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 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 44
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Besides, assumptions to what to U and ME?
 Jen4u
Joined: 7/16/2004
Msg: 45
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/14/2007 5:12:15 PM
I needed to read this. I feel like a relationship idiot most of the time. I'm not sure if this post encouraged me or discouraged me. Looks like the only way to know for sure where I stand is to ask. It just seems like I should know without asking, does that make sense?
 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 46
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/14/2007 6:31:31 PM

It just seems like I should know without asking, does that make sense?


In principle, I would agree. However, with all of the skewed values out there - it behooves one to be reasonably sure that the person they are with has comparable values PRIOR to going engaging in physical intimacy. Personally, as my values are long-term commitment in that aspect - there's going to be an investment of time getting to know each other first.

 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 47
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/14/2007 6:57:10 PM

I think the post right below yours, illustrated the "cautious", and I suspect "fearful" approach.


Actually - not fearful at all. I just don't subscribe to today's values of "if it feels good, do it."

 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 48
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/14/2007 9:24:31 PM
Msg. 133 Can't argue with you there, vulf. I always perceived I was born in the wrong time, however, I must confess that having been raised in a different culture certainly had it's influence on my values.


What's wrong with if it feels good do it, as long as it does not feel bad the morning after or later and it does not harm other humans, animals or the environment???


If that is what floats your boat and spins your wheels, by all means do it. That sort of thinking is not in line with my values though. Viva la difference!

 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 49
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/14/2007 9:51:03 PM
IMHO....
I think for women there will always be some implications towards commitment made by sleeping together ....for some women more than others.
Also , for some guys there are similar expectations on some level ....particularly if it was
really really good (-:
Like it or not , women by far and large do not like just casual sex without any commitment ... They just don't and guys wish they did..... but they don't . If women were as open to casual sex as guys are , the world would be one great big non-stop orgy.
 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 51
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/15/2007 4:11:51 AM

The point being, whatever your paradigm for dating is, the ideal is to meet only those who have the same paradigm, and then none of this is an "issue".


precisely.
 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 52
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/15/2007 8:29:36 AM
Melo - you make valid points in this last post.



When two people are both open to, hoping for a true and lasting intimate relationship, it naturally occurs that sexuality is an outgrowth of a willingness to exclusively focus on each other, in the hope that it will lead to "having it all".


In healthy minded individuals, this the natural progression. However, I would clarify my opinion of healthy minded. Before an individual can give love, they must first love themselves. Before a person is in a place to where they be a "friend", they must first be a friend to themselves - in the context that a healthy relationship also has friendship at it's foundation.

Sadly, more often than not, people approach a relationship with the idea that they must have someone in their life to eradicate loneliness, perhaps to make them happy and a myriad of other agendas - rather than take personal responsibility for their own happiness. That is an overview, BTW.



The fact is, if you "had the discussion in advance" a player would merely tell you what you want to hear, have sex, and continue to be a player. So, what's the point of pursuing the illusion that the "conversation" will change anything?


Personally, Melo (and only in the context that I do have the innate ability to discern truth from lie beneath the words a person speaks) - you are also correct in that statement. I would not have a direct conversation on that matter, rather explore conversation designed to elicit a broader sense of that person's values. Players are not that difficult to spot at the onset. However, for many people they are as those individuals still look to a partner to act as a balm on their woundedness and as such, wear their vulnerability like an invitation. They believe players as they are still caught up in fairy tale thinking - from a woman's perspective, that their knight in shining armor to carry them off into the sunset to live happily ever after. The manner in which we are assaulted in our society with instant gratification principles and lottery thinking certainly fosters that approach to dating and relationships in general. IMO.

 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 53
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/15/2007 9:42:20 AM

What causes them not to be able to contain may be different with each person, but inability to do something is a weakness that stems from something in their mind. When you criticise all the weaknesses that cause the right minded to obey and marry you are forgetting that without those, none of the people in the camp of the saints here on earth would ever marry at all. They are there for a reason and shouldn't be thought of as sinful, necessarily, just a weakness that will eventually be strengthened.
Also be cautious to make distinction between statement you make about the healthy minded and the sick minded. Don't speak of them as being all one common group where behavior is concerned.


Thank you for your feedback on that. Perhaps I should have been more detailed in my post which was quantified at best. Also, there is a different between the truly sick minded (which in my perception is more personality disordered individuals which was not addressed in my post as that is a different matter entirely). My statements were intended to be broad and certainly not intended to digress to a religious perspective or perceived assault therein.

I in no way made any statements using the terminology "sick minded" in the referenced post. That is a perception of the reader - a more accurate perception would have been broken spirited actually. Perhaps I should have posted a more complete dissertation to cover every potential circumstance?
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 54
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/15/2007 9:42:37 AM
I do not know ... , I have been dating this girl and she does not want a commitment, she wants to have sex exclusively with me . I ask if she seriously thinks I am her boyfreind , she says yes , does not talk to me , just calls me for sex , she cannot even go on all night like I like , after she is done with orgasm number 5 she is gone , I noticed it , I do count ...

I do not see her as my girlfriend, she is just a real live inflatable doll that comes to me with her needs.

Maybe she is a robot .

mmm why am I complaining? , mmm I sound like a girl , hahahahaha
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 55
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/15/2007 9:57:11 AM
There are a lot of people in this world (men & women) who just don't place a lot of value on "meaningful" sex ... so for them just because they are having sex, does not mean they are necessarily being exclusive. If you happen to be with someone who views sex in that way ... lots and lots of communication is a good thing.

I think before anyone has sex, they need to determine where their relationship is going.
**Is this getting serious?
**Is this just FWB?
**Is this going to be monogamous?
**Have both been tested for STD's / HIV / etc.?
**And a host of other questions ....

But I always "assumed" that dating ends when sex starts.
If you're saying that once sex starts, dating "others" ends, then I agree. But then that's easy for me to say. I only ever date one man at a time, so if I am having sex with a man, there are no other men in my life on a romantic level ... he's it!!!
 art_racer
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 56
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 57
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/16/2007 7:39:22 AM
I do not sleep around and it is always at my house, serial dater one at a time , another the next hour and so on , I am such a hoar. I have never asked for sex in my life , I would never ask for it , I prefer not to have it but the pressure imposed on me daily makes me say yes to them .
 TensawEagle1
Joined: 1/5/2007
Msg: 58
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/21/2007 8:42:01 PM
Well Tigerblackhawk,

Give or take a few words.... And I pretty much agree with you...

Have a good evening,

Rick
 rjpeagles
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 59
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/22/2007 3:11:22 PM
But truth is they are PIGS...
...you hurt the people you are with when you sleep around.


Why is a man (or woman for that matter) a pig for sleeping with more than one person? As long as the people they are sleeping with know the relationship isn't exclusive there should be no problem. And that's also alleviates the "you hurt people" axiom.

I'm trying to figure out where it is written that you can only sleep with one person at a time. Sex is not a committment unless it is explicitly stated as so between the 2 people involved.
 HarleyMist
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 60
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/13/2007 8:47:42 AM
I agree with alot of the other posts...don't assume ANYTHING!
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 61
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/13/2007 8:55:19 AM
I agree that assuming will cause problems and communication is key. I just can't understand why uncertainty is being experienced. You would think if 2 people are comfortable enough to get naked, that they should be able to TALK to one another.
 ozziefan
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 62
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2007 2:58:21 AM
The word assume makes an ass of u and me. Assume nothing.
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 63
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:47:20 AM
Yes . . until you agree on Not being mutually exclusive . .
Sex should indicate a bonding . .
...but . . Many people have different definitions and needs ..where sex is involved . .
 NFPexec
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 65
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:34:48 AM
For me, it would indicate we were dating, HOWEVER after a lifetime (literally) of dating, I've come to realize that just because I see things one way doesn't mean he sees things the same way. Sometimes it's uncomfortable, but we need to have those honest up front talks so everyone knows what is expected and lay all our cards on the table. Otherwise it leads to misinterpretation and hurt feelings down the road.
 jstarky
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 66
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 7/18/2008 12:34:00 PM
NFPEXEC---hey unfortunately i cant email you but i must say that besides being stunning what you've written in forums and on your profile really caught my attention. you sound artculate, fun and intelligent and i'd love to know more.
say hello i'm 29 and live in midtown manhattan
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 70
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2008 11:47:56 AM
Women are taught that unless the man specifically asks to be exclusive.. they as a couple are not exclusive.

I do believe there was a good chance that she was only intimate with you sexually.. most women don't like multiple sexual partners they just are not wired that way.

I dated two men earlier this year.. a first for me.. One I was very romantic with.. the other was just a friend who wanted some female companionship. The romantic guy had told me that when he dates he only dates one woman at a time.. that is fine for him.. but he did not want to delete his profile from this dating site. To me, he was still looking for something better.. so why not me too.. So I went out with another guy while we were involved.

So I think the next time you meet a special lady and want to make it exclusive you should talk about it.
 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 71
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2008 12:34:37 PM
You started to treat her as a F**U**C**K Buddy. Without a ring, she fits this description. You are not a one-night stand, or a hook-up. You are a F Buddy. The way you treated her is an indication of this. You say you no longer date her. You have lost respect for her. You said that you are still "good friends". Do her a favor. Let go of the friendship. It will not serve her well with the next guy.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 73
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2008 1:03:02 PM

But I always "assumed" that dating ends when sex starts. Others have told me that there is even an implied commitment on the second date? and others even state the no sex before marriage thing - and still a commitment not to date others? What do u think?


1. Never assume anything.

2. Sex is sex. Unless there's discussion or communication - nothing is implied nor understood. There is no binding obligation that follows the act. On either party. Jesus people! Do you have contracts tucked in your panties or are you just thinking you did?

3. "implied committment on the 2nd date" - wow. I've violated a bunch of committments then.

4. What I think is irrelevent unless you're dating me - which you aren't. You need to discuss all of these really excellent topics with the person you are dating and WHOMEVER you are sleeping with.

5. It doesn't make any difference if it's sex or making love. Those are labels for the emotional content YOU put upon the act. Doesn't alter what the act is or the results are except within you. And no one else knows that before, during and after unless you're shouting at the ceiling "Oh my god, I freaking LOVE YOU and want no one but you for the rest of my life!"

Chances are good in this day and age if you shout that?
Somebody's going home - soon.
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 74
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2008 1:05:02 PM

Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?


Gosh I hope not!! Never assume anything! I would run the other way if after having sex with someone one time they said "are we committed to each other now". That's the difference between MOST men and women. Women have sex to get love. Men don't. I'm very much like a guy when it comes to sex.
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