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Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 157
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Clues that he's an online player ..Page 9 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
Women do have to be more careful. My question is this: How do I ask for someone's full name (if i were to run some kind of check) without giving my own? I don't want someone I don't even know to be able to find out where I live. That's why I don't ask that info; i would if i were to continue to see him and trusted him.

Don't want someone who's made a mess of his life.

:) Cali
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 158
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Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/30/2007 7:36:19 PM
This is a great forum; and one I wish I had read before I went on-line on another site over a year ago. I was contacted by two guys around the same time - and picked the wrong one - from 'my' instincts. The one I dated for a year 'wanted' be a player, and the one I thought was the player turned out to be sincere, was my friend the whole time I was miserable with the other one, and was waiting on me when I discovered the truth. And why did I think he was the player??? Because he was handsome and had lots of women on his list. He chose me in spite of that - the other one took me for granted. Things were not making sense, so I checked him out and he failed - badly. Sleepunderthestars hit some of my signs exactly:
- They can't call at certain times, or dissapear for days, saying they are working, out of town, or have been very busy
- only want to meet on their terms when they can,
- you don't see their friends, parents, kids, or shares his life with you. just sees /calls when its convient for him
And add to it, get E-mail messages on his Blackberry at 11:00 p.m. from work - sure.
...I bought his excuses for a while. But a man who is interested in getting to know you and not use you, will spend the time - no matter how busy he is. I had a handsome man that was willing to go to church picnics, dances, work events, take me to concerts and canoeing - and I blew him off as the player for a year - shows how smart I am. LOL
Thanks everyone for the wisdom!!
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 160
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Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/30/2007 7:57:51 PM
I once had a guy write me on-line - and tell me that:
- he didn't have a job since he had a head injury from an car accident
- didn't have a car since he had lost his license from the accident
- used to be a Captain in law enforcement before the accident (and had a very handsome picture in his uniform)
- but had to go to prison due to the accident
- so he hoped I didn't mind riding Marta
- his profile said he liked to touch women's hair and other body parts.
Can you guys top that one?
So, I would guess that he also had a drinking problem, since he probably served time due to vehicular homicide.
- And he said if he had a fault, it was that sometimes he was too honest.
Okey Dookey....
 Hot Buttered Soul
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 164
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/1/2007 2:35:10 PM
Another sh*t on men thread... do you girls ever get dates.. or do you run here every night to regurgitate this crap.. Players thrive because people let them..
Online players.. real life players... truth be told you NEVER will know when a man is playing you... only when you've invest the time and emotions and he leaves you... hmmm ... instead of sh*tting on him.. why don't you try and understand why he left you... because if a woman left me... I would be looking inward not outawrd.. like my sh*t doesn't stink..

These threads to me reek of low selfesteem and an inability to understand that a person has every right to change their mind.. women do it all the time... and should a man not be able to? Like we're such pathetic creatures we should just be damned happy there is a woman giving us attention? And if a person isnt with you.. it isnt that they are playing everyone else... the reality is.. they arent into you... because if they were really, really, really into you... there wouldn't be anyone else.. and you'd be inseperable...

Passions of the male heart are string than this diatribe you spew here... If a man is truly head over heels for you... damn it.. you sure as hell would know.
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 166
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/1/2007 4:24:22 PM
So many times a person labels someone else as a player because that person wasn't the one that the so-called player wanted.

I think I stated this at the beginning of the thread. Yeah I have been played-
we all have. Men and women make deals on here, you meet them and It does
not go as planned sometimes. I know we say yeah Im up for it and then someone
develops feelings- all hell breaks loose and they are a player.
It comes down to what is expected from that person and sometimes communication
is key. Stating what you want and what is expected from that relationship-
sometimes its dating, sometimes its commitment and sometimes its just sex.

Another sh*t on men thread... do you girls ever get dates.. or do you run here every night to regurgitate this crap.. Players thrive because people let them..
Online players.. real life players... truth be told you NEVER will know when a man is playing you... only when you've invest the time and emotions and he leaves you... hmmm ... instead of sh*tting on him.. why don't you try and understand why he left you... because if a woman left me... I would be looking inward not outawrd..

This is pretty much it in a nutshell.
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 168
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/2/2007 1:33:16 PM
Whew!! I think YOU need an anger management class. If you don't like the forums, then it is your priviledge to not READ the forums.

Don't take it out on US because you are short.
 Hot Buttered Soul
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 170
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/2/2007 2:07:58 PM
The idea that giving a woman your cell number is a sign of a "player" is absurd. With technology being what it is today, why have two telephones? The convenience and portability of cell phones makes having a land-line totally unnecessary. I am a businessman who uses only a cell phone and believe me it is much simpler and less expensive to have just one phone.

i agree.. i actually got rid of my home phone(Land line) because no-one every called me on it.. and they new they could always reach me by cell.

Besides.. I get more cell phone numbers than i do home numbers from ladies.. i equate it to safety as home lines can be traced easier. Just my thought on it.

Still makes me think... if you have nothing to hide.. then there is no problem. Maybe some problems may be that some are trying to look and seek for these 'red flags'.

I look at every new person with a clean slate.. I try my hardest not to bring baggage and judge those whom I believe deserve a chance. After all.. isn't that the way we all want to be perceived?
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 177
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:59:36 AM
The signs of spotting a player shouldn't be taken as an absolute, there are always exceptions, and it depends on how long you know the person,, and how often the behavior continues, and how long..
Here are my reasons based on one experience, and I say one becuase, for the most part, I havent met many players and even the guy I was involved with, I am not sure if he was a player, but he did have a problem with being honest.. I dont believe there are that many plyers out there..
bit of a background. I met him online, and things moved very fast, I met his children within weeks, told me he loved me within a month, wanted an exclusive relationship, met his mom, co workers, friends, and did everything that would make me think he was honest.. he took down all his sites and siad I was his world and he wanted no one else but me. He was very attentive, outgoing, charasmatic, and wanted to build a life together, sharing everything
then I was on his computer and was getting IMS from other women.. When I went to log in, I guess his computer signed into his user ID not mine..
He was chatting with one women, saying he only had a cell, when he does have a home number, and telling her to not call on the weekends becuase he was a traveling salesman and not availble to take phone calls ( I was with him and the kids every weekend) He told another woman who he talked to every night that he was a bachelor with no children and three great danes and lived in a really nice house, none of which was true.. I noticed a pattern, the IMS were always after I went to sleep, and he told me he had work projects to work on. Giving out your cell isnt a sign of a player, but if you have to watch when you call, and he has a home number he isnt telling you about (after a few months, like he did to these women) be careful
Online all the time: it depends on what they do online.. this guy had 5+ yahoo ids, some say he is 25 (hes 42) some are for NSA sex ads he answers on craigslist (and he swears booty calls scares him) and some are to post ads on other personal websites.. flirting is fine, but he was giving out his cell to all these girls and trying to hook up with them.. Found out later he texts them while in the bathroom pretending to take shower in the morning.
Not availble when you want: I ended it with him, (he claims he did what he did becuase I didnt want to take a chance on him, and was looking for an out by not believing in him)
I am on another site, and he answers my ad, not recognizing me.. He has a new GF who he professes his love to on myspace, but he is still on here as well.. answering ads... he wants to "hook up" with my unknown ID , and claims the love he is with now, is one of his stable of booty calls.. he wants to hook up at a certian time, and I know its between leaving her house and picking up hhis kids, its the only time he is availble to meet, but he says its becuase of work he cant be around at other times. He also told my other ID about threesomes and other wild stories that happened while I was dating him.. some of the stories dont make sence, I dont remember two other girls in bed with me that one weekend..
Havent figured out yet if he was a player (he treated me great, all the way up to the end, but the girls he chats with he isnt as attentive to, only when its convianent for him) or if he is a really insecure guy who needs alot of attention..
Joined: 9/3/2006
Msg: 183
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/4/2007 4:52:06 PM
Players are not just online, they do it offline, too. This is mostly men--I do not know women who act this way. What should we think is going on with these guys? Do they have a problem that needs attention first, are they afraid of perhaps actually finding someone thay like after all so the chase would be over, or is it just manners?

Several really cool and not näive women, not online, have just had men "disappear." All after "seriouser and seriouser" interest, pushed by the men. The women wonder,wait and worry about possible misunderstanding and will not be rude, so the offenders get breaks. Sorry this is happening to lots of people.

By the way, a VERY smart thing to do is to use an untraceable phone number overlay even on your cell phone like TalkPlus when you think you should. You can choose numbers even with different area codes that rings on your own cell, but caller only sees the alternate number. They are not expensive. S0me phone services also include this. This is not an ad or an endorsement, but it can help.

Be careful out there, and truly follow your instincts. Don't ever be scared of a guy, and better to go slow than to wish you had.
Good luck.
Joined: 8/17/2006
Msg: 187
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Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/5/2007 12:33:13 AM
Well I certainly don't know an exact percentage but I think the number is high. But the longer one dates, the easier it is to spot them. Unfortunately I think its just prudent to not believe everything that someone says, and just take it slow, ask questions, don't feel pressured to answer questions that you don't want to, and only meet if you feel safe.

There has been a lot of good info presented in the above posts. One thing I do now is after contact is made, no matter how hard the man will pursue, I watch his online activity and see how frequent he is on a site.

I dated someone from another site who told me he only joined so that he could contact me. As I watched his activity, he was on line all day long while at work. I was sent his profile as a match on another site I no longer belonged to, and when I told him he said he didn't belong to the site any longer. Funny thing though- he was active every 24 hours. So why he felt he needed to lie about it is beyond me- it was obvious what he was doing.

On this site I started dating someone who I pegged as an online addict in the very beginning, and questioned him about it. He strenuously denied it, saying he only used the site to post his "artwork". He was constantly online, his favs list always grew, then he would delete all of them and start over. He even created a second profile to expand his audience, aka "fan club", since one profile wasn't enough for him. When I look back at all of the silly excuses, I actually have to laugh at the transparency of it all. His concession to me in his mind was that he would hide his profile when he was physically with me. I never asked him to do that but in his mind this meant something special- lol. Otherwise it was up all of the time and he was in full play mode. He would even tell me about the women he chatted with, and one time he was late coming to see me as he felt he needed to speak to a woman who wrote a negative email to him about his profile. So I concluded that being on POF was always going to be his priority and having a real relationship was pretty far down his list of prioities.

I think we gals just have to be smart about what we are being told, keep our eyes open and if it smells funny, throw it back. Trust your gut- its rarely wrong.
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 199
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Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/9/2007 11:25:09 AM
heh heh, just read msg 226 to see the kinds of things a lot of players say. Anyone who says things like "I must be the only genuine one here" and go on about how honest they are should immediately be looked at skeptically - I've never heard an honest person say such things, and every liar I've met often says such things.
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 201
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/18/2007 9:18:47 PM
tracking this thread.
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 202
view profile
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/19/2007 10:40:56 AM
If he looks too good to be true, he usually is. Always apply the golden rule:
There is no such thing as a free lunch.
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 212
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/3/2007 5:40:24 PM
I read most of these responses. I have been stood up by women myself. So does that make that woman a 'player' or too chicken to meet?
'Only having certain times to chat online' believe it or not many men have jobs and lives after work. Because a man, you have never met, takes time for his kids or grandkids or his hobby does not make him a player.
'He chats with many people online at once' Are people online only allowed to chat with one person at a time? On this one I have to say it is time for you to join the real world. Almost everyone I know chats with more than one person at a time.
'He only wants to meet for coffee' Most date site safety rules will tell you to only meet for a coffee or something similar on the first meeting. If you want a fancy dinner and he won't spring for it DON'T AGREE TO MEET. Seems simple doesn't it?
Until the both of you agree to date each other exclusively, either of you can date other people. Even if you have sex on the first date, one date does not make you exclusive. Never ever assume anything when it comes to people. Communication is the key.
Joined: 4/27/2005
Msg: 218
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/4/2007 7:50:25 AM

Players - this word is also confused wth
someone who does not want to be with you- thus labeled
a player around here-

Truer words were never spoken.

Some people can't handle rejection and thus make themselves feel better by saying they got "played".
Joined: 4/27/2005
Msg: 219
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/4/2007 8:16:07 AM
Clues: He is attractive and has all the 'qualities' we women find why is he still available?

Maybe he is selective? If he has "all the qualities" then why should he settle? Perhaps he is looking for a woman with "all the qualities"?

Clue: he is on all the dating sites
Increasing his chances of finding a woman with "all the qualities". If he is going to find someone online, why limit himself to only one dating site? Personally speaking, however, I don't think any of the other dating sites that I have tried match up to POF. It has come a long way, even in the last two years, and I can't believe it is still free!

Clue: you see his pic on AdultFeindFinder
Why are you on Adult Friend Finder? (or is that "FiendFinder"?)

Clue: you post 2 profiles and he answers both
Wow, some lengths people actually go to. Maybe it's me but anyone who is posting 2 or more profiles to "test" others is showing a lot of trust issues and that usually stems from being untrustworthy themselves. Something to think about.

By the way, if the police set up a trap like that it is called entrapment.

Clue: the first date is always on the cheap side (a cuppa coffee)
I would say most first "dates" (or "meetings" for those who are hung up on terminology) are over a cup of coffee or a drink. In fact, that's all most people want for the first time to see if there is any physical attraction. If you're using this as a "clue", you may as well give up right now, LOL.

Clue: Somehow a sexual innuendo creeps in earlier on..
That can also be a sign of his/her personality and comfort level with the other person. Most emotionally stable adults make sexual jokes or innuendos without any underlying currents or hidden agendas so again, this doesn't mean much at all unless it is a blatant sexual comment or request to show his peepee to you on the webcam. Then it is time to block.

Clue: he is on line constantly
Some people don't bother logging out if they know they will be returning soon.

And there are more clues ...just be aware that once they get a taste for the candy store they cannot keep away from it...
And some people are sick of it and can't wait to get away from it but may not have any other options of meeting people.

Sorry to say but these "clues" aren't much of anything and anyone who is always looking for rejection (translation: to be "played") will probably find it. It's the law of attraction, after all. A self-fulfilling prophecy, if you will. Call it whatever you want. Put down the labels and the negativity and just approach online dating with an open mind and make your own decisions and experiences. Both my sister and my mother met their husbands online so I know there are good people out there (I am here too!).
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 228
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/4/2007 7:49:01 PM
jenlou67 you are 100% right. i know a guy that has a profile on here,but yet he has a good girl at home who has no clue to what he is doing. he is a real fonnie says he is honest up front guy loyal all the bull that goes with it. he.'s profile says single, well he's been in a 4 year relationship with this girl. and he swears up and down he loves her. but to see his profile you wouldnt even know he had a girlfriend. so ladies be ware of some .
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 244
Posted: 10/9/2007 3:45:42 PM
There are those that are players..but they meet for real and just use what they can get from those that they meet. An example is someone I met last year, he was in along distance relationship that was not going good. I at the time was not looking for a relationship. We both agreed it was an FWB relationship. into our 6th month, he asked me if I had feelings for him. I was very fond of him, yes, and was fighting with myself as to whether my fondness was something else..I was very glad I told him no when I was asked. He changed and within 2 weeks, he gave me the dear jane letter and said he was changing and going to be faithful..within 3 weeks he was back on here looking, and when I questioned him on it, he said he was here for his ego and just friends. I was not born yesterday and knew what he was up to. This year I come to find out he was seeing the daughter of someone I know. But this was after we chatted on msn after almost a year and he told me he was with someone and she was a sweetheart. one week later he puts up a profile on a site that was not a dating site..but what it said made me bust a gut laughing. he was looking to cheat. End of summer I met them at a party and held my tongue cause I knew what he was up to. and he pretended he didnt know me, which I thought was rude. Here a bit ago, he comes emailing me on here, I knew it was him right away. When I confronted him, about what I knew, he deletes his profile from here. But I know he will be back with a new hidden profile.

Now I am telling this only because, do you think there should be a place where we can warn others...male for female and female for male players? Cause I do know it happens to both sexes. Not to flame them..but to let others know to be leary of them.

I know there is a site out there called dontdatehimgirl and you can put your story..maybe gals you can start looking there...I am sure there is a site out there for the guys to do the same thing
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 245
Posted: 10/9/2007 4:26:15 PM
He is the player as he has dates one...and cheats on them with others. Puts his profile up as single. Not sure how I would be the player on this when it was me keeping to our agreement. I must have hurt his ego when I said no.
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 246
Posted: 10/9/2007 4:44:23 PM
I think you read that wrong up there...there was no exclusive contract between us...I was saying he commits to one, and cheats on her with others. He cheated on his long distance relationship with me...then he is dating my friends daughter..suppose to be commited there..yet looking and cheating on her.
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 248
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/10/2007 1:09:28 PM

Maybe you should check that site out before you recomend it.
It is full of reports that show vindictiveness and hostility. Want to know the reason most are actually posted on there.
The poor sap's rejected, dumped or just flat wasn't in someone who thought he should be,

I had looked at the site..and yes I imagine there are alot there that are vindictive posts...but some are truely reasonable...

yes, these women post because they have been hurt...hurt bad too.
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 250
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/11/2007 1:24:28 PM
Like I have said before and if we can be adults about this and though I know many of us are bitter about knowing what we end up finding out about the person[both male and female] There should be a place to warn others on this site about those that are suspected players..and if the person that sees it and does not heed it, then be it on their head and heart their hurt.
 Boricua Papi
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 253
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/11/2007 2:55:58 PM
There is no player if there is no one who wants to be played. You can't never get the real person from the Internet, they are always hiding something. While chatting with you they are also chatting with 10 more people. The game is circular.
 Heart Breaker 2
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 280
view profile
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:52:40 PM
Right on Ruamoremio! Keep it simple. Any smart guy SHOULD BE what is considered a" PLAYER". You dont want to be stuck with the first girl to bat her eyes at you. That can spell disaster. Date around, have fun, find the BEST one that bats her eyes. After you find the one THEN settle down. Thats all Im sayin...
Joined: 8/6/2008
Msg: 284
Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 9/26/2008 10:13:28 PM
You have no clue as to what you are talking about...
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