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 Felipeman
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 68
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Clues that he's an online player ..Page 2 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
There are some pretty blatant on-line players...just check out this web site

http://icanhascheezburger.com/tag/player/
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 73
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/14/2007 7:23:24 PM
Words I live by:
You can’t be played if you’re not in that game.


You'd be wrong. But I hope you never have to find out.

Another name for players is sociopaths, and they do exist. And they're very very good at what they do. Again, I hope you never have to find out.



 Peabue
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 74
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/15/2007 1:04:18 AM
This is in relation to my post above. my apologies for posting in such a manner.

Get his name and run it through the county records where you live. Also use other resources like your appraisal district to make sure everything a person tells you checks out. Then meet and take it from there using your brain, not your heart... and see if this person is worthy of seeing again. Most of the time they will fall short somewhere and you will have to let them go... so you don't invite some unstable, confused or psychotic person into your life who has made a mess of their life.

County records will tell you if they have judgements, assumed names, marriages, divorces, evictions, debt and much more. Use your public records BEFORE meeting someone. Players are often ( not always) unstable people who use and feed off others and you will pick up clues if you do your homework. Using all your resources including your brain, you can weed out players.

This is a bit off topic. But don't any of you feel having this much information about yourself accessible by anyone a bit disturbing?
Surely this is a good way for people to mine information and subsequently steal ones identity?

As for comments about players etc I work for myself travel a lot internationally plus nationally. So in this respect does this make me a player?
Try not to be too bitter about life as it is way too short.

Now don't forget to smile.




 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 75
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Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/15/2007 9:29:01 AM

Actually... all men are players..they like to scope the field and keep playing the field until they think they have the best looking woman they can possibly get with their looks and charisma. Always wanting something a little better, someone a littler sexier. It's in their nature to be the best and go for the best. It's an ego thing. Who has the best looking wife, who has the most money, who drives the nicest car, it's a way how a man judges himself against another man. Only time a man will settle down is if A. he's forced too (pregnancy) B. He thinks he's topped out on the hottie list, or C. He's been playing the game so long it's backfired and now he's willing to settle down with anyone that will put up with him and cook him dinner. Those are the most common. Then there's that fourth one not many people ever see, and not really discussed between men unless he's like your best friend and you're drunk together. D. He finds everything about her cute and sexy. ...


blah blah blah...

you know what, pretty redhead? i think you couldn't be more wrong.

of course there are some men who are jerks.

and there are some women who are jerks.

but to cast all men in the same awful ugly mold as you have done?

well that's just wrong...

there are many many very good men who do not think like this, who do not act like this, who are not shallow...

yes, there are a lot of men in online personals who fit this kind of mold, but to say that this applies to ALL men?

nah. that's just downright wrong...

and by the way, pretty is spelled "p r e t t y". two t's! ????

(why is it that people cannot even seem to spell their own screennames correctly?! sheesh!! )
 bhackitt
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 76
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Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/15/2007 1:01:35 PM
After reading many comments on this subject I would like to say this. Men or woman can be "players" it does work both ways... bad boys and bad girls. Also its wonderful if you can meet them in person... but that is NO guarantee they are not playing you and others to get what they want. I have a few men in person from online. You can tell the ones that are sincere and the ones that just want to go to bed. If they really like you and are into you.. you will go out on dates with them, you will spend time going to the beach or parks talking and getting to know each other. On the other hand the others will say sweet things to you and seem to be falling for you.. then once you fall for it and sleeep with them the nice words from phone conversations, emails or texts seem to disappear and they want to see you when they can and for their own needs. If a man wants sex with you or anyone else he can play it up anyway he wants to.... I know some who use the cover of being a spiritual person, others a family man. They come in all forms!!
 aprincelyfrog
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 78
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/16/2007 10:15:49 AM
I think, whats really interesting, is that virtually every description of a "he" online player also applies to the "she" online players. They (the players) come from both sides in equal numbers and there are a lot more decent people on here than there are players.

Personally, I find it best to just not invest a lot of time in emails, chats and phone calls... if you are interested get to the face-2-face as quickly as possible and make it something simple like a cup of coffee. Besides, why invest a lot of time with someone just to find there is no chemistry?

Cheers everyone!

Phil
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 80
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Posted: 6/17/2007 1:32:10 PM

I am content now to just work, be with my family, and forever put the idea of dating and a relationship out of my head.


well, gone, i hear ya, but don't you feel you have taken this a bit far here? just because it doesn't work for you (and me) to meet people thru online personals, that surely doesn't mean that we should write off (completely) the possibility of a relationship at all! i certainly haven't done that! and who knows, i might meet somebody online who's cool, it's just that i am no longer doing that actively.

as you also said:


It is obvious she is angry at the world, and hardly a conversation took place that didn't involve her "beating the crap" out of someone or threatening them.


that answers the problem right there: the problem was her, not you. so, don't let her issues effect you so much, and the kinds of choices you make. she sounds like she has some really deep issues and that's obviously not about you. i have myself, recently, dealt with a situation where i have felt the guy i was talking to was just really unbalanced, perhaps even manic. so, believe me, i KNOW how hard this is, and how very frustrating it can be...

there are a lot of players, and there are a lot of unbalanced desperately unhappy or angry people... and that is why i am finding this way of meeting people just too taxing. but, i am not giving up my search for love, just going about it differently. so, please don't give up for good either because of one (very) bad apple!

anyhow, all the best to you, gone!
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 86
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Posted: 6/19/2007 8:22:56 AM

I know we have through this but can someone give me a one maybe two line definition of a "Player"?

Every time I hear this term I think women scorned. Is a Predator and a Player the same?


simple, a guy who's full of s*it, misrepresents himself (says he's single, he's really married, etc), and lies to women in order to get them into bed. there are guys who consider this a challenge, like a triathlon but involving sex.

this has been a huge problem in online personals because such people have a much easier time doing what they do this way (as opposed to, i guess, older ways like bars or business offices). the internet gives them the perfect platform to make up an identity, to hide who they really are, and so on...

are we involved in online personals and actually unaware that such people exist?

tisk tisk.

and btw, they come in the female variety too.

bottomline, has nothing to do with women scorned. or men scorned. it has to do with a problem men and women encounter in online personals.

cheers!
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 89
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Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/19/2007 7:49:35 PM
A lot of the tips I've seen on this thread would be good at weeding out non-players and giving players an even easier time of fooling you. I'm often chatting to many people on msn (most of which are guys), I often forget little details about a person, I'm often called to work at a moment's notice - traits like these does not indicate a player.

If you think he's a player, or even if you don't, then don't have sex with him for a while. Spend lots of time with him in public places where his other 'marks' (if he is a player) may see him. The more time you spend with him (before having sex) the more time you have to find out what he's like and the more time for him to make a mistake that reveals himself as a player. Don't let yourself fall for him until you know he's the one.

His memory of details, the phone he uses, and certain other habits aren't indicative enough to act on - you could shut out the man of your dreams with tips like these.
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 90
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Posted: 6/20/2007 12:02:28 PM
hey rick, you wrote:


Merf: Why is it then that everytime one of my female friends gets rejected the popular female group responce is that the guy is a player? Someone will inevidably also know this guy and say things like "Oh yeah, saw him out two weeks ago with someone else" or some other non substantiated story


well, sure, i think that kind of thing is probably a defensive response, in some cases, to having been rejected.

altho the writing is kinda on the wall if, for example, he's totally sweet talking you and trying to convince you you're the center of his life (i had someone recently say "you've cast a spell on me!" before we'd even MET! ugh! :-) and we aren't going to meet! ) until he gets you into bed -- after which time he is suddenly unavailable, "just super busy" or entirely a-wall.

i mean, unless it was a Crying Game kind of scenario or something like that, how could the woman go from "strartlingly sexy" and the "most gorgeous woman i've ever seen" to "forgotten" when the only thing that's changed is that you had sex?

this happens to women often (perhaps men too, i dunno) and it does often seem a bit too convenient to be believed.

but yes, i grant you that in many cases we are hurt because rejected and so we look for rationales and things to make us feel better again -- like deciding "OMG, he's a playa!"

ciao all!
 Marmite baby
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 94
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Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/20/2007 5:49:38 PM
They seem to collect repliees, but never move away from the computer. You'd be unlikely to really meet one as some don't seem to out.
They probably also have given flowers but you wonder if a cyber romance is as good as it gets
Liz
 music_man_canada
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 96
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Posted: 6/20/2007 7:09:38 PM
Honestly, if you, OR your friends either one or both of you get mail from me.. usually it's to say hello and be friendly. If one or the other doesn't respond, (read-delete) I move on.. so if no one says no thanks, it's assumed.. if they read and delete.. they're not worth any more time and I move on to the next.. if the next one happens to be one of your friends, I wouldn't say it's a 'play' it's more of an attempt at something besides getting treated like I'm not a person by your friend in the first place ;)

And although this idea of 'serial dating' seems a bad idea.. if a guy goes out of his way to take a person out and spend time being honest and upfront about his feelings with someone.. it makes no difference how many people he goes out with.. sometimes he isn't in it.. sometimes the woman isn't.. but if you're saying taking someone out for a date and being honest about feelings is a bad thing.. tell me how many dates a guy should go on, before he stops trying to find someone that he's compatible with?

To be honest, I see no problem in dating and keeping things platonic.. and try, try again if it doesn't work out.. but for those who are persistent in giving it a shot and being upfront about it.. shame on anybody that throws them into the wall for being a 'player'

Honesty is what matters.. if they're being upfront about everything to each person they meet, it's not about the number of attempts, it's about the honesty! Our parents dated lots of their friends before they got together.. tell me if nowadays it's any different .. and just for the record.. I am talking about keeping sex out of the equation and making intentions clear and open!

No one has the ability to necessarily know how often, or under what circumstances the last 'however many' dates a guy was on, were up front and honest.. all you generally hear is the complaints.. not the guys that tried, were honest, and simply failed. Is it at all reasonable to tell that guy he's a player that shouldn't get up, dust off and try again with someone else?
 music_man_canada
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 98
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Posted: 6/20/2007 7:38:08 PM
Some people, have no intention of believing that a man can be honest and upfront on this website.. that much is perfectly clear. Not to mention the fact that everything seems so 'too good to be true' that real guys/girls don't exist..

I've certainly seen it - if people have any interest in getting to know someone altogether, they won't message someone that they aren't prepared to instantly meet with or something.. so really, you go with the cover of the book, totally breeze by some of the best personalities because their picture isn't the greatest.. and get what you expect.. you make fools out of honest people, who upon being disregarded entirely without so much as a 'thank you' for the nice thing you said, choose to up the ante and do something to gain attention. It's almost tempting to doctor up my photographs just so that someone attempts to take a quick look at my personality.. or maybe I should just take them down entirely.. and if i were any weaker of conscience, I'd simply, put up a GQ picture.

I'll say of probably about three hundred friendly notes that I've written over the last year or longer that I've been online, I've met ten people who actually replied kindly and are really great people.. and good friends. The rest tend to read and delete messages.

So if I put up a GQ pic, and start the role of 'player' do you suppose I'd get more responses? Absolutely! So.. tell me who's responsible.. the people that do it and make us all look bad, or those of you who are dumb enough to reward the best looking folk with your replies, and your attention?

You're responsible for your own behaviour.. apparently the common folk in the world don't even deserve responses even when they're being decent. I can't tell you how many ridiculous people on here treat this like a Sears Catalog. Deplorable way to start when your profile says you're looking for a relationship with a quality person. We're ALL people! Act like it! Or you GET, what you expect. Girls that lie and tease and play games, and guys that lie and get caught! If you reward this behaviour by actually responding to your mail, you're already giving me every reason to believe that a fake picture would get my foot in the door. I'm not that type of person but I assure you.. those of you who reward that behaviour, deserve to meet the fake ones, and you proliferate the problem in doing so.

To add a little objectiveness to the equation.. I saw this nonsense on bbs'es before pictures were even widely distributed on the internet.. and it was a different form of playing.. but at least you had the advantage of everyone being distrusted equally! *grin*
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 99
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Posted: 6/21/2007 8:08:19 AM

Generally speaking, this mantra that some/many/most men only (really) want a one-nighter and then move on, does it not serve as an self-excuse for some women to deal with "rejection"?


yes, that's what i was saying above nick, exactly.

i think both genders do this. i was just reading a post by a guy who attributed women's rejections of him to his "chubbiness" when, looking at his profile and pics, i think those rejections are more than likely because of other things. another person recently started a thread i've been participating complaining about why men prefer thin women -- and someone responded to her saying exactly what i felt about this guy: that their rejections of her are probably not about the fact that she's not a skinny minnie but because she's (ding ding!) not a nice person!

likewise, even tho players do exist and even tho sometimes that IS the explanation for what happened, still, many will say "that jerk is just a playa!" when that's NOT what the problem was.

i think in some part we need to find ways to explain the unpleasant things that happen to us, and, it's not all bad. sometimes we have to find ways to salve the hurts and rejections we encounter in our lives. and that's ok, as long as eventually we get to a point of being more honest with ourselves...

ciao all!
 Perikaryon
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 102
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Posted: 6/22/2007 2:52:02 AM
Evidently female psyche/paranoia equates 'player' with sexual intercourse. It is impossible for sexual intercourse to occur online, therefore there is no such thing as an 'online player'.

More accurately the term 'online timewaster' should be used, as a player has every intention of leaving their front door whereas an online timewaster does not.

As regards 'online'...you can be timewasted but not played.
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 104
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Posted: 6/22/2007 8:35:57 PM
integritas, i have to say -- i loved your post, and i LOVE the painting! it's surreal, and interesting, and ... well, cool.

i have had similar experiences. a guy contacted me not long ago, someone who i'd been in touch with over a year ago.

but this time he pretended to be someone else entirely ("i'm a virgin to online dating, just started!" he claimed) and even told me my very own life story but this time as his own life story. so here i am, before figuring out that it was this jerk from over a year ago, swooning, and reeling from this, thinking: "oh my! how could it be that our lives have followed the exact same path! maybe THIS is (finally) the guy i've been waiting for all along!!!!" blah blah blah. then after we hung up something started tickling the back of my brain -- the sound of his voice most of all, and the details from his profile (much like your own discoveries), the fact that he called me by a nickname i do not use on POF but DID use on that other site over a year ago...

i was TOTALLY freaked out when i realized it was the same guy under a new guise... and even more freaked out when i realized he had remembered all the details from my own biography that i had shared with him over a year ago, and then, proceeded to tell me his own life story using the details from mine.

which is why online personals is, in a phrase, for the birds!
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 109
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Posted: 6/23/2007 7:24:07 AM
nick: it's for the birds. the thing is, my fine athenian, you are always talking to chics in the states. you are not actively involved in online dating the way i have been -- actually meeting guys, a goodly number of them, for dates. and until you are actually doing that on a regular basis, i think you cannot really understand just how "for the birds" online dating really is. just how many players there really are. just how many freaks there really are, as well as perverts and sociopaths.

i agree, now, with whoever once said to me "it's a magnet for creeps." way back then i said, "oh pishaw! how can that be?! isn't it just like the real world?!" no, it isn't. nick, you are an anomaly here -- you are cool, smart, mature, respectful, enlightened, and lovely. and, you are very much the exception. and tho i am sure there must be others like you, they are few and far between.

(and btw, thanks for the compliments you paid me in msg 126! i appreciate that very much! :-))

and just because you always have to say this: no people, i am not saying all men are creeps, i have never said that, and will never say that. i love men and am very well aware of the existence of many MANY fine men, in the world and in my life. i don't subscribe to generalizations about either sex. what i am saying is that a very large number of the men who frequent online personals sites are pretty creepy (can't speak for the women, don't date women). and i am saying that it doesn't work for me. if it works for you, well good for you and i wish you all the best! :-)

integritas: thanks so much for the compliment, i appreciate it! lovely poem... as you can see from the above comment, i have had enough of dealing with "creepy" and dishonest and sex starved. blah.

and to whoever is hung up on the woman who posted message 82 (who blocked him), i think you really should respect her wishes -- leave her alone, get over it, move on.

ciao all!
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 111
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Posted: 6/23/2007 9:13:27 AM

Maybe, he ventures to say, ONLINE dating is actually BETTER suited for non-local CONTACTS and for contacts between people who are somewhat intellectually minded aand "connecting". Whose libido is "wired" though/via their brains (both persons, not just one of them).


maybe so, maybe so -- and, to your point, all my contacts have been local except one.

you met 8 people? guess how many i've met? 32 to 8, i win.

i grant nick that it can work for some people -- as you feel it works for you -- but it doesn't work for me, either that or i am just damn tired of the scene. (i AM considering trying speed dating, tho. people say it's a better option, we'll see.)

think about it: you don't have to kiss 77 frogs to find one good one, you have to kiss 77 pervs, players and psychopaths to find a really cool, enlightened, respectful guy. and this chic is just not up for that.

as far as i am concerned it's a big and one of the biggest reasons is the number of players.

but... you like it, you think it works, well -- then i wish you much fun and love and happiness.
 moviepal
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 112
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/23/2007 9:48:47 AM
I have a general rule, if I meet someone on here face to face and we seem to hit it off enough for a second date..I get off the site, if he doesn’t…I move on.
This is a dating site....and the funny part is most people on here are looking for someone great, even if they are a player. I am looking for a bestfriend and lover, not someone looking for a good time. It is a crap shoot… That is why this site is called plenty of fish
 Christian seeks Christian
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 114
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/23/2007 10:00:56 AM
Go to www.lovefraud. com http://www.lovefraud.com/ and read the true lovefraud blog. The brian ellington story is a good one to read, this guy made fake business cards with fake job titles, fake letterheads he stole from companies, he even used fake tax forms to lie to, deceive, defraud and mooch time, money, free rent and try to get sex off of the woman who out-ed him and his love romance con. The site will give you all the red flags, tips and clues you need to spot frauds, peter pans, romeo con men, thieves, users, morally retarded, amoral, parasites, predators and unfixable losers, all the pathologicals games are out-ed on www.lovefraud.com . A woman MD on the lovefraud site explains how to easily spot pathologicals on the internet and in any situation, as pathos are all basically the same and they all use the same cons that are identifiable and predictable. Nobody likes 'bad boys' except jailers and the prison system, as bad boys are hardware damaged and end up costing the taxpayers 16 times more then the average citizen costs in health care costs. Frauds use 16 times more health care dollars then average citizens utilize and cost citizens more tax dollars in prison and jail costs and social damage. Read www.lovefraud.com and learn to spot frauds and other incureable pathologicals.
Eyes wide open.
Good Luck
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 115
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Posted: 6/23/2007 10:20:51 AM
Don't give out your number too quickly...make em chat a while.....lol.....they usually give themselves away ....
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 116
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Posted: 6/23/2007 10:38:33 AM
Integritas, your artistic expression about the online wolf in sheeps clothing is priceless! I am so sorry he wasted your time, but looks like you turned lemons into lemonade....thanks for sharing very much......
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 117
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/23/2007 11:27:50 AM
hes all talk and no action.
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 121
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Posted: 6/23/2007 8:28:25 PM

Go to www.lovefraud. com http://www.lovefraud.com/ and read the true lovefraud blog. The brian ellington story is a good one to read, this guy made fake business cards with fake job titles, fake letterheads he stole from companies, he even used fake tax forms to lie to, deceive, defraud and mooch time, money, free rent and try to get sex off of the woman who out-ed him and his love romance con.


an even more frightening story is the big philadelphia case about the guy there who has date-raped SIX women he met thru online personals -- apparently he drugged them with some kind of drug and raped them all...

unbelievable!!!!

and frightening.

cheers all!
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 128
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Posted: 6/26/2007 9:21:32 AM

Yep, no such thing as an online player.
Only a bunch of confused people who have either been seriously hurt before so change their minds from one day to the next about what they are looking for and who can be trusted to provide those needs


wow, this is the most sympathetic definition i have come across for "player." it's great, and i think true of many. but i also know that there are many people who are not at all confused.

perhaps until it has happened to you, until you have been bald faced lied to by someone completely misrepresenting who they are and why they're with you, perhaps until that happens, you just can't believe it possible.

i dunno.

but i know that there is such a thing. and i am sure, as i have said, that they come in both sexes.

in fact, a guy i was talking to for awhile, nice guy, he told me about a woman he had met and dated for awhile. then they stopped seeing each other. a little while later he saw her at a diner, and he walked up to her to say hello and she sort of blanched and then introduced him to her husband, who was standing next to her. a few minutes later when she went to the bathroom, he walked up to the guy and told him the whole story.

when he was dating her? he had absolutely no clue that the woman was married.

so, yes, they do exist and yes, they come in two varieties: male and female.

and nick, i don't think "psychos and other criminal or sick minds or golddiggers" belong in a different category. i think many of these deceitful people are indeed psychopaths and that this is how they get thru life -- they deceive because they don't believe, deep down, that they can simply be themselves and be happy and successful and fulfilled. so, they fulfill themselves by specifically and intentionally deceiving people and taking pleasure in seeing it succeed. this IS pathological. it applies it gold-diggers too unless they are honest with the guy about the fact -- if they deceive him vis a vis their true intentions, then i'd tend to think that the 'player' label applies to them.

ciao bellas!
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