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 possibilitarian
Joined: 7/3/2007
Msg: 101
child suport its killing both sidesPage 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
In all honesty the whole CSA thing gives me the sh*ts ... if your not getting enough your getting too much or giving too much or not giving enough ... I don't know the answer but as msg #96 says .... IF YOU CANT FEED 'EM , DONT BREED EM........
PAY UP OR SHUT UP... ITS FOR THE CHILDREN... and for those of us who don't get any child support AT ALL .... thats just the way the cookie crumbles !!!! men who pay nothing have hearts made of rock .... you can't get blood out of stone!! Can think of so many better things to put my energy and time into than whinging about CS or lack of ... just my 2cents worth .... OVA IT!!!!!!
 aroha108
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 102
child suport its killing both sides
Posted: 10/24/2007 11:00:32 PM
Seems that reliance on this or in fact ANY CS support we have aired our fury with as a system does two things, quite well: a) supports a whopping bureaucracy that owes its existence to human misery, and b) in the majority of cases where there is inequity, dishonesty or plain lack of personal responsibility - does little or nothing to redress the injustice.

I don't claim to speak for anyone else, but I knew within three weeks of conception that a baby was coming, and my decisions were made on the basis of being able to provide for the strange new life yet to be born, and the even stranger young girlwoman in whose body my oh so mobile swimmers had found a fertile ovum.

Nobody short of a realized Buddha could possibly have foreseen what was to come, and in p0int of truth though I struggled with myself for years to try to catch the meaning behind those dark, dark eyes - there was never an 'exit strategy' or an appropriate time to leave even one child. Three and then four? Ridiculous.

Not everyone is able to see what is coming down the pike. If we could, we probably would have opted for alternatives. That's not the case. To me the only thing that matters now is to somehow overcome or dissolve sixteen years or more of faulty assumptions on both sides: hers, that she 'has the power' simply by dint of being the one woman in the world I swore to lay my life down for come what may, and by the highly intelligent means of controlling my bloodline; and my own, for still trying to reason when it has long since become clear that anyone worth reasoning WITH - left town long ago in the family van en route to some idiotic rendezvous with Cold Play blaring from the CD changer and a bloke named Rob who with his barely literate cut-and-paste love notes, made an adulterer and a fool out of a mother of four beautiful and talented kids.

The van came back, and the body with it, but the person whom we knew as Liz is gone and has never been seen again. Someone told me she 'had to do it because she feared she was losing herself'. I'd say that whatever was LEFT of Liz she herself threw away 'with bright Mars shining over head', in the hope of 'getting back the body I had when I was 23', because 'having the kids was all a mistake', and on the premise that she and the dog-eyed Robert (now long departed) were going to 'make great spiritual contributions to the world together'.

I look at the bits of our lives and wonder what the blazes it was all for, if this was all she wanted. I'd love to see my kids, but I am sure I will have to go back to court for the next installment. The current minder loudly opines that I am 'dead to the kids and they know what you are', and I notice in today's mail her fourth attorney has sent letters of withdrawal of appearance citing 'irreconcilable differences in approach', plus the fact that her client does not respond to counsel, nor in fact to telephone calls or letters, and has not paid her bills.

And that my dear Watson, is where the damned child support has been going - that and the Liz Claiborne frames and the rest of it. I am so sick, sick, sick to my guts. I would be THE happiest man on the planet if only my kids could just come and live here where they'd be safe and loved. The lawyer I first saw told me the truth, had I been able to hear it: 'For about eighty thousand I can get you full custody, and assuming what you've told me is true, you'd better beg borrow and steal to find it fast.'

I just could not let go of my hope that reconciliation was possible, incrementally, even if never together again that we could somehow work it out for the kids. Wrong, man, wrong wrong wrong.

My apologies to the parents who are tied in knots as bad or worse, and to those of you who COULD work it out but lack the will to do so - fie on ye.
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