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 AUTHOR
 harviej
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 4
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what would you do???Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
It looks like she has spent seven years projecting on to you what she in fact did, and still feels guilt over.
If you can truely forgive her and effectively communicate this to her you can make a great improvement in your relationship.
Since your profile has prefer not to say in the marital status field, it looks like you have not, and can not, get over this. Thats too sad, especially for the kids.
 2matchingsocks
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 5
what would you do???
Posted: 6/4/2007 2:47:42 PM
your partner has been very insecure about the fact you may have had or going to have an affair? you have looked but never acted on fantasies or offers


Is there a possibility you've given her reason to feel insecure? You say you've "looked but never acted on fantasies or offers" You're profile says the only people that can contact you are women between 18 & 40. Has she had reason to suspect that you chat & fantasize with other women? If so,that will make most women feel insecure.

Those first 3 weeks you were dating - was it agreed that you were seeing each other exclusively? If so, she was absolutely wrong! No doubt about it! But if that wasn't talked about and understood, did she really cheat? Or was she just dating other people too, because it wasn't talked about?

Last note - part of her insecurity may be that 7 year bit. We all know that marriage doesn't necessarily mean forever - but to some women that commitment means everything. Without it, they're never going to feel secure. You have children together...what are you waiting for?
 1Fish2Fish RedFishNewFish
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 8
what would you do???
Posted: 6/4/2007 3:54:49 PM
I'm with Alyosha

you have been dating for 7 years and in that 7 years your partner has been very insecure


7 years and dating don't quite fit together in my opinion. In many states in the US this is considered Common law Marriage.
 PC2000
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 11
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what would you do???
Posted: 6/4/2007 5:35:15 PM
OP
It will be wise if you remove your PoF profile ASAP and use this opportunity to reassure her that you two are a couple. Do not say anything about it, just show her your unconditional commitment to the relation and you will be rewarded ten fold.

You have what it takes to handle it and I am sure you are able to exercise your common sense and recognize that women able to press all your bottons in every way don't grow on trees. Good luck.


PC2000
 gizmosellschickens
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 12
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what would you do???
Posted: 6/4/2007 6:11:39 PM
At least your levelheaded about it, and looking at the bigger picture, and not jumping ship too early. She may have insecurties, but it may be she will grow more relaxed over time, or she still that same way no defintive solution there. I figure some people are not worth trying to change over because certain things about people never will change.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 16
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what would you do???
Posted: 6/5/2007 12:25:07 PM
OP, the reason she doesn't trust you IS because she cheated. She did it, so she expects it.

When she gets it through her head how hurtful it was to do that, she will undertake to never, ever do it again, and she won't think about it any more.

But you won't tell her how much she hurt you, will you?
You're gonna have to tell her how much you love her, and how much it hurt to know she cheated, but that you are overlooking it because you love her so much and your relationship is so special.

Then it will get through to her how much she hurt you. Then she will undertake to not consider it, so she won't think about it anymore. Ergo, end of problem. Good luck.
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