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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Contin      Home login  
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 pandorasflowers
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 1
Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
So, I need some advise here...a male perspective would be nice.

Background:
I met someone online and made the mistake of sleeping with him on the first night although it didn't seem that way at first. We had chatted a couple of times before we met and go along really well. After we met, everything seemed to be going well for about 2-3 weeks and then suddenly he didn't seem that interested. I spoke with him about it but he said he was interested just really busy with work. He doesn't know it but I found out about his profile on match.com (I met him through Craigslist and while I know that is less than an ideal situation to meet someone for a real relationship it doesn't mean it's impossible). Anyhow, he say's he's really busy with work but he's online on match.com several times a day. In the past, I first, wouldn't have slept with him so soon and second, would have walked away from this situation...if he's not interested I'm certainly not going to chase him. But because of it I'm few and far between relationships. But I can't say I'm feeling very happy. I don't know if I should give it more time since we only have been going out for a month and so it's difficult to expect a monogamous relationship or just walk away now because the writing is on the wall.

If you've gotten this far...thanks for reading! Any advise you have would be well appreciated!
 crittersitter
Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 2
Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/14/2007 1:37:40 AM
OP: "then suddenly he didn't seem that interested."

If after 2-3 weeks he's not that interested-then keep your options open.

Go out with him when you can if you want to keep seeing him occasionally on a casual basis or don't.
Up to you.

 happyprincess
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 3
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Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/14/2007 6:01:03 AM
Sorry its going a little rough for you. It seems he's backing off a bit and maybe you should to. I'm not for playing games but (I know I'm going to get called out by the men) he think's he's got you where he wants you. Get out of that corner, don't always be at he beck and call, don't answer the phone right away, be out and about, have a life, enjoy life and he will certainly wonder whats going on. No reason why you can't do a little fishing of your own.
 Threecard
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 4
Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/14/2007 6:24:41 AM
I'd like to reply to this but my g/f is on her way home and I don't want her to catch me looking at your profile....
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 5
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Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/14/2007 7:22:19 AM
I met someone online and made the mistake of sleeping with him on the first night although it didn't seem that way at first. We had chatted a couple of times before we met and go along really well. After we met, everything seemed to be going well for about 2-3 weeks and then suddenly he didn't seem that interested. I spoke with him about it but he said he was interested just really busy with work.

This happens all the time around here. Women really really need to get smart about
this. Listen - nothing wrong with having sex with a guy when you first meet him but
be very very aware of the consequences that can happen. Sometimes it just
turns into a lay - thats all. I know it sucks and I know it hurts.
My advice for you is next time Play Smart- when you meet him and you are feeling
it, hold back and get that second or third date. Get to know him alittle before giving
yourself to him. Thats all. What do I think now- I think that you should talk to
other guys here and carry on with your life, if he comes back thats great and if
not just chalk it up and try to learn from this little incident.
 Wylie_Coyote
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 6
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Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/14/2007 8:28:29 AM
OP,

A guy’s perspective: First off don’t beat your self up over the sex. Getting to know someone and figuring out if long term is a possibility, sex is a big part of compatibility. Starting off fast or slow wont change weather 2 people like each other but sometimes too slow is to long.

People move at different speeds and second guessing your own decisions is natural. Sometimes folks get scared. When we get that "feels good” feeling we wonder if it’s right. We all look at other people but for me, I notice that I’m not as attracted to someone else when I’m feeling good about the one I’m with.

CritterSitter hit the nail right on the head. You may as well keep seeing the guy on occasion. I don’t think closing the door just because he is reluctant to commit is the best move. Again, we all move at different speeds.

Just one guy’s opinion.
Jonny Mac
 peterness
Joined: 10/12/2005
Msg: 7
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 peterness
Joined: 10/12/2005
Msg: 8
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Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/14/2007 9:26:55 AM
"I'd like to reply to this but my g/f is on her way home and I don't want her to catch me looking at your profile...."

lol... that was funny!

I read through the posts... I am also wondering about the wisdom of listening to us versus say a counsellor who can see you, know your history and feel your vibes... Maybe you can check out that avenue too???

So, I guess I will throw in my two cents, lol. If you are not comfortable with something, communicate. Assume makes an ass out of u and me. Sounds like you don't want to keep fishing but he may or may not ??? If you want exclusivity, communicate that and see how he responds. It may then require him to make a choice and for you then to make one.
 Lario
Joined: 5/2/2005
Msg: 9
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Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/14/2007 9:33:34 AM
Neither one of you know the other well enough to establish a long term monogamous relationship after only one month.
 pandorasflowers
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 10
Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/14/2007 12:49:03 PM
First, thanks to all of you who have taken the time to reply to my post. Many hugs and much, much love!!!

Reading through your posts I've gained strength. That wasn't in my mind when I started this forum but now that I have it, I realize that is what I really needed.

After some reflection, I realize I was giving into my insecurities. Whether this guy is playing me or not has little to do with what is going on with me. I can't control what he does but I can control what I do. So for those of you who may be interested, here is my plan.

Continue to get to know him but back off on the sex (if he’s okay with that if not then I read the sign clearly). This is not to control him by any means but there is some self preservation here. I don’t think I could handle him (or anyone really) dating other people while we’re having sex. Also, it’s just not safe.

If we ever get to the point where we think we might be able to get into a monogamous relationship then sex can re-enter the picture.

Whatever happens, I need to stay true to myself and live the life that I want. If he sticks around great, if he doesn’t, I’m probably better off without him.

So, there it is. Whether that’s right, wrong, best or worst thing to do, I don’t know. I just know that is what will make me happy.

Again, thanks everyone!!!! POF hits it out of the park for stuff like this.
 pandorasflowers
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 11
Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/14/2007 2:23:58 PM
vulf-I'm not in love but i do like him a lot ... i probably wouldn't be feeling like this if I didn't. In fact, it's been a long while since I've felt this way about someone. Beleive me, I'm not looking to get de-singled. If that was the case I'd take back my ex who's been trying to get back with me for several years now. Also, I've seen others in the recent past who are interested and I could easily start something with them. But, I'm choosing not to.
 pandorasflowers
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 12
Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/14/2007 2:46:44 PM
phonegal & willow...

no, I don't have a profile so he has nothing to check. I didn't intentionally seek out his profile...initially when i felt he was beginning to back away i considered going on match.com...that's when I saw his profile.
 JustKelly70
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 13
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Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/14/2007 3:39:50 PM
After a month I would have deleted my account, Did so it within a week last time but we had dated before almost 2 yrs previous, and I wanted to show her I was serious. Although now I'm enjoying the forums, so I may not delete my account next time. Just make it clear in my profile, but if neccessary I would delete it. Hopefully I would'nt have the time to be on here as many of us spend too much time here.
 pandorasflowers
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 14
Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/14/2007 4:45:51 PM
Honestly, it's not so much that he's online. It's that he's online but says to me he's soo busy with work...too busy to see & talk more frequently. That's what's so upsetting.

By the way, I think I figured out why he logs in so frequently. The person's profile who logged in most recently appears at the top of any searchs.
 pandorasflowers
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 15
Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/14/2007 5:47:54 PM
thanks silveuk...i think i'm done with him...i don't want to be in a relationship where I have to police my mate...too stressfull and no fun. I want to be in a relationship that's going to make me happy.
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 16
Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/15/2007 9:27:32 AM

This happens all the time around here. Women really really need to get smart about
this.

curlygirl as always makes an excellent point.

Listen - nothing wrong with having sex with a guy when you first meet him but
be very very aware of the consequences that can happen. Sometimes it just
turns into a lay - thats all. I know it sucks and I know it hurts.

Right again......., I will also add that if you're looking for a relationship it's probably best NOT to sleep with somebody on the first date. It can work out and I am living proof of that. But the majority of time it's just a one night stand or you are designated booty call. Once your booty call girl it's very difficult to become the main squeeze.


My advice for you is next time Play Smart- when you meet him and you are feeling it, hold back and get that second or third date. Get to know him alittle before giving yourself to him. Thats all.

Can add nothing more here because it's right on the money.

What do I think now- I think that you should talk to
other guys here and carry on with your life, if he comes back thats great and if
not just chalk it up and try to learn from this little incident.


Right is right here. Simple rule of thumb here...... if there really is a connection between the two of you and you're thinking that you'd like to have a future with a certain gentlemen, WAIT...... if he is really REALLY interested he will wait a few dates for the intimacy. If he does not wish to wait for sex, you'll be doing yourself a big favor. Wondering about whether he likes you or not just really blows the big one.

:))
Witchy

 pandorasflowers
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 17
Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/15/2007 10:41:46 AM
Insurgent...you really hit the nail on the head. Normally, I'm not this paranoid but this online dating has really puts a wrench into things. I think we pass up people online that if we met in person would have been a great match for us. I've tried online dating in the past and decided it wasn't for me. I've known people searching online for 10yrs!!! I didn't want that to happen to me. I only tried it this time because I had recently moved to the area and wanted to meet new people. Unfortunately, not many people post to the platonic section. I actually hadn't intended on dating anyone through Craigslist...it just happened with this guy. I've learned my lesson though. Back to 'real' world dating!!
 pandorasflowers
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 18
Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 6/15/2007 10:46:32 AM
Posted By: writeaway on 6/14/2007 1134 PM
Subject: Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Message: If it was mentioned in the post, then I missed it, but did you actually talk to him about being in a monogamous relationship. (Dropping hints doesn’t count.)


Writeaway-I did talk to him about his being "MIA" but not about being monogamous...it seemed too soon for that. Instead I suggested we cool off on the sex and get to know one another better...if we find we still want to be together and I feel comfortable about our "relationship" then perhaps sex can re-enter the picture.
 vhdc
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 19
Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 8/16/2007 3:03:12 PM

or just walk away now because the writing is on the wall
Get's my vote.
 onemoretimeplease
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 20
Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?
Posted: 2/28/2009 2:51:00 AM
Im sorry for your pain.
But hey theres lots of men and woman who are on more than one date site.
Funny that and they dont even think we are cleaver enough to check them out.
They are the ones who spoil it for the nice ones out there.
Iv caught a few out myself.
Move on as they say theres plenty more fish out there.
Throw in your line and just keep on tyring.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dating for 1month & he's still checking other profiles online. Continue seeing him? or Is it a sign?