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 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 434
When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?Page 25 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
I do think that if a man wants to date a women who has a child (or vica versa) then they make the choice to enter into that relationship and they do need to realize and accept that the children come first. If that is not something a person is willing to do, then they have no business even looking at a single parent, or attempting to date them. How arrogant and selfish of them to expect a single parent to put their child on the back-burner and devote all that extra time and attention to them! Of course this does not mean that you never put your partner first. They need to feel important and special and needed in the relationship as well. Any person would feel dissatisfied in a relationship if they were always made to feel second and always made to feel unimportant in a relationship. It's sometimes hard to find that balance.

I am not an arrogant fool to expect the person who I am dating to accept my children, nor am I an arrogant fool to expect the people I am not dating to accept, and respect, my choices and I expect them to accept them because I made them and I deem them important. Just as they expect me to accept their choices in life. Regardless of what they are. I however, do not have to date someone who's position in life is not desirable to me and neither do they. There is no need to put down or criticize others. It is what it is. A single parent is one persons cup of tea and not another's. Simple.

I never understand this kind of question.. anyone with half a brain knows the expectations.
 ONE777
Joined: 10/14/2012
Msg: 435
When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 10/18/2012 7:47:19 PM
I feel your pain...unfortunately this is very common. I am a single mother and I've dated men who have children, it seems that I am always having to wait and see what "plans" the ex has in case he has to take the kids that weekend or day!! It's frustrating!! As a mother I DO LOVE my kids but if I am out here looking for the love of my life I HAVE to make that effort to make time for that person, this does not mean I love my kids any less!! Of course they are my #1 priority but grow some you whats and tell the ex guess what "Its your weekend!!" Anyway , you aren't alone out here!!! Sometimes I just feel like giving up!! LIKE right now!!!
 luckyly11
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 437
When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 10/19/2012 3:07:22 PM
Sorry to hear that and is understandable, I am a single mom and of course our children come first but that doesn't mean that we have to put our new partner in a second level all the time, everyone deserve his or her place and also your husband should explain to his son that he is married and he also needs to spend time with the new partner and trade time or exchange dates, he doesn't need to cancel a trip with you cause of the child, he can spend time with the child in another day or week. Also if your husband is smart enough and loves you for real, she should spend some weekends together with you and the child and same with holidays, the child has to understand that his father has a new partner, I bet his mother doesn't do the same like his father.
I bet his mother spend more time with his partner than the child. Lets be conscious and serious about this if your husband really commit and loves you the child doesn't have to be a interruption will be instead an integration for both of you. Well that is my point of you from my study in psychology. Good luck my friend with that.
 glennsasurprise
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 438
When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 10/19/2012 7:51:09 PM
you shouldnt come first--but its not uncommon that the kids come last..sad
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 439
When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 10/19/2012 7:59:06 PM
~~
They try and hid the fact they're dating and it sort of blows up in their faces when it all comes to light...usually in the worst ways possible.
~~
I agree with this statement wholly. I have talked to my son about it as well, now he asks me when I'm going to find a nice man and get married. LOL! I go on one date and he grills me like he's my dad. "did he treat you well" "do you like him?" "Was he nice" "where did you go" "What did you do" etc.. lol.. It's cute.. but I don't tell him everything.. he just doesn't need to know it all ya know. lol
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 442
When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 10/21/2012 5:15:48 AM
So please enlighten me why r u all on here then? If u cAnt make a partner an equal the. What r u doing on here. We all come here to find someone if u can give other person that would be possibly interested in u tlc and devote some time to them idk what to say to that. Ur child won't die if they will stay with gradma or ur sis for a day or evening. So u can just two of u spend a day together. No one in righ mind want to come second and if u guys can't make then equal partner u really shouldn't be here.
 Howaboutforever17
Joined: 10/15/2011
Msg: 444
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When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 10/25/2012 7:51:03 PM
If I dated a man whose child or children didn't come first, I would have difficulty respecting him. Children are a lifelong commitment. I think your husband was a little over the top in making you sleep on the couch. Children are wonderfully accepting of things, especially when they are very young. He should have explained, in an age appropriate way, the new situation.

A word of advice; do not try to be their mother. They have one. Do not belittle their mother, they will always remember and never forgive. You have the luxury of being on more of a friend level with step children, especially if they do not live with you full time. Good luck
 SingleExec73
Joined: 4/12/2012
Msg: 445
When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 10/25/2012 8:05:05 PM
I'm a single dad. Honestly, I would never date someone like you.
 99HawtMomma99
Joined: 1/7/2011
Msg: 447
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When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 10/25/2012 8:56:41 PM
I agree with you.....when parents separate...and in this case re married..the spouse should not be putting her on the outside ..he is not giving her the chance to be in his sons life. No parent should ever put anyone before their children. But you have to teach the children that life goes on and relationships change.....if they were just dating for a few months id say sure wait until your relationship is abit further along before introducing the child...but come on they are married...if I married a man and he excluded ME from being in the relationship..well thats just bullshit. I AM a single mother..my ex has had a couple of girlfriends since the breakup and my child is fine...I monitor their relationship. The kid isnt gonna be traumatized if he sees his married DAD in bed with his wife......stop beating this girl up....lol she is right and wrong....no you will not be first...but you shouldnt be below the dog either...he needs to be more respectful of your feelings also..its hurtful to be set aside.....when he married you he didnt say "Im only your husband when my son isnt around" like come on....he needs to involve his wife...unless SHE is putting herself on the sidelines then its different. She needs to try and involve herslf....but that couch shit is just gross....aint nobody EVER kicking ME out of my bed...wth is up with that? Maybe this DAD needs to open his life up abit..to his WIFE and CHILD..good luck
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 448
When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 10/26/2012 6:29:59 AM
You'll come first when you become important enough in his life to come first. And even then.. if his kids gets sick, you'll likely be put second until they are better.

Why is this hard to get???

If he's not letting you into his life.. he's just not that into you deary.

Sorry.. a spade is usually a spade.
 SFGIANTSFAN_IN_SOCAL
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 450
When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 11/2/2012 7:20:45 AM
My son doesn't have a father because he put a selfish woman ahead of him and turned his back on his child so he could be with his new wife. So, no. If you ever came first you should think LONG AND HARD about how selfish that is. Move on. If you want to be first, find a guy with no kids because this guy is doing it right and needs a woman who is unselfish enough to know that.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 451
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When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 11/2/2012 8:31:57 AM
Just dating? No, you should not expect to come first. A partner should always encourage and support a parent's realtionship with their children. In a normal loving relationship, family members and friends do not compete for time. Needy people tend to demand too much time and weak people allow a sex partner to come between them and their child.
When you marry love relationships change and your status should elevate, but never try to compete with a child. It is hurtful and no one wins.
 blondandcute
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 452
When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 11/4/2012 5:06:53 AM
ok people, not everything she is saying is wrong, she was married to a man who made her sleep on the couch, who does that, and anyone who doesn't see anything wrong with that needs help.
but also its not just her, if the guy wanted her to share in his life, he should involve her in outings with his child, on the other hand if you don't want to go on outings with his child, then you need to just date guys with no kids, its as simple as that
 Sunny_1971
Joined: 8/18/2012
Msg: 453
When dating a man who has a child, will I EVER come first?
Posted: 11/4/2012 9:54:18 AM
Women like you really sicken me! If you want to come first in a man's life, find one with no children. Obviously you don't have a child of your own and can't relate. That's ok, but for you to suggest someone put you ahead on their own child is selfish, sick and immature. You're still in the sandbox, go find someone w/o "baggage" to play with!
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