| | Have your past relationships made you wiser or more skepticalPage 5 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | Everything I have been through has definately made me wiser. The first relationship that I loved ended badly. I was hurt by too many lies. I could not trust. I grieved for a year solid. I took this experience as gospel because this was the first time that I actually loved. I didn't know any different. Anyway, year passed and I began to date finally. By this time, I build many walls to protect myself. These walls no one ever made it over or through. Women came and women went. I respected them all, but few could even get close to me. I wouldn't let them. I learned many, many lessons during that time about money, making friendship, breaking friendship, and about forgiving the past. I was sinking into dispair by this point. Would I ever find someone?
Then my answer came. I was visiting a new friend and was discussing my past dating experiences. He knew about my walls without me saying much. Then came the single most potent piece of advise I have ever recieved... "Not everyone in this world wants to hurt you. Let down your walls or they will crush you." Over the next year, I tore them down one by one by one. I began to let people in gradually at first. When my time came, I ended up in a nice relationship. I walked into it without protecting myself with any of these walls. I trusted this stranger completely. Unfortuately things ended on a bad note. I tried to save us, but our communication was broken. Talking out our differences is useless if the other person refuses to listen. If a person knows only how to fight, that is what they will do. I tried to teach her differently, but I could only do so much. I decided to leave to look for someone more loving and peaceful, like myself.
Instead of putting up walls, I have learned from my mistakes and relationships to give everyone thier own chance. Not everyone will hurt you, not everyone will use you and some people really do know how to love. I have also learned that every rose has it's thorn. Looking back, I have become wiser. | |
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Sigi
| | Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 106 | |
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| Have your past relationships made you wiser or more skeptical
Posted: 12/10/2006 6:30:46 AM | Wiser, I've learned a lot. I've grown up, I see the red flags clearly now, and thru a haze of all these memories, I actually see the right girl waiting for me. It takes time, but I'm positive and ready to move on now to the next stage.
-- Mike | |
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| Have your past relationships made you wiser or more skeptical
Posted: 12/10/2006 7:08:39 AM | | My past relationships have made me not so much wiser or more skeptical, but rather more focused on the moment. The fragility of relationships, and the speed with which they can disintegrate, makes we want to enjoy them while they last, which usually is not long. | |
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| Have your past relationships made you wiser or more skeptical
Posted: 12/15/2006 8:52:14 PM | Wiser, yes - in that I don't expect perfection in a mate. I don't think I'm skeptical at all. More cautious in my choices. In reality though, I just feel that what sometimes works for two people in a relationship is not always the same, sometimes the people change or grow to feel differently about things (including their s/o) or a situation may change it for them. There's so many reasons why a relationship fails. It's never just one party to blame. It takes two to make or break a relationship. Sometimes it's just a matter of growing in opposite directions. Yes, I've been hurt deeply (more than once) but I refuse to put all of one sex into a specific category or blame the other person. I choose to look at it as being something great while it lasted, and to remember the good things about it when its over. I have no regrets over who I loved. Only that it didn't last forever. And a sadness that sometimes innocent children pay for those failures. We are only human after all! None of us perfect! I do my best to try to" be the right person", than to"find the right person". Hoping one day the two will meet, and last - the rest of my life anyhow. 
Gosh...maybe I 'm using the wrong bait? 
 Merry Christmas everyone! Wishing all an even better New Year!! | |
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ecomaj
| | Joined: 9/24/2006
Msg: 111 | |
| Have your past relationships made you wiser or more skeptical
Posted: 12/15/2006 9:38:08 PM | | I know how you feel, but on the opposite side of the coin. I've been so badly used by women that I only want to meet friends for the next while. If a girl will stick around as a friend then maybe she'd be worth a shot if the chemistry was good. So far on this site I've only met a handful of great people...most are as hypocritical as they are bold in their claims. The world would be a much better place if everyone was just honest from the beginning, but that's a pipe dream and liars will always exist in both sexes. | |
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| Have your past relationships made you wiser or more skeptical
Posted: 12/15/2006 10:11:19 PM |
they say that which doesnt kill you will make you stronger, and i guess failed relationships do kill you a little bit on the inside, but, you can also learn from your mistakes. Try to recognize what went wrong, and if it happens again, and you value having the person in your life, do something proactive to fix the situation. Dont wait for the bomb to go off, and do damage control. You do get wiser, for sure.
Awesomely put!!  | |
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| Have your past relationships made you wiser or more skeptical
Posted: 12/16/2006 1:35:45 AM | Wiser and less skeptical. I've learned so much from my past relationships and not just about men in general but mostly about who I am as a person, what I expect and what my own faults may have been. I do my best to take the positive things from past relationships and try to learn from them since we both make errors, not just one person can point the finger.
Ciao ~ Gina
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| Have your past relationships made you wiser or more skeptical
Posted: 12/16/2006 6:58:00 AM | | As so many have already stated, the answer to this question is yes, and yes. I'm much smarter about dating, falling for someone, etc, but I'm also open enough to still throw caution to the wind and go for it if it feels right. Sure I'm often skeptical as well when it comes to dating, have had some crazy experiences, like most folks, but I just toss them into my "funny bad date story" collection. Skeptical is fine, as long as it doesn't cross over into being cynical about your outlook. That just makes you appear bitter. | |
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| Have your past relationships made you wiser or more skeptical
Posted: 12/16/2006 8:04:30 AM | i think enchanted vixon said it best
but i still think you need to believe in fairy tales....so
et donc ça c'est Noël ,& se que prendre vous fait? une autre l'année terminé & une nouvelle une seulement enjôler - font ça l'année les une thanksggiving fait vous joyeux - Mai toutes votre souhaiter viens véritable joyeux Noël chérie mia | |
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| Have your past relationships made you wiser or more skeptical
Posted: 12/16/2006 8:10:24 AM | Skeptical? Ha. I have always been skeptical. Always. And even when I told myself that I would never ever ever let a man make me feel the way I did 6 months ago, something in me was willing to. I guess I just wanted to feel something that everyone talked about, I just never have been able to feel myself. And you know what? I tell everyone this when they ask me what happened and if Im okay. There is no man in this world that will ever change who I am, he can try like the last one to make me into the cookie cutter woman he might think he wants, but I am very far from it. You honestly figure out who they are and how you really feel about them, after their gone. And to be honest, dating that guy was the best thing I could have done for myself. I know exactly what I dont want in a man, and I will never settle just because someone finds me attractive and give me the attention I've been looking for for so long.
So to answer the question, relationships dont make me skeptical they make me wiser. Very much so. These last 6 months have been incredibily hard, and its ever harder to watch others around me be happy in their relationships and Im once again, the single girl. But, there was a time when I was feeling the exact same thing they are right now, and I loved it. And I of course didn't notice anything around me but him, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. The only thing I would have changed about everything, is that the cliche saying of both of us being friends. I honestly would of wished that we did remain friends. Because I know deep down inside he needs many more than I ever do. And regardless of our past, and regardless of how much he broke my heart and left me to cry myself to sleep, I still would of been there for him when he needed it most.
The end of my book. =)  | |
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Thorb
| | Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 120 | |
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| Have your past relationships made you wiser or more skeptical
Posted: 12/16/2006 10:00:20 AM | bronze gourmet
véritable sucrée de vous à dites tellement , chérie joyeux Noël
and what does dr. suess say?
i'm sorry to say, it's sad but it's true
bang-up and hang ups will happen to you
merry christmas everybody
i hope everyone gets what makes them happy this year
mia
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tmotts
| | Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 123 | |
| Have your past relationships made you wiser or more skeptical
Posted: 12/17/2006 4:38:50 AM | I would say much wiser and somewhat more skeptical also. But that's ok, because maybe I needed to be more skeptical. Everything to me is a learning experience, both good and bad.
I take a little bit from each relationship, and each relationship takes a little of me. So it eventually evens out doesn't it. | |
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I do believe it is wise to be skeptical. 