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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've      Home login  
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 jerryjax
Joined: 7/27/2007
Msg: 109
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?Page 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
If having sex with a date is meaningless then what do you have to lookforward too ?cheap sex a fbuddy how many other men have been there? sex is a commitment no matter what way you look at it.
 TensawEagle1
Joined: 1/5/2007
Msg: 111
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/21/2007 8:42:01 PM
Well Tigerblackhawk,

Give or take a few words.... And I pretty much agree with you...

Have a good evening,

Rick
 rjpeagles
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 112
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/22/2007 3:11:22 PM
But truth is they are PIGS...
...you hurt the people you are with when you sleep around.


Why is a man (or woman for that matter) a pig for sleeping with more than one person? As long as the people they are sleeping with know the relationship isn't exclusive there should be no problem. And that's also alleviates the "you hurt people" axiom.

I'm trying to figure out where it is written that you can only sleep with one person at a time. Sex is not a committment unless it is explicitly stated as so between the 2 people involved.
 valleyjavastop
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 113
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/22/2007 4:09:43 PM
I am sure one or the other will be expecting one now ..
 jaycee283
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 114
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/12/2007 9:43:29 PM
For me... yes, If I am dating several women, and one of them and myself decide to be intimate physically... then I have devoted myself exclusively to this person, and I will stop seeing the others. Trust and communication is the key!!
 HarleyMist
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 115
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/13/2007 8:47:42 AM
I agree with alot of the other posts...don't assume ANYTHING!
 3Candles
Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 116
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 117
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/13/2007 8:55:19 AM
I agree that assuming will cause problems and communication is key. I just can't understand why uncertainty is being experienced. You would think if 2 people are comfortable enough to get naked, that they should be able to TALK to one another.
 ANGELPS
Joined: 8/11/2005
Msg: 119
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:04:29 AM
I think once you have sex then you and he should stop dating other people..I am old fashioned that way..that is something I ask in the beginning...I ask a lot of questions in the beginning and a lot I never meet for I am not sleeping with a man that doesn't have the same morals I do or doesn't think as I do about important issues that are in committed relationship. I used to just go on one to three dates a week and "find out" things...and no longer want to see that man..I didn't sleep with them. ..so I ask questions so I don't waste my or his time any more. A lot of men fall by the wayside for they HATE my questions or don't like answering my questions or think I have too many questions..well I say BYE BYE cause no man is in my life that I do not approve of and that isn't good enough for me. I don't and won't settle and I know what I want. If they don't care enough about me to get to know me before hitting the sack then good riddens to bad rubbish...I tell them there are tons of women out there that can have sex and it can mean nothing and they go through life having many partners..well not this chick!! I don't do casual sex and I don't do it until I am ready...period and there will be a man that thinks it is worth answering my questions and he may ask all he wants too. And I am in no hurry at all..I've been single for 4 years and HAPPY!
 ozziefan
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 120
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2007 2:58:21 AM
The word assume makes an ass of u and me. Assume nothing.
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 121
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:47:20 AM
Yes . . until you agree on Not being mutually exclusive . .
Sex should indicate a bonding . .
...but . . Many people have different definitions and needs ..where sex is involved . .
 oldsoul
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 122
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:51:30 AM
I've always been my own person and I've never cared for, nor have I ever needed other people's approval for the way I'm supposed to act, think, feel or behave at any given point in my life....and that includes how I view my own sexuality. I felt that way at 13, the age when I first became sexually "aware" and I still feel the same way now that I'm 50. Even after all these years, I still refuse to be "boxed in" or "labelled" for what society deem is the "correct" or "right" or "moral" choices for me. In my opinion, as long as two people are honest and upfront with each other, no one has the right to dictate who and where and when and how many partners one should have or shouldn't have...that is for me to decide, and no one should assume anything just because I've slept with them or not.

rjpeagles said:

"Why is a man (or woman for that matter) a pig for sleeping with more than one person? As long as the people they are sleeping with know the relationship isn't exclusive there should be no problem. And that's also alleviates the "you hurt people" axiom.

I'm trying to figure out where it is written that you can only sleep with one person at a time. Sex is not a committment unless it is explicitly stated as so between the 2 people involved."


I so agree with the above that I just had to quote it for it bears repeating, in my most humble opinion of course.

Live and let live and harm no one!
 NFPexec
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 123
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:34:48 AM
For me, it would indicate we were dating, HOWEVER after a lifetime (literally) of dating, I've come to realize that just because I see things one way doesn't mean he sees things the same way. Sometimes it's uncomfortable, but we need to have those honest up front talks so everyone knows what is expected and lay all our cards on the table. Otherwise it leads to misinterpretation and hurt feelings down the road.
 MeloFelo
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 124
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:39:50 AM

as long as two people are honest and upfront with each other, no one has the right to dictate who and where and when and how many partners one should have or shouldn't have...that is for me to decide, and no one should assume anything just because I've slept with them or not.


Yet another topic that is relatively simple in the real world of dating, that becomes overly complex in the fora.

Of course, no one can "dictate" who you sleep with, etc,, and there are all sorts of "relationships" out there. If one, for example, is in an "alternative lifestyle" that embraces multiple partners, NO ONE would expect there to be a committment with sex.

On the other hand, if two people are seeing each other almost every night, talking on the phone and exchanging email throughout the day, one doesn't need a "contract" written by lawyers, and witnessed by friends, to believe that the relationship is exclusive.

Most people, in the real world, know the difference between casual sex, and sex within the context of expressing love for each other, and most people know what the other person believes to be true, based on the context.

That being said, it's not a matter of "force of law", but there are basic "social conventions" that most people "understand", without it being overly complicated.
 Schadenfreudian
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 125
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:55:28 AM
^^^^ Good! Screw the rules and do what you want, since what you want to do eventually becomes the rules.
 jstarky
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 126
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 7/18/2008 12:34:00 PM
NFPEXEC---hey unfortunately i cant email you but i must say that besides being stunning what you've written in forums and on your profile really caught my attention. you sound artculate, fun and intelligent and i'd love to know more.
say hello i'm 29 and live in midtown manhattan
 WearRed
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 127
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/13/2008 8:01:51 AM
Wrong assumption... Sex is sex, commitment is a different thing.
I think the best policy in relationship matters is never assume anything...
 cuddlelicious
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 128
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2008 11:30:32 AM

For me, yes. If I'm dating several people and I decide to be with one of them physically, I've decided to be with that person and will stop seeing the others.

Having sex with more than one partner or several is dangerous, and some people think it's also pretty wrong.


I agree with nikky.

I have been seeing someone intimately. I hid my profile after the second date. Because I like him and dont want to see anyone else right now. Not even on an innocent dinner or movie.

I always feel that there seems to be some kind of confussion or distrust when I tell men that I am or had been dating with a number of men at the same time. I dont understand why the assumption that I am having sex with all of them, because I am not. I guess that I worry too much about what they think.

...........or is it projection?
 Shari67
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 129
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2008 11:37:07 AM
Never assume anything in a relationship unless the 2 of you have actually had a face to face conversation about where things stand. Just because 2 people become intimate, it doesn't mean that both are viewing the relationship the same way.

While many people see intimacy as a form of commitment, others see it only as a physical act and still continue to see others.

Commitment can't just be assumed. For myself, if someone refuses to talk openly about the status of the relationship and I am left to simply "assume" I will assume they are still actively pursuing others. In which case, the intimacy would have to end because my health and my life are more important than physical gratification.
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 130
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2008 11:47:56 AM
Women are taught that unless the man specifically asks to be exclusive.. they as a couple are not exclusive.

I do believe there was a good chance that she was only intimate with you sexually.. most women don't like multiple sexual partners they just are not wired that way.

I dated two men earlier this year.. a first for me.. One I was very romantic with.. the other was just a friend who wanted some female companionship. The romantic guy had told me that when he dates he only dates one woman at a time.. that is fine for him.. but he did not want to delete his profile from this dating site. To me, he was still looking for something better.. so why not me too.. So I went out with another guy while we were involved.

So I think the next time you meet a special lady and want to make it exclusive you should talk about it.
 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 131
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2008 12:34:37 PM
You started to treat her as a F**U**C**K Buddy. Without a ring, she fits this description. You are not a one-night stand, or a hook-up. You are a F Buddy. The way you treated her is an indication of this. You say you no longer date her. You have lost respect for her. You said that you are still "good friends". Do her a favor. Let go of the friendship. It will not serve her well with the next guy.
 Little blue star
Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 132
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2008 12:57:19 PM
It still boggles my mind that people have sex and don't bother communicating to each other what the sex means.
I mean, sex can be a huge significant thing... or just a fun, affectionate playtime, but whatever it is you have to know you're on the same page, because if you have no communication on what the sex means you'll just go home afterwards and torture yourself thinking about it.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 133
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2008 1:03:02 PM

But I always "assumed" that dating ends when sex starts. Others have told me that there is even an implied commitment on the second date? and others even state the no sex before marriage thing - and still a commitment not to date others? What do u think?


1. Never assume anything.

2. Sex is sex. Unless there's discussion or communication - nothing is implied nor understood. There is no binding obligation that follows the act. On either party. Jesus people! Do you have contracts tucked in your panties or are you just thinking you did?

3. "implied committment on the 2nd date" - wow. I've violated a bunch of committments then.

4. What I think is irrelevent unless you're dating me - which you aren't. You need to discuss all of these really excellent topics with the person you are dating and WHOMEVER you are sleeping with.

5. It doesn't make any difference if it's sex or making love. Those are labels for the emotional content YOU put upon the act. Doesn't alter what the act is or the results are except within you. And no one else knows that before, during and after unless you're shouting at the ceiling "Oh my god, I freaking LOVE YOU and want no one but you for the rest of my life!"

Chances are good in this day and age if you shout that?
Somebody's going home - soon.
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 134
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2008 1:05:02 PM

Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?


Gosh I hope not!! Never assume anything! I would run the other way if after having sex with someone one time they said "are we committed to each other now". That's the difference between MOST men and women. Women have sex to get love. Men don't. I'm very much like a guy when it comes to sex.
 My Wishes
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 135
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2008 1:28:16 PM
I am not the best "thinker" in the world... but I will share with you that , in my perfect world, if I ever have another "love" in my life, I will be comfortable discussing these things with that person.e
It seems to me that the troubles start when we assume another person is going to be like us.

Even under the ideal circumstances where we Will talk to each other about what we hope to have come out of our relationship , and what our feelings and ideas are about being committed and exclusive..people change ...people lie...things like that are possible... but if we never even discuss it - then we can simply misunderstand.
Some people these days do not consider to have sex as being a big deal , so they would not understand why we thought it meant we were exclusive just because we did have sex.
I don't want to get hurt so I am going to try and be open and forthcoming as i move along the path of life with someone now.
Good luck! Hope this was helpful to you in some way!
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