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 Tallsexym4u
Joined: 8/14/2006
Msg: 58
Call me when you want to get laid!!Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Anyone that is truely interested in you and as met you once must know you are worthy of waiting or he is definitely not worth trying to connect with. I would say that anyone to send such a crude message to somoene he has shown interest in getting to know is truely two-faced and not worth your time.

OK, blunt? Maybe, Honest? Definitely!

I grew up in the Portalnd?Vanc area and then spent 25 yrs in Hawaii. Ia m now in California and have been here for 2 1/2 yrs. I am moving to Seattle in 2 wks and I can say that attitudes are definitely differnt in different places.

In Hawaii, I found people to be straight forward. If I had a date, I could be sure it was going to happen. If things were going to end, there was a conversation (usually) about why and it ended with at least respect for others choices.

Since I have been in California, I have found that they definitely grow them different here. I cannot count the number of times I have been stood up with no explanation (last time was for a $150 concert that was so late that I couldnt even give the extra ticket away; not only a horrible waste but I mean how rude can you be.

In genreal I have found that people here (maybe its the desert and not all California) are so self absorbed they just dont care about other people and their feelings; definitely NOT the life I knew in the N.W. or Hawaii so I am happy to be coming home to the N.W.

OK so , back to the topic. People who do not respect the person they are desiring to be with are not worthy of their respect or time. I just hope that the next time you meet someone worth seeing, that they are understanding as I am sure you would be, of schedules and wait patiently for the pleasure of your company, the vision of your lovliness, the sweet sound of your voice and the Joy of your Friendship.
 cupidstrikes
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 59
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/25/2007 6:54:26 PM
Re: oiosindubh



I think one of the issues with dating over the net is people tend to move too fast .


Have you lost your marbles?


Too fast???

If anything it's usually TOO SLOW.
People need to e-mail a few hundred times, BEFORE exchanging instant messenger addresses so they can have more of a "real" or "real-time" conversation. THEN, after about 1000 conversations through instant messages, people exchange phone numbers because, afterall, it's the net and one can never be too careful (what did people do when they met one another without the use of the internet [ex. in a social gathering] and had no e-mail or messenger addresss to exchange?).
After FINALLY communicating on the phone (for who knows how long) both parties eventually meet.

YOU CALL THAT MOVING FAST?

What did mankind do before the internet revolution, when the old fashioned way of meeting others were through work, friends, co-workers, social events, and being out in public places? (library, grocery store, shopping mall, etc.)
If you met someone face to face and wanted to meet with them again, you would either have to (skip e-mails, im's, etc.) exchange phone numbers or plan to meet somewhere in the future at a specific time.
There was none of this dilly-dallying.

Speed dating; now that's moving fast!
Not internet dating. If anything internet dating has slowed down the process. More people spend more time at home communicating behind a screen than they do actually going out and mingling/meeting other people if you ask me.

About 10 years ago I used to go on this telephone chatline and sometimes would end up meeting people the very same day/night. The people I verbally spoke with were met within a week or 2, MAX.
Not like how it is online.

Unless, by "moving too fast" you're referring to those that fall for another too quickly/easily over the internet; that's different. If you're referring to those that don't take enough time to get to know one another before establishing any kind of TRUE feeling for them, (once again) that's different.
In cases such as those, yes, many people move too quickly.
As for the actual "dating process", as I've said before, I think online dating has slowed things down if you ask me.



i personally would rather spend more time writting male to a significant other than moving swiftly into dating in the flesh.


Sorry, but once again what did you do before internet dating?
Life's too short!!!!
If you'd rather live your life behind a computer screen so be it.
That's up to you, but not me. I'd rather spend that time with people face to face over a drink, a meal, or what have you. Time spent in person where you can truly get to know someone. There's only so much you can get to know a person online. Being online will not (fully) show you what that person is like to be with. How hygenic they are, what kind of chemistry you'd have together, etc.
Those are things that dating is for. That's why you go out and spend time with one another; to see how well you integrate.


Just my 2 cents on that type of mentality.

 cupidstrikes
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 63
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/25/2007 7:38:47 PM
rederer1

You may (or may not) be right.
Many people have different "tastes" in humour.

Are you sure that he didn't mean it in a joking (or sarcastic) way?
 Calisparkle
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 64
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Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/25/2007 7:53:47 PM
the guy told you straight up that he just wants to get laid. believe it.

No, it is NOT because you have been busy. Lots of people are busy, but you can still keep in touch by email and phone, everyday, even if you are busy. And 3 weeks is not time enough to expect much from anybody. It's not like he's your bf after 3 weeks and you have to make a lot of time for him. That comes later. He is just being honest with you, and a lot of guys here will tell you things like this within a month or so. If you ask.

If a guy was too busy to call me, i would assume he had too many other interests, and i would suspect another female. As the guys tell me, no guy is too busy for a woman he is interested in.
 Calisparkle
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 65
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Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/25/2007 8:24:08 PM
Oh, OP, i would never meet a guy who had no phone, anyway. Big red flag.
 floridaman4u
Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 68
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Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/25/2007 9:36:29 PM
if you dont have time to date .. maybe you should nt be on a dating site... if the situation was reversed im sure you would annoyed ....
 WakeDan
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 73
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/26/2007 3:21:47 AM
heh. well if i was the OP i would have said 'oh i already have someone i can call. im just looking for someone to buy me dinner and drinks'

tada!
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 75
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Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/26/2007 6:57:58 AM
It is often advantageous to read all of the posts before responding because the OP made a second post in which she mentioned that when the man was in the middle of moving and had his kids and DID NOT HAVE TIME FOR HER, she was understanding. She also stated and reiterated a couple of times that she just had a week or so that was much more heavily scheduled than usual. Frustration is not a justification for being nasty and crass so the e-mail was really inexcusable.

If the ignorant putz had waited a week, he would have found her daughter out of town and the woman likely with plenty of time to spend with him. I have time to date but there are weeks when between my business and the activities of three kids, you are either going to have to catch me at a ballgame, a choral concert, or wait a week or two to see me. The last week or so of school is usually a hectic time for parents and as a parent himself, it was a bit ridiculous for this man to fail to understand that the OP's schedule was overloaded.

Hopefully the next person the OP goes out with will appreciate the fact that she is a well-rounded individual that will not be sitting at home waiting for him to call and suffocating him with attention because she actually has a life of her own.
 LadyNCuffs
Joined: 9/8/2005
Msg: 77
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Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/26/2007 2:36:54 PM
Honey do you really want to waste one more SECOND of your precious time on a complete a..hole? Hang in there. A REAL man will come along (no pun intended) soon enough. Be glad to be rid of the loser.
 ruthannh
Joined: 2/28/2007
Msg: 81
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Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/26/2007 3:06:45 PM
THERE IT IS!!! I just had my post deleted because I was trying to say the exact thing you just said so perfectly. If you don't have time to date, why are you on a dating site. This does not mean we don't respect single parents! So please don't get bent out of shape. And to the "gentleman" who hinted to the fact that I wasn't a nice person"...Well maybe that's why I'm single...what is his reason?
 Desert Flower
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 82
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/26/2007 3:11:40 PM
Your reply to him was correct. He showed his true colors and you were right to block him. As far as what different people want to do about busy schedules and waiting to be worked in, that is up to them. But good form and good courtesey should always accompany all their decisions. Saying "call me when you want to get laid" is never good form and is never the option for a true gentleman.
 redhawk130
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 89
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/26/2007 4:16:03 PM
Undercover angel, I hate these kind of " Guys", they make it tough on decent men. Don't give up be careful, mindful, and take your time. Sounds like you have the wisdom to learn from mistakes. Any man who doesn't acknowledge that He comes after kids is foolish anyway. But as already stated, good to learn early.
 rrrickkk
Joined: 8/22/2006
Msg: 90
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/26/2007 4:44:51 PM
Dear Undercover, [and the rest of you girls]
I can empathize with that man. You're on the dating site to meet someone. Is your daughter an invalid and can't do things for herself? Could you have instead simply said that you would call him when you were free? He doesn't know you so it is easy to assume that you were putting him on. Perhaps if you two had ever got together, it makes me wonder who would be more important to you, him or your daughter. What's wrong with sharing all those activities with him? Just being together doing every day things is the best way of knowing someone. I suspect that being busy makes you feel important. Things would get done if you were not there.
Couldn't he be invited to the birthday party or the camping trip? I think his comment was meant to get your attention and it did. You took it as him being mad at you but he may not have been, only frustrated. I only hope you handle this in a different way the next time.
Sincerely,
-Rick-
 abqmalenurse
Joined: 1/6/2007
Msg: 92
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/26/2007 4:53:22 PM
Personally, I would have just told you to call me when you had free time more often.

I don't think he was particularly rude. You said he asked several times, also that conversation and emails were "clean" until that point. It's apparent he had interest in you on a higher level. Sounds like he got frustrated. Your response was obviously repeatedly "I'm too busy". Doesn't sound like you even tried to tell him when you would [I]not[/I] be busy. Did you invite him to visit while you were packing or doing other chores? He may have offered to help, if you had. Guess what? That could have been the start of something wonderful. If you really wanted it to be.

No, his statement was not quite appropriate but doesn't sound like it happened in a vacuum. Both of you were wrong. Too bad you couldn't talk it out.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 94
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/26/2007 5:06:40 PM

If you are really "into" someone, then you will make the time. Obviously the O.P. is a very busy person and frankly, that is a red flag for me. I have encountered this scenario countless times with people. The guy was pissed, and I can understand why. There is NOTHING WRONG with putting your kids first or having priorities in your life to take care of, and don't misread me, but if you are going to be on a dating site then ostensibly it is to meet and date people, am I right?



I can empathize with that man. You're on the dating site to meet someone. Is your daughter an invalid and can't do things for herself? Could you have instead simply said that you would call him when you were free? He doesn't know you so it is easy to assume that you were putting him on. Perhaps if you two had ever got together, it makes me wonder who would be more important to you, him or your daughter. What's wrong with sharing all those activities with him?


Amazing how people obviously don't take the time to read all of the OPs posts...if they did they would have seen that she only met this person once - so why would she have him around her kids yet? You'd also have seen her mentiont hat her child is going for their first communion...which means they're fairly young so they can't do things without their parents. And that *he* also had times where he was busy and couldn't meet her...so he did the same thing he got mad at her for. Guess you missed all that, eh?

There are times in everyone's life where things get so busy for a week or a couple of weeks that you barely have time to breathe...usually if it happens that frequently people aren't even thinking of dating...but if it's not frequent then there's nothing wrong with being on a dating site looking to meet someone to *date*...and to some of us dating doesn't mean we have to see each other 4+ times a week, especially in the beginning. Some of us prefer to take out time getting to know people and to date several people till we find out more about each of them and then decide which one we only want to date. IMO, after years of *not* doing that, it makes much more sense to take one's time than to jump into seeing only one person right off the bat and way too frequently. Maybe if more people took their time i the beginning, more relationships would last.
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 98
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/27/2007 9:00:14 AM
Sorry..... but I totally agree with what May26 had to say.





Everyone has a life. No one is sitting around in a white, padded room waiting to meet someone so they can devote all their time and attention to them. People have jobs, families, friends, hobbies etc that all occupy our time. The key to this is prioritising. When you actually want a relationship with someone you will find time to spend with them as opposed to letting them fill that 2 hour window in which you have nothing better to do.

To me, this quote:


call him when I wanted to get laid!!

means something quite different. I think what he's saying to you is, "I'm trying to spend time with you but the fact that you can't make time for me suggests a relationship is not important to you so I have to wonder what led you to accept a date with me.... is it that you just want to get some?"

It's flipant and facetious but I suspect this poor guy's pissed and doesn't really care about being delicate. He's wondering when exactly, in this lifetime, you're going to honour him with a second date. The simple, plain fact of the matter is that when you like someone you make time for them. You have prioritised everything in your life above him and he senses this and is pissed.

The only caveat to this is when he contacts you. If he phones and says "hey fancy a coffee" and you're thinking, "what, right now? I've made plans already" then fair enough. But if you're booked up weeks in advance and the poor guy has to email your assistant to pencil him in then yeah... "call him when you want to get laid".



Your kids mean everything to you..... and they should. I have not read all of this thread, but I do agree with most of the posters who are saying put your dating life on the back burner for now, you have no time for that.

I can understand the guys frustrations, although saying that was maybe just a little out of line, I can still understand it.

Another poster said he had the same problem with someone he was dating and as soon as it got old to him he moved right along. That is a chance you will always have to take when getting to know somebody as it is the nature of the beast. A frustrated man WILL move on. I am very sorry that happened to you.

:))
Witchy
 casperella
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 99
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/28/2007 12:33:18 PM
I'm wondering why you'd be on a dating sight if you dont have time to date?
 fakeone
Joined: 3/27/2007
Msg: 101
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/28/2007 1:18:36 PM
OP, if the guy looked like a movie star with billion $, would you not see him in 2 weeks? Just be honest with yourself, you were not interested enough to make time for him.
 Wanda49
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 105
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/28/2007 4:15:40 PM
Isn't that what all guys are only looking for in a woman? The rest of the interest is only to get you to meet them.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 107
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/28/2007 4:24:49 PM

pull your profile and wait until she is older and has moved out of the house before you start dating.


ESE: the man of my dreams. I couldn't agree more. That is exactly what I did. I dated for a year, then realized that (***sigh***) my son was my life. There wasn't enough time for my responsibilities and all that goes along with raising a child. It didn't kill me to wait until he was over 17 to delve into a personal life of my own. Like it or not, there is nothing more irritating that connecting with someone (on any level) only to be shot down because "my child(ren) are my life." Big red-flag in a profile, even bigger in the real world. JMO
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 112
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Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 6/4/2007 10:32:30 PM
Wow, what an experience! You were perfectly right OP in blocking this guy and being done with him as soon as he showed his true colors. I can't get over the apologists for this guy, suggested that he might have only been "joking". Are you fracking kidding me!? She went out with this guy once, although she had several conversations with him on the phone and online I assume. What could possibly make people think that they knew each other well enough that is would be appropriate to say something like that, even for a joke. Obviously this guy was frustrated and acting like a spoiled child who couldn't have something immediately that he wanted. The irony is, it sounds like he lost a chance to get to know a wonderful woman, if he had only shown some patience and acted like an adult.

We've all been there, when we felt like we were getting blown off by people that were "busy" all the time. Its happened to me on this site. But when the person takes the time to explain the circumstances, and goes to great lengths to assure you she is still in fact interested, and legitimately swamped temporarily, you have to give them the benefit of the doubt. It goes something like, "Hey, I understand completely...give me a call when things calm down a bit." If she doesn't call, she was blowing you off. Either way, you still acted like a reasonable human being, and kept your dignity, instead of acting like a spoiled child.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 115
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Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 6/5/2007 6:46:55 AM
OP, I find it very, very funny. What if you had been keen, and he said he was "busy"?

This man sounds as if he is not used to being openly communicative, and tactful about what he wants to say. He may have been frustrated, and not clear about what he wanted to say. But he needed to say something, so you wouldn't think he was a pushover. This was the best he could come up with on short notice.

Why could you not have invited him over for coffee, or quick sandwich and a chat, for half-an-hour. You didn't even need to leave the house. You could have picked a time. He could meet you at a local cafe. You look great, and you could meet him in slacks, like one of your photos and still look great, so you don't need much time to get ready, only to tell him you don't have the time to make a big effort. There are numerous options that don't take a lot of time.

I tend to find that most people get annoyed if they want to make plans with you, and you are non-committal about them.
1) So I will make arrangements that I can make, even if they are a lot far off, so I am reassuring them that I want to see them, just now is not a good time.
2) If I cannot be sure if I may need to cancel them, then I tell the other person it is a "tentative" arrangement, and will confirm nearer the time, so they understand that my plans may be subject to change.
3) I ALWAYS set a date, time and place, so that they know they do not have to worry about the date till then. It actually puts their mind at ease, and mine.
4) The same goes for confirming a date, and for phone calls they will wait in for. I fix a date, time and place.

Then, if someone is still hooing and hahing all over the place, I know that they don't really want to see me at all, and are "just being polite." So I thank them for their consideration, tell them we'll meet at a later date, and get on with my life. If they want to see me, they will re-initiate contact. I'm bound to bump into them at some point, so it's probably the truth to say that we will meet. As they were "just being polite", so am I.

If they ring back, and are still unprepared to make a committed date, then they refuse to be polite, so I tell them I don't like to talk to people who don't want to see me, and if they want to, they could invite me for coffee, for half-an-hour. They don't even need to leave the house. If they want, it could be 8am or 11:30pm. But if they can't be asked to do that, they should contact me, when they can be a little bit more open and straight-forward. I can play games. They're called Monopoly, Risk, or Canasta. But I won't bet the farm, and I won't bet my heart, or my time. They are too precious.
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