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 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 11
Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Attraction is a reaction (not an emotion) therefore we don’t choose that part. We can however use logic to dampen the reaction of attraction. I also think the older you get - and the more experience you get at dealing with attraction (or any other reaction). You can somewhat control it. You know - down boy - she is taken or she is 3000 miles away > get realistic.

When you get past the reaction part - yes you can control the rest - the like/love or potential like/love part.

As a side note on *reaction* - everyone is going say “well duh” but .... many many people don’t really understand this.

With experience and or learning (same thing sometimes) we can *respond* vs. react.

A response is a choice a reaction - not so much.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 13
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Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 6/11/2007 12:08:58 PM
Attraction is not a choice......at some point, love is.


Well said...


I believe that we do not choose whom we love... we do however choose whom we hurt.


So True!

All I know so far is Love Hurts!!!
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 21
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Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 6/11/2007 2:45:44 PM
I never choose who I fall in love with. One minute I am going about my life, the next "she's there". And then the attraction builds, and builds to a crescendo.

Other people can be attracted to me, and like me, but I never fall for them. They just don't have 'it', that elusive quality that we are all seeking.

What can I say? That my heart is at the whim of fate? Yes. Are my legs? No. Are my arms? No. Why, then, is my heart? It calls me to my destiny, and to my fate.
 HikingFitGuy
Joined: 3/20/2007
Msg: 27
Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 6/12/2007 6:27:27 AM
Yeah, I believe it, I fell for a girl once who had a bad family background, wasn't into fitness, had a boyfriend already, etc, etc, someone I shouldn't have got involved with, yet, the chemistry was there

all that happened was I got hurt big time and I learnt to be more careful and guarded with how I control my feelings in the future.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 29
Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 6/12/2007 8:47:17 AM
Absolutely, we CAN choose...

It takes a long time for me to fall in love, and I choose who I date and get involved with long before it happens. I would only date or get involved with someone I knew worked for me based on the information I had over a period of time, and if I felt they weren't right for me I wouldn't pursue the situation further.

Lust, attraction and chemistry are all things that draw me to people in the beginning, but they do not alone a relationship make. So once I know those things are there, I look further to see if there's anything else there before I get caught up in it. I think a lot of people think of those things as love when they are more things that lead to it.

That being said, if I was around a person a long time that I wasn't involved with in some other capacity and fell for them for some reason, it wouldn't matter how I felt if they weren't really meant for me. I don't necessarily have to act on it.
 innocentantic
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 30
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Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 6/12/2007 9:00:05 AM
The below quote is a very meaningful statement. More people should consider the reasoning behind it. So many people throw emotional weapons around because they feel unnecessarily injured. Love requires maturation of a relationship to be successful.




Lust, attraction and chemistry are all things that draw me to people in the beginning, but they do not alone a relationship make. So once I know those things are there, I look further to see if there's anything else there before I get caught up in it. I think a lot of people think of those things as love when they are more things that lead to it.


But, I take a little bit different approach to this. I try to love everyone. The degree of my love for everyone is a small degree. Anyone that I spend more time with than another person, I do so because I CHOOSE to. I am assuredly going to love that person more, or stop seeing that person. "In love" is a subjective qualifier. There is no magical and universal line. There is no sudden "new" emotion that occurs when being "in love" with someone. It definitely denotes a high degree of devotion, desire, and compassion. And it hurts like hell. But lesser degrees of love can also hurt. That's why I try to be friends with most of my exes. Losing anyone can hurt.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 35
Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 6/12/2007 4:54:02 PM
I don't think we choose who we have feelings for. It's like a seed either we nurture it and watch it grow into love or let it lie dormant.
 JohnJacobJingle
Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 41
Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 12/22/2007 12:16:16 PM
That's why I go slow, and choose how much time and if the person is worth allowing me to get to know too before rushing in...
....I too have gotten into a bad relationship by rushing into it without thinking.
Mikey
I also agree with:
yesiamcute Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 31
Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 6/12/2007 805 AM
You can definately choose who you date and spend time with, and thus, who you ultimately fall in love with. People who are weak use the line of not being able to choose who you fall in love with as an excuse for staying with someone who is no good for them.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 43
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Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 12/22/2007 4:13:41 PM
In general, we are in charge of our emotions, our emotions are not in charge of us.
 smartazzjohn
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 46
Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 12/22/2007 4:47:00 PM
Falling in love doesn't happen in a moment. It takes time and what we do with our time is our choice, so yes we do choose who we allow ourselves to fall in love with.

Its like people who cheat and have affairs that say "It just happened". No it didn't just happen, you allowed it happen.

Now falling in lust may just happen but its not the same as falling in love.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 55
Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 1/4/2008 11:48:02 AM
If only I could choose, my life would be so easy.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 56
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Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 1/4/2008 12:58:54 PM
Of course you choose who you fall in love with.
If you feel that you are unworthy, you will fall in love with someone who will prove it to you.
You may not think you are making that choice but you are making it none the less.
It's best not to fall in love. Try with all your might not to do it !
Rather, it's best to wade out into the deep water from the shallow end, until you learn how to swim.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 58
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Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 1/4/2008 3:00:02 PM
Yes you choose who you fall in love with. Absolutely.
 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 59
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Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 1/4/2008 3:01:34 PM
In my experience and just looking around me at the world its painfully odvious (if you drop your starry eyed outlook on the subject and look at it objectively) that love is not a rare thing and you ofcourse can choose who you fall in love with. You can fall in love with just about anyone. You generally pick who you're going to date. Any one of those relationships could turn into love. SO there ya go.

***NOTE

Love at first sight = Infatuation, dont be confused here. But this can also lead to supposed real "love".
 naeco
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 61
Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 1/4/2008 3:11:42 PM
Love is a wonderful thing, but you've got to have the discipline to control your emotions. If you don't, then you end up falling for the first person who treats you nicely. THEN you end up starting a thread about how you were betrayed, you loved this person so much, they didn't love you, and it's just killing you because you were sure they were "the one".
 Deceased~
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 63
Do you believe we cannot choose who we fall in love with?
Posted: 1/7/2008 9:43:17 AM
I believe that a person can choose whom to fall in love with. Most people don't have that much control of their emotions and will fall in love with the wrong sort of person for them and others fall in love with a person who is right for them by accident.

Love is an emotion the same as any other emotion. You can control your emotions. Perfect example is I can learn that someone hates me and choose to hate them in return; try to make friends with them and help them overcome the hatred; or choose to not care about them at all and let them stew in their own soup of hatred. They don't control me unless I choose to give them that control over me.

Likewise, if I encounter someone who has chosen to adore me, I can choose to adore them in return; try to be their friend and help them overcome that infatuation; or ignore them and allow them to be hurt by the experience.

Obviously if I choose to fall in love with someone, it does not mean they are willing to return the emotion. Most of the time, for most people who are not in control of their emotions, it is a roll of the dice and that is why the most pathetic of us are complaining that they never found love.

For the most part, finding love is a matter of recognizing it and cooperating with it - I'd almost say "nurturing" it like one would do for a growing plant. People who leave it to chance are in danger because even if they find love, they don't know how to keep it alive and growing. It is, for many, the same as them being given a wonderful plant and letting it slowly die and then going out and searching again.
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