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Show ALL Forums  > Australia  > child suport its killing both sides      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 atalia
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 26
child suport its killing both sidesPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Any person who fathers or mothers a child should help to support it no matter what, or learn to have safe sex, children are a responsibility not a right.

What I find hard to stomach is that my income was taken into account when they worked out my fiance's child support, I didnt ask for the children, but accepted them unreservedly. But I had my own bills to pay and own issues of my own separation, and those children's parents had no right to try and cadge money from me, when they were the ones who chose to have children and divorce.

Unfortunately for my exe's ex, my income was too low to make a difference and she had her support reduced instead.
 sthcoastgal
Joined: 4/17/2007
Msg: 27
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/18/2007 2:39:11 AM
ouchies... touchy subject!

I'm gunna skip the country with the payments i received LOL

My ex has house/s & business/es... wife... whatever... good luck to him... but with the payments I get I certainly DO NOT do him any favours.

I have no recollection about the payments incorporating his wife/partner in any way.

***Gets her bag and car keys and goes shopping to spend the 80 cents a day she gets**


"BlooP"
 dj181
Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 28
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/18/2007 3:22:07 AM
i suppose i am lucky in a way, in that my ex and i still talk and have worked out our own arrangement..plus the fact that i have my kids pretty much half the time anyway, and pay for half the day care, before/after school care, and other child related expenses...but even tho we have our own arrangment CSA stil has to stick thier head in and try to tell us what we SHOULD be doing according to them. my ex has had letters from csa telling her she should let them claim child support for her, and when she rang them up about it, csa tried to talk her into claiming csa through csa as, according to them "she would get much more money, even tho she only has the kids half the time".....so after that (luckily for me she isnt that bad!! lol) we have continued to work out our on arrangements and try to ignore all of the csa stuff that comes through
 atalia
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 29
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/18/2007 3:24:03 AM
Congratulations on being mature adults and a good example to your kids dj, pity more parents dont follow your lead
 CavesBeach
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 30
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:02:07 AM
sometimes there is only one mature adult and one unreasonable adult..
i have a much the same deal as DeeJAy with the mother of my child.2 years on we are still great mates.

but i can remember early on of my break up when there was so much b!tching from both sides, i felt the law held a little more in the mothers side of the fence..and felt like i had to ask her for permission to see my own child, but at the same time child support was mandatory ..it was a helpless and belittling feeling.i dont think i have ever felt so powerless.

with running the risk of generalizing, it has to be said some fathers dont get a fair go

I am so lucky both the mother of my daughter and myself, remembered that we were fighting for the same cause..thank god sometimes common sence prevails.
 nunthewiser
Joined: 4/12/2005
Msg: 31
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History
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:07:20 AM
stand corrected... on the annual taxable income thingy.... when i had asked as i knew my ex had a increase income they asked me how much... i told them and said brought home and then asked them if it was before or after and the chick said after tax... which and she said that also included the medicare levy and all state/federal taxes taken out.... so i guess that is what she meant by after tax... it wasnt the best day for me and i wanted too much info so i didnt bother asking more into it.


well either you work for csa or you have as much fun as i have over my 5 years.


yes i have had the ex not return to work when they caught up with him so he could avoid paying....he handed in his tax return and it got increased from 10bucks a fortnight to 54 a month... but as he didnt ring them and tell them he can not pay that amount as he was once again not working... they continued to take out the 10 a fortnight before he got his dole payment....

come oct 2005 i started to recieve nothing again... so i rung them up and they said he wasnt receiving payments and he wasnt lodged on the ATO... so every week they would do a ping to see if he was working or not... come feb 2006 they found out he was working. they contacted the employer and asked to get money taken out of his wage plus arrears... the employer agreed and i was to get payments for everything the following month.... come the following month nothing.. so CSA rung them to find out why.... they said as he is only casual and he is under the wage protection policy they can not take the money out.... so then they went in and asked for so much per $ of the hourly rate be taken out... they agreed.. come pay day nothing... they have used excuses of he moved to a different section in the company so you have to start your paperwork all over again.... CSA threatened federal legal action...

come may 2006 i get contact from the ex for the first time coz they had started taking money out of his wage the month before... i told him i have not received anything.... so off to calling CSA again told them.... it turned out that due to further investigation that it had been taken out of the wages but not transfered over to CSA and they dont know where the money had gone.... then in sept CSA told me i should start getting payments as they have a new payroll officer at the employer the 3rd since april and i should start getting money.... oct i started getting money but no backpay....

jan 2007 i didnt get a payment so back on the phone... and as i also knew that the ex has not handed in his last tax return i asked questioned about that... they said they were aware of the missed payment and were on it straight away and they have started arrangements for arrears...i got my first backpayment last month.

now you try having to explain all that every time i ring up to find out information coz i havent been assigned to a case manager but yet the ex has one... who did get the sack as she wasnt doing her job and i put in a complaint... oh and mine isnt the only case this employer has done this too with his employees theres another 10...


look at from the other side if i dont pay em as they are on centerlink they lose out mine and more,


if you do not pay child support they will not lose out.... the only way they will lose out if they receive more then $1000 per year in child support as that is then classed as a income so their single parenting payments will be reduced.... their family tax benefits are also reduced with this income from child support... which is part A...


about the scam you have no idea about how crew some women are to keep a guy or now the baby bonus.


guess what.... if you had the feeling she was going to be like that you had several choices... didnt have to have sex with her unless she was holding a gun to your head, wear a rubber or several all at once buy them yourself and hold them on your person so she couldnt tamper with them, should have had the snip if ya didnt want more kids.... didnt have to sign the birth certificate and make her prove you are the father....


she then came back to live, after anouther 3 years in courts i gave up and now she is in queensland some where i still pay csa , i look at it my children will turn 16 one day and they will want to hear my story


i really dont understand some mens logic in thinking... coz i dont see them i shouldnt have to pay.. or im still paying like it is a big bloody chore...their ya kids your still responsible for them even if ya dont see them... you giving up on them by not fighting to keep them in the same state as you they can and might resent you for not fighting harder for them... what has the age of 16 got to do with it?? they mighten want to know at 16 they mighten know at 18 when you legally stop paying child support
... they just mighten want to know at all and if they did they might see you as a father that gave up on them..

i have an ex... last time i spoke to him he had paid out 40grand in lawyers fees to see his kids in the last 6 years... also in those 6 years he found out his youngest child was not his child... he has never asked for the money he has paid in childsupport for her back... coz he sees it as for that period of 8 years of her being alive she was his child... he doesnt care how much money he spends to try and get to see his kids... to him... its money well spent if he can just spend a few mins with them.


well im up to date now. the funny thing a while ago what put me $140 in the rears that they chase me and really gave me a hard time and they dont ring people like my brother who owes thousands ,, atleast i pay csa ,


it doesnt matter if you have arrears in the thousands... they will get you and it will catch up... coz the ato CSA and centrelink are all linked via database they will catch you either way. and when ya hand in your tax return... before you get any money back.. ATO takes out what they want.. then centrelink.. then CSA takes out whatever is left behind.. and if your lucky you might get something back... a girlfriend of mine her ex didnt hand in a tax return for 5 years... they caught up with him.... he is owing 13grand in arrears and it gets taken out each tax return until it is all gone.... as even though you may have the case for child support close when the child turns 18... it is a lifetime debt and it will never go away....


sorry long winded... im using this as stress release...lol. hassles with the ex...lol.. fukn go figure huh....lol.
 frankiepankie2
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 32
view profile
History
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:26:40 AM
My ex is supposed to, but rarely does, pay $100 per month. I lose approximately $50 per month of my Centrelink payments due to these supposed child support payments. In addition, Centrelink have informed me, if CSA take a lump sum from his tax refund I can get hit with an overpayment. The ex owns a house (paid off) and 3 cars and has a partner who also works. I do own a house with, until recently, a mortgage, I study full time at Uni and struggle to pay off a car. To survive I work 2 part-time jobs. It sux! Nevertheless the ex sees his daughter and son with encouragement from me.
 nunthewiser
Joined: 4/12/2005
Msg: 33
view profile
History
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:36:58 AM
the girlfriend that ex is owing 13grand in arrears was also spose to get i think it was 240 a month... but coz he claimed he was on commission he sometimes couldnt pay that.... well this is what he told CSA... he is a realestate agent and has a base wage but he just said he was commission based only..... so when she got a 3grand payment in one lump sum... she rung centrelink and told them of her situation... she then arranged with them that she will notify them when she gets a payment how much for and she will pay back what was owed since her last lump payment with child support... so coz she might have only gotten 2 payments a year..... she just declared it straight away but still received the normal single parents payment.


oh and coz he is still paying the 13grand off... she has to declare that too and it would effect her payment even though it was for child support over the last 5 years.
 SergeantOz
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 34
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/18/2007 6:14:54 AM
........ and to think you can buy a LOVE GLOVE for $2.00 from a vending machine .........
 Purple4
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 35
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/18/2007 6:41:46 AM
........ and to think you can buy a LOVE GLOVE for $2.00 from a vending machine .........


Exactly.......

It's my best advice to both my sons....if you don't want a baby.....use it baby...

I can give an excellent banana demo.....lol
 likes_a_laugh
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 36
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/18/2007 6:44:52 AM
Hey, are the bananas BYO?
 Purple4
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 37
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/18/2007 6:54:16 AM

Hey, are the bananas BYO?


Oh yes likes. Definately. Have you seen the price of them lil suckers? I refuse to pay more than $2 a kilo......

Lol......
 sailorsal
Joined: 1/5/2007
Msg: 38
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/18/2007 10:43:40 AM
The best piece of advice I ever got from the csa was to stop looking at child support as a necessity but as a bonus. That way when he doesnt pay you dont suffer. Learn to live and survive without it.

I have 4 kids, my ex has hardly ever paid maintenance. He has remarried and gets child support for 1 step son which is more than his legal requirement to me. My arrears are close to 30,000 now. he makes a profit out of child support.

He has always been self employed earning 200,000 + and now lives overseas. double whammy he doesnt see or contact 3 of the 4 kids. He has since had another baby as well. when we seperated I had no home, no job and no money from him whatsover, for 12 months I had to borrow from my parents to feed the children. Now 7 years on I have my own house, company, car etc and my kids are happy well adjusted people.

one day the csa will catch up with him and it will be one hell of a party. On the rare ocasions that he pays maintenace, I take the kids out for a treat and a meal as a way of thanking their daddy for his thoughts. It helps the kids come to terms with their thoughts of abandonement and creates good memories.

we cant alway guarantee that our partners will be good ex's but we dont have to assist them in stuffing up the kids lives. The CSA is understaffed, underfunded and useless. My case officer changes every 6 months, the government are bringing in new changes in july but they dont have the manpower to act on the new changes.

my case has now been sent to singapore for prosecution over there. I have rung csa every month sometimes 3 times a month for the last 4 years. I know more about the process than they do. They caught him once at the airport when he flew into australia for business. He agreed to pay half the debt so they let him go, he was supposed to continue to make regular payments and pay off the debt but he didnt. He hasnt paid much since that date 2 years ago. one time he abducted my eldest son and took him to adelaide breaching a custody order. the CSA accepted that my son was living with his father despite a breache court order and readjusted his payments down appropriatly. when my son was kicke out and sent back home the csa took 6 months to readjust the agreement back again.

whilst he chooses not to pay, he answers all their letters and responds by turning up in court, he would rather pay lawyers than child support.

Take my advice, move on. make your own way without child support. live a happy and fullfilling life knowing that you are doing the best for your child. then if the child support comes in youve got a bonus and can have a small celebration.
 SergeantOz
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 39
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/18/2007 6:49:47 PM
I guess it has to be frustrating when people can hide behind loop-holes in the system and can not take care of their responsibilities. An ex g/f found a whole stack of handwritten payslips her ex had left in a drawer before they sold the house - it showed him with over $20k in cash with-held at work for him from undeclared income (cash work). She sent copies to the ATO and CSA and it did not seem to matter to them as he just lied and got a letter from his employer to say he was only a casual contractor.

Another friend told me his ex was claiming Centrelink, CSA payments, cash in hand child minding job and running cash tutoring from her home after school. It took him 3 years for her to be caught out and ended up having to sell the house to pay back all the debts, fines, and other costs all for her own greed. Sad how it takes so long to get the ball in motion for something to be done for people who abuse the system - men and women.
 its all a mystery
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 40
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/18/2007 8:59:35 PM
like to thank you all for yr inputs.
yes every one has a differend veiw,
yes every one has been truck one way or the other,
yes as long as yr a parent its our obugation to support and try to give them a quality life to our children.
though one thing its crew when money rules peoples life, in regards to the main carer can pull the rug out on the x. male or female carer or not, its the children we should shelter from knowing our crap.
thanks to all
 its all a mystery
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 41
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/18/2007 9:04:44 PM
well that is true should of used a rubber , though i wouldn't have the the great children i have, dont need to worrie now as after the last i got myself sniped thats the best thing i have ever done, good for me but great for the women as they have 1 less reson to be on the pill
 frankiepankie2
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 42
view profile
History
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/19/2007 4:05:14 AM
Don't count on it mystery man I fell preggers twice after the ex had the big snip!
 SergeantOz
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 43
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/19/2007 4:52:11 PM
YIKES .............. FP I will always keep that information handy if I am asked why I have not had a SNIP AND CLIP done.

I guess if you have swimmers faster than Ian Thorpe something has to be done about it and of course some of them could go in the Special Olympics too.

Had a breakfast coffee with a colleague and he was telling me how his ex has the scam set up well - she works in the family business, lives in a family owned home, is scamming centrelink and and claiming rental assistance on top of that. Kids are well looked after and he has turned around and set up bank accounts for all 3 kids as his argument in court is she is doing well for herself if she can drive a new BMW around the place and be living on Centrelink.
 its all a mystery
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 44
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/19/2007 11:53:17 PM
did he do hes check up ?
well as the doc said it can regrow ,, but im sure at this stage. its a small % by the way
 its all a mystery
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 45
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/19/2007 11:58:23 PM
lol you made me laugh in yr opening lines,
well that good that you can see yr children looked after,, bonus,,
yes i know there are people who are better of than the other as long as the other doesn't stick his noise in, then the children will be happy
 its all a mystery
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 46
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/20/2007 12:00:41 AM
one more thing re; the x's snip... did he get it done ,, or did he pocketed the $$$
 Carena28
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 47
view profile
History
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/22/2007 11:43:16 AM
Oh my God! Frankiepankie2, you're the only other one I've heard of who has got 2 more kids after the partner had the snip!

So did I! He didn't go back to get a sperm count. Is this common? Have you heard of anyone else who has been through this?

My ex pays for 3 of the 4 kids so we're very lucky. The CSA has been really good to me, really understanding and have always kept me up to date with everything.

When the ex changes jobs I usually don't get child support for around 3 months which is a struggle. I find it hard not to rely on child support as it pays for all the fun things like videos, the occasional Hungry Jack's meal, and also usually buys new clothes or school things for the kids.

I could make the ex pay for the 4th kid, go to get DNA etc. but it's only an extra 2% of his wage or $800 a year. He pays 32% of his wage now. I reckon the stress level involved in doing that would be much more than the measely $800 I'm missing out on!

Carena
 JulietJuliet
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 48
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:59:37 AM
My son's father has NEVER seen his son EVER. Reason? He doesn't want to pay child support, and even moved house etc to make sure he couldn't be found.
My son doesn't need his father's money, he need's his father's love.
 CMGLX
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 49
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/28/2007 11:27:59 PM
very interesting reading people,
everyone has a story,
here is mine.
I need to ask a question to whoever can solve my riddle.
I pay $1500:00 a MONTH....
for my 2 daughters aged 3 and 4.
I love them very much.
The question i need answering is,
When they were home with me,they cost about $300:00 a month to feed ,dress and entertain..
So why do i need to pay the X so much money.
I'm supporting my girls not the mother...right
All replys will be read.

TA Darren
 JulietJuliet
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 50
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 6/29/2007 7:15:30 AM
its all a mystery......



one of my x's i pay her as the others though the csa




one of the others scamed me for a child
How many children to how many mothers do you have? If your not keen on forking out for child support, then put a few dollars aside for a pack of condoms, or have a vasectomy. You can't go around blaming society for your situation.
I get ZERO child support, never have had any child support, and I'll tell you, my pay packet hurts too.
CMGLX.....I can see your point with the expenses you endure when you have your children, however, it doesn't matter whose purse the money comes from, it still goes towards the children. A lot of guy's complain that the mother got her child support, then went and got her hair done, so they assume child support paid for her hair. Wrong! Expenses for children never end, and the paying partner is merely contributing to help with the costs. You know you can claim your extra expences from taxation don't you if you have your children for visits during the year?
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