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 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 6
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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush

He who laughs last didn't get it.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
 Roamingsiris
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 11
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Posted: 6/25/2007 12:51:06 PM
"To all you virgins out there, thanks for nothing"
~George Carlin

"Never argue with an idiot, they will bring you down to thier level, and beat you with experiance"
~ Unknown

"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
- George Burns

"Woman was God's second mistake."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (outch!)

"By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher."
- Socrates

"Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter."
- Anonymous

The Average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows that the average man can see much better than he can think.'
- Unknown

 sayalla
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 14
funny quotes
Posted: 6/25/2007 4:11:12 PM
"If I wanted any shit outta you, I'd squeeze your head".
 WickedSecret
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 17
funny quotes
Posted: 7/7/2007 7:59:03 AM
The bigger they are...the harder you fall.

I'm having a nice day...don't scr*w it up

I got this stubby holder for my husband...best trade I ever made

If you can read this...the b*tch fell off (back of a bikers t-shirt)
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 20
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Posted: 7/12/2007 1:41:23 PM
I like those last words type ones....


They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist. . . .
Killed in battle during US Civil War.
~~ General John Sedgwick, Union Commander, d. 1864

I knew it. I knew it. Born in a hotel room - and God damn it - died in a hotel room.
~~ Eugene O'Neill, writer, d. November 27, 1953

Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.
~~ Oscar Wilde, writer, d. November 30, 1900

Damn it . . . Don't you dare ask God to help me.
To her housekeeper, who had begun to pray aloud.
~~ Joan Crawford, actress, d. May 10, 1977

I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
~~ Humphrey Bogart, actor, d. January 14, 1957
 sayalla
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 23
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Posted: 7/13/2007 10:25:26 PM
"is our children learning?"????? Now that's a classic.
 Roamingsiris
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 24
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Posted: 7/14/2007 8:50:19 AM
These are all damn good, but I think the best line I have ever heard was....

"Hey ya'll watch THIS!"

No matter who, what, or where you are, stupidity is sure to abound!
 Thatguy67
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 25
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Posted: 7/14/2007 3:00:38 PM
I don't remember who said this, "If dogs could speak, they would no longer be man's best friend. "

 mystic writer
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 26
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Posted: 7/21/2007 5:16:33 PM
"Parties who want milk should not seat themselves on a stool in the middle of the field in hope that the cow will back up to them."
– Elbert Hubbard
 mystic writer
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 27
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Posted: 8/11/2007 6:47:57 AM
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

sw
 vivienne3
Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 28
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Posted: 8/11/2007 8:42:46 AM
Insanity doesn't run in my family, it virtually gallops!
 mystic writer
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 33
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Posted: 8/15/2007 3:05:58 AM
Steve Martin
You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither.

LM
 mystic writer
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 43
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Posted: 9/21/2007 6:14:17 PM
"Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.."


LM
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