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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .      Home login  
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 emeraldvapor
Joined: 12/19/2009
Msg: 76
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
The disadvantages are to all young and non-politically direct.

One of the more interesting psychological facets of on-line communications in any site which somehow tries its' image and effort at public language and information exchange in the distance from one person to an other person.

There are several and many facets to the 'self - other' communications problems and solutions, not the least of which is the very unsettling disrespect to real and conditioned meaning of the freedom of expression rights supposedly granted all of us as citizens in the western hemisphere (and beyond).

It were an entitlement which had not been clearly defined of meaning or value and should reflect some accuracy to my expansion of it in the "should grandparents have rights..." thread.

Then there are the now decades degenerated human relationship problems which had confused and divided male-female genders. That problem alone is multi-faceted and cannot in any sense be taken too lightly because it will have affected all of us directly and indirectly.

Also communications break-downs / barriers which are consequence of a multi-faceted reality involving others' personal relationship dynamics relative social relationship dynamics.

Love on the 'net, at any age is directly relevant to the attitudes of person and collective society, any aggregate which knowingly and/or unknowingly influences or imposes its' own values and meaning purposes in communications exchange.

Then there are the economic realities...when was the last time any of you met with a collection of supposedly good samaritans purposing to provide opportunity to meet and exchange communications or affections (hopes/dreams/histories) without expecting something in return..?

Something ''fishy'' 'bout "plenty of" ... plenty of diffident and retreatable.

But somewhere she is out there and legion. Will she accept the person which bring news of hope...and caution..?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 77
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/19/2010 8:22:19 AM
Jeepers...I think I'll wait for the movie. ^^^^^^^
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 78
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/19/2010 8:36:25 AM

Jeepers...I think I'll wait for the movie. ^^^^^^^


I will bring the popcorn cauliflower and some green tea..

thecatsmeoww
 emeraldvapor
Joined: 12/19/2009
Msg: 79
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/20/2010 10:14:30 AM
All the worlds a stage ....yadda yadda yadda
 wishingwell555
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 80
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/20/2010 8:41:05 PM
I do not fear online dating or I would not be here. I just take
my time and get to know men on my own level. I have met
nice men inperson, although there has been no real match
for me Yet! I am stilling working on it!
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 81
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/21/2010 12:25:07 AM
Like most games.... you learn the rules and as you go along, you spot the ones who play the game on the up and up and the ones who play dirty... no different than at the office, at your city council or any playing field now is it? You just put your street smarts on, listen, ask pertinent questions.... and get on with it.

Like wooby and the catsmeow... most of my actual 'meets' have been good and some even wonderful ... but I think it's YOUR responsibility to take care of yourself and do your homework out here in cyberspace...... can't have your head in the clouds or be in the dream market with visions of white knights or maid Marian floating around the old bean... but if someone is showing himself to being playing a fun, respectful and fair game... then why not join in?
 ~*Diamond*~
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 82
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/21/2010 5:26:49 AM
Rusty... you said it all!
 Icicle Eyes
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 83
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/22/2010 2:27:26 PM
When I was on here a couple of years ago I met some nice guys and had a few good dates. There was only one that I really liked a lot and he lived too far away to make it work but all in all it was a positive experience.
 greeneyedtwin
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 84
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/23/2010 7:10:06 PM
Sometimes, it is frieghtening to hear what kind of stuff a computer geek can get from your computer. I met a guy once online that seemed really nice, intelligence officer worked on base. He came over and in our conversation he said he could hack into my personal email and I was shocked. I guess it peaked his interest in my personal email and he did hack into it. I never heard from him again but I feel that is a huge invasion of privacy. I don't care who you are. These days if they get your IP address, there is litterally nothing they can't find out about you.

Creeps are everywhere. You can't blame yourself for that stuff.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 85
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/23/2010 10:56:29 PM
^^^ Plenty they can't find out about you if you don't put it on your computer. And hacking is illegal, so if you put up with it. . . .

Be aware, but be reasonable.

 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 86
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/24/2010 12:09:38 AM
I started in a chatroom in 2004 that was very active and there were meet ups around the U.S. a few times a year. I organized one in Vegas for 5 days (about 15 people showed) and one in Clearwater FL for 4 days where about 30 people showed. While I didn't like everyone, they were as they seemed online. I met one man in that chatroom who was a very scary dude and he made my life hell for several months. Had a long distance (3000 miles) relationship with one man from that chatroom for a year. He was a very nice man.

Like Wooby, I 'hung out' on a very active blog (literary) for awhile and attended one meet up of regulars. Another long distance (300 miles) from there for 8 months. Unfortunately he didn't take the break up very well and I ended up reading the state electronic stalker law to him one night after he'd sent text, emails, and phone calls every few minutes thoughout the day.

Been online dating across several sites including match, yahoo, american singles, craigslist, and pof since 2005. I've followed a pretty strict rule to try to meet as quickly as possible - to find out if there's 'chemistry' but also if they are who they claim to be. Haven't met anyone I'd call scary but have met a handful of liars (height, age, marital status) and cheaters.

Dates have run the gamut - one man I didn't tell my last name until we were at dinner but he recognized my name because he'd actually read my article! Or, coffee with the Microsoft billionnaire who didn't even buy my coffee. (yes, I know he was who he claimed because a week after our date he retired and it was announced on Microsoft's website with pictures). Or the widowed doctor who took me shooting for our first meet (gotta love a man who hands you a loaded 357 first time you meet). Fell in love with him over 8 months until he couldn't take the guilt of 'cheating' on his deceased wife. So I learned another side of love on a site like pof - that there are people who commiserated and/or sent very kind emails of support over the months it took to recover from that one.

A few of these men over the years I would not have dated if we'd met off the net because I just wasn't physically attracted to them enough to have taken the time to learn their personality. But, after exchanging emails, text, and/or blog comments I liked them enough to try to see if the physical attraction would grow. Mistake.

Conversely, if not for the internet I may not have had a date in 5 yrs since not a single man has approached me IRL

Then there's my current fishie. from the first time I saw his pic next to a forum post. Didn't even read the post, I went straight to his profile to see who was behind that pic. *heart thud to find he's 3000 miles away :-( So love on the net at our age? You'd think I would have learned after 2 LDR at 3000 miles, 1 at 1400 miles, 3 at 300 miles to leave it alone. Nuh uh - just a quick note to say I liked his profile. A stunning reply came within a few hours and we were rolling from there. First meet - 3 days, 2nd - 6 days, 3rd - 9 days, basically more time than I would have spent with a local guy. Plus daily cam IM that wouldn't be possible without the net. Bottomline: the net has been very very good to me.
Peace
CynM
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 87
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/24/2010 1:35:37 AM

He came over and in our conversation he said he could hack into my personal email and I was shocked. I guess it peaked his interest in my personal email and he did hack into it.


I think if he hacked into mine he sure would be the one shocked out of his wits.. On a positive note he would certainly learn a whole lot about healthy eating and various cat diseases..

Wondering here how he would answer the ton of email I get per day asking for help..

Come to think of it why not send him over here!!! I could certainly use another pair of hands..

thecatsmeoww
 emeraldvapor
Joined: 12/19/2009
Msg: 88
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/24/2010 6:44:50 AM
"...at our age..." hopefull at best, but in 'this age', unlikely.

There are several contradictions of human social philosophy in these political times/technological realities which make genuine relationship unlikely.

Ambition for economy, so want for control by the discrete and their stage crew.

On one side of the table are the posers seeking romance and relationship which have their defenses up (due to real and imagined conditions of their person and society).

On the other side of the table are the politico inside activists and advocates whose role it is to guide and misguide ambiguous thinking memberships.

Cults. Bottom line is that powers have been allotted to educations memberships to advance the political stratagems purposes to securities of futures.

That by most accounts will not respect freedom of exchange but secretly persist to have special privilege to imbalance freedom of exchange for priorities of special and selected organizations and administrations to those organizations.

A site such as this whose banner mission is relationship but then neglects one on one membership response to another show its' aggregate realities or tendencies.

Several masters have the partnership seeking and therein be the first problem for real or romantic interests.

And that is the primary cause to any prospect for partnership of business or romantic break-down.

Meet one on one or continue to address by impersonal treatment.

I am able to treat impersonally more able than I am to trust one on one, but I am willing to persist for romantic interests to attract by respects to impersonal treatments.

And may this path have more of the agreeable than not.
 HoldingHands27
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 89
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/10/2010 10:44:29 AM
I was *Hacked* a few years ago....
The slob actually got my home address and E-add. ....sent threatening notes.
But I didn't let that deter me...
When I start _Feeling_ my age....I'll quit looking...
But I feel that I still have a lot to give a Loving partner..!!
It's just a matter of finding a Lady that hasn't been scared-off by the Bad-boys
and Macho-Slobs...!!
 Blackbirds
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 90
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/10/2010 8:05:28 PM
Millions of people are using the internet for dating.

But the internet is only a way to introduce yourself to potential mates.
What you will do after the initial introduction, largely depends on your marketing and self promoting skills, the level of your maturity, and your ability to communicate.

There is nothing wrong with internet dating, and it is much safer than trotting around the bars to pick up disoriented drunks, or getting set up by your friends with blind dates because they are sick and tired of your moaning about being single.
 retired1956
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 91
Stick around OP-it gets worse
Posted: 2/11/2010 12:10:44 AM
If internet dating worked why is it so hated?

People lie more than my rugs.

One woman shaved 2 years off her age and confused-like i cared.

But if she lied about something so small an issue, what ELSE is she lying about. Is she REALLY single. Is the photo really her? how old it it? Did she even write the profile?

And on this site, insanity is prized above all else along with 'men' with the spine of a mushroom siding with bitter women thinking it will get them laid.

Time again to leave the Land of the Looney-this time for good.

No one needs this much self abuse-even Woody Allen and I am sure no one will get that one.
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 92
Stick around OP-it gets worse
Posted: 2/11/2010 12:24:05 AM

Time again to leave the Land of the Looney-this time for good.

Promises, promises...
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 93
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Stick around OP-it gets worse
Posted: 2/11/2010 1:13:25 AM
One woman shaved 2 years off her age and confused-like i cared.


I had a guy tell me that after talking to a woman for months and they finally met (he actually flew to meet her)... and she was 16 yrs older!!!! Now he had something to complain about!

I regularly have men shave 10 yrs off their age and.... 4 inches in height on average ... but then I live in Italy, most of em are shorties.

People are vain, people want better than what they should expect, people are fallible, insecure, unrealistic and HUMAN... so imperfect. There are ways to weed through the vanity lies however... sometimes just asking point blank and using a webcam helps... if they really want to meet up they will OWN UP .

It's learning the unspoken rules... and you'll have to make the effort to do that, if you want some modicum of success.

 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 94
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Stick around OP-it gets worse
Posted: 2/11/2010 4:38:44 AM
Now, really, why all the complaints? If everyone was scrupulously honest, the first meet would contain no surprises at all! Where would be the adventure in all that?

The BIG issue with internet dating is that you end up meeting all kinds of people with whom you have not passed any life with. Unlike those you meet in real life, you don't know their context, their look, their style, their smell nor their normal social milieu. Of course everything about them is going to be a surprise. Add in a little fibbing on their part, what is the difference?
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 95
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 5:29:22 AM
I so disagree with the above poster, other than the thought that online dating brings the opportunity to meet people one probably never would find in real life.
But, for me, it seems all we have here to go on is our honesty...hoping the other person is honest because...well, why not be?? Unless you only ever want to live in fantasy, then I can understand it....but if you really want to find the possibility of a potentially loving relationship, then again I say, honesty is all we have.
Like wooby (op), over the years of going through stages of meeting people from online finding, I have never found them to be horror experiences and people seem to be pretty much who they appear to me to be.
Perhaps it does come with age and listening to or trusting my intuition more now. Also, I tend to meet quickly if there's a mutual wondering, leaving the possibility of building up expectations and projections to a minimum (because I believe you never really meet a person until you meet them in person)...plus this reduces the chance of them creating an image based on lies.
I feel if people choose to lie about who they are here, what makes you think they're suddenly going to be honest in real life with you, or with themselves?
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 96
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 5:52:37 AM
^^^^^ I put it to you that a professional interrogator would expose "lies" in just about every profile to be found on POF. It all comes down to what is a "lie" and what is significant about it. Huge numbers of people, for instance, never post actual personal data on the internet simply to avoid things like identity theft and stalkers or other wierdos. Huge numbers of people think they are one way, when they are actually another way. Self deception is probably the biggest cause of so called "lies" on a site like this.

I also suggest that the number of people on these sites who purposefully create profiles that are false is probably a minority. Many people draw up profiles that describe who they would like to be, or who they believe themselves to be. When you meet them, you find that real life makes them something quite different. Are they liars? Technically, yes. Are they human? Decidedly yes!

A final problem is the one of language. You, for instance, indicate you are single and have children. Does that mean you never married? Are you really divorced or separated? Are you actually the gentle, romantic, poetry reading wistful soul you present in your profile, or are you a serious, down to earth, practical, functional single mother whose energy is largely spent in the struggle to raise children while holding down a job all by yourself?

Is your profile a "lie"?

Me, I would be attracted by your dream, but I would be fully prepared to be presented with your reality, and I would not sit there in judgment........
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 97
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 6:07:42 AM

Me, I would be attracted by your dream, but I would be fully prepared to be presented with your reality, and I would not sit there in judgment........


Wow that was pretty heavy.. Sometimes I have thought about this myself.. It is one thing to read about my life and entirely an another thing to live it day by day.

Like how is this man going to feel when he sees me in my garden tub early in the morning at
5 am bathing a cat to get it ready to go for a show for instance??????. After all some men like to fool around early in the am while I have to get up early and tend to business..

That why I say impossible to live with..

thecatsmeoww
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 98
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 6:14:14 AM
Most of us human beings need interaction. This is a very quick way to get it. And also a very quick way to make friends...that fit our niche. I have a friend that sends me recipes .....happy days for her. I have another friend we talk about our dates and how either hopeful we are at the moment or frustrated. I have friends that give me advice from anywhere about my car to fixing something around the house. Yes I have great hope the internet has opened our world to new and wonderful things....and maybe not so wonderful things. We get to see others attitudes and like them instantly, others we love to hate em....
As for dating I have had some very great dates.......and some really horrible one's. But it has given me a sense of humor.....yes it has If I can't laugh at myself who can I laugh at? And I have met one or two that were absolutely frightening. Taking precautions is a given now days.....but the experience has been worth it. It has made me step outside my little narrow world into how others live and behave.......I say two thumbs up.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 99
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 7:22:19 AM
re: message 96....I don't disagree with anything you've written in this post....in fact it supports what I was saying that I believe our perception strengthens as we get older, so we really read the profiles (or you certainly did:), and I believe we can get a better sense of who is being portrayed.
Of course no one can show all of their sides in a one page profile (especially now that we can't edit them unless we agree to give pof our income bracket:(..but that's another subject).
I also think it's quite natural for us to use the profile to try and sell ourselves, if we are wishing to attract interest here....unless you're here just for the forums, which many are, or your profile is hidden (as mine is and only accessed through the forums). What photos we put up is an easy example of how we use the profiles as a sales tool, if we wish...
What I disagreed with before was it seemed you were saying it didn't matter if we try and be honest or not....and my opinion was that it does. Of course one's own honesty is another aspect of the unknown here and a big part of getting to know each other in person. But what I love about the forums is they seem to get right down to the heart and soul and mind of us quicker than most things....and one reason it's rare I would meet or want to get to know anyone online these days that did not post here somewhere.
And to answer your question - I thought about what to put for divorced/single and decided on single because my marriage was in my 20's and my mind and state of mind has been single for so many more years, so it's who I am. Plus, I am truly a single parent - no child support, etc....so I was being as honest as I could be when I wrote single (in my mind:).
But your points do show exactly what I agree with - it's all subjective - both what we write, what we believe the terms offered in those profile options mean, and what we read into another's words and pictures.
Finding love here? Now that's part of our observation skills, I think....and of course, the other person's. :)
 WobblyAngelWings4Now
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 100
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 7:50:57 AM
I learned my lesson many years ago about not sharing too much or being 'too' trusting. I was on an AOL chat sight for the city I lived in and begun a sort of friendship with a young man who was going to cooking school. We chatted (IM'd) for about 6 months. I would give him advice on his girl friends and share a bit of my life. There was nothing 'romantic' about this. I had a website at the time, actually I guess it was a 'fansite' so my picture was on it and available. I got a second, part time job at a Hallmark store and I told him about it. Well, one night I get home and logon to AOL and messages me: "I stopped by at Hallmark on Sunday but you weren't there." and I said "I know I had the day off". He responds, "Yeah, that was too bad, because I was going to kill you." SERIOUSLY!!! I was of course shocked and said "Stop kidding, that is not funny" to which he replys, "I'm not kidding, I had a gun and was going to shoot you." Then he says, "Look out your window, I am at your place." I lived on the second floor of an old farmhouse, AND, one smart thing was I never told him where I lived..but it still scared the bejezuz out of me! I again told him to Stop! (and I did look out the window). My heart was racing and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know his last name, or even what HE looked like! I told him I was going to report him to AOL and then he told me he was only kidding. Was playing a joke. I told him I did NOT find it very funny. I did report him to AOL, which upset him. I did not block him immediately because I was terrified to make him MAD. If he spoke like that to me, for no reason, what might he do if he were really mad? He said he told his mother what he had done and she agreed with me that it was nothing to joke about..duh!!! After a few days I told him I quit my Hallmark job (which I didn't) and slowly stopped communication. And since I'm still alive my story has a good ending...but what a horrible way to learn it!
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