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 princesspushy
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 23
WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???Page 7 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I think people do want to fall in love but it is harder to make it work because our values have changed so much in the last 50 years and we are still adjusting to having so much opportunity and doors to relationships open much more easily these days.
Keep looking is my advice - sooner or later someone who shares your values and needs will come along!!
 ~Juggernaut~
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 24
WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 6/24/2007 7:23:48 PM
Yes the world is a smorgasbord and I'm just only at the bacon bits!! Love !!!!!!what is that ?
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 26
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WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:02:02 AM
I believe fear and longing are double edged swords that get in the way of us truly living each moment. For many people, meeting someone represents touching their deep seated fear of hurt, abandonment and lonliness ... and also touches their longing for connection, understanding and acceptance. Which kicks up their fear... which kicks up their longing/craving.

And so on, on we go on the hamster wheel. Completely blind and saying it is others who do not see. Some people will choose to sit on the sidelines and never fully participate again. Some will try to find "the answer" to this dilema from connection with another person, as if the answer exists outside of themselves.

Some people are truly courageous enough to find the still spot in the centre of this firestorm of fear and longing. Where they are no longer at the affect of their past, their future or their projections onto the other person. Only from this place, right now, can you be open enough to truly discover the person standing before you.

I hope I wrote this in english...lol
 * Succinct *
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 27
WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:33:13 AM
I do agree to a point with you Bonnie. The "games" people play online is the adherance to the myth about being "selective". There is no way you can size up a person online....period. I do realize there has to be some attraction...but to really know someone you have to have a conversation with them, watch their body language and see how they react to you and other people. So many people on here are holding out for a hero ...or heroine. They have an "idea" of a perfect mate and are on an endless search for it, which is the reason for the serial dating and jumping from one person to the next. For those people waiting for a white knight, a prince, a princess, true love, chemistry or "the one"...i'll let you in on a secret....there is no ONE person out there for you. I know to some that may make me sound very anti-romance, but i'm actually very romantic. A real, long lasting, solid relationship takes time and happens when you least expect it. The most successful long term relationships i've had happened with someone I met a few times and really didnt expect too much from the beginning. First there was an introduction, then a friendship, casually getting together and hanging out, really taking the time to find out what a person is like without people "putting on a show" or "faces", knowing someone and then after a few meetings, a few platonic dates, and in some cases months passing before having the realization that I had feelings for a GREAT friend. The anticiption of waiting to see them on a daily basis and how just by looking at them, knowing they had the ability to make me heart beat faster, having her accidentally brushing up against me, or touching her hand to help her up if she tripped.... When I made my move and she reciprocated there was nothing like it.
 JDMETRO
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 28
WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 6/25/2007 8:52:27 AM
From one man's experience - as far as women go on POF and similar venues, the lack of focus to find a mate, fall in love, make a commitment, etc. is limited for the following reason: On POF women are just shopping . . . for men

It is called 'Shopping' and the word 'shopping' for women does not necessarily mean 'Buying'. In fact even when they 'Buy' the goods they are often 'Returned' in just a few days.

For a lot of women - 'Shopping' is amusement, a distraction from reality, something to do - and not necessarily a serious endeavor. So 'shopping' on POF is much like shopping at Macy's.

Even when their closet is full and the kitchen adorned with gadgets - many women will still go shopping - they have not real intention to buy because their needs are met. But they shop anyway - 'it is what they do'.

On the other hand, when men go shopping - men actually go 'buying'. Men know what they are looking for and do often hide their 'needs'. As in - 'I need that - because it would make me feel better'. Not an admission many women can make. Men go directly to the object of their desire and make a purchase if the item is available.

It is all understandable if you look at what is going on today. A woman of the year 2007 most often has a decent job, a good car, lots of nice clothes, a growing 401K plan (nothing extraordinary - but sufficient. Today's woman has children, grandchildren - to fill their time with joy, they have friends, an ex sister in law and an ex mother in law (to go shopping with), etc. The millennium 2000 woman has few needs (at least none she will admit to) and therefore there is little action to take men seriously.

In eras gone by - men and women needed each other. The old adage 'Two can live better than one' applied -- but it no longer applies. So there is little to compel a woman to 'couple up' for mutual advantage. These bygone 'needs' caused both men and women to see the potential mate in a different light. Imperfections were not only accepted - they were expected. Today a woman can just be critical, make long lists of rules, be demanding, etc. - instead of being accepting and understanding for the lack of perfection in each and ever man who comes along.

In those past eras - men and women coupled for mutual betterment. Both men and women benefited and society benefited too.

But these days the bottom line is (despite claims to the contrary) it matters little if the man meets all the qualifications set forth in the 'shopping' list - women still shop for a better bargain, more features, and gadgets - endlessly.

So - as a man - here on POF are nothing more than a pastime - something for amusement and to cut the boredom if it ever dons her door.

Joe
 poly_pal
Joined: 12/30/2004
Msg: 29
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WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 6/25/2007 9:56:13 AM
B&H,

A failed relationship can hurt as much as the death of a cherished loved one, with the extra trappings of side order of guilt and blame assumption (if only I had done _______ differently, if only I had been more ______). It can take some people a few years to get over a failed marriage, even if they know it was a bad relationship.

But is part of the pain due to unrealistic expectations? Why do we assume that we can "make" anyone else love us forever, when the science is now in and shows the probability of that happening to be quite low.

Sure break-ups hurt, but there is some part of love that is given freely to others and without expectation, that makes you feel better about yourself. That is why we must, as humans, keep trying. If not with a main partner, then there are always friends, family or neighbors that can use a little emotional support.
 Fry Lock
Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 32
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WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 6/26/2007 1:04:35 PM
Man..this one got me thinkin..before I met the guy I'm with now I had this whole set list of things that a dude had to be or have in order for me to even give him a second thought; I figured that if I am taking care of myself, I'm not settling for anything less than perfection (in my eyes, anyway).

Man, that was like the dumbest set of rules I coulda ever laid down for myself. Seems like I'm breaking EVERY ONE of them with this man;

I wanted a man with a GOOD job that could take me out; I got a manual laborer/musician

I wanted a man with at least a college education - I got a parochial school graduate.

I wanted a man with no criminal record...well let's just skip the gory details on that one

I wanted a manly man that only cried when someone died. I got one who cried over the fact that his daughter (and mine too, they're best friends) are growing up so fast that we are like not even a part of their lives anymore.

I wanted a man that didn't drink much. I got a man that can hold his liquor, fairly well.

I wanted a man with a decent car that could drive ME around sometimes...well, just see criminal record above.

What I'm trying to say is at almost 40 years old I had NO IDEA what it was that I really wanted or needed, I just made up this list of things to make myself feel good, I guess. I keep telling myself I ain't gonna fall for this one, he's a musician, don't do it, but I'm afraid it's too late.

Kinda like the Stones said, "you can't always get what you want; but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need"

And I think he is what I need right now; if it ends up as a "real" relationship, I am almost certain to get hurt; but I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. (Sorry, I stole that too)

Fry
 IngaS
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 33
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WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 6/26/2007 1:26:49 PM
I don't know if people are afraid to fall in Love. I know I am not...but as somebody said already I can't force anybody to love me .And nobody can force me to fall in love with him. Esp. with online dating I don't know a person just from a chat or a few mails...so I can't say if it is the right one or not.

If we don't click then that's how it is...we can still be friends..but love doesn't work onesided so I have to keep trying.
On the otherhand I am 26 and I really want to believe that there is this romantic falling on love and soulmate side...and I wish it would cross my way in some point soon...but maybe standards are too high in society and it has to be slim, model look and /or loaded with money ... I don't know...

I have a korean friend and he insists on that he has to try many girlfriends so he has a comparison and knows which one to marry.
I think morally it is a load of s***, but in a way intelligent ( from his side.)
 Babe2003
Joined: 10/23/2006
Msg: 34
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WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 6/26/2007 1:35:33 PM
I agree with orchidtigress. I hope I do find my perfect match one day,but until I do, and the sparks fly, I"m going to keep on casual dating. I tell them from the start not to get serious and after one or two dates, they start the I love you.They don"t know me,love takes time.I remember when the women wanted to settle down, now it seems all the men do. I"m just glad they can"t get pregnant or they would pull that old trick too. For all other guys, I apologize, but this has been my experiance.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 35
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WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 6/26/2007 1:41:26 PM
im not afraid of falling in love, its somthing i need more than anything
 Biggie_CA
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 38
WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 8/23/2007 4:20:14 PM
If you don't fall in love you never experience the emotions associated with love. The rises and falls. The tears and laughter. You're just a zombie in the relationship. nothing phases you and there is usually no relationship after a while.
Love is scary but it is also one of the craziest and addictive experiences life has to offer.
I don't think people are afraid, I just think people are more guarded and are only exposed to the aftermath of losing love. People tend fear that more than they desire to know what it's like to be in love. It's one of those beasts where to experience the joy of it all you have to know it can leave you broken and hurt if it's not the right one. You can't blame them but maybe one day they'll look on in awe seeing 2 people they never thought would be together walking oblivious to any other existing in the world. Caring for each other. Worrying about the other as if they themselves would be in peril if their SO was hurt. Don't get me wrong. It is a blissful experience and comes with a warning. Some don't have the courage to get past the warning. but for those that do, they know what it's like and are stronger for it. They also secretly crave it again.
 anyuser82
Joined: 8/20/2007
Msg: 41
WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 8/24/2007 4:11:32 AM
It used to be that men never had an option to do otherwise. You devoted yourself to your mate or you didn't have a mate. Now the option of a life of no-strings attached sex has presented itself, or rather, been presented to us, by women.

A man needs love in his life as much as a woman does, but he doesn't neccessarily know it the way a woman does. I think one of the things a man gets from his experience with a woman is that she teaches him how to love. Most men either don't know what real love is or doubt their ability to do it.

With the access to cheap, easy sex men aren't compelled to learn the way they once were. I believe that when women decided to join in on the free love movement they did so to their own detriment and we are only just beginning to see why.
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 44
Why are people afraid to fall in love nowadays???
Posted: 8/24/2007 10:55:18 AM
The fear of 'Growing apart' after a certain period . .
Boredom with -Just One Partner- . .
A lack of determination to put the proper amount of Effort into Maintaining a Loving relationship . . !!!
50 / 50 just isn't Good Enough . .
I want a 100 / 100 kind of relationship . . . !!!!!
 simpleman20188
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 45
WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 8/24/2007 6:08:24 PM

I see 1,000,000 women on here looking for a man to take a long walk on the beach and 1,000,000 men wanting to share that walk. Guess What? No one is walking, everyone is just deleting EMails.

That may be the most profound thing I have seen on the forums.
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 51
WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 8/25/2007 5:03:29 PM
I'm N O T . . !!
Who wants to Join me . . ???
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 57
WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 9/14/2007 12:58:49 PM
Some Are . .
Not Me, though . .
I Fall-in-Love . . almost every DAY . . !!
..but, it seems that SOMEthing always throws the 'ol Wet Blanket on it . . !!
Whether it's the 'Diastnce Factor' {Which is a really Lame excuse} . .
The Age Factor . .
Or . . the restrictions imposed by the other party . .
***
AFRAID . . ?? . . No Way . .
Disappointed . . ?? . . You BET!!
 XRStheother2zz
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 59
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WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 9/14/2007 2:47:52 PM
Everyone these days is afraid of falling in love only because many in this day and age were not raised to respect one another. If you respect each other and yourself you CAN resist cheating on your partner. If you and your partner are having problems then instead of running away, confide in them and communicate to them how you feel so that each of you can come to an adult conclusion. Whether you split up or choose to stay together at least you made that decision together and can usually remain close friends. If one cheats on the other and they find out obviously it wont end well.

This is how I feel about this and I am sure some of you can relate. This is all very fresh in my mind. God Bless and take care.

-Curt Iffert
Cocoa FL
 konabound
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 61
WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 9/16/2007 7:39:13 PM
I really think it's a cop-out, insecurity issues really.
Keep looking love, takes time to find quality. Have fun never the less,
 Flipper Jones
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 62
WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 9/16/2007 7:57:24 PM
I can't speak for anyone else, but the reason I am weary of falling in love is that I've been hurt to many times. My ex-wife cheated on me......twice. 5 years later I finally opened up and fell in love with someone who I thought was wonderful.......she lied to me and cheated on me. I don't know why people play the games they do. I don't know how people can do the things they do. I just know that if you are careful, and patient, sometimes.......not always.....but sometimes love finds you.

Keep your head up, your eyes open, and always trust your instincts. You sound like a very nice person, I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for someday soon.

Cheers,

flip

 kaylagrl049
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 63
WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 9/17/2007 6:16:07 AM
I don't think that it is people are afraid to fall in love,but the acceptance of themselves by the other party seems to be the issue. Love is absolute acceptance,some can give it, while others try to change to fit there partners needs, thus never being themselves and never knowing if the person they are with loves them for who they are or what they have become for them.
Love isn't something we should fear,we should seek it out daily and never give up on it because if we do, what do we have left?
K
 kaylagrl049
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 68
WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 9/18/2007 5:52:13 PM
Digital, you may want to consider dealing with your bitterness towards women or I think you will be alone,men are just as bad as we women when it comes to dishing out the heartbeak and pain, it is in our nature..., my second point,if you are giving up on love, WHY are you on a dating site?
K
 OceanSalt
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 71
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WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 10/9/2007 3:59:20 PM
Love is something thats developed over time. During the first year of my previous relationship, my girlfriend wanted me to say it.. but I couldnt, and I told her that. She was my girlfriend, the only one in my eyes, I was always faithful, but I just didnt feel the love then. Of course over the next while I did begin to loved her.. it just takes time. I'm single now.. figures.. It just goes to show that you have to be careful who you open up to and begin to love, because broken hearts hurt. As far as love, companionship, and romance being a thing of the past.. hell no!! I hate jumping from person to person, playing games etc.. Id love nothing more than the next girl I meet to be the one I spend the rest of my life with.. but alas.. its just not how it works.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 77
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WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:42:58 AM
I'm not afraid. I want to fall in love again more than anything else in the world!!!
 studplayrico
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 78
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WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:13:52 AM
Too many disappointments. You can put your barriers down so many times.
 kanyonatic
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 79
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WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE NOWADAYS???
Posted: 3/4/2008 1:03:51 PM
seems so people are scared of getting hurt and so dont want to take the risk of opening up to people incase they get hurt so they shut everything off and question everything and the irony is they may break relationships up by doing this and so they end up getting hurt anyway .
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