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 AUTHOR
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 38
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Telling versus Hinting with MenPage 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
definatly tell, women are so complicated, dont be shy, or play games, its the 21st cetury tell!
 spleetered
Joined: 5/8/2007
Msg: 39
Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/14/2007 1:16:53 AM
I always know she's trying to hint at something, but it's so damned vague, I just ignore it. I shouldn't have to be able to decipher a primitive series of vague suggestions and nuances. Honestly, I have wondered for years why women think this is an efficient means of exchanging information.

Ultimately, that's the goal of any man's conversation- to develop and deliver the most information and context, in the smallest amount of time possible. And why not? What does it accomplish when you go on for hours and hours, when the whole point could have filled two sentences?
 sxyvirgo
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 40
Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/14/2007 9:45:05 AM

I believe in communicating during conversations shared that I like this or that but I'm not likely to say "do this for me" ---- There are ones, very special ones who know how to pick up information and run with it --- and they are PRICELESS!!!!


Thank you exuberant - THIS is exactly what I mean...

On the job, if someone had to tell you every single detail of what to do (once you'd been there for awhile), you would not last long - you're expected to LEARN.....why not in a relationship? You have a time where you're both exploring and learning about each other, then you take what you know and apply it on your own!!!!

Is THIS an analogy that MEN can understand?! lol Probably too damn logical! Oh well, you're FIRED!
 DevineDene
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 41
Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/14/2007 3:06:24 PM

"Anyway my reason for not being direct it's not a game, it's just to see if there is a real interest or not.


Sorry OP and other ladies. I am a woman and I don't get this.
I have no difficulty knowing when a man is interested. He calls, he wants to be near me. He gives me gifts that he likes and wants to share with me. Mostly he gives me his time, and that tells me he is interested.
As I said in an earlier post, I had the most trick car in the car pool, because that is how my man showed me his interest. Trust me ladies a fella who loves cars and spends time and money on your car for you is interested.
I just don't get why your man has to ferret out that you love blue bunnies and only give you blue bunnies in order for you to know he cares.
Maybe I am the strange one here cause I found it incredibly romantic to watch him lovingly and carefully put on the pin-striping and chrome, to see him grin proudly as he buffed in that last bit of polish. Knowing him the way I did fancy restaurant's with all the trappings would have made him feel just that; trapped. Why on earth would I want the man I loved to feel trapped in order to 'prove' he loved me.
JMO
DD
 DevineDene
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 42
Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/14/2007 3:30:57 PM
Piratress

That's why we be mates aboard the Pearl me hearty, kindred spirits.

Now let' us go find some men we can do for and be done too
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 43
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Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/14/2007 4:17:35 PM
Communication is vital to all relationships, not just the romantic ones.
The earlier you establish good patterns of communication, the better a chance both people have of being satisfied and happy with each other.
If you don't communicate well, you don't really have much of a relationship at all.
 ~Juggernaut~
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 44
Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/14/2007 4:49:25 PM
We men don't think on the terms of hints ladies !!!!!!! know this !!!! men say what they mean and mean what they say ? it's our language !! reality ! If you want something speak up !
 JDMETRO
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 45
Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/14/2007 5:04:58 PM
I often pick up some parts of the 'Hint' or hints - but it just seems to come off as a form of nagging. And nagging is one the most negative aspects of a relationship. Too much nagging - whether by hinting or direct statement and I Exit Stage Right. . .

Joe
 Vancer
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 46
Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/14/2007 6:45:25 PM
This is in response to an above post about nagging.
Nagging isn't about someone being direct and honest.
It's about someone being excessively critical.
If a person is bothered by so many little things in a relationship they shouldn't be in that relationship.
If someone says "I REALLY like so and so, but cannot stand this, this, this and that", then it matters not whether they are open and direct about it, laying subtle hints, or keeping it bottled up....they are not truly compatible and should move on, regardless of how much it hurts.
 JDMETRO
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 47
Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/14/2007 6:56:53 PM
Dear Goddess - (Diosa in Spanish)

Question: Do you get a big sign on a pole with that one way street you live on?

"Damn if I do damn if I don’t" No, I'd say you just don't get it.

Straight out communication applies in the first messages - first meetings or in a long term romance and marriage.

There is no obligation to learn how to detect, understand or decode hints at any level of a relationship. Say what you mean - mean what you say.

You cannot communicate with a man as if he were a woman - it will NEVER WORK!

Joe
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 48
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Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/14/2007 7:38:35 PM
"so I'm just gonna go back and listen to the game. " I'm guessing the game he's referring to is a sport....baseball, basketball...a GAME.
What do you think listen to the game means? For me it's football, I WISH it were football season, if there was a game I'd be watching it.
 DevineDene
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 49
Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/14/2007 7:55:15 PM
goddessofdreamsandvalues
That is not what some of us women are talking about.. How unintelligent would a woman be if she doesn’t get that someone is interested? That is more than enough. That’s gorgeous that’s beautiful. Does he have to write it in the sky? Well if a woman who can’t get all that interest then probably when it’s written in the sky she wouldn’t get it either.

Of course written out the way I have it any one could see the interest. Way back at the beginning of my relationship with him, there was no long list of things he did to show interest. It started with one thing only.
The point I was trying to make is that I didn't need to hint to him that if he did a,b,c, then I would know he was interested in me. I accepted what he WAS doing, not what I thought he should be doing. At the beginning, in the middle, and even near the end.
Yes, there were times when I thought it would be nice if he did certain things; however, I did not take it as him not loving me if those things that I wanted were not done. I learned to see what he shared, I showed my appreciation for that sharing. That is why after all that time, the list became long and obvious.
Hope that is a bit clearer to you now.
DD
 JDMETRO
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 50
Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/14/2007 8:08:39 PM
Talk about communications problems there Diosa . . .

Ms. Goddess, I have read both your very long posts from end to end -- and I find that less than 10% of what you wrote is understandable.... You should read what you write - it jumps around all over the place.

Bottom line - you just don't get it. You want a man to read you mind from the first POF message all the way through marriage. Good luck . . . . You'll need it...

I personally feel lucky I don't have to listen to you go on and on and on and say practically nothing but -- just repeat yourself.

Goddess - I am not attacking you -- you just do not make sense in much of what you say (at least to me) and I cannot respond to all the stuff you write - I'd be here all night trying to figure it out.

Communications between any two people is nothing more than as series of clear statements.

Joe
 DevineDene
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 51
Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/14/2007 8:25:40 PM
iago_lives

10 words or less!!

I'm so with you now, on which channel is the game?

Cold beer, feet up, tune out!!



DD
 innocentantic
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 52
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Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/14/2007 9:48:14 PM
Oh gender generalizations... oh men are wired this way, and women that...


But it doesn't mean they don't care; many women forget that a lot of times men don't remember their kids' ages, or their mom's birthday, or the names of a lot of our friends. Their brains just don't focus on those particular details automatically, and a nudge from us isn't the end of the world if it gets us what we want.


Everyone in my family that forgets their kids' ages is a woman. Just thought I'd throw that in there. My brain tends to focus on those kind of details, but I wouldn't say automatically. Somewhere in my formative years, I decided it was important. Just like somehwere in OP's formative years a female role model confided in her about how men "just don't understand".

Stop being passive-aggressive and just communicate. If he doesn't understand you, the commucation fault is yours, not his. He might not be smart or instinctively tuned into you, but that only means that you have to try harder if you want to communicate with him.
 Drgnctchr1
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 53
Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/14/2007 10:23:34 PM
Most guys aren't mindreaders or psychics,although some are psycho just like some women. Anyway just tell us what you want,as a guy I don't do the hint thing very well but can totally understand the direct approach.
But thne there are some I've seen on here and other places that are so"spiritual" that they exist in another time and place that is not of this planet and maybe of another universe.
In other words. if you want us to know something tell us and then we can either move on or go our seperate ways. Now,is that so hard?
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 54
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Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/15/2007 3:54:36 AM
Hints? Four year olds hint (badly) when birthdays and holidays come along. Any adult who is unable to tell another adult EXACTLY how they feel does not belong in the relationship. If you do not have the courage to speak up for yourself then you are destined to either be unhappy forever or to allow someone else to make all the decisions that effect your life. Kind of like a four year old????
If you do allow this, then you have no right to complain afterwards that it was not what you wanted or needed. Many women will drive men nuts by being cryptic or just assuming that the man will just 'know' or feel exactly the way they do.
But on the other side of the fence there are those (like my Ex) that you could look right in the eye and say "I need help" or "The child has a DR appt Monday and you need to drive him" and then YOU get yelled at because he SWEARS you never told him or he did not hear you.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 55
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Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/15/2007 6:31:25 PM
I don't think anyone's mentioned this, but there's being talked to and talked at.
One is communicating which involves an exchange of information, ideas and thoughts. Being talked at is almost like being treated as a child. It's not so much as what's said as how it's said. Talk to me, fine, I'll listen. Talk at me and you'll hear the door shut on my way out!
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 56
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Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/15/2007 6:41:32 PM
Communicating in hints is not always a bad thing .
Like for instance when an anniversary is coming up , I appreciate a hint .
When I'm supposed to think in a certain way about something that means absolutely nothing to me , but does to her , I appreciate a hint.
But most of the time I prefer things very direct.
 DevineDene
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 57
Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/20/2007 1:52:19 PM
Adamthegribblie
I for one would prefer my words be taken at face value and not misconstrued or "interpreted" (euphemism), because I am through with being reprimanded for thoughts I have never entertained and statements I have never uttered.


Very well said, thank you for that.
DD
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 58
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Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 6/22/2007 7:01:42 PM
men and women need to be told...hinting is childish, and game playing
hinting is the inability to comunicate
and without communication, there can be nothing
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 59
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Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:15:41 PM
Hinting is like hunting and both are hit and miss.......

Say what you mean, and mean what you say.....then life will be much more realistic, and the opportunities for success much greater than if you "hint" your way to loneliness......

Just my opinion.....
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 60
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Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 8/24/2007 3:30:03 PM
It's always been an indicator to me of compatability or possible compatability.

If it's someone you're just getting to know, and if something I said needs clarification, I have no problem with that. I don't do the hint thing very well, either reading them or throwing them out.

Communication to me is high on my priority list, so if the communication is lacking, my interest tends to wane. If it seems burdensome to try to communicate with someone, as much as I may like them, then the chances of having something lasting is pretty much nil. And if they have a problem communicating with me, same thing.

Hints work once you know someone pretty well. It could just be a wink or raising of an eyebrow and wow...I know what that means, because I know how he thinks.

Let's face it though, if it's someone you don't know well, body language even is subject to all sorts of interpretations and I don't know about the rest of you, but I hate guessing wrong.

When it comes to my man, I have no problem explaining anything if he asks. If you don't have the patience or don't want to take the time, then you're probably not that interested anyway.
 DoctorG2003
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 61
Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 9/17/2007 7:06:09 AM
Yes yoodle, your guy is cheap.
We guys are sometimes forgetful, and appear to be uncaring, but that is not always the real case.
We (mostly) don't mind your questions/suggestions, as long as they are done in a nice and caring manner.
Hints are useless, and even damaging, because a woman will say to herself "I have already mentioned that before" , but she might only think that she has conveyed the message by her hints. The guy has no clue what she wants.
Communication is always they key to a good relationship.
 wodehousefan2
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 62
Telling versus Hinting with Men
Posted: 9/18/2007 1:04:23 PM
I refuse to take hints. Usually I miss them entirely, and when I do catch them I ignore them. Hinting is for little girls playing house with dollies. If you can't speak plainly you are too immature to be in a relationship. Once you have been around someone enough, you should know them well enough to know how to do/not do certain things, and so not need 'direct commands'. I can pick up the house while you are gone, without being ordered to. You can fix me a burger without being told for the hundredth time to leave the onions off. That is natural. But if you want me to read your mind, and guess at what you want because you gave me a look, or raised your eyebrows, you are S.O.L. By the way, the last person who tried to command me to do something woke up a day later with his jaw wired shut. The last woman who nagged me got dumped. When I have time, I clean, vacuum, wash dishes, etc, to help out. When I don't have the time, I don't do such. If I schedule the time to do such things an hour before you come home, and you come home two hours early-to find the things not done-you are jumping the gun when you get upset. Instead of ****ing about it, keep your yap shut, and I will get to it when I planned to. It can wait an extra hour without the world coming to an end because of it. Guys need to pull their own weight, but gals need to relize we have lives too, and schedules, and time conflicts, just like they do.
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