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 jasmina81
Joined: 3/13/2007
Msg: 91
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall manPage 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
That is a crock of poopy!..First off, it shouldn't matter how modern or what she is..Who goes dutch on a date? I am not saying that the man should fit the bill all the time - of course not..but he could have at least offered. And secondly, if he is meeting with this lady for the first time, he should at least TRY and make a good impression and make sure that she has a place to sit beside him. It shows a lack of respect and character. Ditch the pig, girl!
 Joy.
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 92
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 12:24:20 PM
In regards to this and all the other women objecting or finding fault: {If it had been an actual date, surely he would have picked you up, whether it was by cab or his own car.} First off, WHAT woman would get in a car with a man that she did not even meet in person with yet?


My point exactly! It was just an initial meeting NOT a date. They agreed to meet for A DRINK! Just seems to me that she was expecting far too much. How in the world she came to the conclusion that they were 'on a date' is beyond me.

He could have been equally as turned off by her b*tchiness as she was by his supposed rudeness. That's what first meetings are all about...to see if there is chemistry. Obviously he knew immediately that there wasn't any chemistry so apparently he knew any effort on his part would be futile. Can't blame the poor guy.

Or perhaps he just wasn't into the wide-eyed look.
 jasmina81
Joined: 3/13/2007
Msg: 93
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 12:33:19 PM
That is pretty shallow to say. So you are saying that if he didn't find any chemistry that he should not have offered to pay for her drink???? Hello!!!! I would love to know how old this so called "guy" is. I have met many guys off this site and let me tell you..call it what you want. But you do not need a guy to come by your place and pick you up to consider it a date. Meeting?? ...let's leave that for a group gathering or something. I have met guys for coffee and I have offered to fit the bill and all of them have said no way..so I think this guy is a cheap skate!..and no wonder he doesn't get a second date.
 yankee_belle
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 94
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 12:50:26 PM
While I think maybe you could have been a bit more diplomatic (although if I had overheard you at the bar I would have LMAO), I'm with you on this one. He never even offered to be a gentleman in any of the situations where he could have. If he didn't offer you his seat, but got your drink, I'm sure you';d feel different or if it was the other way around either. I think the fact that he brought up sex a few times before even meeting you, the fact that he had no consideration for your comfort and stormed off in a hissy without trying to see why you might be bothered (which makes it all your fault in his mind)- it all says to me that he was out to get laid that night and was putting zero effort into making a good first impression.

I'm not saying that a woman should never pay or has to be "bought", but I've discovered that guys like opening the door, footing the bill, being a gentleman. And they like a woman who appreciates them for doing it. If men act that way and you don't let them, don't appreciate it, or make them feel defensive about it, it hurts their feelings- plus it says that you do not feel you deserve to be treated that way. I and Virgo feel we deserve to be treated that way and I'm sure that when we feel appreciated and valued, we are only more than happy to return the favor and then some.
 workingonagoodname13
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 95
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 4:07:32 PM
He seemed nice enough, but there were a few red flags...


I've followed this thread with interest..read it a couple times even (I'm kid free tonite, give a guy a break, ok?)...When I read that, all I could wonder was...

...if you've got red flags going up from a couple of phone conversations and STILL want to meet this guy, Why would you want to meet him?

...why would anyone want to pay your way when you are seemingly disinterested from the beginning? Yes, you made the trek...good on you for that. And yes, as mentioned before, the chair thing was off.

With that being said Virgo...would you want to meet some...'friends' (male/female, take your pick)...only to pick up their tab, even though they really didn't care for you? You know, someone who hasn't even met you yet but wanted to hook up for a beverage. (or even those you know, who really aren't there for any reason but to grab a drink or 3 for free.)

I challenge anyone who's been reading this thread to agree and say they'd be only to happy to say...."hell yes sparky, you don't really give a rats behind about me, and we'll not likely see one another again, but let me pay the way tonight"

If that's the case...next time I'm in anyone's town, I want your # because I don't really care that much for you, but I'd be thrilled to cop a free drink or 3 from you because we agreed to meet. And since you are such giving people, let's broadcast your # so we can all take advantage of your generosity.

Come on. Let's be real and take some responsibility.

From a guy who's not that short, not that tall...but often sits here and wonders.

(feel free to flame away)
 mach7
Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 96
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 4:22:14 PM
Virgo, I would have offered you my chair but not bought you a drink. That was before I read your post. You claim that men who don't follow these rules have no class, but then you come to these forums and **** about them...does that make you any better? It just shows me you're shallow. Maybe he doesn't know about you being "high maintenance" but if you start judging someone the minute you meet them because they didn't fall out of their chair and baby powder your ass then you got what you deserved by the walkout. I'd have probably tore a strip off you for being brainwashed and sent *you* on your way.

These are the 2000s. Welcome to the world without the "Knight in Shining Armor".
 nupes
Joined: 6/8/2007
Msg: 98
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 4:44:06 PM
I guess the modern age passed me by and I'm a dinosaur but everything he did was outright rude and ungentlemanly. Don't worry, belching at dinner and holding a knife and fork in clenched fists would probably follow if you were to have dinner. Move on...count your blessings, it cost you a long walk and 5 bucks to realize he came up way short...for a tall man.
 Creativguy
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 100
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 5:15:54 PM

Come on - a date is TEAMWORK. We're both in this together. As for the $5 drink, I don't think you're getting the point. I make well over 6 figures I can afford it, it's about tradition.


Now you're confusing me! If the date's about being a team, how in the same breath can you then say but tradition dictates otherwise concerning the drink?

Personally, I let circumstances dictate who pays what for a first meet over a drink or coffee.

You both were a mismatch and it took you a few minutes of real life being together to see it. I think you accomplished the purpose of the first date mission: to see if this is a person you'd like to have a real date with or not.

But you should've known he wasn't going to be a gentleman. You said he brought up the topic of sex many times before even meeting and you knew that was a flag. Yet you expected him to be a gentleman?
 Jonathan Doeman
Joined: 5/18/2007
Msg: 101
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 5:17:39 PM

You get it I love you for it. I can't believe most of the bashing are from women. Not nice


I too am surprised that so many women are on the attack. With any other desire, most women start screaming "preference!", "preference!", "preference!". But when it comes to a woman who wants a real man who is willing to pay for a lady's drink and meal...suddenly it's about being "independent". Suddenly, it's not about "preference" but about how it might reflect on other women.

 lfrs
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 102
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/14/2007 5:43:20 PM
He was a Smuck!! You were lucky to have him out of your hair.......
And the walking in NYC.......people in Manhattan are some of the 'fittest' people in the states, not fat. Know why???? Because they Walk everywhere!!
I LOVE NYC!!!!........
Yep, a REAL Smuck!! I don't care What the guys say........he had no manners whatsoever.......none A Tall!!.....
 Sasquatch2
Joined: 7/19/2005
Msg: 103
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/15/2007 1:54:52 AM
I guess, like the OP, I was raised old school:

If a woman insists on going dutch, I don't argue, but I don't ask her out expecting that.

I ask woman out, I expect to pay, and I was taught to offer my seat to a lady or the elderly whenever there are none available, regardless.

Mind you, I also say 'please' and 'thank you' , to waiters, sales staff, etc.

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
 MermaidMafia
Joined: 5/26/2007
Msg: 104
view profile
History
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/15/2007 4:15:03 AM

sorry for some of you women who pay your own way. That's not a date, that's a dude looking to get laid for free and not have to work for anything.

Statements like that might have something to do with why a lot of guys think all women are goldigging whores. Not calling you a goldigger or a whore, by the way, just sayin.

I actually mostly agree with you though OP. The guy sounds like an ass. The drink thing could have been a misunderstanding (he viewed it as a meeting, when you saw it as a date), but the chair business is just pure rudeness. Oh well, hopefully you'll have better luck next time.
 Ninki
Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 105
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/15/2007 4:31:47 AM
OP, this scenario reminds me of another PoF discussion where we are talking about women and 'equality'. No don't misunderstand me here, I'm not saying you were wrong but why do you feel he should've offered you his chair? Because you're a woman or just because you feel it's good manners? If the former, than that's not equality. As for him paying for the drink? Again, why should he have offered to do that? Just curious... That said, I wouldn't have walked 20 blocks in the rain to meet a total stranger.

N.
 LeSportSac
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 106
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/15/2007 4:34:29 AM
uh_coog

IT WAS A BAD DATE!!! No! Need to question it.

 sacredwarrior
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 107
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/15/2007 4:55:29 AM
Boy I`m glad I Kissed Dating Good-Bye
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 108
view profile
History
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:13:15 AM

anatomynurse msg 76: yall know why this ape acted like he did???? because his experience is with the margo s of this world that think because they preach equal treatment thats what they get well guess what,, YAH DO
…. and margo before you start yelling? just wait for the fella that wants you to pay his way, buy his gas there and leaves you standing in the rain so his suit you purchased dosent get wet lolol


Why in the world would I yell at you? LOL, although the wide variance of opinion in this thread certainly gives me additional insight as to why some men are so confused about dating.

I personally don’t see paying for a date as an equality or independence issue. I view it through the lens of fairness

1. Is it fair to automatically expect one person to always pay?
2. Is it fair to judge their manliness based on whether or not he pays your way?
3. I’m also pondering this thought…. If you EXPECT a man to pay, are you truly appreciative for his generosity or has he just fulfilled a transaction?

Anatomynurse, your extreme example made me laugh, I value fairness and kindness so I highly doubt the man you envision would be in my life for longer than :30 seconds… on the other hand, you also won’t be reading a thread about him.
 SentientIncantation
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 109
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:20:12 AM
Interesting . . .

From msg 25

The asker-outer always pays since it was their idea.




If the girl asks the guy out, she offers to pay. If the guy asks the girl out, he pays.
 iris43
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 110
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:30:01 AM
This whole thread Boggles my mind !!!!
 mechrema
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 111
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/15/2007 8:24:43 AM
to me that gentleman like behavior seems condecening or minulipitive to some degree. it come for a time when girls were concidered chattle and could not vote nor really have much say in anything concidered " important", so you treated them as you would children and payed for them, and held doors, and pulled out chairs.

in the context of modern socity it seems minulipitive to do exactly what the girl wants or expects as in pulling out chairs and paying for drinks etc.... seems like being a bullshit artist, but it does make them feel cherished, kinda like a vase. too many relationships are founded on bullshiting and when the truth comes out suddely both partys are surprised.

if things are going to perfectly seems like someones hiding something, even if its simply an oppion.

ash
 Chocolatebrowne
Joined: 1/19/2006
Msg: 112
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/15/2007 8:27:55 AM
I agree with you 1,000% virgo912....
 mechrema
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 113
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/15/2007 9:12:55 AM

As for your comments that we deserve to be treated like crap because we do not support your opinion I do not feel that because we choose not to be demanding, assuming, high maintance women/princesses does not mean we are not worthy. In fact, I suspect its women like us that actually get treated better. Come on guys, vouch for me on this one. Admit it, you're more likely to pay for a date if its appreciated not EXPECTED/DEMANDED. Frankly, people like to be appreciated, not taken for granted. No one likes being considered a meal ticket.


yes you get treated better and as an added bouns i acually want ot hear you oppions on things becaseu i concider you equil.

oh yeah and you not selling sex for monetary and socal favors.

ash
 mach7
Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 114
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/15/2007 9:55:21 AM

Admit it, you're more likely to pay for a date if its appreciated not EXPECTED/DEMANDED.


That's the bottom line. I'm polite on my dates because it's appreciated. The minute I get the impression it's expected is the minute the dates over. People assume too much.

Assume makes an ass of u and me.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 115
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/15/2007 11:02:28 AM
If only there were more men like those in Msg 122 and 125, and local to me!!



We have different ideas of what a date should be. The shock was I have never been treated that way from a man. I would have been interested in him had he stood up to greet me or he could have said "Let's get a table" so we could all sit.


I think it's more there's a difference of what one considers a 'date' or a 'meeting'... When I first meet somoeone, it's just that - meeting them for the first time. I prefer we split the tab since we may not care to go on an actual date...and why wouls I ask someone who's essentially a stranger to pay for my coffee, drink, dinner, etc? If he does ask me out for an actual date after this first meeting, I still offer to pay half; if he insists on paying the entire bill, if we haven't had dessert I'll suggest going for coffee and dessert and I pay for it and/or I insist on paying for the next dinner. But I have to ask why, if you thought there were red flags, you still went to meet him? I'd have either had another phone conversation before agreeing to meet, or, if I was that uncomfortable with what i thought were red flags, I would have ended things right there.


I think he was just being selfish and just wasn't thinking about anyone else but himself. Come on - a date is TEAMWORK. We're both in this together. As for the $5 drink, I don't think you're getting the point. I make well over 6 figures I can afford it, it's about tradition. Had we gone out 2, I make it a rule to pick up on the 3rd date. I know I live in an expensive city and would never abuse someone by having them spend lots of money on me.


Where do you get drinks for $5 in NYC? I've never found them that cheap there...we pay more than that for a drink here in many places, and we have 1 million people to NYC's 8+ million. But as far as teamwork goes, did this guy understand you were on an actual 'date' and what your expectations of dating are? Or did he think it was a simple meeting? Next time, you might want to let people you're going to meet know that you believe it's a date, and what your expectations are...they pay, they have good manners, and you buy dinner on the 3rd date, etc....then no one will have unmet expectations... No one is a mind reader ;)



Also, this is NYC - so my comment was not rude.


Do you mean that people in NYC *are* rude? Funny...some give it that reputation, but I've never found it to be that way at all.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 117
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/15/2007 12:05:31 PM
This is an interesting thread, I promise to post something a bit more substantial, I haven't read it all just yet. Quick comment to ladies: Unless the guy mentions that he is buying the drinks, don't assume it if you and he agree just to meet for a drink. Now if he is the one doing the inviting and doing all the planning, etiquette indicates that the planner pay for the date. This seemed to be more of a meeting than a date, so I'd assume Dutch unless discussed otherwise.
 nupes
Joined: 6/8/2007
Msg: 118
Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/15/2007 12:12:04 PM
I was raised as a kid to do a lot of things I thought was weird at the time. Pulling out a chair for a lady, standing up when she came back in the room, opening doors, offering help in things that might physically be too much for her, ect.... Call it chivalry, politeness, respect, tradition or whatever you like. When I questioned it my parents would say, shut up, one day you'll meet that special woman for whom this will matter, and for the ones who it dosn't, you will be happy to avoid. The point is ...it works both ways. A guy can come home all battered from a lousy day and a nice foot massage, a warm meal or a head to rest on is a nice consolation in return. A small price to pay, specially if its from your heart or second nature. I have been insulted by woman (strangers) who I would offer a chair to or open a door for and they would say something like "you think I'm weak?" or "I can't open it myself". They obviously have an axe to grind or just need to see fur in their claws and I take that in stride. But as for a date i look for unsefishness....I let them in the passenger side of my car, some will lean over and pop the lock on my side for me before I get there....Thats what I'm talking about.
" As for "equal opportunity" and equal treatment....thats workplace crap....we got woman grunting in foxholes and flying in spacecraft ...its a job...and if they can do it , they deserve the rightful spoils and credit.....dating is not a job...no comparison, like apples and oranges.
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