready to move on and find mr right.

but there's chances this divorce might not be FINAL for at least another year (Possibly more)

Now am i going to sit down and talk about how court is going and how he's not blah balha blah? with a date? no- i got girlfriends for that. I think by crossing off folks who are seperated with out talking a few times first you can miss out on someone good. Sometimes it's not THIS person who is making things drag on. THIS person might be done with the marriage.

Seperated doesn't mean still married but with issues in all cases...


Krystl (Who considered herself divorced the day those papers got filed- but isn't in the eyes of the law)
 shutterbug143
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 186
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 4/24/2009 4:47:01 AM
Not for Me. Married is married. If You want to move on, then get divorced When My marriage ended, I never dated until it was all finalized .
 prairie7
Joined: 12/19/2008
Msg: 200
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/17/2009 7:27:37 AM
[why dont ppl wait until the divorce is finalized?]

To answer your question , there can be any number of legitimate reasons for not waiting to date or even look for friends. The length of time it takes to get the divorce, age, medical reasons, or just being tired of being alone. In many cases for those of us who are separated, the relationship has been "over" for much longer than we've been separated, so just how long should we wait ? There's also the fact that "we aint' gettin' any younger" and especially for those of us that are a little "older", finding someone that we're interested in ~ and who's interested in us ~ is not exactly a thirty minute process !
Excessive baggage ? As compared to what ? We've ALL got "baggage" , what matters is how we deal with it, not the fact that it's there.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 202
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/17/2009 2:41:48 PM
While it's certainly possible for it to work out, we all have lines we prefer not to cross when seeking a partner.

When filling in these on-line "match" questionnaires, I always exclude "Separated" people. That person is, after all, legally married to some other dude! It's not so much an ethical issue (although there's a bit of that) - As long as there are other more likely options to pursue, I'll pursue them.

If a separated woman approaches me, and she's amazing, we hit it off, etc, then great! But before long we're going to have a chat about what's going on with, you know, the husband.
 Kimberish925
Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 204
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/17/2009 6:15:12 PM
Yes, I would feel comfortable dating someone who is separated, maybe because that's what I am. There are some things I need to know first...
1. How long? Less than 6 months, might suggest waiting, more than 2 years I would want to know why no divorce yet. There are many feasible reasons.
2. What's the relationship like with the ex? I'd rather hear that it is amicable. If they are constantly b*tching about the ex, no thanks.
3. If there are children involved, how do they feel about you dating? Mine are older and would love see each of us happy, with someone else.

As far as I'm concerned when it's over, it's over. There are red flags to tell you if there is a chance that they could reconcile. In the end, even with out any signs, a piece of paper isn't going to stop anyone form getting back together with an ex or cheating on you if that is their nature. At some point, with the number of separated and divorced people out there, you have to trust the other persons character and trust your own judgment.


This is what I have in my profile...
I’ve been separated for three years and will finalize that chapter soon. Yes, I know it’s a long time but we have absolutely both moved on.
From one of my forum posts…..
IMO Separated does not equal married, if it's a legal separation.
married = married
separated (because one of you left but no paper work filed) = married
Legally separated = separated, free to be on a dating site and date.
and to be clear divorced does not = single, once you've been married you will never be single again.
We are parents of two great girls so we do remain civil and there is no drama, we have even met each others bf/gf when they exist.
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 7/7/2009 4:47:50 PM
I dated someone that was "seperated" so he said. He had his own place for over 8 years, and with that I beleive he never plans on cutting wedding knot. Maybe because of the kid, or parents.

I beleive someone that waits that long is not going to commit to anyone (not even themselves). If you did find one that did "Congrats" to you.

I think there their a waste of time.
 Indiana Rose
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 213
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 7/8/2009 3:20:13 PM
No, I wouldn't. Separated is still married.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 222
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/3/2009 12:55:47 AM
I won't be comfortable dating a separated person,for he is still married legally.. and I don't have fear on their going back together,my fear is for some reason the spouse attack the third person, that mostly innocent, and not their spouses who is the culprit,they maybe separated but the wife or husband still thinks they still have a hold on their spouses... I won't take a chance on that..

When I was a young woman I was attacked by a woman , that I was having an affair with her husband it was a mistaken identity, I almost killed her for throwing her down smacking her face on the concrete ( I know a little karate) That scared the shyt of me for stupidity..I don't even know her husband...
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 228
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 12/7/2009 5:59:19 PM
I am not comfortable dating a seperated man because legally he is still very much married..
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 230
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 12/7/2009 9:06:43 PM
I think it's hilarious how many people assume "separated" means "will jump back in the sack with their ex-to-be-in-a-heartbeat" at best, and "really married and looking for action on the side" at the worst.

Separated is the dating equivalent of leprosy. The actual situation doesn't matter, it's assumed that they're up to no good.

All it takes is one example, and that example is used as a blanket judgment of all separated people.

If you're not comfortable with it, that's fine (and I've heard views that make sense on that regard), but to say it means that they will jump back in the sack with their ex-to-be, or that it's secret code for "really married and looking for action on the side" is just spiteful, a projection of your own fears on them.

I've dated while separated, and I've dated people who were separated. Separated people are, surprise surprise, no different than anyone else.

Me? I was more likely to jump into bed with J. Edgar Hoover than with my wife when I was separated... and now that I'm divorced, the situation is the same. Yes, I know J. Edgar Hoover has been dead for 37 years...

The only difference, in my view, is that separated people are being more up front with you. What about the divorcees still pining over their exes? Wouldn't that naturally result from the separated people who still are doing their exes-to-be?

What about the single people who have those relationships they've never gotten over?

etc

You know, because that's another assumption - that you need time after the separation. Doesn't matter if you've been separated a week or five years, there's no possible way you can be ready for a relationship.

Or, "well, if you're over them, why aren't you divorced?" which is one that oft makes me wonder how clueless people are as to marital law.

I haven't read all of the pages in this thread thoroughly, mind you - just skimmed the responses, and noted a very strong similarity to other threads where this topic has come up.



Now, I know this post PROBABLY sounds like a rant - it isn't. Just a listing of what I've seen the prevailing attitudes to be on the forums regarding "separated." Thankfully, when dating while separated, the people I've contacted and/or who've contacted me are, on the whole, FAR more understanding and realistic about the "separated" status than the people who post to threads about it. Strange....
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 233
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Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 12/8/2009 11:18:05 PM
But that wasn't the question at all - the question from the OP was:

How do you feel dating someone who is seperated but not quite divorced yet. What is your comfort level and do you worry they will run back leaving you to hold the emotional baggage. Does'nt matter male or female, and do you think one sex is more likely to go back,


So, this tells me that they're talking about someone who is ACTUALLY separated rather than lying about it. Flat out married and just saying divorced or separated doesn't enter into the equation at all.
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