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 mystifiedu
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 32
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Having sex means I'm emotionally ,spiritually, physically , committing myself--I'm not into this sleeping around business either .How can you commit yourself to another person if you're still seeing other people after the two of you have decided to take this step ? I don't understand some people's mentalty of " what is right and wrong "
 Quest for Love
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 33
 mlm_mlm_mlm
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 34
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/13/2007 5:04:21 AM
some men will tell you anything to get in your pants... and some women are that way too !....
for some it is all they can do to get laid in this century... they will pretend they just want to talk, be friends and all kinds of other BS...
You can't assume anything.... or believe what people "say "... instead you have to watch what they do...
and you can never assume anything.
There are no rules because people like to make up their own rules and change them to suit their needs. Lots of users around... more so on dating sites where they can fly under the radar to get some unsuspecting person to believe them and meet.
Let the games begin !
that is their motto.

no, dont assume anything... ever....
more so if it has anything to do with cyber world.
 petits_pieds
Joined: 8/9/2007
Msg: 35
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/13/2007 7:45:53 AM
No, no assumption here.
Then for your situation, I think its the best that you have a conversation to her, point out what you both want. If you can't get it thru, just forget it.
I don't see any reason why I sleep with one man, then date another one? Just for fun?
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 36
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/13/2007 10:19:17 AM
I have always looked at it like this......

As long as I have not commited to exclusivity with another I am free to date whomever, whether that includes sex or not. Once I have commited exclusively, I date no one but my partner. But the commitment must go both ways and until it does, I am basically a free agent.

There's my .50

:))
Witchy
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 37
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/13/2007 10:21:51 AM
It shouldn't be assumed. Nothing should, but it IS what tends to happen. In someone's mind. We all have to learn to talk plainly. Map out what we're wanting/expecting and be done with it.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 38
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/13/2007 11:30:04 AM

Dating is new to me, so bear with me. I'm a newly divorced man 41 yrs. old. Dated a girl who was really nice for a while and things got intimate. I considered us an exclusive couple, until she was asked out by a long lost friend. She didn't cheat on me but let me know that she would still date other guys because we weren't engaged. She also made it a point to inform me that she doesn't have sex with these guys. Only to me whom she considered special. We are no longer a couple but are good friends - so there is no ill feelings towards each other. But I always "assumed" that dating ends when sex starts. Others have told me that there is even an implied commitment on the second date? and others even state the no sex before marriage thing - and still a commitment not to date others? What do u think?

I think until both people discuss it and agree that it's serious, exclusive, and you both don't want anything different, that it's safe not to assume anything.

Too many people have too many different ideas about what constitutes a relationship, dating, and what's casual and what isn't. It's better to get an idea of what definition the person your dating has early on so you won't be blindsided. If you don't ask, you can't really say their way is wrong (or yours is right).
 rjpeagles
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 39
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/13/2007 7:57:15 PM
there are no implied committments, that correct term for that would be assumptions, which oft-times are wrong.

Mature adults have candid, open discussions about where the relationship currently is and where they expect it to be headed.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 40
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/14/2007 9:47:26 AM

Whether affirmed in this thread or not, the "norm" is that, once you're sleeping together, you are in an exclusive relationship. The only exception would be, if you are just f*** buddies, and have agreed to that sort of arrangement.


That "norm" may apply to you as that's how you feel about it...but there are plenty of examples in the forums, and in the real world, where this "norm" doesn't apply to people. If people are going to discuss just being FWBs then they should also discuss being exclusive or not - before they get horizontal, IMO...That leaves no room for doubt, or assumptions - which are generally incorrect anyway, for either person.
 TensawEagle1
Joined: 1/5/2007
Msg: 41
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/14/2007 12:52:14 PM
Hey kaltes ,

Shucks, just to think I was only 2 years away of being able to date you....


Rick
 mickey816
Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 42
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/14/2007 2:03:33 PM
I agree with this one. I will not date more than one man. If the both are interested in eachother then I feel that both parties should just stick to seeing eachother. It may take a few dates before either one of you can feel if there is a connection.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 43
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/14/2007 4:46:33 PM
Cardinal rule in life - NEVER assume anything. It takes 2 people to tango, but before you do the tango, it's better to talk about it, than try to do the tango, only to become tangled! No talk - no sex, no exclusivity, that simple.
 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 44
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/14/2007 4:50:22 PM
Besides, assumptions to what to U and ME?
 Jen4u
Joined: 7/16/2004
Msg: 45
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/14/2007 5:12:15 PM
I needed to read this. I feel like a relationship idiot most of the time. I'm not sure if this post encouraged me or discouraged me. Looks like the only way to know for sure where I stand is to ask. It just seems like I should know without asking, does that make sense?
 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 46
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/14/2007 6:31:31 PM

It just seems like I should know without asking, does that make sense?


In principle, I would agree. However, with all of the skewed values out there - it behooves one to be reasonably sure that the person they are with has comparable values PRIOR to going engaging in physical intimacy. Personally, as my values are long-term commitment in that aspect - there's going to be an investment of time getting to know each other first.

 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 47
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/14/2007 6:57:10 PM

I think the post right below yours, illustrated the "cautious", and I suspect "fearful" approach.


Actually - not fearful at all. I just don't subscribe to today's values of "if it feels good, do it."

 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 48
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/14/2007 9:24:31 PM
Msg. 133 Can't argue with you there, vulf. I always perceived I was born in the wrong time, however, I must confess that having been raised in a different culture certainly had it's influence on my values.


What's wrong with if it feels good do it, as long as it does not feel bad the morning after or later and it does not harm other humans, animals or the environment???


If that is what floats your boat and spins your wheels, by all means do it. That sort of thinking is not in line with my values though. Viva la difference!

 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 49
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/14/2007 9:51:03 PM
IMHO....
I think for women there will always be some implications towards commitment made by sleeping together ....for some women more than others.
Also , for some guys there are similar expectations on some level ....particularly if it was
really really good (-:
Like it or not , women by far and large do not like just casual sex without any commitment ... They just don't and guys wish they did..... but they don't . If women were as open to casual sex as guys are , the world would be one great big non-stop orgy.
 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 51
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/15/2007 4:11:51 AM

The point being, whatever your paradigm for dating is, the ideal is to meet only those who have the same paradigm, and then none of this is an "issue".


precisely.
 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 52
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/15/2007 8:29:36 AM
Melo - you make valid points in this last post.



When two people are both open to, hoping for a true and lasting intimate relationship, it naturally occurs that sexuality is an outgrowth of a willingness to exclusively focus on each other, in the hope that it will lead to "having it all".


In healthy minded individuals, this the natural progression. However, I would clarify my opinion of healthy minded. Before an individual can give love, they must first love themselves. Before a person is in a place to where they be a "friend", they must first be a friend to themselves - in the context that a healthy relationship also has friendship at it's foundation.

Sadly, more often than not, people approach a relationship with the idea that they must have someone in their life to eradicate loneliness, perhaps to make them happy and a myriad of other agendas - rather than take personal responsibility for their own happiness. That is an overview, BTW.



The fact is, if you "had the discussion in advance" a player would merely tell you what you want to hear, have sex, and continue to be a player. So, what's the point of pursuing the illusion that the "conversation" will change anything?


Personally, Melo (and only in the context that I do have the innate ability to discern truth from lie beneath the words a person speaks) - you are also correct in that statement. I would not have a direct conversation on that matter, rather explore conversation designed to elicit a broader sense of that person's values. Players are not that difficult to spot at the onset. However, for many people they are as those individuals still look to a partner to act as a balm on their woundedness and as such, wear their vulnerability like an invitation. They believe players as they are still caught up in fairy tale thinking - from a woman's perspective, that their knight in shining armor to carry them off into the sunset to live happily ever after. The manner in which we are assaulted in our society with instant gratification principles and lottery thinking certainly fosters that approach to dating and relationships in general. IMO.

 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 53
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/15/2007 9:42:20 AM

What causes them not to be able to contain may be different with each person, but inability to do something is a weakness that stems from something in their mind. When you criticise all the weaknesses that cause the right minded to obey and marry you are forgetting that without those, none of the people in the camp of the saints here on earth would ever marry at all. They are there for a reason and shouldn't be thought of as sinful, necessarily, just a weakness that will eventually be strengthened.
Also be cautious to make distinction between statement you make about the healthy minded and the sick minded. Don't speak of them as being all one common group where behavior is concerned.


Thank you for your feedback on that. Perhaps I should have been more detailed in my post which was quantified at best. Also, there is a different between the truly sick minded (which in my perception is more personality disordered individuals which was not addressed in my post as that is a different matter entirely). My statements were intended to be broad and certainly not intended to digress to a religious perspective or perceived assault therein.

I in no way made any statements using the terminology "sick minded" in the referenced post. That is a perception of the reader - a more accurate perception would have been broken spirited actually. Perhaps I should have posted a more complete dissertation to cover every potential circumstance?
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 54
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/15/2007 9:42:37 AM
I do not know ... , I have been dating this girl and she does not want a commitment, she wants to have sex exclusively with me . I ask if she seriously thinks I am her boyfreind , she says yes , does not talk to me , just calls me for sex , she cannot even go on all night like I like , after she is done with orgasm number 5 she is gone , I noticed it , I do count ...

I do not see her as my girlfriend, she is just a real live inflatable doll that comes to me with her needs.

Maybe she is a robot .

mmm why am I complaining? , mmm I sound like a girl , hahahahaha
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 55
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/15/2007 9:57:11 AM
There are a lot of people in this world (men & women) who just don't place a lot of value on "meaningful" sex ... so for them just because they are having sex, does not mean they are necessarily being exclusive. If you happen to be with someone who views sex in that way ... lots and lots of communication is a good thing.

I think before anyone has sex, they need to determine where their relationship is going.
**Is this getting serious?
**Is this just FWB?
**Is this going to be monogamous?
**Have both been tested for STD's / HIV / etc.?
**And a host of other questions ....

But I always "assumed" that dating ends when sex starts.
If you're saying that once sex starts, dating "others" ends, then I agree. But then that's easy for me to say. I only ever date one man at a time, so if I am having sex with a man, there are no other men in my life on a romantic level ... he's it!!!
 art_racer
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 56
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 57
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/16/2007 7:39:22 AM
I do not sleep around and it is always at my house, serial dater one at a time , another the next hour and so on , I am such a hoar. I have never asked for sex in my life , I would never ask for it , I prefer not to have it but the pressure imposed on me daily makes me say yes to them .
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