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 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 58
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Cell phone on a date....Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I know the one time this ever actually happened to me, I answered my phone when one of my friends called to ask some inane question. I said "Hey, how can I help you?" They started saying they had some questions to ask me about a game and I interrupted them and said "Ok, I'll have to talk to you later though, I'm busy right now." And that was it.

I knew someone called, I resolved it wasn't important, and I got rid of them. Sometimes those same people might call me with something fairly important. I want to know, so I answer.

As for keeping a relationship. I'm still not seeing where when I say, "Sure, I'd love to have dinner with you" I'm also saying, "I agree to treat you better than everyone else I've ever met and put aside everything else in my life for you."

I thought *I* was strict with what I considered rude. When I was talking to someone I met on a dating site on MSN and they suddenly went away from keyboard for 30 minutes without telling me they were going anywhere, I thought THAT was rude. When I was talking to someone on the phone and they switched to the other line and didn't come back for 20 minutes, I considered THAT rude.

Still, I don't expect that someone will pay 100% to me every second of a date. They will go to the bathroom, they will walk up to the counter to order a drink when at a coffee shop. They do stuff that isn't giving me 100% of their attention for the whole date. As long as they aren't big time rude by talking on the phone for more than 2 or 3 minutes, I will give people their personal space. I've only known them a short while, why would I expect to be the most important thing to them immediately?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 61
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 4:55:47 AM

As for keeping a relationship. I'm still not seeing where when I say, "Sure, I'd love to have dinner with you" I'm also saying, "I agree to treat you better than everyone else I've ever met and put aside everything else in my life for you."

If you think spending an hour or two with someone you're in a relationship with without answering the phone (or whatever) is that big of a deal, then your problem is dating at all, not what calls you're taking. You to a certain extent, ARE supposed to do that, if only for that small amount of time. My suggestion to you is to stay single or rethink your priorities.

I thought *I* was strict with what I considered rude. When I was talking to someone I met on a dating site on MSN and they suddenly went away from keyboard for 30 minutes without telling me they were going anywhere, I thought THAT was rude. When I was talking to someone on the phone and they switched to the other line and didn't come back for 20 minutes, I considered THAT rude.

How you people are comparing this is beyond me. No, it's the internet. In that case, you didn't get dressed, and drive somewhere to hang out with someone you were romantically interested in. When you're both at home, with a list of people on a messenger service and it's just random chat, it's usually a given that there are distractions, both on and off the computer generally. The point of talking in IM is that you're chatting WHILE doing other things. Therefore you're not supposed to sit and hang on every word because it's not the main event. Neither is text messaging. Those are things you do from where you are.

That's not the same thing as meeting ONE person by driving somewhere away from your everyday life.
 Diva64
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 62
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 4:57:41 AM
I don't know where I ever typed TURN IT OFF!??

I dont' know where I ever typed you can't take an urgent call.

YOU SAID MY FRIENDS NEED TO REACH ME ABOUT OUR GAME EVENTS?? whatever! I find that odd to set up NEW dates on a current one........but that would explain some things!!

I have no problem with someone answering a call..........show respect people and understand this person took time out to be with you.......give them your attention.

Zamrod are you really seriously here? 100%?? What are you talking about?? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY EQUATING GOING TO THE BATHROOM as neccessity to talking with friends on a cell phone??? So let's say 5 of your friends call and you give them all 3 minutes..............wow.............that's NICE!!!

I never said I don't answer the phone sometimes.....sometimes I'm in major busy time at work and people need to reach me.....sometimes it's urgent sometimes it's a matter of..."did you think this through before you called me?" kinda thing!

Here's what I do.
I answer always with my name so there is no question about who's on the phone(I'm a busy girl and it saves time):
"hi this is Diva".....(
I can determine in the first few seconds if it's urgent for ME/the company.........many things are important but NOT to me/the company..........just the person on the other end........and MY DATE IS IMPORTANT so that is where I focus!!

If I NEED to be on the phone chatting with friends, then I don't NEED to be out on a date. WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF A DATE??
WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE FOR DATING, WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH?


I've only known them a short while, why would I expect to be the most important thing to them immediately?

No body mentioned making them your GOD......however, have you heard of putting your best foot forward?? "BEGIN AS YOU MEAN TO GO ON"........is my best advice!
Honestly, I'm amazed that you have any seconds dates!
 gtadaizee
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 63
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 8:38:47 AM
Diva, no no no, you have been very clear and quite elegant in giving your well founded opinion. I think IMHO on the other side of this issue say more about themselves than they are aware. Let them go on their own way. Obviously their mentality is that they get their satisfaction from their electronic gagdets and not human beings. And who the heck sits and times someone on the internet. Me I just close the window. If the person wants to talk to me then they have my addy.

I refuse to chat with anyone online who is having multy conversations. To me it screams "your not as important" (if you be the initial contact) and as for call waiting I look at my caller ID (or not) and it its not someone returning my call nor anything appearing MORE important then I don't switch. IF I switch its to tell the other person I am busy and can I call them back. Even if I can't call them back its their loss. But then I grew up with manners and common sense
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 65
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History
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 12:09:29 PM


Zamrod are you really seriously here? 100%?? What are you talking about?? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY EQUATING GOING TO THE BATHROOM as neccessity to talking with friends on a cell phone??? So let's say 5 of your friends call and you give them all 3 minutes..............wow.............that's NICE!!!

I'd be amazed if I got that many calls during a date. I normally get 1 or 2 calls a DAY, so far they've only randomly happened on a DATE once.


and MY DATE IS IMPORTANT so that is where I focus!!

And tell me where I said anything but that. I believe that is the most important thing at that time. I won't actually have a conversation with anyone else while I'm out on a date. However, the OP said it was rude to even BRING your phone to the date and that anyone who answered was completely rude.

I feel it's rude not to at least answer anyone who calls and say "Sorry, I can't talk right now." Since they know I ALWAYS answer and they have a tendency to keep calling back if I don't answer the first time. I think that's fair to everyone involved. I continue to pay attention to my date, my friends are not wondering what happened to me and why today is the only day in the past year I haven't answered their call, and everyone is happy.

Unless they hold it against me for interrupting our date for 30 seconds because someone called me. In which case, I don't know what to say. Are people really that self conscious that they believe that is ignoring them?

And if someone told me that they REALLY had an issue with it, I'd immediately turn it off. Still, I don't think my default assumption would be to keep it off. I'm easy going and I'd expect my dates to be as well. If each and every small breech of perceived etiquette was enough to not schedule a second date, then I'm really not sure how anyone ever has a second date.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 68
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 12:55:08 PM

Since they know I ALWAYS answer and they have a tendency to keep calling back if I don't answer the first time.

I love this one - that's what voice mail is for. Plug it into a charger and let them have at it - who's the one who's more annoyed? In my case, they are. Calling me two or three times in a row GUARANTEES I won't be picking up UNLESS it's an emergency.

My ex's kids used to do that. They'd call and call and call if they didn't get him (to borrow money or something usually) and he'd laugh at the phone and make jokes about how tenacious they are. Eventually they left a message. They had to.

My friends and family know to leave a message if it's an emergency or page the cell. They'd get a better response that way than if they called me 8 times in a row. WTF??

I don't even like it if a girlfriend I've had for a WHILE is talking on the phone during a date. There are exceptions of course, but I think it kills the "quality time" if the partner is being ignored while they're supposed to be enjoying each other's company... especially on a phone call that could be postponed until a more appropriate time.

Exactly.
 ~Anicca~
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 69
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 12:55:52 PM
Hmmmmmmm...would you leave your date sitting at a table by themselves while you went and chatted with the guy/gal across the bar room who winked at you? What's the diff?

Hmmmmmmm...seems to me that so many people use chatting/texting on the phone when out on a date as a way of saying "Look how popular I am."

Different story when you are out with friends/pals...we all have lives, who cares if someone calls, take it or not, according to importance, unless of course you are out with a friend and spend ALL of your time on the phone with another...a quick 'call you back to chat later' should still be sufficient.

Having kids at home alone or with sitters is a different story...my phone is on, it is easy to check to see who is calling with a polite explanation, and apology, and only answer if it is that number calling.

And frankly if the date isn't on-call for work or have kids at home and proceeds to chat while I am sitting there...without apology or explanation...was nice to meet ya---SEE YA!

If you were born in a barn and don't want to keep wallowing, buy a book on etiquette!!!
 Diva64
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 70
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/17/2007 8:38:21 PM
Zam....

You and I are going NO WHERE FAST!! you can't hear me and obviously I have chosen not to "get" you either.

But I have to say, you seem to tie yourself into knots in order not to offend or to try and make everyone else around you happy and not tp inconvenience a soul.........and I'm a firm believer that if you live your life in order never to offend anyone YOU, YOURSELF wind up unhappy and miserable. (plus your date feels neglected)

Keep in mind Zamrod: a YES doesn't mean very much coming from a person who never says NO!
 ~Anicca~
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 71
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/18/2007 9:06:48 AM
^^^you're awesome^^^
 gtadaizee
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 72
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/19/2007 4:25:38 AM
What amazes me at this point is the amount of back peddling that is now going on when what people actually said earlier and what they say now is just that back pedling to get their azzes out of the line of fire addressed by the nay sayers with VERY good points. People are people and ignorant people are almost always ignorant because they just don't get it. Hopefully at least one person learned from this friend. Its all about consideration, manners and common sense.
 Paprikash!
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 73
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/19/2007 8:51:06 AM
Get up and leave. Life's too short for bad manners.
 joe5629
Joined: 7/12/2007
Msg: 74
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/22/2007 4:58:56 AM
i think that was rude of him,, I take my cell only because my daughter could get a hold of me, other then that, that all it for... he should of said to his buddy that his on a date and will call later,, I'm not sure what I would to but it would of bothered me too..
if any guy does not agree with that, then his not worth your time....
 carlyvan
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 75
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/22/2007 5:37:58 AM
Personally it is rude, not sure what to suggest but I probably would just walked out and gone home, to me that is a suggestion as to the type of person that he really is and you probably will be treated this way all the time, usually you are on your best behaviour trying to strike a point or two with the date you are with, well I think it can only get worse. GJJ
 stillsweetnstillsingle
Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 76
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/22/2007 6:50:48 AM
It's RUDE RUDE RUDE!!! This behavior is an indicator of how much they value you and your time. If they expect you to be put " on hold" while they take a call, whether it's the first date or the 10th, and see nothing wrong with it, I believe it's a good sign of how they are in relationships. Can anyone say, " selfish? self-important? self-absorbed?" The key being SELF- they will never think of your needs or feelings, and are probably pretty oblivious to how their actions affect other people. How hard is it to turn a phone off, or turn it on vibrate, and check it later or when they go to the bathroom?
The only exception would be in the instance of a babysitter or an emergency- and then, they should let you know from the beginning that they may be getting a phone call-and then EXCUSE themselves to take it, not sit there gabbing in front of your face.
I rarely take a phone call when I am even hanging out with friends, much less on a date. I do not like interruptions, and I try to give the people I am spending time with my undivided attention.
 Alzena
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 77
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/22/2007 3:56:35 PM
Phone manners are not one the top of the ettique lists these days... Too many people are equalting phone time with having some kind of power. I was run off the road last week by some ditzy chich is a SUV with a phone in her ear and I doubt she was even counscious enough to notice... I it's a first date and he's on the phone making other plans, I would let he make a lot more other plans... this goes for the guy keeps buzzing and he keeps checking the number...
 Creativguy
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 78
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/22/2007 5:27:52 PM

I was run off the road last week by some ditzy chich is a SUV with a phone in her ear and I doubt she was even counscious enough to notice


I heard a real cool story on the radio some months ago...

There was a lady in the South who was driving a SUV when, for some reason, she lost control and almost hit a car. In trying to straighten out her vehicle, she over steered and jumped the median and skinned three other cars before flipping over. Sadly, her arm was actually cut off in the accident and thrown from the vehicle while she was trapped in it. As they attempted to rescue her out of the wreckage, one of the paramedics that arrived on the scene went searching for her arm and found it several yards down the road, with its hand still grasping the cell phone.
 casual_woman_
Joined: 4/23/2007
Msg: 79
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/22/2007 6:29:25 PM
I agree... I am a single mom and I only answer (On vibrate) if it is the babysitter... AND I tell the date as I answer that it is the sitter. :)
 Tigress
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 80
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/22/2007 6:51:45 PM
Hmmm, I don't think I would have freaked out unless it was a long conversation, or if it just kept happening, or if it was another woman!

If my Momma or my best friend calls, I'm going to answer! I would say, "Excuse me", and I would make it short.
 Cwgrlboots
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 83
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/24/2007 7:28:36 PM
If a person can't ignore their phone (except for emergency calls), turn off the extraneous noise of their life and give you their attention for a short time on a very first date, then what would they be like later on?

People who talk on their phones in public without consideration for others around them are a pet peeve of mine anyway. If it were me, most likely that guy would be history!

~Boots~
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 84
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History
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/31/2007 7:06:07 PM

Just curious, the guy who said he'd answer his phone on a date, even if it was just a friend who wants to arrange something for the weekend, would you do the same if you were in school and in class? What about at a business meeting.

No, but those are all formal settings. It's assumed your phone will be off because you will be interrupting 5 or 100 people's time with your call. Everyone has a limited time to get something done (an hour to learn a certain about of stuff, an hour to get the meeting done, etc).

I view dating as a fun experience (or at least it should be), you are meeting someone new in a casual atmosphere and enjoying your time. I don't enjoy my time when it is filled with a bunch of rules on what to do and what not to do that I don't have with my friends. I'd want anyone I eventually decided to have a relationship with to be friends with me as well as dating. I don't think I could be friends with someone who was so self conscious that they'd get angry at me for something as trivial as a phone call.

Sure, if I insult them, leave without warning, fail to show up, don't shower before the date, or something like that...I can see getting angry, but a cell phone?

Either way, due to this thread and other people's opinions on this, I don't want to be rude. From now on, my default will be going to a date with cell phone off. I'm not a rude person, but it's not my opinion that matters here.
 Diva64
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 85
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/31/2007 7:35:55 PM
Ya know Zamrod, I've thought about this........and YOU can do anything you want on your dates!! I don't know why I feel the need to make you do WHAT I WOULD WANT......we are not dating...........and I'll bet, there are women out there who WON"T mind a lick if you answer and talk on the phone all night..........but I thought you'd probably find that the odds are slim and I wanted to help your chances............however in truth......."your chances" are not my business.......do it how you like..........and if you're loving your results.....then ti's all good............if not, you might want to consider changing some things.........the definition of insanity is something like this..."doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results....."

Some times I get more passionate about things than I need be but I'm sure you'll be just fine..............I have to remind myself that the world already has a savior and that I don't know everything.........my life is TOUGH!

Happy fishing!
Diva

 Vet-tech_n_K-9trainer
Joined: 12/12/2006
Msg: 86
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 8/1/2007 4:09:16 AM
Personally, I'm not too keen on having them on during the first date/meet up with someone. I turn mine off. If I forget and I receive a call, I let the voice mail take it.
 gtadaizee
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 88
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 8/1/2007 5:51:27 AM
For heaven's sake we are all adults here. WE DO NOT NEED RESCUE CALLS EVEN!!!

Be honest, just tell them you have to go. No more, no less. If they push then tell them there is no connection. Rescue calls show that you don't have any intestinal fortitude and/or balls. They are NEVER going to get the message otherwise.

Me I'd just get up and walk out! Well I'd say a bye on the way standing up!

TOO MANY PEOPLE MAKING TOO MANY EXCUSES about a common sense issue. Even with the need to answer for your kids. Sit your kids AND the babysitter down BEFORE you leave, explain you are going out with another adult and could they NOT call unless an emergency! Kids will certainly phone their parent otherwise. Teach them and let them learn.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 89
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Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 8/1/2007 10:04:21 AM
RUDE, RUDE, RUDE ...

Only emergency calls should be taken when out ... especially on a date.

Even when I'm home and the phone rings while someone is there ... I don't take the call unless it's something that has been previously arranged. IE ... if my daughter calls long distance and we previously arranged for her to do so, or perhaps I'm waiting for a business call. Even then, I'd let my guest know that the call was previously arranged.

Otherwise, I have caller ID and can see if it's something I planned on or not.

It's actually the same as if you go to meet someone for a drink (first time meeting) and go to some sports bar where your favorite sport is on the TV's. Would you just sit there and watch the TV or would you give your date your undivided attention?

I realize there are some who live with the cell phone plastered to their ear ... whether in the car, the grocery, the mall ... always either talking on the phone or texting ... cripies, even at the doggone beach!!!!

What in the world would they have done if they grew up 50 years ago? There were no cell phones, there were no car phones ... there weren't even "wireless" phones in the home. You were limited to the phone on the telephone stand as long as the cord was ... that was it.

If my date did that to me ... last date unless the cell was turned off.
 bds1976
Joined: 1/20/2007
Msg: 90
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:28:39 AM
Not the greatest thing in the world to do, but 5 minutes isn't so bad.

I had a date who had her face buried in her phone the entire time we were eating. Either on it or text messaging. I'm not exactly sure how hard it is to communicate: 9' O'clock at such and such place? Ok, we'll be there.
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