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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 lovin2blivin
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 10
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I hear ya wooby, it seems like there is so much Taboo put on meeting someone online that it is enough to immobilize most. It almost seems that a background check, bank statement, list of references and letter of recommendation is needed before agreeing to go for coffee! I doubt if our parents would ever had us had they been under such scrutiny!

A meet for coffee is not a life time commitment. Everyone online isn't on 'The Most Wanted List' in the nearby Police station. People meet people everyday and share a moment of their time with total strangers and never think twice about it. Yes, the fist few conversations can give off messages that you either like or dislike and it's up to each individual how they proceed or don't from there.

It is difficult to find someone you 'think' would be a good match, and later find yourself 'deleted' after the first meet, but that's a chance all of us took when we decided to join this site. A coffee is just a coffee, for heavens sake! Have an escape plan if you need one, but for your own sake, give yourself a chance to exercise your social skills and be a command post in the direction your life takes and not an undercover detective...sorry for the pun.
 antjeanie
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 11
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/13/2007 8:54:19 PM
I have to say that I haven't met ant REAL wierdos here. Some have been questionable
----but I don't meet them. The people that I have met, and the people that I keep in
touch with (mostly met thru the forums)---are really nice people, and friends.
Remember the "old days" when you would meet someone in a bar, nightclub, etc-----------you would give your phone #---if you were interested------they would call you---------and you would either say yes or no-------and you would go out!! There wasen't
all this stuff about "talking" for 3 months before you decided if you wanted to meet or not! Now we " meet" people that we may have an interest in----and have to live thru the cyber-space rules------=whatever they are. OH--------for the old days!!
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 12
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/14/2007 12:15:58 PM
I too have meet some wonderful people though the net. I have also meet the type of people who pretended to be one thing and were actually anything but.

No crystal ball here either. I used to think that anyone who became a victim did so by being a victim. I am not victim, but I have met on the net people who tried to victimize me.

Those who think that they have too much going on to ever be a victim might find that the law of averages might find them with someone who is going to try to victimize them.

This doesn't stop me from being here on the net, or make me paranoid. It just means that when the next person tries to pull of wool over my eyes, or successed in pulling the wool over my eyes that it wouldn't send me into shock.

I see both men and women a little offended because of a thread talking about negative behaviour of the opposite sex. There posts say but I am a gentleman/lady and people are just being paranoid to expect anything else might happen. Yes, most of the people we meet on the net will be gentlemen/ladies, but there will be others that we recognize as being anything but.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 13
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/15/2007 9:05:45 AM

I believe you can think you fall in love from afar and on the net. Although if that carries through when you meet in person would have to be seen. Words can be taken in many different ways, thus producing the person you 'wish' you could find, when in reality..they aren't that way at all.


...How true, often that fantasy you have had about that person vanishes when you finally meet. ...Its like reading a book, you have an image in your mind what that character should look like and act like....and we find ourselves a bit disappointed when maybe they don't meet our expectations. Its no ones fault, reality bites sometimes.



...maeflowers

 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 14
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:41:28 AM

OMG!!!! Celticmist, I can empathasize with you


LOL Splash, no need to empathasize or sympathize - man was red lighted from our first conversation, he gave me a laugh that's all.
I have been here almost 2 years now and my radar has gotten pretty sharp. I sometimes feel like Robbie the robot on " Lost in Space", as I ger these " warning Will Robinsons' going off in my head when conversing with certain man on here. It could be just the old spidey senses kicking in too, whatever it is , I listen to it. LOL
 Mzzzy
Joined: 7/10/2005
Msg: 15
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/25/2007 9:34:19 AM
I think we get bolder and freer in our thinking as we get older..I know I sure have.
 marelee
Joined: 4/16/2005
Msg: 16
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/26/2007 7:38:20 AM
Although, the world we were raised in was one of safety and for the most part truth's. The world has changed. I've been online now for over 10 years. Tried the chat rooms for awhile, boy are they a trip.. Learned fast that the using a computer gave people the option of anonymity. What you think you see in a person is only what they want you to see.

Yesterday, the announcement was made on the news of the arrest of a child molester who was on a dating service looking for a female with children.

Having been around for this long I have run across a great deal online, and I will tell you that the last 4 or 5 years online has completely changed what the internet was 10 years ago. I still believe before inviting someone into my life, I need to be very careful of who that person really is. Until you run across one of the preditors online the new generation mistrust may not make sense, but it is justified. I have been one to state, that one might require a copy of a spouse death certificate, a birth certificate of the person you are becoming involved with, divorce papers if necessary, and testimony from 2 out of three children. I have run across the married men, who fail to tell you they have a wife and even though they claimed they were separated, they are still living at home with the lady of the house. Men who claimed to be 55 and without a doubt in my mind, knowing they were at least 10 years older. And the ones who wait until you've seen them several times to tell you how terrible their children are and have no relationship with them at all. Trust or not to Trust.. Eye of the beholder.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 17
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/26/2007 5:24:45 PM
Update -- I'm here in beautiful Southern Ontario. Been talkin' with this fella since Mid-May. He is exactly who he said he was, only better in person. His comment? You look exactly like your picture. He likes and understands my cat, and it's mutual. Bet if I wuz a betting woman, I'd put some real cash on this one. . . .





 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 18
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/27/2007 6:28:35 AM

If ya wanna keep your sanity in this, don't ever forget your sense of humour.


Those words are so true. I find people so desperate to find love, that they forget that it's supposed to be a happy thing and fun.
 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 19
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 7/27/2007 11:00:03 AM
Ah Shipoker if that's a rat on your shoulder, I am pretty sure that would keep a lot of women at bay
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 20
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 10/14/2008 11:53:08 PM
let's see, i met my first husband in grad school. ten years after that divorce, got my second husband from a new jersey newspaper, got my last SO from green singles, and my kids "got me" at an adoption fair at the oakland zoo. go figure! it sure was a lot easier in undergrad college, hanging out at saint adrian's with the greenwich village "art scene" and at sweet basil's with doc cheatham, eating a bowl of steamed clams and "kibbutzing" .

you rock, wooby!

ps re the "teeth" question from the "new"gentleman above: i'm going in for eye surgery soon. those who already know me, will see me. those who do not, will have to wait! and we will see, if the ones who know me will run far with bandages wrapped around my face. oh well, that's life. my mother used to say, if they can't take a joke, __'em. (oops! i just talk about my old haunts, and i get "toilet mouth"!) i am sooooooooo polite on the internet, hmph.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 21
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/18/2010 4:31:54 PM
Bet if I wuz a betting woman, I'd put some real cash on this one. . . .


And I'd have lost a bundle, lol! He and I are still very good friends, however. He's got a lady he loves, and I met the man of ma heart three months later.

So peeps can be who they say they are, and get along wonderfully well, and it *still* doesn't work out. But other things do. Just like "real life," eh?

 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 22
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/19/2010 8:22:19 AM
Jeepers...I think I'll wait for the movie. ^^^^^^^
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 23
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/21/2010 12:25:07 AM
Like most games.... you learn the rules and as you go along, you spot the ones who play the game on the up and up and the ones who play dirty... no different than at the office, at your city council or any playing field now is it? You just put your street smarts on, listen, ask pertinent questions.... and get on with it.

Like wooby and the catsmeow... most of my actual 'meets' have been good and some even wonderful ... but I think it's YOUR responsibility to take care of yourself and do your homework out here in cyberspace...... can't have your head in the clouds or be in the dream market with visions of white knights or maid Marian floating around the old bean... but if someone is showing himself to being playing a fun, respectful and fair game... then why not join in?
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 24
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 1/23/2010 10:56:29 PM
^^^ Plenty they can't find out about you if you don't put it on your computer. And hacking is illegal, so if you put up with it. . . .

Be aware, but be reasonable.

 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 25
Stick around OP-it gets worse
Posted: 2/11/2010 1:13:25 AM
One woman shaved 2 years off her age and confused-like i cared.


I had a guy tell me that after talking to a woman for months and they finally met (he actually flew to meet her)... and she was 16 yrs older!!!! Now he had something to complain about!

I regularly have men shave 10 yrs off their age and.... 4 inches in height on average ... but then I live in Italy, most of em are shorties.

People are vain, people want better than what they should expect, people are fallible, insecure, unrealistic and HUMAN... so imperfect. There are ways to weed through the vanity lies however... sometimes just asking point blank and using a webcam helps... if they really want to meet up they will OWN UP .

It's learning the unspoken rules... and you'll have to make the effort to do that, if you want some modicum of success.

 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 26
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Stick around OP-it gets worse
Posted: 2/11/2010 4:38:44 AM
Now, really, why all the complaints? If everyone was scrupulously honest, the first meet would contain no surprises at all! Where would be the adventure in all that?

The BIG issue with internet dating is that you end up meeting all kinds of people with whom you have not passed any life with. Unlike those you meet in real life, you don't know their context, their look, their style, their smell nor their normal social milieu. Of course everything about them is going to be a surprise. Add in a little fibbing on their part, what is the difference?
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 27
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 5:29:22 AM
I so disagree with the above poster, other than the thought that online dating brings the opportunity to meet people one probably never would find in real life.
But, for me, it seems all we have here to go on is our honesty...hoping the other person is honest because...well, why not be?? Unless you only ever want to live in fantasy, then I can understand it....but if you really want to find the possibility of a potentially loving relationship, then again I say, honesty is all we have.
Like wooby (op), over the years of going through stages of meeting people from online finding, I have never found them to be horror experiences and people seem to be pretty much who they appear to me to be.
Perhaps it does come with age and listening to or trusting my intuition more now. Also, I tend to meet quickly if there's a mutual wondering, leaving the possibility of building up expectations and projections to a minimum (because I believe you never really meet a person until you meet them in person)...plus this reduces the chance of them creating an image based on lies.
I feel if people choose to lie about who they are here, what makes you think they're suddenly going to be honest in real life with you, or with themselves?
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 28
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 5:52:37 AM
^^^^^ I put it to you that a professional interrogator would expose "lies" in just about every profile to be found on POF. It all comes down to what is a "lie" and what is significant about it. Huge numbers of people, for instance, never post actual personal data on the internet simply to avoid things like identity theft and stalkers or other wierdos. Huge numbers of people think they are one way, when they are actually another way. Self deception is probably the biggest cause of so called "lies" on a site like this.

I also suggest that the number of people on these sites who purposefully create profiles that are false is probably a minority. Many people draw up profiles that describe who they would like to be, or who they believe themselves to be. When you meet them, you find that real life makes them something quite different. Are they liars? Technically, yes. Are they human? Decidedly yes!

A final problem is the one of language. You, for instance, indicate you are single and have children. Does that mean you never married? Are you really divorced or separated? Are you actually the gentle, romantic, poetry reading wistful soul you present in your profile, or are you a serious, down to earth, practical, functional single mother whose energy is largely spent in the struggle to raise children while holding down a job all by yourself?

Is your profile a "lie"?

Me, I would be attracted by your dream, but I would be fully prepared to be presented with your reality, and I would not sit there in judgment........
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 29
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 7:22:19 AM
re: message 96....I don't disagree with anything you've written in this post....in fact it supports what I was saying that I believe our perception strengthens as we get older, so we really read the profiles (or you certainly did:), and I believe we can get a better sense of who is being portrayed.
Of course no one can show all of their sides in a one page profile (especially now that we can't edit them unless we agree to give pof our income bracket:(..but that's another subject).
I also think it's quite natural for us to use the profile to try and sell ourselves, if we are wishing to attract interest here....unless you're here just for the forums, which many are, or your profile is hidden (as mine is and only accessed through the forums). What photos we put up is an easy example of how we use the profiles as a sales tool, if we wish...
What I disagreed with before was it seemed you were saying it didn't matter if we try and be honest or not....and my opinion was that it does. Of course one's own honesty is another aspect of the unknown here and a big part of getting to know each other in person. But what I love about the forums is they seem to get right down to the heart and soul and mind of us quicker than most things....and one reason it's rare I would meet or want to get to know anyone online these days that did not post here somewhere.
And to answer your question - I thought about what to put for divorced/single and decided on single because my marriage was in my 20's and my mind and state of mind has been single for so many more years, so it's who I am. Plus, I am truly a single parent - no child support, etc....so I was being as honest as I could be when I wrote single (in my mind:).
But your points do show exactly what I agree with - it's all subjective - both what we write, what we believe the terms offered in those profile options mean, and what we read into another's words and pictures.
Finding love here? Now that's part of our observation skills, I think....and of course, the other person's. :)
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 30
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 7:07:47 PM

Then there's my current fishie. from the first time I saw his pic next to a forum post. Didn't even read the post, I went straight to his profile to see who was behind that pic. *heart thud to find he's 3000 miles away :-( So love on the net at our age? You'd think I would have learned after 2 LDR at 3000 miles, 1 at 1400 miles, 3 at 300 miles to leave it alone. Nuh uh - just a quick note to say I liked his profile. A stunning reply came within a few hours and we were rolling from there. First meet - 3 days, 2nd - 6 days, 3rd - 9 days, basically more time than I would have spent with a local guy. Plus daily cam IM that wouldn't be possible without the net. Bottomline: the net has been very very good to me.


...and therein lies my problem. Everyone I have become remotely interested in lives anywhere from 500 to 2000 miles away. And as crazy as it sounds I have developed connections/crushes with pictures and words.
I can't deny that the net has been very good to me in that I have met some incredible people whom I am still friends with. But the dating aspect....I can't do that anymore....I need to stay in my own little swimming hole...it's just make life a whole lot easier.

...mae
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 31
Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 2/11/2010 8:38:26 PM
I think there are a lot of "left-overs" and mentally unhealthy people in the on-line dating pool.

I think you are right...sigh. This and sloppy seconds and table scraps.
After having made lots of great friends on here, but have come to the conclusion that this place sucks for dating...

This morning, I attended a workshop for my job. I turned off my phone as a courtesy. Afterwards, when I turned it back on, I had received a voicemail from someone who had talked to me (from POF) awhile back...wanted to say "hi"...hoped that I remembered him...and was still "available".

After having given it some thought, I realized that it was one of 2 men who I had initially talked to with the same name 3 YEARS AGO!!! They both dropped from the face of the earth. I understand that given the online venue that people do go away, but...

WHY??? Did this man have the audacity to call 3 years later? Not to be mean...bitter...etc...but what the ? Is this a virtual "black book" and are these bozos expecting us to embrace them with open arms?

Just a thought...
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 32
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 9/10/2011 2:37:20 AM
^^^
I would suggest also to disguise your photos. Trying out some unnatural expression or blurring them slightly. You just never know.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 33
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 9/10/2011 4:33:46 PM

The net is a great way to meet people, none of us seems to hang out in bars or clubs like we did in our 20's, we don't hang with the "gang" after work, most of our friends are married or coupled so no single frinds hanging around. I've met lots of great guys online dating. Use common sense - just like you would in the rest of your life.

I have to agree, to a great extent. I've 'met' people all around the world on various sites, blogs, general forums, and newsgroups, Most of them I've known for as many years as I've been online, some are old friends I haven't seen for many years. I don't do the bar scene and haven't for nearly 20 years when I went with my husband - just hanging out, a lot longer than that.

Now there is no after work gang, no one to go hang out with. Be nice if there were just a few around where I now live to simply go have a cup of coffee with once in awhile. I do like my own company, but it would be nice to have some normal conversation where I didn''t have to carry both sides.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 34
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Love on the 'net, at our age. . . .
Posted: 9/10/2011 8:35:49 PM
^^^ One of the better things about going back to work, after being retired for several years. I hate it when the alarm goes off, but I like having intelligent conversations.

But I do not date where I work, and it is hard finding single people in my age group. Which is why I like this site. It takes a bit of work, pruning out the bad apples, but it IS worth it.
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