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 AUTHOR
 OpieDopey
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 76
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Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall manPage 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
OP answered my quests in mail rather than here, when I asked why, she claimed the 1 in 10 posts rule. But, now I see that she made 2 posts in fewer above, so it makes me question her motives. Things that make you go, hmmm.....
 PepsiStar
Joined: 5/1/2007
Msg: 77
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/13/2007 9:48:35 PM
OMG! I have been reading all these posts and one thing is clear....
Everyone has their own ideas of how a first "date" should work. Just because it may not be someone elses idea doesn't mean it is wrong, just means it is....well "different".
Maybe you might consider finding someone who thinks the same way you do about dating. I am by no means defending virgo on her attitude about dating because I think personally that it stinks. She obviously has not been keeping up on the modern world of dating. While I think there is still room for some "traditional" manners from men, It should definately not be expected from them. That is just rude and selfish. If you want to have a man pay your way all the time, then it sounds like you are just a gold digger. Grow up and be a real, independant woman, not a leech.
I would never even consider the idea of a man as much as buying me a cup of coffee. If he offers, great. If not, thats great too. Whether I pay or he pays, it doesn't make either of us less then what we are. ADULTS!
Happy fishing everyone!!
 Gotmail?
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 78
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 3:20:01 AM
I never thought abouty him staying seated bc he was 6'8"....THAT makes sense..............
 LeSportSac
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 79
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 3:47:08 AM
virgo912

I'm a New York girl just like you and if I were you I would not listen to any of these people that think you should tolerate a crappy date. My own parents are pre-baby boomers, so they don't understand why I would want to meet a man at a bar rather than invite a man to my home to pick me up for a date. I have explained to my parents that it's not safe to invite a man to your home on the first date. I live at home with my parents, so I feel I live in a protected environment with little worries of harrassment. But if I meet a man from the internet I don't like any man knowing my home address, even if he seems trust worthy. Yet my parents think any man that does not pick me up from my house on the first date is not a suitable man for me.

 Champuli Nam Pakanli
Joined: 2/5/2007
Msg: 80
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 4:48:18 AM
Women who expect men to pay for them when they don't even know them are doing a disservice to all women.


My thoughts exactly. This sounded like a first meeting, not a first date. A first date would have been discussed at this meeting...

Still waiting on my question to be answered from my first post - who asked who out? As I said before - the person who asks for a meeting/date should be the one who pays.
 virgo912
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 81
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Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 6:16:52 AM
He asked me out. So, for those of you who are upset that I expect a man to pick up the tab on the first date, then just don't go out with those types. I've leave you with the crappy guys. Enjoy.
 Jade_38
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 82
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 6:37:59 AM
"Indeed. Contribute your breasts."

OMG! that was too funny.

Ps
can someone please explain why I can't do the qoutes properly. help!
 VenusOcean
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 83
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 6:42:57 AM
Jade,

Quotes go like this:

{quote} copy and paste the line you want {/quote}

Do exactly as this but replace the { } by [ ]. And you will see the result of the box only once you have posted.

Good luck.

On topic: I always find it disconcerting when someone post an inquiry and ended up being bashed by others for it.
 greer
Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 84
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 6:48:41 AM
margo, ua hit the nail on the head with a perfect reply, but i would never sit while a lady had to stand, just not good manners, also something no one does anymore, or not many, is for a man to take off his dang hat inside or when talking to a lady, nothing irkes me more than a guy wearing a baseball hat, that is in need of an oil change, sitting down eating, guys use ur manners like ur mother taught u!
 cutiepieMS
Joined: 3/4/2007
Msg: 85
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 7:05:42 AM
well your posting shows me you are a loser and the kind of man I pray I never meet, I am willing to bet you can't maintain a relationship because your attitude, I bet you prefer the woman on top since you want a liberated woman, or your just plain stupid, probably both, I am also sure you could care less about a woman receiving pleasure because you seem to concerened with your own,
 cutiepieMS
Joined: 3/4/2007
Msg: 86
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 7:09:27 AM
Well since you are not that attractive I bet you always have too pay chew on that , I think your jealous of the lady that posted the forum comment she is very attractive
 loyal T
Joined: 8/10/2006
Msg: 87
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 7:11:44 AM
In regards to this and all the other women objecting or finding fault: {If it had been an actual date, surely he would have picked you up, whether it was by cab or his own car.} First off, WHAT woman would get in a car with a man that she did not even meet in person with yet? That lacks common sense. Always arrive and leave seperately then.
When someone shows an interest in another , they ask to meet and doesn't show COMMON COURTESY to offer a seat and doesn't ask if the person wants something to drink then , is chivalry dead?? I don't feel the Op. was out of line and that she may have just been looking for some consideration in meeting then. NOT too much to ask. I feel that Greer has it right and often men are lacking manners or forget the ones they were taught. I feel that this is the 21st century but what makes lacking manners ok?
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 88
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 7:15:36 AM
Yeah.. and if you all read her OP, she had warning that he had no manners.. and ignored that and went out with him anyway.

The whole evening was totally avoidable. If only women would heed red flags.
 Jade_38
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 89
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 7:25:29 AM
I agree with loyal T


In regards to this and all the other women objecting or finding fault: {If it had been an actual date, surely he would have picked you up, whether it was by cab or his own car.} First off, WHAT woman would get in a car with a man that she did not even meet in person with yet? That lacks common sense. Always arrive and leave seperately then.


Or alternately, if she did not want to walk the 20 blocks then purchase a cab herself. Geez its not the dark ages!
I hope that quotes works on top or I 'm going to look like a right Git.
D
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 90
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Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 7:30:02 AM
I read the first page, I'm not reading four. How this thread turned into the war of the sexes? I can do all sorts of 'manly' things like patching sheetrock and hanging a ceiling fan, and I would like to work for the same pay as a man doing the same job, but what does this have to do with a date? I think with traffic in New York City and safety issues, doing anything but meet the guy would have been stupid, and would not change the character of the meeting.

I think her point was that this was a date. I expect a man to pay for a drink if he asks me on a date but I bring cash and/or my credit card with me in case he is not making the same assumption. I too would be irritated that a 45-year-old would need to be told to offer his chair to a woman when there were no others available. Might have been a bit more tactful about asking for the chair but after going through that much to meet the guy, I might have had a similar response. And honestly, even if a male had met him, I would think that if no other chair was available the guy that was warm, dry and not winded might get up for a minute so his friend could sit down, relax for a minute and get comfortable.

I have lived in Texas for 20 years so the southern ideal for gentlemanly behavior may be a part of the way I think but I grew up in suburban Chicago. My mother worked in an era in which most of the women where I grew up did not so I don't expect men to take care of women without their contributing, blah, blah. OP, there are obviously different standards for behavior for whatever reason. Make your next first date with a guy whom you know better so that you can more easily gauge your role in the date.
 Jade_38
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 91
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 7:34:08 AM
Yippee! it worked.
This reminds me of a song ever heard of it.
It's called "I would walk 500 hundred miles"

It goes like this I would walk 500 hundred miles
And I would walk 500 hundred more
Just to be the man that walked a 1000 miles to fall down at your door."

Great song.

What a romantic gesture, but consider this I would prefer he save his energy for later.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 92
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 7:36:05 AM
Yet once again Packagedealx3 is the voice of reason in a thread gone insane.

The guy was a total and utter inbred and not worthy to be out in the dating world. Why would any self-respecting woman want to date this baffoon?.
 iris43
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 93
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 8:11:19 AM
Was it a date ? Was it not a date? Regardless if it was or if it wasn't, they were meeting for a drink (A drink = one drink, not champagne, caviar and beef tenderloin).

When I have met someone for a first meet or date whatever you call it, it is usually for a coffee a light lunch or A DRINK.....I don't expect him to pay I would offer foresure always do...however if he expected me to pay half, even if I did feel like I could go on a second date because I thought initially WOW nice guy good looking too...there would be no second date ...he is cheap and does not appreciate how to treat a lady, plain and simple, if this is how he is I could only imagine the score keeping once things progressed along.

I had a guy once bring out a friggin calculator.....shaking head.
 abrethoffreshair
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 94
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Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 8:13:20 AM
^ ^ ^ ^ I'm with you tdh46...this thread HAS gone insane.
 smartlilthang
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 95
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 8:27:00 AM
and, mr. tdh, you sound like a perfect gentleman with class, which is what i look for and probably what the OP looks for.
i don't understand the attacks on the OP. maybe it's my age, but it is just good manners to offer the lady a chair and at least offer to pay for the drink. of course, i like doors opened for me, too. i am perfectly capable to pay my way, stand if there is no seating, etc., but there are courtesies that are pleasurable to experience and i value good manners and chivalry.
i don't tolerate boorish behavior, either. if that makes me a "princess" in someone's eyes, so be it.
actually, i'm the queen.
so there.
 OpieDopey
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 96
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Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 8:55:22 AM
Op thought she saw "red flags" before meeting. Be a good lil girl scout, be prepared, go hoping for the best and prepared for the worst.

Seems to me he may have just found the Ops questions to be his "red flags". Perhaps she is miffed he dumped her before she could dump him?
 virgo912
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 97
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Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 10:32:26 AM
OpieDoppy why the Bash? You can have him if you want. So what if he left or Dumped me like you said. If I really cared about that would I be posting about it.
 Michaelann
Joined: 9/11/2004
Msg: 98
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 10:52:08 AM
OP- I don't know, maybe things are different in New York, but in Canada, women have been going dutch for
decades, especially career women. A lot of men expect it nowadays. Hurray for feminism! (sarcasm)
You are clearly old-fashioned. That was not a criticism BTW, I am, too.

I searched through all 4 pages, to learn who asked who, becasue you should definitely offer to do dutch if you
asked him, in my opinion, anyway. But since he asked you, I agree that he was totally without any manners,
at all. And what kind of a f**ing idiot, doesn't offer a woman his seat, if there are no others available!?!

Personally, I will bring enough for one drink, just in case, or in the situation where I have asked him out, but
I think it is more fair for the man to pay for a first date, for one simple reason: There are a lot more men than
women on most dating sites. I have several male friends here on POF, & they tell me it is an excellent week,
if they get 2 or 3 coffee/first dates. My first weekend on this site, I had 6 coffee dates, 1 dancing, & 1 dinner
date. I'd need to win the f***inf lottery to pay dutch at that pace!
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 99
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 11:00:38 AM
OP, having someone say he's not a match isn't necessarily a red flag - it means she wasn't attracted to him for some reason...but that doesn't mean it had to be something wrong with him,; it just means she didn't think he was her 'type' for some reason...that doesn't mean he isn't someone else's 'type'. The sex comments would have been more of a red flag to me. I also don't consider the first time two people meet as a 'date'... you've emailed and talked on the phone, but now it's a face-to-face meeting...Though I do agree that if there were no chairs next to him, he should have either offered you his chair or said let's find someplace where we can sit and talk, I don't expect anyone I'm meeting for the first time to pay for my coffee or drink...and frankly, despite your statement, I'd say it's more the ones who are too charming and who insist on paying who are looking to get laid - some figure if they pay for dinner you might feel obligated to sleep with them. Maybe you simply had different expectations than he did. Next time, communicate what you expect - if it's dutch or not, manners, etc.

BTW, I've never had a problem getting at cab at 7 PM in NYC; and they've cleane dup the subways pretty good also ;)


Why are women so upset that I expect a man to be a man?


What does paying for a drink at a first meeting have to do with being a man? Sure, it's nice if they offer, just as it's nice when a woman offers to pay her share, but to expect someone to do something simply because you feel it's right isn't going to go over with many. Now, offering you his chair is a bit different; men offers chairs to women and men and women offer their chairs to the elderly...that's simply good manners.

And no one is bashing you; people are simply offering their own opinions. In the end, we all have to do what we think is best for ourself.


If I really cared about that would I be posting about it.


Good question...why did you post it? Maybe because you're new to the site you didn't realize that when most people post a thread they're asking questions or want advice. If you took the forum heading literally, then you were simply posting a dating experience...but most people will respond to that also, and in a lot of different ways, as you've seen. If you read a bunch of the forums, you'll see the gist of what I mean. Welcome to POF ;)
 Mags247
Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 100
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 11:41:07 AM
I don't want to be treated as equal...IMHO if the guy is a "gentleman" he should act as such and pay, offer his seat, pull out a chair and treat me like a lady. That's the way it's always been and I'm not ready for times to change that fast.
just my $0.02 worth
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