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 YourDarkAngel
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 54
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.Page 2 of 57    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)

No, YOU should tell those women that. "I have zero interest in you and you don't seem to be getting the message." Don't leave it to the imagination of those women - if they like you they will take it as coyness. Let em have it. I mean I like to approach men too, but I have a built in knowledge of knowing where to stop. Once I give them a CLEAR signal that I am interested and an open to pick up the ball...and they don't, I move on. A lot of women don't realize men jsut don't play hard to get (if interested), that's specifically something only women do.

That goes for men too, if you don't tell them you don't like them romantically, they either get angry at you, try to find out why and fix it, or say ok and agree to be friends and secretly hope you'll change your mind someday (my favorite). You have to tell them that they can't - it's just not going to happen.


Excuse me?

I DO tell them that, and I don't play hard to get. Some people simply do not get the message until you cut them out completely.

Do I have to relate several stories for you? I have no problems in doing so if I have the time.
 Quest for Love
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 55
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/30/2007 10:51:36 PM
greeneyedgold explained it the best out of everyone here. what she said is time honored experience and wisdom. ask the old happily married people who KNEW they were right for each other right away.

cyrus is the kind of example you don't want to follow because you'll end up in jail for murder.
 YourDarkAngel
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 57
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/31/2007 1:35:46 AM
although from what I hear there are still a few June Cleaver and Harriet Nelson clones around who need a big strong man to take care of them and provide for them and keep the boogeyman away.


More than you guess. And I'm not into them, either. Let them find someone else to pay the tab. Many people are just suckers.

Unfortunately, there are several women that want it both ways---equality when the paycheck is received, but chivalry when the bills arrive in the mailbox. You can't have it both ways. You're just living a lie, and when someone claims the tired, "I'm a strong, independent woman" and is funded by an ex-husband, a current boyfriend, and The State, it doesn't sound very true.

I'm all for women in the workplace and carving their own way, it's a wonder why I don't meet enough of them. I'll give them credit far more than the "rescue me" types. The latter is a turn off, no matter how good looking they might be.

As for protection, I protect myself quite well on more than one front, and don't need a sugar mommy to guide me. I haven't met one yet that shared my vision. So be it.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 58
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/31/2007 7:06:20 AM
Excuse me?

I DO tell them that, and I don't play hard to get. Some people simply do not get the message until you cut them out completely.

Do I have to relate several stories for you? I have no problems in doing so if I have the time.

I didn't think you played hard to get, I just figured you were doing the ignore thing most men do as they are usually trying to avoid hurt feelings. Sorry from your post it seemed like you weren't telling them straight out. My mistake.

I don't know maybe say something to them like "get away from me or I am going to contact the police"...I don't know. I had a guy who tried to get me to change my mind f0r two years and date him...nice, fun to hang out with at first but just real arrogant; ugh not my type. No matter what I said it didn't matter. A couple months ago he finally stopped drunk dialing me in the middle of the night, I hope he finally got the hint, but I am guessing he found some other poor girl to bother. I guess some people just like to torture themselves, what else could it be?

And before you all start calling me a B I T C H .. yes.. I am but that doesnt mean that what I said is wrong. People are attracted to who they are attracted to. I would rather be alone than be with someone for material or superficial reasons. Women in this day and age are far more independant and self-sufficient than in the past. Men need to realise that women don't need to be taken care of and treated like simple minded creatures who can't take care of themselves. Relationships are more about partnerships these days, although from what I hear there are still a few June Cleaver and Harriet Nelson clones around who need a big strong man to take care of them and provide for them and keep the boogeyman away.

I won't call you a bitch, I totally agree with you - many people think attraction is a choice. Their response to you not being into them is that they can say or do something to change it, or that you can just change what you're attracted to. Really frustrating. And no, a lot of us don't need saviors, we'd like to meet someone just like us that takes care of themselves (yes, that we're attracted to). Sounds simple, but it's so tricky and hard to find. Weird.
 kenonline
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 61
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/31/2007 10:09:55 AM
Women dump men who are nice to them for several reasons. Face it, it is not just about being nice. There is first of all the physical attraction. Dress for success, looking nice, clean and well groomed means you have personal pride in yourself and the woman knows that if you care for yourself, you will more than likely care for them. Then there is the facial expressions and the nuances of a man's voice. Poise and confidence goes along way to ensure to a woman who needs to feel secure can tell when a man has personal self confidence.
Face it, why would a woman want a man who could not tie his shoes? Then there are the body languages that communicate what a woman looks for. Size matters and too much flesh can be a turn off for health conscience women. Hair matters, eyes matters, lips matters, facial hair (Clean or cut) matters, body ordor matters.
Listen most women are very open to most men, but certain things need to be a priority and if you don't strike a match, don't worry, there are always plenty of fish! :) Ken
 Poet102781
Joined: 8/22/2005
Msg: 63
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/31/2007 2:46:00 PM
OH CRY ME A RIVER.

The last time I checked im a man, why the hell would I whine about getting dumped?
So you were nice to them...BIG DEAL!!

Im nice to old ladies too, you dont see me crying into my beer talking about my feelings and how hurt I am...booo fcuking whooooo.

When has it become a custom for " men " these days to be so feminine?
Suck it up and move on Mary. Jesus Christo and the holy twelve....

I learn from every one of my break ups, and everyone Im a little less nice...it is working, but it has some downfalls.

I dont see any women leaving panty puddles over you crying like a B!tch!
 tanner
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 68
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/31/2007 4:13:29 PM
imo.....i think that if someone comes on too strong, that could send the other person running

personally i like somone who will open doors, and is able to have good conversation on the first few dates. i think flowers or gifts on the first date is a bit much.

be kind, complimentary. but don't comment on the same things over and over, it tends to sound fake after a while.

and please.....for the love of all that is h0ly......on the first date, try to keep your eyes on h*r face... we do know where you're looking....
 i feel great
Joined: 3/16/2007
Msg: 70
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/31/2007 4:28:43 PM
thats why you deserve a guy that cheats and is rotton to you because your a worthless trashy female.
 darky64
Joined: 4/18/2007
Msg: 75
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/31/2007 5:57:01 PM
Some folks may not admit it, but I dont like a "yes" woman just as much as women dont like a "yes" man. I've seen a yes woman in the form of my best friends girl, and he treats her like absolute crap....he's almost completely selfish. Parts of her family have alienated her because they cant deal with how he treats her with a closed mouth.

I was a victim of being a yes man as well, being everything to a woman at the cost of losing myself, it was like a dinosaur being with a jellyfish....a complete and total invertebrate. But to answer your question, meeting via online sites kind of allow you to be really impersonal....most of the time meaning dumping one and going to the next without breaking a sweat, as well as not giving a damn. Can't speak for anyone, but even doing that would be a mite difficult for me.
 Gators
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 77
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/31/2007 6:15:04 PM
Here is the deal .. I have had two different women recently that approached me saying they thought I was sexy ... both where very hot , had their shizt together .. but as soon as I started being nice they changed their tune .. not saying all women are like this .. but some like to be treated like your not into them , ignore them etc ..
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 78
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/31/2007 6:20:54 PM
I will not degrade or demean a woman to feel superior. I believe in unity, equality and hard work for a relationship to be sucessful. Building each others dreams together.
To me this, although more subtle, is by far the more superior approach. In the end I get a woman confident in herself, not manipulated or motivated by vanities, and wholesome. Much better than a pushover wouldn't you think?

Oh yeah, it's way better. Good for you - the wait might be a bit longer but it'll be worth it if you are a balanced person. Kissing azz and complimenting is overbearing and naturally being disrespectful will attract needy approval seeking women. Be yourself and treat as you would want to be treated from the heart and you will attract the same.
 Quest for Love
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 82
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/31/2007 8:38:41 PM
i can think of a couple of incidents with nice guys where they messed up....their mistake, and refusal to acknowledge it, was a grave error on their part, which led me decide that i didn't want to be with them anymore. thinking on it a little more....there were subtle signs or clues before this that went unnoticed, yet, registered in the back of my brain, forgotten, yet beckoned by the 'nice' bf, when similar behavior occurred yet again. and then one day...boom! its over. so it could be that there are little niggling dissatisfactions niggling in the back of our minds and then one day recognition of the behavior...she figures out what is bugging her and then kaboom....its over. just like that.

little things begin to pile up, to build up, and when it is brought to Your attention and You refuse to listen, to understand and to apologize and MEAN it when you say you messed up or you were wrong....could mean the end of the relationship....without apologies and forgiveness relationships won't last. you do make mistakes....you are not perfect...so admit you were wrong when called out on it.
 Quest for Love
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 83
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/31/2007 8:48:31 PM
we know something is not right, even when we don't know what it is or can't figure it out at the time...just something is wrong or not quite right.
 YourDarkAngel
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 84
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 2:18:29 AM

uglybetty:
I didn't think you played hard to get, I just figured you were doing the ignore thing most men do as they are usually trying to avoid hurt feelings. Sorry from your post it seemed like you weren't telling them straight out. My mistake.


Not a problem.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 87
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 4:27:02 AM
Alwayssmiling36: Great article and so true. I might cut and paste that one for the next 5000 nice guy threads that get posted.

Simple .. ...... because they're stupid,, they prefer to bellyache about the ones who treat them like shit...

LOL...so many bitter men out there who feel this way, and don't ever see the common demoninator. I suspect they all took math growing up yet they never apply it to life.
 Goddess of dreams
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 89
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 6:42:35 AM
I will never do that to a nice man who I fall in love with NEVER if he is nice I will fall more and more in love. Being nice is a sweet spell..

But if I don't like the man romanticaly from the start I will runaway so he won't get hurt

 * Succinct *
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 91
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 7:23:32 AM
you're all insane - too much thinking being put into something that should be easy and natural ... POF = plenty of frauds
 Richard678
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 92
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 7:25:44 AM
Because they are just plain stupid. Maybe they would like it better if the guys beats the crap out of them.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 98
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 9:15:39 AM
It's not hard to do. People just need to treat others with respect and respect themselves as well. A lot of people get too caught up with one or the other, but if you allow for both people in the relationship to be active and vocal about it's destination then the rest is just small stuff.

Treat the other person with the respect you would appreciate from them, and respect yourself enough to know when you are overextending yourself for someone who's not returning the same courtesy. It's really as simple as that. Know when to give and when to realize it's not working.
 trulyme
Joined: 2/4/2005
Msg: 99
view profile
History
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 9:22:28 AM
I get the other way side of this.....men tell me I am easy and comfortable to be around
and that they want to do things for me because I am happy doing just simple things and then I get dumped.....after months .....if getting close was to scary then why can't they just say so? I feel best about men who are nice to me but that do not put on a big show in doing so .... Trulyme
 CherylCake
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 102
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 10:08:40 AM
I agree with dancecard about using nice as a lure, and thoughtfulness being genuine. Someone who is nice as a lure always feels cheesey. Genuine niceness has no agenda. And the balance thing is important. No one wants spineless OR abusive. Men need cajones, but not in an imbalanced way. It' s not all or nothing.
There's one thing that is not being addressed in this thread, and that is the way a guy will do all the "nice" things for a lady, like flowers :) chocolate, :) poetry :) etc. He may even actually dance! But then, after you are going steady, all that "nice" behavior gets less & less. Women think you don't care as much, or decieved them ,and the guy thinks he already bagged her, so why bait the trap?
How 'bout starting out with the genuine you(only spiffed up a bit), and escalating the nice gestures as the relationship becomes more substantial? Or just continuing with the nice behavior you began with and make it a habit for life? Oh, just THINK of the rewards, guys. Points galore. Forever. You'll almost NEVER hear,"we need to talk."
The main thing is to be genuine & honest as you can from the beginning. Then there won't be that dissillusionment and feeling of deception.
Then the only thing left to get through, will be the power struggle!!!
 phine_likker
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 103
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 10:27:06 AM
They find nice men "boring" ..
 funnyfireguy
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 104
view profile
History
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 11:08:08 AM
I am going to have to agree with RMB_Mike on some of his statements. I am one also that really does NOT like the nice guy label. When we as guys hear the line “you are a really nice guy....." It is normally followed by "..... But....." after hearing how nice and great of a guy we are... and then hearing the "but....." X amount of times we start to wonder what the problem is that we are such great guys, however not great enough.

Sure this is some what of an insecurity and we are adults but we are adults with feelings and all that other stuff. When we date someone and hear the horror stories about how the "ex" treated them and all that and then get the line... and then find out that the next 2 3 or 4 guys treated them poorly... it does get a bit discouraging.

I know a physical attraction is a must, regardless of who says looks shouldn’t matter, I have to agree with a female poster a while back who said that it has to be there.

The sad part is that it does go both ways.

It is a proven fact that an “abused” person will likely seek out an abuser... With out "trying to” because that is what they are accustomed to. It can be referred to as a vicious cycle that will only be broken when the “abused" truly WANTS it to be broken. I am not saying by any means that every person whom throws the “nice guy/girl" term out there has been in a bad relationship all their lives.

I have personally experienced this with my last ex. She ex husband physically and mentally abused her. We started dating and she ended up going back to her ex husband even after he treated her like sh it for the past year before I got into the picture.. And all during the relationship. He still had control over her and all it took was for him to say the right things and well... She cheated on me with him and that is what ended the relationship and of course I got the “great guy" line... followed by” but he changed and we are going to see if we can work things out. Needless to say, less then 2 weeks later... his old self came back out and since then she has been involved with 2 other guys whom in her words were so much like her ex husband. When I found out she cheated { pretty much the easy way.. he was at her apt one morning when I got there... and they certainly were not having tea and crumpets} I told her I did understand why it happened and I do forgive her.. which I do... and she asked me why I am being so nice to her after what happened.... my reply was " what do I get out of getting mad and acting treating her like he did... besides being on the same level as him, I said I was much better then he is. Her reply was... “Well at least I would know how to handle that... I do not know how to handle someone being so nice"

So yes... the nice guy/girl label does feel like a curse sometimes, and i feel that it takes about 6-8 weeks if someone is just putting up a front as a "nice person" until that front starts to fall. I personally do get frustrated when I am told how wonderful and great I am... BUT....however I am just being myself and I really do not see myself changing that aspect of my personality.

LOL... I have made this long enough to bore most of you... and I will read your responses later. I have a date with a motorcycle it is too nice out not to be riding today... anyone want to go with?
 Always smile!
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 105
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 11:40:00 AM
women like the chase. go to a club, and the guys who are making little jokes at a girls expense win them over. don't know why. a year in to it, start being nice, but not right off the bat.

sorry ladies, but you know it is true, espeecially the younger ones.

just go out with some female friends, they will tell you all about it.

Anyone disagreeig can write me, I like a good conversation.
 Always smile!
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 106
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 11:43:33 AM
Plus, age matters. older women want to settle, younger just want to party with the user bad boys. Talk to some 20-somethings you know and have them describe their last several relationships. See a pattern.
G
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