|funny quotesPage 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3)|
|Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. |
It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Posted: 6/25/2007 12:51:06 PM
|"To all you virgins out there, thanks for nothing" |
"Never argue with an idiot, they will bring you down to thier level, and beat you with experiance"
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
- George Burns
"Woman was God's second mistake."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (outch!)
"By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher."
"Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter."
The Average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows that the average man can see much better than he can think.'
Posted: 6/25/2007 4:11:12 PM
|"If I wanted any shit outta you, I'd squeeze your head". |
Posted: 7/7/2007 7:59:03 AM
|The bigger they are...the harder you fall.|
I'm having a nice day...don't scr*w it up
I got this stubby holder for my husband...best trade I ever made
If you can read this...the b*tch fell off (back of a bikers t-shirt)
Posted: 7/12/2007 1:41:23 PM
|I like those last words type ones.... |
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist. . . .
Killed in battle during US Civil War.
~~ General John Sedgwick, Union Commander, d. 1864
I knew it. I knew it. Born in a hotel room - and God damn it - died in a hotel room.
~~ Eugene O'Neill, writer, d. November 27, 1953
Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.
~~ Oscar Wilde, writer, d. November 30, 1900
Damn it . . . Don't you dare ask God to help me.
To her housekeeper, who had begun to pray aloud.
~~ Joan Crawford, actress, d. May 10, 1977
I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
~~ Humphrey Bogart, actor, d. January 14, 1957
Posted: 7/13/2007 10:25:26 PM
|"is our children learning?"????? Now that's a classic. |
Posted: 7/14/2007 8:50:19 AM
|These are all damn good, but I think the best line I have ever heard was....|
"Hey ya'll watch THIS!"
No matter who, what, or where you are, stupidity is sure to abound!
Posted: 7/14/2007 3:00:38 PM
|I don't remember who said this, "If dogs could speak, they would no longer be man's best friend. " |
Posted: 7/21/2007 5:16:33 PM
|"Parties who want milk should not seat themselves on a stool in the middle of the field in hope that the cow will back up to them."|
– Elbert Hubbard
Posted: 8/11/2007 6:47:57 AM
|What do you mean, my birth certificate expired? |
Posted: 8/11/2007 8:42:46 AM
|Insanity doesn't run in my family, it virtually gallops!|
Posted: 8/15/2007 3:05:58 AM
You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither.
Posted: 9/21/2007 6:14:17 PM
|"Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.." |