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 the_write_stuff
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 128
Men over 30, unmarried no childrenPage 5 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
I'll be 40 in November. I have never been married and I have never fathered a child (that I know of). I just always knew I was way too wild to settle down and that being that way, and in a marriage, would be terribly unfair to the woman I was married to as well as myself.

I have lived with several women in my lifetime and it felt like a marriage at times. I have been in long term relationships as well (5 years was the longest). It is only recently that I have "grown up" (or at least out of my bad boy, wild phase) and become ready for marriage. It takes some people longer to "get there" than others. But we all arrive at each stage of our lives when we're meant to.

I think the issue bothers men more than it does prospective women they may date. I know I sometimes wonder if my own family doesn't think I'm gay because of my choice to not marry and that I'm nearly 40. But, I can assure them and anyone else, I am 200% heterosexual LOL
 the_write_stuff
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 132
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 9/13/2008 10:31:34 PM
Well like my post states above: I will soon be 40. I am also an only child. I have never married but the reasons are shared above. It has nothing to do with being spoiled, seeking a second mother or being selfish. In fact, I'm one of the most selfless people I know. I empathize that you've had unsatisfactory experiences with men over 40 who have never married or fathered children but to uncerimoniously lump all such men into the same category or paint us with the same broad brush is terribly unfair, sterotypical and erroneous.
 crazyindian69
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 133
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Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 9/13/2008 10:36:05 PM
I am over 30, have no kids, and the eldest in a family of 4 siblings. I could have been married and have several kids by now. But I really had no way to support them since I was a wanderer. Now that I have my feet in one place I feel that i can settle down. Nothing wrong with me, just thinking of the future
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 141
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 9/16/2008 8:10:24 AM
There are plenty of valid reasons why a man in his 30s is unmarried and doesn't have any children.

1. He was busy with school, work, or family issues.
2. He simply preferred to remain single.
3.He has bad luck and didn't meet anyone that he was compatible with.
 Tim5354
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 143
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History
Men over 35, unmarried no children
Posted: 9/16/2008 11:18:30 AM
Don't get me wrong I love women I 'm just tried of the bull you got to go threw
whether you are a great guy or the bad guy imagine they look for they don't know the guy can have a safe side to him but also have a bad guy imagine they need to get laid every once and a while between paying for dinner a movie going out and hanging out together I love a woman that knows what guys want with out being a dog about it
don't get me wrong romance is great if the guy get something in return down the line
don't ask me how long it was I just miss having it in my near local area male just turn 50 yrs old wondering about the ladder part of life.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 150
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Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 2/12/2009 10:38:09 AM
I'm seeing a lot of guys now who see their friends nailed down with wives and children and they are still wanting to "play", so they really just screw around all they want. Some will never settle down while others may but then they may have to settle for a woman who didn't wait and she has children already.

I think the chance of a man finding a woman in her 30's without a child are slim to nothing. I also think that if a man is going to do something like that (just screw around a lot) it's probably for the best if he does not try to be in a committed relationship. It's just very hurtful to be with a man who can't keep it at home. He needs to get that out of his system before looking for a long-term partner.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 155
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 2/12/2009 2:20:36 PM

Cuts both ways. Many women don't want commitment or kids either. And there are quite a few Divorced with kids women on here looking for a nite out without any thought of marriage or more kids, so to each his/her own.

Very true. I have one son (he's been grown for a while now) but I have always preferred those who were either never married or married and divorced a LONG time ago. I also preferred no children or grown children outside the family home. My son lived with me for a number of years post-divorce and he was always off-limits to my dates. He didn't need a father figure (he had one) and I didn't need the complications that come along with introductions to someone who wasn't likely a permanent part of my life. Today? I'm just dating for a social outlet ~ his history and/or current parental situation really means nothing to me. It's just dating ~ no long term intentions whatsoever. JMO
 Artimesia1
Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 158
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 2/12/2009 8:01:18 PM
Why would you care about what women think about your past? It's the future that really needs to be determined/For instance, do you want kids? If not MAKE IS CLEAR to the women you are dating that you have no interest in children. Do you ever want to settle down and get married? Or do you plan on dating different women for the rest of your life? If you want to find someone long term for marriage, what do you have to offer in the relationship? Figuring out what you want for the future and then making that future a reality is far more important than wondering what women think about what you have done in the past.
 Adabeese29
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 165
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 2/19/2009 5:22:39 PM
Well speaking only from my stand point (almost 30) I don't feel that being a man and not having any kids is a bad thing at all...Honestly it's pretty damn important especially if your on a site that has you looking for either sex or companionship and either your career or your location prevent you from attaining these goals easily.....In closing I am living with someone for 8yrs now and she is unable to have kids....I have set my own wishes aside because I truthfully love her and that's the way it shall be. Not everyone has made the same choices I have but being true to yourself is the only way to go. Stay safe everybody...
 Adabeese29
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 166
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 2/19/2009 5:26:17 PM
In reality your being very selfish and its ok think of it this way if you weren't selfish you would have a kid and spend your entire life worrying about that child. Now look at things as they are you are free to do as you wish and enjoy your life to the fullest and later if you change your mind that option may or may not be available...but it was your choice and no one elses....THINK OF IT AS SELFISH IN A GOOD WAY!
 Invictus01
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 177
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:55:43 AM
As opposed to men over 30 with multiple kids and divorces? Now THAT I'm sure sounds pretty damn appealing to any woman out there!
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 181
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History
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 4/8/2009 8:25:44 AM
Well I have a son and he is 11. I guess I got it over and done early on. Had I not been planning to marry that women. Chances are I would still not have any children.hmm plus now all the ladies know...I make beautiful babies!!!!

I don't not have sex...but I am just a lot smarter than when I was 20.
 Blondecharmthe3rd
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 190
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 4/13/2009 3:37:37 AM
I don't much care if a man is over 30 and never been married, no kids. Perhaps he is the wise man who is taking his time instead of jumping into a bad situation when not mature or committed enough to handle it.

Reproducing for the sake of it is a really bad idea. Having a family with SO and children at the right time in life is pretty important. How many people split after bringing a child into a relationship that was already doomed???
 Vixenfox
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 191
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 4/13/2009 5:16:14 AM
I am a woman over 30 no kids never been married for me its finding that right person for me and I would think that it is the same for the man. I mean really we all dont want to be rejected time and time again. We all need a good stable relationship be picky it is alright.
 lady.in.the.streets
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 194
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 4/13/2009 1:07:35 PM
Wow...what difference does it make if he's unmarried with no children over the age of 30?

Is every man over the age of 30 automatically supposed to want children and want to be married?

What ever happened to preference? Not every person is going to want to get married or have children...EVER! It doesn't mean someone is afraid of commitment or unavailable emotionally. Some people don't believe in marriage and may dislike children...

It doesn't mean anything is wrong with them. I wouldn't judge someone on that alone.

Who cares of they have kids or have never been married? Some people may like that as there would be no additional baggage from previous relationships...

It shouldn't make any difference whatsoever...
 lady.in.the.streets
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 199
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 4/14/2009 1:31:03 PM
Marriage is just a commitment and a piece of paper. I know PLENTY of couples that are NOT married, NEVER will get married and DON'T want children that are VERY commited to each other, and love each other passionately. A ceremony and a certificate is not going to change that a bit. If you want a man who wants marriage and kids, go for it. Just don't knock those who don't see marriage and children in their future. It doesn't mean they are maladjusted and immature.
 lady.in.the.streets
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 210
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 4/16/2009 1:58:51 PM
Someone thinks I'm speaking only about them. Just voicing my opinion. No need to overreact now...gee whiz...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 216
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 5/3/2009 11:23:24 AM
I think the thoughts vary, depending on the geographic location. If you live in a country town in Alabama, I think most people are going to think there's something really wrong with you. If you've lived in big city like Chicago, it's not that strange to this newer generation at all.

In the big-city-life, the goal in life isn't to marry & have kids, but in country-life that's exactly what it is. In the newer generation, in the city-life, it's even okay not to have married, but the focus is more on "have you ever had long-term relationships?"
 ilovetoshop
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 222
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 5/4/2009 9:04:42 AM
nothins wrong with that ...it means ur smart..
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 223
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 5/5/2009 2:50:36 PM
Fifi,

Having had a long term relationship means nothing to me.

If a guy 30+ said "I never was in a long-term relationship. Ever." wouldn't that beg a really good (uncommon but justifiable) reason as to why?

In fact, if a man has wanted to get married and has had a series of long term relationships, I wonder why he wasted his time so to speak with women who he knew he would never marry.

First, he's not going to know "there's NO WAY we could EVER get married", I think that may alter his situations. You don't know if someone's marriage-worthy until you're IN a long-term relationship.

A long term relationship is a subjective term, it seems to mean anything from 3 months to many years.

It's subjective, yes, but what I mean about long-term relationship (as do most) is that it's more than 3 months... but more like over a half year or more would be a general description. One could break it down to an "extensive longterm relationship" meaning over 2 years, sure.

Bottom line is that if someone hasn't been in a long-term relationship -- usually meaning going thru most holidays with someone, and having an established relationship in the process -- that would be the thing to concerned about. "Why haven't you ever married?", as a question implying that you're not good with relationships is an odd one. One never being married does not imply a fear of commitment... but someone who hasn't been in a committed relationship for very long -- yes, that implies they might have issues with commitments/relationships.
 zipdy
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 236
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 2/20/2010 8:00:28 AM
WHY? WHY? WHY GET MARRIED AT ALL?

it's like joining the Better Business Bureau.

you are screwing yourself! when you join the BBB you give others a forum from which to hurt your business. and you PAY A MEMEBERSHIP TO DO IT! it's foolish.

getting married gives someone a hand into your wallet and a limit to the number of babes you can bang. it puts a serious damper on your behavior and desire to party.

WHY DID TIGER MARRY IN THE FIRST PLACE???? he's brilliant in many ways but as we've seen he's stupid in two.... he got married and he banged other chicks WHILE HE WAS MARRIED. he has opened himself up to litigation and personal problems galore. he's a rich idiot!

when you look at all the women who are getting pregnant and having multiple babies at 18 and 21 and 25 why would you get married when these women all want to have sex and really don't care with who or how many. there's quite a few 27 yr old with 5 children on here, 19 yr old with one or two.

THERE IS NO REASON TO GET MARRIED. IF YOU WANT TO BE FAITHFUL TO EACH OTHER, YOU DON'T NEED A PIECE OF PAPER OR A LAWYER.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 241
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History
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 3/14/2010 1:32:16 AM
I think a man, never married and definely with no children sounds like a man I would definely want. Espeically the no children, because I don't want children baggage interferring when I ever get lucky enough to have real sex with the man I want again or type of men I want.
 goodquestion
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 251
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:45:57 AM
I am 47 never been married or any kids. I have read in some profiles women write that they would not dare go near a guy that has not been married or never has had any kids, to each their own but I think it is plain ignorant.
 goodquestion
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 254
Men over 30, unmarried no children
Posted: 7/16/2011 5:48:59 AM

I'm 56, never married. And I'm not ugly, trust me. I'm not gay either, but the common ASSUMPTION among most all women is that if you're past 35 and unmarried and no kids, you're automatically gay. hey. I had a drinking problem til I was 35. After that, my troubles didn't disappear overnight.

Men and women make a LOT of assumptions about others, and it's very unfortunate that this is one of the most common.

I don't see any problem be it men or women that have not been married or have had children at any age. Just the opposite if someone does not want children atleast they know enough not to have them than to bring a human being into this world that they don't care for or want to care for. I can see where some on either side might say well he or she does not have any experience living with someone as far as a relationship goes, but I still think that is an excuse. I was suprised to see how many women on POF do not want children as well as women I have met. Most women want children as it is with in them to want to have children.

The most cruel animal in the world is a human being they will comment, pick on, or say anything to anyone else just because they don't think it is right or have all the answers as to what they think is right.
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