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 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 478
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?Page 11 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
Handlesit, if you took ''sex'' out of your post you would be describing possibilities of any friendship.
For you men who have no reason to be friends with a woman, what do you do outside of having sex and how many women have left you stating ''you dont meet their needs?''

Men seem to feel like they shouldn't have to control the urge to have sex. Or that sex should be the primary ''goal'' in a relationship. Women are sexually attracted to their guy friends often, but there are more important reasons then sex to choose not to date them. If sex is all you have to offer eachother it is going to be short lived anyway.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 480
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 6:22:04 AM
^^^^^^^^^^
''i dont recall her saying i didn't meet her needs in any way''

Um ya right.
A. You didn't listen
B. You didn't care
C. She did you a disservice by not telling you
I wonder how many of the men who won't be friends with women on here broke up because
A. She stopped having sex with you
B. She cheated on you (no one should ever cheat people should grow up and end it, but women usually cheat because they find someone who she feels better meets her mental and emotional needs, not from a lack of sex)
C. You are still scratching your heads wondering why she ended it because you were happy, so why wasn't she?
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 481
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 7:10:51 AM

A guy and a girl who have a mutual lack of sexual attraction to each other can easily be friends with each other for awhile, it will always have a shelf life.
After the age of puberty their bodies and psyches are going to adapt to the situation in order to try and fulfill the basic fundamental of being human. Mating and procreating.


Still... Doesn't mean a guy and a girl can't just be friends, where the guy ONLY wants to be friends.

Argue all you want, but I'm proof that what I'm saying is true.

There's way more to life than sex. Go get laid, maybe once you have sex off your mind you can learn how to be friends with people.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 482
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 7:21:24 AM
If you're a guy, and you're incapable of honestly being friends with a girl. Dating should be the last thing on your mind...


This is the truest statement in the thread.

People are people, and there will be women out there with the exact same personalities as your closest male friends. There is no reason you can't get along with a woman just as much as you can get along with a guy, by default.

The whole "oh noooo you might be attracted to them" argument is the biggest piece of nonsense in this thread, and why the quoted statement holds true. There are billions of women in this world, why is it that you -must have- anyone you're attracted to in the slightest? It's called "perspective." You'll almost inevitably meet someone who you're attracted to MORE, so there's no reason to obsess over someone you have a little bit of attraction to that doesn't return it, and it's relatively easily controllable. Especially when you meet someone you're into more, because the relative attraction with the other person starts to fade.

That basically just shows desperation, in that you either have to have someone you're attracted to or you just can't stand being around them. I meet multiple people I have some attraction to in a month, that doesn't mean I have to be in a relationship with every single one of them. What is wrong with some people?
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 483
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 7:35:02 AM

(ksayer1) Wow you guys on here who have no women friends have no chance at having a good lasting relationship.


That totally makes no sense. What does having women friends (or not) have to do with lasting (presumably romantic) relationships?


You are only thinking of your needs and have no clue what a real relationship is. Good luck with that.


*shrug* This is a DATING site, not a "Make friends of the opposite sex with whom you will never have sex!" site.

No one seriously argues that men and women cannot be friends with sex never being on the table. It's just not every guy's cup o' tea. Believe it or not, guys ARE allowed to want stuff that's different than what you THINK they should want. (from Arlo's book of "You're not the boss of me!")
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 484
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 7:59:41 AM

That totally makes no sense. What does having women friends (or not) have to do with lasting (presumably romantic) relationships?


- Because if you don't have friendships with women it most likely shows that you compartmentalize women as something other than people in some manner; basically objectifying them. See earlier in this thread when someone said "what could I talk to a woman about?" as if all women somehow share a commonality beyond sexual organs. If you view women like that, you're already terrible at relationships, and it also explains why so many people here that share these opinions are also perpetually single.

It won't be "impossible" to find a relationship - that person will have to find a woman that doesn't mind being treated like it's the 1950s where women were demeaned as sex objects or viewed as "different" (read: substandard from the male perspective). But since intelligent women can immediately see right through this kind of mentality and are rightfully disgusted by it, it will be rough. And it will be tougher as more and more women won't put up with that.

- It could also mean that no women want to be friends with you, which also doesn't bode well for relationships. If a woman doesn't want you around as a friend, she most likely won't want you around in a relationship. On the flip side, guys that -can- have their choice on who to date, often have a large group of female friends, because, surprise, women like being around them.
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 486
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 9:14:50 AM
No. That doesn't always happen.

When you're starved for sex, and you're having a hard time getting a date, then yeah, you're gonna start looking to the people you already know and MAYBE you'll want something more from a friend. But when you have a healthy dating life, your friends are friends.

That doesn't mean that if most of my woman friends came up to me and wanted to have sex that I wouldn't jump on that chance, cuz I have some really hot friends... But it's not something I'm going to go out and try to make happen. And I don't want to date them. To me, they're like the guys I'm friends with, only less of a dbag.

And most of them, I had my chance. We were both single, hanging out a lot... But I made the choice to stick with just being friends. But we also do all believe in moderation. We don't hang out 24/7. When you don't see the person every waking hour, it's easy to separate friends from someone you want to date / bang.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 487
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 9:23:15 AM
I don't get to wrapped up in opinion threads like this one but in a quick glance over this statement caught my eye as a generalization and not remotely close to the truth for a good number of guys...


We're slaves to the attention, knowing full-well that these men only want to bed us, all the while pretending we have no clue about this.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 488
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 9:23:37 AM
I traveled with a lady friend of mine who was 37 when I was 57, when we were in Japan we slept in the same room that had a kind of bunk bed, but the lower bed pulls out to sleep, I was on the top bed, she was on the bottom. I had to step over her to get to the bathroom. So you could say I had my chance.

BTW, at the time I hadn't dated for 6 years, while I thought about making a move, it just didn't seem like a good idea. We are still friends, but she isn't like the guys, I would never have thought about making a move on a male friend.

At least for me, I think about what I am doing, and IMO saying it "just happened" is a rationalization for doing something you wanted to do, people that REALLY cannot control their impulses usually end up in jail.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 489
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 9:45:37 AM
Of course... men and women can be "friends" without wanting to bed them.
I have had a few man friends since high school and have met their wives.....so?
I have met a few from on this site....we may have started off as a meet and one or the other....didn't see each other as relationship material and remained friends.

NO....I don't call on them to do work for me....anymore, than I would go and clean their house for them...duh.
We compare notes on our dating and may meet the odd time for lunch.
If one or the other finds someone they are interested in...we are happy for them....as I would be for any of my female friends.
I do not sleep with my friends....period.

We're slaves to the attention, knowing full-well that these men only want to bed us, all the while pretending we have no clue about this

Speak for yourself....you are not speaking for all of us...
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 490
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 9:58:43 AM

Speak for yourself....you are not speaking for all of us...

:)
 RussArtLover
Joined: 5/13/2010
Msg: 491
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 10:22:42 AM


And I would make a bet that you were sexually attracted to the majority, if not all of them. Which is the reason why most of the guys on this thread are pleading their case in regards to why in most situations, guys can't just be friends with the opposite sex. Human nature kicks in and persuades men to think otherwise.

I learned to deprogram myself around 3rd grade. Just turn it all off. Let it go. Sure it comes back, sometimes in just a few minutes but you turn it off again until it stays off for longer periods. Works better if she has a boyfriend or husband. Then honor gets involved. (or something like that). Why wreck a good thing? Hell I've even turned down pity sex. I guess you either run with a pack or run way way out front of it.

I do recall one time a teacher arranged the desks so girls sat on one side of the room, boys on the other. One really cute girl kept spreading her legs smiling like a hungry cat. I think I broke something that day :)
 Mozzily
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 493
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 10:43:14 AM
Personally I think its the same from men to women as it is from women to men. If I personally say I want to be "just friends" I either have zero physical attraction to him or I just don't want to date him but could possibly be open to sex.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 494
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 10:43:44 AM

That totally makes no sense. What does having women friends (or not) have to do with lasting (presumably romantic) relationships?


(abmccray) - Because if you don't have friendships with women it most likely shows that you compartmentalize women as something other than people in some manner; basically objectifying them.


It shows nothing of the sort. What it is, is a correlation (and not even a particularly large one), not a causation.


See earlier in this thread when someone said "what could I talk to a woman about?" as if all women somehow share a commonality beyond sexual organs.


*chuckle* As if anything that any0ne says in these threads is to be taken seriously... I won't argue in favour of silly, plug-ignorant comments, and I'm a little disappointed that you'd think I would. Mrs. Troutman didn't raise her no idiots...


It won't be "impossible" to find a relationship - that person will have to find a woman that doesn't mind being treated like it's the 1950s ...


Just an aside, here; but, "1950s mentality" gets my vote for "Most (Over)Used and Meaningless Cliché of the 21st Century". It's running neck-and-neck with "Stepford Wives"...


- It could also mean that no women want to be friends with you, which also doesn't bode well for relationships.


It could mean any of a number of things.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 496
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 11:59:08 AM

If you are speaking for yourself, I can kind of understand some of your point. But at the same time, if you find your female friend to be attractive like you stated in this post, that IMHO is feelings beyond a platonic friendship, which was my point. No matter how hard guys and girls attempt to be strictly platonic, one of them will emotionally or physically crave for more.


That's kind of an irrelevant statement though, in that case.

Finding someone attractive does not mean you actively want to have sex with them. Finding someone attractive doesn't really matter. You can find some of your same-sex friends attractive. Doesn't mean you're trying to have sex with them.

The point of his post was that he doesn't actively want sex with his female friends, which flies in the face of the counterpoint stated in this thread.

He was honest and said that he had a couple of hot ones that, if the stars align, he could see himself having sex with, but that's completely different than the sentiment of "it's not real friendship because the whole point is that one will want the other." I know I've been in the situation where I've turned down sex from hot female friends when the opportunity presented itself just because it didn't seem worth the risk, or due to timing, even if I found them completely attractive, and he may have done the same as well. Guys don't want women just for sex, no matter what the more desperate members of this forum try to espouse.

Your point is nothing but semantics, if anything, because it doesn't align with the sentiment he was responding to.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 497
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 12:02:52 PM

I have nice friends so dont really need another one so whats the point?


This is the wackiest sentiment ever. Why -wouldn't- you want another friend? You can always meet great friends, perhaps better than some that you have now. What's this cut off point where people say, "I have three, I'm done!"

I mean, everyone can't be your best ever friend or someone you spend a ton of time with, but there are still situational friends, distance friends, friends you talk to a few times a week, etc. that can fit into any schedule. The whole "I hit my friend LIMIT" sentiment is so weird.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 498
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 12:48:08 PM
Vicki159:

Why are you strawmanning? This is literally how this conversation went:

Topic of conversation: Friends of the opposite sex do/don't necessarily mean one person is pining after the other.

Vicki: I don't need male friends because I don't need any more friends.

abmccray: How does that sentiment make sense? You always have room for more friends in your life (lists ways in how various types of friends can fit into a life, even a busy one)

Vicki: No I don't have time for people who aren't really my friends, i only have time for real friends.

How is that a response to what was said? Did you even read what was written? That doesn't make any sense at all...
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 499
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 12:49:28 PM
I don't about the other men , but I really cant see a man allowing himself to be friend zoned . That's what manginas are for .
 pariathorn
Joined: 2/26/2012
Msg: 501
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 2:20:47 PM
your "opinion" still has absolutley nothing to do with the topic . doh!
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 503
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 2:29:46 PM
Opinions only matter if they have a factual or logical basis or are based on pure taste. When there is an opinion about something that can be proven, an opinion not backed by fact is invalid. In other words:

"It's my opinion that chocolate tastes better than peanut butter." - valid, because it's purely personal taste
"It's my opinion that the moon is made out of cream cheese." - invalid, because it is about something that can be proven or disproven, and that opinion does not align with any known fact

"Can men be true friends with women" has multitudes of evidence that it is possible, and has a logical, sound basis. Perhaps not 100% provable, since it's based on testimony, but "it's not because it hasn't happened to me" is nothing that counters the multitudes of counters.


<div class="quote">In whos opionion, this is not my opinion. My opinion is that men and women do not have platonic relationships one or the other wants more than friendship. That is my opinion.

So you hold opinions regardless of evidence, then?

- Multiple people in this thread have said they have carried or do carry on successful friendships with those of the opposite sex.
- There are tons of famous historical platonic friendships between males and females with no known romantic entanglement.
- There are millions of people in the world that claim to have platonic male/female relationships.

But everyyyooonnne is lying because YOU haven't personally experienced this? Really?


<div class="quote"> In my opinion most people are not friends they are aquaintances. That is my opinion. No I dont want a lot of people in my life saying they are my friends when they are not. I chose my friends based on whos company I enjoy, what they want from me and what they give to me. That is my opinion.

I thought this was a forum where people expressed their opinions, I gave my opinion, what is your problem with that!!!!

What the hell is strawmanning???????

To "strawman" is to make up an argument that someone else didn't make and then respond to them as if they were making it. A "strawman argument."

So, for instance, when people were stating that there's no reason you can't have more friends, you chose to redefine the word 'friends' into a definition that no one was talking about so that you could argue against it. Everyone was talking about 'true' friends, and you made an argument against 'fake' friends, which no one was talking about. Even in this response, you're going off on a tangent about "most people you meet," which was not what anyone was talking about.

What was said was that, in a hypothetical, you meet a cool (platonic) guy whose company you enjoy, who you want what he gives, and vice versa, you say "oh, you're a cool guy, but I have 4 friends and I can't have 5, so bye!" Do you understand how ridiculous that is?

In summary, if you get anything out of this, understand that your experiences do not dictate those of the entire world. Once again, that's the problem with the "can't have friends of the opposite sex" camp - they are either desperate guys who can't fathom being attracted to someone and not wanting to act on it or women who haven't met guys that are genuinely interested in them as people/company outside of relationships/sex - and assume everyone else is cursed to be as limited as they are, basically. Half of the threads in this forum are like that.
 wonderland013
Joined: 2/9/2013
Msg: 504
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 2:38:26 PM
"We're slaves to the attention, knowing full-well that these men only want to bed us, all the while pretending we have no clue about this.
It's a complete ego massage and we love it.
WE are in control and YOU are not.
Accept it.
Now, choose to hang around or choose Not to.
But, know the ways we women work these situations and deal with it.
Capisci?"


^^^^ that is the hard truth..
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 505
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 2:48:59 PM

Nah, you are just either misunderstanding my point, or you are digging for reasons to disagree. My point is that even though he "claims" he doesn't actively want sex with his female friends, the fact that he would have sex with them if they offered like he posted (which you must have missed), says otherwise. If he didn't actively want sex, he would turn them down in a heartbeat with no questions asked. But he said he would do so if the opportunity was there as if it was handed to him on a silver platter. That's no different than saying,
"I want to F*** her but I will be respectful and keep it to myself, because I know she doesn't think of me that way.


You know, I'm still a guy. Are you HONESTLY going to turn down a hot girl that wants sex, with no strings who you know hasn't banged 20 other guys that day?

Yeah, I think some of my friends are physically attractive, it doesn't mean that I'm looking for anything more than just being friends.

There's a difference between "I would have sex" and "I want to have sex". It's just sex, it's not like I'd be asking the girl to marry me after that. Sex happens. It's just a part of life.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 506
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 2:55:05 PM
personally, i dont really need any female friends. when i want someone to be friends with, like go out and do things together, i usually end up being friends with a guy. not only do we usually have more shared interests, but ive noticed many women still expect a guy to pay when they hang out, even if its just friends.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 508
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2013 3:14:01 PM

Nah, you are just either misunderstanding my point, or you are digging for reasons to disagree. My point is that even though he "claims" he doesn't actively want sex with his female friends, the fact that he would have sex with them if they offered like he posted (which you must have missed), says otherwise. If he didn't actively want sex, he would turn them down in a heartbeat with no questions asked. But he said he would do so if the opportunity was there as if it was handed to him on a silver platter. That's no different than saying,
"I want to F*** her but I will be respectful and keep it to myself, because I know she doesn't think of me that way."

Nobody even made the claim that guys want women just for sex, even though many guys do. You seem to be the one using semantics in this post because there is no correlation between you turning down sex with girls for some perplexing reason, to his being respectful and not looking at the girls in that fashion, unless they offer the sex to him. Totally different examples.


It doesn't though. 'Actively wants sex' refers to sex being on your mind when you're hanging out with someone. 'Taking sex if offered' is not that - which is the distinction he's making.

The whole point of this discussion is that men and women hang out with each other only with an ulterior motive regarding either sex or having a lapdog in mind (which is ridiculous). He was drawing the distinction between WOULD have sex with and hanging out HOPING to have sex with someone. When he's hanging out with these women, he's (presumably) not thinking about sex or relationships with them at all, even if they are hot/attractive. Turning them down or accepting it when the opportunity presents itself is irrelevant (which is why I provided my example) . the point is WHY you're hanging out with them.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 509
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:48:59 AM

I have nice friends so dont really need another one so whats the point?


(abmccray) This is the wackiest sentiment ever. Why -wouldn't- you want another friend?


Disagree re: the wackiness, dude. Maybe my friendship slots are all filled up, and now I'm looking to add a romantic partner to my life. I don't have endless time to socialize and chit-chat with others, and if a date fizzles, I need to move on to another, p0tentially more promising, prospect. That's quite distinct from being friendly to people, which I always try to be. However, I (and others here, I imagine) are looking to DATE, not "make friends". A lot of guys interpret the LJBF speech as a consolation prize, and/or an ego-salve by the person delivering it.


I mean, everyone can't be your best ever friend or someone you spend a ton of time with, but there are still situational friends, distance friends, friends you talk to a few times a week, etc. that can fit into any schedule.


*shrug* I guess I must be selfish, then. I want to devote my time to the furtherance of *MY* goals. I won't get all pissy if a date doesn't lead to The Dance With No Pants, but I'll move on and try elsewhere, without handicapping myself by catering to another's emotional gratification at the expense of my own.
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