Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How soon to meet?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 bj234
Joined: 9/3/2006
Msg: 1
How soon to meet?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I am fairly new to this. Someone on POF says he wants to meet me soon in safe place. Total of 4 brief emails each so far, less than week. Very little specific info, but what there is looks great and nothing sounds flaky. Love his picture and profile, no bad or ?? vibes. Have not even sent a picture to him yet. Has not asked for my phone or personal info or otherwise set off any alarms.

If we were at party or = would probably be talking etc with no qualm. Is it different here? We are both 50+. Other people I met with from here were after several weeks of messaging with lots more info. Yes I have screened out people who were not good matches,and no, I am not desperate. I have other friends, this guy just sounds like good to me. Everyone says in general don't meet too soon and get lots of info first. What is a minimum for info or time, or should I wing it once and see?
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 2
How soon to meet?
Posted: 6/12/2007 7:56:31 AM
OP, everyone does things differently and we all need to do what's comfortable for ourself. Frankly, I don't want to talk with someone for weeks and months online and/or the phone before meeting. That way leads to too many, usually incorrect, expectations being built up. Also, people can give you tons of information online or over the phone, but you have no way to know if they're being truthful until you meet and get to know the person more. I weed out people first through email; if I give out my cell number, which is rare, it's because I feel comfortable doing so, and within one or two calls I know if a meeting is a good idea. Do what's comfortable for you - and make sure to meet this person in a public place with others around, during daylight. Best of luck to you.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 3
view profile
History
How soon to meet?
Posted: 6/12/2007 12:47:00 PM
There is no minimum, or maximum. Do what feels right, and take precautions, like meeting in a public place.
 geminicatman
Joined: 5/18/2007
Msg: 4
view profile
History
How soon to meet?
Posted: 6/12/2007 1:56:11 PM
As is true with most relationship issues, there is no one rule. Do what you feel comfortable with, and move at the pace that is good for both of you. If one is pushing for a meet and the other is resistant, that suggests some incompatibility. This doesn't seem to apply here, though.

You're considering letting the medium (PoF) dictate your actions. I did that at the start, too (I've been on just over 3 weeks), and have somewhat regretted it. I wanted to figure out how things work in here. The bottom line is, they work similarly to real life: some will "get" you; most will not. If you've found someone who seems to - go for it!

I'd also support alyosha's post #6 about fantasies building. It seems most everyone agrees - you just can't tell how things will go until you meet. So, to my mind, cut to the chase - the sooner the better!

Hope it goes well!
How soon to meet?
Posted: 6/12/2007 2:10:14 PM
Like you said too... If you had met in another forum (ie. a bar, a dance, a blind date, etc...) you would have met him face to face. Do what you think is right, but don't over think it. Life is too short not to have fun!
 geminicatman
Joined: 5/18/2007
Msg: 6
view profile
History
How soon to meet?
Posted: 6/12/2007 4:07:02 PM

It just makes me think someone isn't serious about actually taking the chance in getting to know someone.


BINGO!
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 7
How soon to meet?
Posted: 6/12/2007 5:00:06 PM
Well, for all you big city types, and extroverts: go for it. Not always that realistic for the rest of us. My last planned "meetup" was a 12 hour drive. I'm currently "chatting" with people in a number of different far flung places, and would like to know a good bit about them before making the effort to meet. That is simply going to take time.

Last time I did it, we were on line together for more than a year before even taking it to phone. But the time I met him, I was already in love, and the first meeting was a virtual move-in. It was an excellent, fine, wonderful, rewarding, sexy relationship and lasted until he died.

I agree with zencentral: I'm not willing to let my hormones make decisions for me. They have in the past, and I'd rather have that time back than do it again. My heart, soul, and head need to agree, because when they do, the hormones show up anyways, lol! Makes for a happy camper. . . . actually two happy campers.


 Calmwaters/Wildcurrent
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 8
How soon to meet?
Posted: 10/30/2007 11:14:11 PM
Meet soon enough, but not too soon, but also take your time so you know it's worth your time...but don't leave it too long, then it gets stale.
 koolmom29
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 9
view profile
History
How soon to meet?
Posted: 11/3/2007 4:53:28 AM
What a load of b****t !!! The guy you are talking to is a player. As for meeting, if you ask her and she says no, try to get a reason. A lot of women are just cautious- it comes from meeting jerks like that guy. As far as sex after 3 dates- wow. I guess the question would be , do you want a woman that sleeps with a different guy every 3 dates just because she like him. I enjoy a vigourous romp as well as the next girl, but 'liking' isn't enough. Unfortuneatly I have this believe that lovemaking is an important connection between two people, not just something to relieve the tension.
You may have something to learn, but choose the right teacher. :)
KM
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 10
How soon to meet?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:31:06 AM
I am an advocate of meeting as soon as possible. With that said, I am also an advocate of seeing pictures first. Better be up front with all that and risk rejection than invest all this time and energy to meet and be completely disappointed.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 11
view profile
History
How soon to meet?
Posted: 11/4/2007 3:02:05 AM
The sooner the better. If I think there is a connection, I'll give a woman my work number pretty quickly so she can verify I'm real. I'll also ask for her phone number (home, work, or cell: it doesn't matter) so I can go ahead and call her. There's no point in procrastinating around on the internet. If a woman doesn't "feel comfortable" giving out her number and meeting, then she's not ready and I'll move on. There's no point in asking twice.

If you don't meet quickly, then the conversation usually deteriorates to just chatting and emails, and becomes lame. Ladies: if you're attracted to a guy and he wants your number quickly, that's a GOOD thing. Give him yours, and ask for his, too. He should be able to give you that without hesitation--obviously there's an issue if either person withholds the phone number or wants to delay meeting in person.

Just my .75
 atunedhead
Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 12
How soon to meet?
Posted: 3/5/2008 5:07:29 PM
Niceguy1959J echoes my sentiments exactly. fiestyangel and kevinisky also explain it well. I treat a dating site just like monster.com. You get resumes, and immediately schedule an interview with the best resume. Of course building a relationship is not exactly like hiring a programmer to write Java code, it involves more than that. A first meeting does not mean "you are interested". It means you want to size up the person above the two dimensional portrait the internet offers. I hint at meeting pretty soon - in a large public place, very brief, in a decent time of the day.

I also do not believe someone I correspond with via the the internet would share my belief of meeting expeditiously. So I do respond consentingly if my hint is miffed at. More emails...IMs...phone calls..if that is OK. Sure. If even then there is a hesitation, the just drop!

I also give consideration to such facts as family and children's responsibility that may preclude meeting early.

But meeting early is good. Niceguy, fiestyangel and kevinisky could not have explained better.
 randomstoic
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 13
How soon to meet?
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:48:26 PM
I want a real connection and not an extenuated choreographed dance from afar. My commitment to digital communiation waxes and wanes with my mood and work, but my emotional investment in a real connection trumps those whims. If I feel like the e-mail exchanges are meandering along, I just tell a person to bookmark me until they want to invest the time. It is important to look to your safety and not let somebody rush you, but don't be surprised if they lose interest after more than a month of e-mailing.
 satx78218
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 14
view profile
History
How soon to meet?
Posted: 3/5/2008 9:05:23 PM
"I thought that men wearing bikinis was kind of feminine"

a strange idea of masculinity. underwear makes the man?

I _know_ that wearing baggy undershorts down to my knees is a hell of a lot of stupid cloth to stuff under my pants, esp in the summer time. And because women thought boxer shorts are cool is not enough a reason to start.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How soon to meet?