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 *~*Royal Majesty*~*
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 76
Dating a dad of an undiciplined childPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
It's very sad to see more & more children not being taught the important Life Skills of Responsibility, Consequences for Actions and that if you want something-you earn it!

Children whom are given whatever-whenever they want, often grow into spoiled, self-centered adults. Adults who cannot take care of themselves and whom often blame everyone and everything around them. It's pathetic!

It's one thing to not know how to raise children but quite another when some Parents KNOW what must be done to properly raise thier children but would rather "take the easy way out" and to NOT take the time & effort it often takes to prepare thier child(ren) for Adulthood.

Children will behave as they are taught. They are never to blame for the stupidity & careless actions of Adults. I cannot help but feel sympathy for those children who are being raised so improperly because they are often in for a "rude awakening" as they enter thier adult years.

I've also dated one or two gentlemen with spoiled-rotten, rude, out-of-control children and I also "ran like the wind".

It's their "mess", they need to take responsibility for it and "clean it up"!
 Wiyan
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 77
Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/23/2009 11:09:01 PM
If I were in this type of situation,This would tell me that this man, lacking confidence and or self esteem probably gets cheated in business, personal relationships, and walked all over by his own family. Which would mean that if I loved someone like that I would be trying to no avail to instill in him personal boundaries and self respect that he doesn't have for himself, which would mean I was enabling him. I would not be able to tolerate a man who couldn't manage his own life better than that, You would be taking on quite a bit to continue without at least discussing your concerns or possibly moving on for good. It may benefit both him and the child to bring this to his attention, though I wouldn't expect him to change anything even if he hears you. He may at some point though, reflect on what you have said to him and take it all in. Also, I would not hesitate to draw clear lines with the child. Children will push and push just looking for what that defining line is, because they need some structure
 crystalspirit
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 78
Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/23/2009 11:26:44 PM
Get out right away. Nothing will likely change with his parenting skills and you'll have to deal with the little brat the rest of the time you're together. Kids (even adult ones) can really mess up a nice relationship. If they get their way now ~ just wait till they're in their teens and twenties! Run!
 outdoorsgirl2
Joined: 7/25/2009
Msg: 79
Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/24/2009 3:58:02 AM
Personally, I feel the child should not be on a "date". When children are introduced, it should be a fun activity for them appropriate for their tastes and likes. None of us, as adults, likes to spend time doing things that are unpleasant. Children meeting their parents' new loves are no different.
 HazelRose
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 80
Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/24/2009 4:16:52 AM
The man I was seeing for two years had a young son. When I was around, he told his son to always sit in the back (he did this even when I was not there), that when I cooked something, to eat it even if it was ot something his mom would have made (he liked almost everything, so I must have been doing someting right), and to listen to me when he was not around. We may not be together anymore, but his kid still likes me.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 81
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Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:00:57 AM
I know this post is a couple of years old, but I sincerely hope this OP ran and ran fast. If she thinks it's bad now, wait till the kid is 13, 16, 18 and then an adult and is still running the show.

Best line in a post in this whole thread:
Why because any man that makes you sit in the back seat will always keep you their.


Edit: And kids should be in the back seat for safety anyway, so that should never have even been an issue...this guy was even willing to let the kid have what he wanted at the risk of his safety.

 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 82
Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:12:37 AM
^^^ They're probably close to marriage by now. Anyone who'd put with that for more than five minutes has to be either desperate or a complete push over.

I HOPE she ran for the hills and allowed that train wreck to collide with someone else.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 83
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Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:17:27 AM
No kidding, cinsav! They are probably waiting on the divorce papers as we type!

For the record...my boys are 17 and 19, and my girl is 13, and each and every one of them knows who is in charge in our house. As long as I live, they will always be welcome in my home, if need be, but as long as they live with me, they will follow the rules of MY house.

I would have zero tolerance for any man who was afraid to (gasp) PARENT his kids!
 13karat
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 84
Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:29:58 AM
^^^^^^ I am with you, spoke for.... I have raised 3 daughters, 21-16-13 - they all know where the boundaries are with mom. I have no problems with being their "friend" to a certain extent, but they also know my line when they push it.... "A family is NOT a democracy."

I have ended two relationships because the man was a doormat to his children - and have learned to see the signs of it.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 85
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Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:41:16 AM
Exactly 13karat! I have not allowed my own kids to walk all over me, why would I let someone elses? I'm too old to start that crap at this point in my life. LOL

 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 86
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Dating a parent of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/24/2009 1:44:17 PM
I always introduced newcomers (minors) to MY house rules, parent or no parent along.
If anybody didn't like them, they were free to and encouraged to leave.
Never happened. In fact, the parents were relieved.

In the case of the OP, my mind would have been made up to end it after that dinner.
("I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I don't care to see you again. Why, you ask? Your child is totally unruly because you choose not to set or enforce acceptable rules for socially acceptable behavior. I choose not to be a part of your chaos. Good luck with those teen years.")

An adult relegated to the back seat to allow an 8-yr old the unrecommended
for them, front seat?

Oh HELL no.
If he was picking me up, he could just turn around and go home. If I had driven to his place and we were going from there to another place under those circumstances, I'd get in my car and go home.

keepin it simple, keepin it real--PW
 Will 0311
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 87
Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/24/2009 8:13:20 PM
Dont waste your time with that BS.My God,you actually ride in the back seat?!? Move on,he is disrespecting you the whole time.
 Sherlock101
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 88
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Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/24/2009 9:18:36 PM
I am so happy that the original OP was a female. I have seen this thread come and go with males starting it, "the thread didn't last long." On top of that, I am hopeful it will keep going as so many need to get their head out of the sand. Although I doubt many of the parents with this problem will read it much less reply. Just look at the history and hence my point in previous reply's to this post... After all is there anyone posting that they are now thinking a different way? Doubtful....
 NightsSky
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 89
Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/25/2009 8:08:38 AM
well. You have a few options.

Marry him and whip that little kid's but!

Or forget him.

Might also be something to report to child services, that doesn't sound like healthy parenting to me.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 90
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Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/25/2009 12:56:17 PM
What tdh said. He's your man, but it's his child, not yours. If it bothers you so much, don't date the guy.

My brother went through a similar situation. The woman he was seeing had a 3-year-old son who ran all over her, and it made my brother cringe. 'Twas the main reason they broke up.

But, I realize it's only a movie, but, in Overboard, Goldie Hawn's stern-yet-loving former rich b-tch with amnesia was just what heathen Kurt Russell's encourageable kids needed.
 Amitiel
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 91
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Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/25/2009 8:53:08 PM
ugh! backseat? um, hell no! Never would have gone past that....period.
 sugar62law
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 92
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Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/25/2009 10:59:45 PM
Kids need rules. They respond bettter when they have limitations. These free thinking parents, that want thier kids to grow up "without limits" are not doing our society or thier children any favors.
If you want to maintain a relationship with this man, you need to let him and his little bundle of joy know what the boundaries are in your home. When you are in thiers, then it is up to you whether or not you stay and put up with the BS....
Sitting in the back seat while "Little Lord Faunt LeRoy" sat up front.... Not NO, but OH Hell NO!!!!!!1
 Tarah0128
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 93
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Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/26/2009 12:14:44 AM

But, I realize it's only a movie, but, in Overboard, Goldie Hawn's stern-yet-loving former rich b-tch with amnesia was just what heathen Kurt Russell's encourageable kids needed.


That's a cute movie

Yeesh, being around people who don't parent their kids is cruel and unusual

No, thank you
 CookieLady66
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 94
Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:54:18 AM
I'd take Kurt Russell if he had 10 unruly brats!!! Yummmm

On topic: I dated a guy a couple of years ago that had THREE undisciplined brats...and they were one of the biggest reasons we broke it off...they stole, broke things and generally refused to listen to my house rules when at my house. EWWW! It was awful! I'll never date a guy with young children ever again because of the hell I went through that time!
 pirateheaven
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 95
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Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/26/2009 11:46:14 AM
I would dump him and never look back.
 sugar62law
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 96
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Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/26/2009 4:24:30 PM
I agree that some of the problems stem from these "pro's". The CPS staff have not figured out yet that they are not stopping the abusers.. They are stopping parents that are disciplining thier children. Very rarely do the "true" abusers ever come before the system.
The parents that I have problems with are the ones that play Disneyland Dad/Mom. They don't have thier kids all the time, so when they do, they do not want the stress of an unhappy kid, so hey lets let them burn down the house... We can always rebuild in the the next two weeks before the little angel comes back.
I am a firm believer in backing up what you say. Follow through as another posted states.. but I see too many parents that are too lazy to get off thier butts and take control of thier kids. It's easier to sit back and yell..."Don't make me come over there"
Well NEWSFLASH!!!!! Little Johnny knows that you are not going to get off your wide glide and back it up...So he will just continue with the behavior......
 NightsSky
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 97
Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/26/2009 5:30:06 PM
ack!!

My quasi girlfriend is somewhat of the same boat.

Let's her 24 daughter railroad her over so many times.

With the drugs and all, lying, cheating, stupid bs, etc.
 Fleur_de_Lis
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 98
Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/26/2009 5:59:52 PM
Your post was refreshing to read, Zeke


I admire parents who aren't lazy and don't let kids parent themselves

I know I made the right decision not to have children ~ I'm sure I would have done everything wrong




 TheDao
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 99
Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/26/2009 10:54:57 PM
I'll take kids any day much easier than to handle adults. Kids can change be taught actually be loyal unlike most adults. Some you people have little patience and tolerance for kids. I worked with the public, kids were much more respectful to me than the adults. The adults demanded things kids asked for things.

With lots of love and patience kids will change, if you're not patient enough maybe you shouldn't even have your kids.
 Tarah0128
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 100
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Dating a dad of an undiciplined child
Posted: 8/26/2009 11:46:47 PM
It's the adults that are too lazy to teach their kids that I have the problem with

I work with the public and, I agree, adults are the problem, not the kids
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