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 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 402
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Fitness and attractionPage 38 of 38    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)
What's funny is that I constantly have people rudely telling me I need to gain weight or I'm too thin. It happens on almost every first date which pretty much ruins it for me. It's every bit as rude as someone making fun of you for being fat. I went to my friend's wedding alone and after the ceremony, the bride actually commented that it was no wonder I couldn't get a girfriend because I needed some fat on me if I ever hoped to be attractive. She said this in front of a lot of people and I felt kind of embarrassed, but chubby people are just as cruel for the most part so it didn't surprise me. I actually find I get a lot less female attention and a lot more criticism now that I'm in shape than I ever did when I was chubby and soft. Kind of sad that I'll probably have to let myself go to get a date.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 403
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Fitness and attraction
Posted: 3/17/2010 10:33:21 AM

I'd also like to comment on Zangie's posts - it is easy for a lot of folks to put her posts down, but unless you have gone through cancer or deal with an illness every day you really cannot relate to how people look at life after dealing with experiences like that and the losses that you face that healthy folks never had to. You live more for today than for the future because you know exactly how precarious life is. Not to be mean, but most of you take your health for granted.....as I said "other's shoes".


Thank you wildheart...that's something that I alluded to , but didn't say..

Facing death in an immediate way does change your persepctive...especially , with something that could recur, however long the odds might be...

You start appreciating how important it is to enjoy life now..because you don't know if or how long your future could be...and there are a lot of things that I would like to experience before I die...and there isn't enough time as it is...lol..so, I pick and choose what I'm willing to use it for...I've spent three years making some changes, and have been mostly successful, I'm happy with that, and I have kept up most of the good eating habits, though I will not deny myself entirely of the food I love most..just less often, and less of it...

Though some seem to handle it ok...I just can't get my head around never again having some of the foods I love..and someone like me has to do that to stay small enough....I guess I don't think it's a fair trade off...doesn't motivate me for whatever reason...

Genetics/physiology do play a role to some extent...some people can eat whatever they want, whenever they want, and not gain weight..some people, like me, look at food and gain, some can take it off eaiser, or with less effort, and some have to work extra hard to achieve the same things, ..I have been battling my weight for 40 years..since I hit puberty at 12..I'm tired of the fight..lol..I am actually in the best place I've ever been, and I am eating better, if not perfect...

And it isn't holding me back in any way I care about...so, I'm good for now...( can't say I might not change my mind at some point...woman's perogative..lol)

While many require or find fitness to be a big qualifier...there are enough who don't that it's ok...
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 405
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Fitness and attraction
Posted: 3/17/2010 1:08:46 PM
Rarebird..what works for you, doesn't necessarily work for everyone, like I said earlier..genetices and physiology, and personality/upbringing do make a difference in some...

I don't have any preconceived ideas about thin people,( because I know ther are many about overweight people..trying to dispel some of those myself) I know some are that way naturally, and some work at it, some eat right, some don't..and some exercise, some don't... ..I do have my own experiences with people who love working out..and they are different than I am in significant ways...more driven, more caring about controlling the future ( as in ..doing this will help me live longer/live better), more discipline, some kind of good satisfaction from the sacrifices made, less concerned about being liked as they are..whatever way that is...more visual...

I will tell you that my weakness is carbs ( and red meat/pork)..especially bread ( any BUT wheat..which I hate..tastes flat), butter and potatoes, pasta ( I also despise most dairy products, including good things like yogurt and cottage chesse, low fat anything which tastes like cardboard, and while I like them, my system can handle only so much salad..lol..)..in my case, to lose significant weight and keep it off..I have to totally cut those out..not willing to do that..I eat because food tastes good...if it doesn't taste good..I see no point in eating it...

I only eat fast food in emergencies, little junk food, and have an occasional sweet tooth for chocolate or ice cream..it actual real food that does me in...and if I don't have the carbs...I have to put up with the hunger pangs and the feeling that I havent even eaten...this was something I was willing to do for three years, even though a year of this produced no change...for whatever reason, the motivation is gone..the benefits no longer outweigh the costs...

And I know people with a different mindset don't get this ( I don't really get them) , and I don't disapprove of what they do at all, and some part of me knows they are probably better off than I...still, it's my choice, and it doesn't make me bad or unacceptable, or less than..thats what bothers me..
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 407
Fitness and attraction
Posted: 3/17/2010 3:56:01 PM
I don't associate with people who would offend someone in public by talking about their appearance in a rude way. If I ask a friend if a certain outfit looks good on me when shopping, she would be honest but try not to hurt my feelings, as I would be if she asked me the same question. I know some fit people who are conceited and I know some unfit people who are conceited about appearance, intelligence, personality or a myriad of other traits that someone might have. I really don't look at a man and think that he is fit so he is more attractive than a man who is a bit larger than average weight. My mind just does not work that way.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 408
Fitness and attraction
Posted: 3/17/2010 11:42:38 PM
People provide opinions in forums that at times end up insulting larger people when the question is not asked in a manner that seems to lend itself to insults. I find telling strangers online unsolicited rude opinions of their appearance or eating habits comparable to going up to people on the street and telling them they need to gain/lose weight. Discussing actresses who are overweight has nothing to do with the topic either, for that matter.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 409
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Fitness and attraction
Posted: 3/18/2010 6:46:20 AM

I do not go up to thin people and tell them they need to gain weight or go up to anyone and tell them anything, as I find doing so rude, offensive, shows lack of tact and basic social skills, etc. etc.


Well, of course not. But what has that got to do with what's going on here? A poster started a thread ASKING people their opinions on a particular scenario, and other posters provided those opinions. That's not remotely comparable to going up to people on the street and telling them they need to gain/lose weight.

^^^Completely agree. It's NOT going on. The opinions have with exception of the ones concerning the actress have been spot on in terms of being isolated to reflect people's own experiences - as they should be.

Some here tend to react personally to opinions that are shown to be not their own and only responsive to the topic. The opinions represented so far (imo) do not appear to be specific or targeted in anyway against anyone on here. A forum explores divergent points of view, not just ones that are sanitized and pc. I suggest if some are unable to appreciate reading views from both sides of a divisive topic because these views seem not to be scripted to some standard that you would like to see; but more importantly, if simply reading anecdotal remarks unique to another person who is clearly diametrically opposed to you causes you to be unable to process fairly posts that don't reflect your position; then it might make sense to consider not investing time closely following threads like this in the future.

Seriously people -- posters are entitled to represent a view point in a way that is their own. Some may come here a do a hackneyed job at putting across their viewpoint, and believe me, many do...but as long as it's not pointedly targeting someone, their mere words doesn't make them or their viewpoint 'rude'. It really doesn't. jmo
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