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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ~*Diamond*~
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 76
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Rusty... you said it all!
 Icicle Eyes
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 77
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/22/2010 2:27:26 PM
When I was on here a couple of years ago I met some nice guys and had a few good dates. There was only one that I really liked a lot and he lived too far away to make it work but all in all it was a positive experience.
 greeneyedtwin
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 78
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/23/2010 7:10:06 PM
Sometimes, it is frieghtening to hear what kind of stuff a computer geek can get from your computer. I met a guy once online that seemed really nice, intelligence officer worked on base. He came over and in our conversation he said he could hack into my personal email and I was shocked. I guess it peaked his interest in my personal email and he did hack into it. I never heard from him again but I feel that is a huge invasion of privacy. I don't care who you are. These days if they get your IP address, there is litterally nothing they can't find out about you.

Creeps are everywhere. You can't blame yourself for that stuff.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 79
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/23/2010 10:56:29 PM
^^^ Plenty they can't find out about you if you don't put it on your computer. And hacking is illegal, so if you put up with it. . . .

Be aware, but be reasonable.

 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 80
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/24/2010 12:09:38 AM
I started in a chatroom in 2004 that was very active and there were meet ups around the U.S. a few times a year. I organized one in Vegas for 5 days (about 15 people showed) and one in Clearwater FL for 4 days where about 30 people showed. While I didn't like everyone, they were as they seemed online. I met one man in that chatroom who was a very scary dude and he made my life hell for several months. Had a long distance (3000 miles) relationship with one man from that chatroom for a year. He was a very nice man.

Like Wooby, I 'hung out' on a very active blog (literary) for awhile and attended one meet up of regulars. Another long distance (300 miles) from there for 8 months. Unfortunately he didn't take the break up very well and I ended up reading the state electronic stalker law to him one night after he'd sent text, emails, and phone calls every few minutes thoughout the day.

Been online dating across several sites including match, yahoo, american singles, craigslist, and pof since 2005. I've followed a pretty strict rule to try to meet as quickly as possible - to find out if there's 'chemistry' but also if they are who they claim to be. Haven't met anyone I'd call scary but have met a handful of liars (height, age, marital status) and cheaters.

Dates have run the gamut - one man I didn't tell my last name until we were at dinner but he recognized my name because he'd actually read my article! Or, coffee with the Microsoft billionnaire who didn't even buy my coffee. (yes, I know he was who he claimed because a week after our date he retired and it was announced on Microsoft's website with pictures). Or the widowed doctor who took me shooting for our first meet (gotta love a man who hands you a loaded 357 first time you meet). Fell in love with him over 8 months until he couldn't take the guilt of 'cheating' on his deceased wife. So I learned another side of love on a site like pof - that there are people who commiserated and/or sent very kind emails of support over the months it took to recover from that one.

A few of these men over the years I would not have dated if we'd met off the net because I just wasn't physically attracted to them enough to have taken the time to learn their personality. But, after exchanging emails, text, and/or blog comments I liked them enough to try to see if the physical attraction would grow. Mistake.

Conversely, if not for the internet I may not have had a date in 5 yrs since not a single man has approached me IRL

Then there's my current fishie. from the first time I saw his pic next to a forum post. Didn't even read the post, I went straight to his profile to see who was behind that pic. *heart thud to find he's 3000 miles away :-( So love on the net at our age? You'd think I would have learned after 2 LDR at 3000 miles, 1 at 1400 miles, 3 at 300 miles to leave it alone. Nuh uh - just a quick note to say I liked his profile. A stunning reply came within a few hours and we were rolling from there. First meet - 3 days, 2nd - 6 days, 3rd - 9 days, basically more time than I would have spent with a local guy. Plus daily cam IM that wouldn't be possible without the net. Bottomline: the net has been very very good to me.
Peace
CynM
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 81
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/24/2010 1:35:37 AM

He came over and in our conversation he said he could hack into my personal email and I was shocked. I guess it peaked his interest in my personal email and he did hack into it.


I think if he hacked into mine he sure would be the one shocked out of his wits.. On a positive note he would certainly learn a whole lot about healthy eating and various cat diseases..

Wondering here how he would answer the ton of email I get per day asking for help..

Come to think of it why not send him over here!!! I could certainly use another pair of hands..

thecatsmeoww
 HoldingHands27
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 82
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/10/2010 10:44:29 AM
I was *Hacked* a few years ago....
The slob actually got my home address and E-add. ....sent threatening notes.
But I didn't let that deter me...
When I start _Feeling_ my age....I'll quit looking...
But I feel that I still have a lot to give a Loving partner..!!
It's just a matter of finding a Lady that hasn't been scared-off by the Bad-boys
and Macho-Slobs...!!
 Blackbirds
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 83
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/10/2010 8:05:28 PM
Millions of people are using the internet for dating.

But the internet is only a way to introduce yourself to potential mates.
What you will do after the initial introduction, largely depends on your marketing and self promoting skills, the level of your maturity, and your ability to communicate.

There is nothing wrong with internet dating, and it is much safer than trotting around the bars to pick up disoriented drunks, or getting set up by your friends with blind dates because they are sick and tired of your moaning about being single.
 retired1956
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 84
Stick around OP-it gets worse
Posted: 2/11/2010 12:10:44 AM
If internet dating worked why is it so hated?

People lie more than my rugs.

One woman shaved 2 years off her age and confused-like i cared.

But if she lied about something so small an issue, what ELSE is she lying about. Is she REALLY single. Is the photo really her? how old it it? Did she even write the profile?

And on this site, insanity is prized above all else along with 'men' with the spine of a mushroom siding with bitter women thinking it will get them laid.

Time again to leave the Land of the Looney-this time for good.

No one needs this much self abuse-even Woody Allen and I am sure no one will get that one.
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 85
Stick around OP-it gets worse
Posted: 2/11/2010 12:24:05 AM

Time again to leave the Land of the Looney-this time for good.

Promises, promises...
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 86
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Stick around OP-it gets worse
Posted: 2/11/2010 1:13:25 AM
One woman shaved 2 years off her age and confused-like i cared.


I had a guy tell me that after talking to a woman for months and they finally met (he actually flew to meet her)... and she was 16 yrs older!!!! Now he had something to complain about!

I regularly have men shave 10 yrs off their age and.... 4 inches in height on average ... but then I live in Italy, most of em are shorties.

People are vain, people want better than what they should expect, people are fallible, insecure, unrealistic and HUMAN... so imperfect. There are ways to weed through the vanity lies however... sometimes just asking point blank and using a webcam helps... if they really want to meet up they will OWN UP .

It's learning the unspoken rules... and you'll have to make the effort to do that, if you want some modicum of success.

 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 87
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Stick around OP-it gets worse
Posted: 2/11/2010 4:38:44 AM
Now, really, why all the complaints? If everyone was scrupulously honest, the first meet would contain no surprises at all! Where would be the adventure in all that?

The BIG issue with internet dating is that you end up meeting all kinds of people with whom you have not passed any life with. Unlike those you meet in real life, you don't know their context, their look, their style, their smell nor their normal social milieu. Of course everything about them is going to be a surprise. Add in a little fibbing on their part, what is the difference?
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 88
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 5:29:22 AM
I so disagree with the above poster, other than the thought that online dating brings the opportunity to meet people one probably never would find in real life.
But, for me, it seems all we have here to go on is our honesty...hoping the other person is honest because...well, why not be?? Unless you only ever want to live in fantasy, then I can understand it....but if you really want to find the possibility of a potentially loving relationship, then again I say, honesty is all we have.
Like wooby (op), over the years of going through stages of meeting people from online finding, I have never found them to be horror experiences and people seem to be pretty much who they appear to me to be.
Perhaps it does come with age and listening to or trusting my intuition more now. Also, I tend to meet quickly if there's a mutual wondering, leaving the possibility of building up expectations and projections to a minimum (because I believe you never really meet a person until you meet them in person)...plus this reduces the chance of them creating an image based on lies.
I feel if people choose to lie about who they are here, what makes you think they're suddenly going to be honest in real life with you, or with themselves?
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 89
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 5:52:37 AM
^^^^^ I put it to you that a professional interrogator would expose "lies" in just about every profile to be found on POF. It all comes down to what is a "lie" and what is significant about it. Huge numbers of people, for instance, never post actual personal data on the internet simply to avoid things like identity theft and stalkers or other wierdos. Huge numbers of people think they are one way, when they are actually another way. Self deception is probably the biggest cause of so called "lies" on a site like this.

I also suggest that the number of people on these sites who purposefully create profiles that are false is probably a minority. Many people draw up profiles that describe who they would like to be, or who they believe themselves to be. When you meet them, you find that real life makes them something quite different. Are they liars? Technically, yes. Are they human? Decidedly yes!

A final problem is the one of language. You, for instance, indicate you are single and have children. Does that mean you never married? Are you really divorced or separated? Are you actually the gentle, romantic, poetry reading wistful soul you present in your profile, or are you a serious, down to earth, practical, functional single mother whose energy is largely spent in the struggle to raise children while holding down a job all by yourself?

Is your profile a "lie"?

Me, I would be attracted by your dream, but I would be fully prepared to be presented with your reality, and I would not sit there in judgment........
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 90
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 6:07:42 AM

Me, I would be attracted by your dream, but I would be fully prepared to be presented with your reality, and I would not sit there in judgment........


Wow that was pretty heavy.. Sometimes I have thought about this myself.. It is one thing to read about my life and entirely an another thing to live it day by day.

Like how is this man going to feel when he sees me in my garden tub early in the morning at
5 am bathing a cat to get it ready to go for a show for instance??????. After all some men like to fool around early in the am while I have to get up early and tend to business..

That why I say impossible to live with..

thecatsmeoww
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 91
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 6:14:14 AM
Most of us human beings need interaction. This is a very quick way to get it. And also a very quick way to make friends...that fit our niche. I have a friend that sends me recipes .....happy days for her. I have another friend we talk about our dates and how either hopeful we are at the moment or frustrated. I have friends that give me advice from anywhere about my car to fixing something around the house. Yes I have great hope the internet has opened our world to new and wonderful things....and maybe not so wonderful things. We get to see others attitudes and like them instantly, others we love to hate em....
As for dating I have had some very great dates.......and some really horrible one's. But it has given me a sense of humor.....yes it has If I can't laugh at myself who can I laugh at? And I have met one or two that were absolutely frightening. Taking precautions is a given now days.....but the experience has been worth it. It has made me step outside my little narrow world into how others live and behave.......I say two thumbs up.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 92
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 7:22:19 AM
re: message 96....I don't disagree with anything you've written in this post....in fact it supports what I was saying that I believe our perception strengthens as we get older, so we really read the profiles (or you certainly did:), and I believe we can get a better sense of who is being portrayed.
Of course no one can show all of their sides in a one page profile (especially now that we can't edit them unless we agree to give pof our income bracket:(..but that's another subject).
I also think it's quite natural for us to use the profile to try and sell ourselves, if we are wishing to attract interest here....unless you're here just for the forums, which many are, or your profile is hidden (as mine is and only accessed through the forums). What photos we put up is an easy example of how we use the profiles as a sales tool, if we wish...
What I disagreed with before was it seemed you were saying it didn't matter if we try and be honest or not....and my opinion was that it does. Of course one's own honesty is another aspect of the unknown here and a big part of getting to know each other in person. But what I love about the forums is they seem to get right down to the heart and soul and mind of us quicker than most things....and one reason it's rare I would meet or want to get to know anyone online these days that did not post here somewhere.
And to answer your question - I thought about what to put for divorced/single and decided on single because my marriage was in my 20's and my mind and state of mind has been single for so many more years, so it's who I am. Plus, I am truly a single parent - no child support, etc....so I was being as honest as I could be when I wrote single (in my mind:).
But your points do show exactly what I agree with - it's all subjective - both what we write, what we believe the terms offered in those profile options mean, and what we read into another's words and pictures.
Finding love here? Now that's part of our observation skills, I think....and of course, the other person's. :)
 WobblyAngelWings4Now
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 93
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 7:50:57 AM
I learned my lesson many years ago about not sharing too much or being 'too' trusting. I was on an AOL chat sight for the city I lived in and begun a sort of friendship with a young man who was going to cooking school. We chatted (IM'd) for about 6 months. I would give him advice on his girl friends and share a bit of my life. There was nothing 'romantic' about this. I had a website at the time, actually I guess it was a 'fansite' so my picture was on it and available. I got a second, part time job at a Hallmark store and I told him about it. Well, one night I get home and logon to AOL and messages me: "I stopped by at Hallmark on Sunday but you weren't there." and I said "I know I had the day off". He responds, "Yeah, that was too bad, because I was going to kill you." SERIOUSLY!!! I was of course shocked and said "Stop kidding, that is not funny" to which he replys, "I'm not kidding, I had a gun and was going to shoot you." Then he says, "Look out your window, I am at your place." I lived on the second floor of an old farmhouse, AND, one smart thing was I never told him where I lived..but it still scared the bejezuz out of me! I again told him to Stop! (and I did look out the window). My heart was racing and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know his last name, or even what HE looked like! I told him I was going to report him to AOL and then he told me he was only kidding. Was playing a joke. I told him I did NOT find it very funny. I did report him to AOL, which upset him. I did not block him immediately because I was terrified to make him MAD. If he spoke like that to me, for no reason, what might he do if he were really mad? He said he told his mother what he had done and she agreed with me that it was nothing to joke about..duh!!! After a few days I told him I quit my Hallmark job (which I didn't) and slowly stopped communication. And since I'm still alive my story has a good ending...but what a horrible way to learn it!
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 94
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 7:07:47 PM

Then there's my current fishie. from the first time I saw his pic next to a forum post. Didn't even read the post, I went straight to his profile to see who was behind that pic. *heart thud to find he's 3000 miles away :-( So love on the net at our age? You'd think I would have learned after 2 LDR at 3000 miles, 1 at 1400 miles, 3 at 300 miles to leave it alone. Nuh uh - just a quick note to say I liked his profile. A stunning reply came within a few hours and we were rolling from there. First meet - 3 days, 2nd - 6 days, 3rd - 9 days, basically more time than I would have spent with a local guy. Plus daily cam IM that wouldn't be possible without the net. Bottomline: the net has been very very good to me.


...and therein lies my problem. Everyone I have become remotely interested in lives anywhere from 500 to 2000 miles away. And as crazy as it sounds I have developed connections/crushes with pictures and words.
I can't deny that the net has been very good to me in that I have met some incredible people whom I am still friends with. But the dating aspect....I can't do that anymore....I need to stay in my own little swimming hole...it's just make life a whole lot easier.

...mae
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 95
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 8:38:26 PM
I think there are a lot of "left-overs" and mentally unhealthy people in the on-line dating pool.

I think you are right...sigh. This and sloppy seconds and table scraps.
After having made lots of great friends on here, but have come to the conclusion that this place sucks for dating...

This morning, I attended a workshop for my job. I turned off my phone as a courtesy. Afterwards, when I turned it back on, I had received a voicemail from someone who had talked to me (from POF) awhile back...wanted to say "hi"...hoped that I remembered him...and was still "available".

After having given it some thought, I realized that it was one of 2 men who I had initially talked to with the same name 3 YEARS AGO!!! They both dropped from the face of the earth. I understand that given the online venue that people do go away, but...

WHY??? Did this man have the audacity to call 3 years later? Not to be mean...bitter...etc...but what the ? Is this a virtual "black book" and are these bozos expecting us to embrace them with open arms?

Just a thought...
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 96
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 9/10/2011 2:00:44 AM
I always use a certain email just for the dating sites. It has very little info on it and not even my real name. I never put where I really live and even when meeting up the four guys I have met do not know where I live or my last name. The relationships have not progressed to where I can feel I can trust them at all. I have met only four I might add as I am extremely wary.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 97
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 9/10/2011 2:37:20 AM
^^^
I would suggest also to disguise your photos. Trying out some unnatural expression or blurring them slightly. You just never know.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 98
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 9/10/2011 7:23:24 AM
^^^ That comment is hilarious.

The net is a great way to meet people, none of us seems to hang out in bars or clubs like we did in our 20's, we don't hang with the "gang" after work, most of our friends are married or coupled so no single frinds hanging around. I've met lots of great guys online dating. Use common sense - just like you would in the rest of your life.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 99
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 9/10/2011 4:22:23 PM
^^^ Really? I thought it was mean.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 100
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 9/10/2011 4:33:46 PM

The net is a great way to meet people, none of us seems to hang out in bars or clubs like we did in our 20's, we don't hang with the "gang" after work, most of our friends are married or coupled so no single frinds hanging around. I've met lots of great guys online dating. Use common sense - just like you would in the rest of your life.

I have to agree, to a great extent. I've 'met' people all around the world on various sites, blogs, general forums, and newsgroups, Most of them I've known for as many years as I've been online, some are old friends I haven't seen for many years. I don't do the bar scene and haven't for nearly 20 years when I went with my husband - just hanging out, a lot longer than that.

Now there is no after work gang, no one to go hang out with. Be nice if there were just a few around where I now live to simply go have a cup of coffee with once in awhile. I do like my own company, but it would be nice to have some normal conversation where I didn''t have to carry both sides.
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