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 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 397
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?Page 7 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
This thread is such a sad commentary on the state of gender relations...

Maybe I'm misunderstanding the OP question... IDK

Being friends with the opposite sex shouldn't even be an issue - we all come in contact with numerous people of both genders (and orientations) every day. They are people first - men or women after. They have qualities we either like or don't.. intelligence, humour, values, interests...etc.. I don't know about anyone else but I choose friends for those things first and gender isn't an issue in my friendships. There have been many many threads about attraction - what it is, how it works and the fact that we aren't sexually attracted to everyone we meet. There's been TONS of whining from those who can't grasp the concept that someone may not be attracted sexually to them. (seriously - get over it, it's just the way it is) Ask yourself this: Are you sexually attracted to every person of the gender you are normally attracted to that you come across? If you say yes - there's something wrong there.

Sometimes a relationship isn't possible with a particular person.. the reasons are myriad - different interests, different lifestyles, maybe even a few character attributes that just don't mesh - so even when there is the possibility of sexual attraction it just isn't enough to overcome other issues - doesn't mean one has to discard the person entirely.

Example, I have an ex whom I'm still highly attracted to but the 'relationship' part didn't work for several reasons, we are still friends - because we like each other as PEOPLE.. as a couple, not so much - we don't bring out the best in one another in that way. We have a lot in common though in other areas, we are in the same career field and though we don't hang out often - he is still someone I can talk to and share things with. He's currently involved with someone and I'm HAPPY for him. He is a friend I value quite highly.

Now.. if the OP means what does it mean when a dating situation is stopped by the "I just want to be friends" thing. That's a different thing altogether - that is a cowardly way for someone to let him down gently. It has a different tone than, "I think we would be great friends, but because of ________ a relationship between us is not possible, how do you feel about it?". It all comes down to honesty and the guts to be clear and respectful.

I've also come across this in my life.. as in I've been dating someone and they can't understand that I can have friends of either gender and they get all jealous and suspicious - they have dirty minds and no ethics, it's obvious that they are not capable of seeing people as people first and project that on others. I kick them to the curb - I have no time for small minded insecure people.

I truly hope that those who haven't yet created and maintained friendships with people of both sexes at least try - true friends are rare, a gift in ones life. You are missing out on one of the most wonderful things one can experience.
 Darkbutcomely
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 398
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/9/2012 7:16:05 AM
After I tell a guy I am not interested he the first thing he suggest is we be friends. I can never understand that.
 catchnrelease71
Joined: 10/11/2011
Msg: 399
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/9/2012 9:55:24 AM
I was recently put into the friend zone by someone I had a moderate romantic interest in. I am friends with a lot of women, but I did not want to remain friends with this woman as I knew it would only drag me down. I told her that I didn't want to be friends and that was that. She has texted me a couple times since asking how I'm doing, asking if I had any dates and to tell me she has been dating a guy for a couple weeks. I just keep it short and simple in my replies and I really doubt I would ever see this person face-to-face again. I call it self-preservation.
 risingmist
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 400
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/9/2012 10:06:05 AM
I prefer my sure fire, never limp, electronic vibrator. Works like a charm, doesn't ask me for money, a place to live or to "make it hard." And no, males can't be friends unless they are gay.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 402
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/9/2012 11:15:34 AM
After I tell a guy I am not interested he the first thing he suggest is we be friends. I can never understand that.

That's easy to understand. He still wants to get in your pants.

And no, males can't be friends unless they are gay.

I disagree. Although I think it's rare, it does happen. My best friend is a woman, I'm not gay and my fiancee doesn't mind. I also have other women friends.
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 403
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/9/2012 11:59:37 AM
*I don't think healthy, sane men have a problem with that. Most of us don't try to date (euphemism) every female we encounter, nor are most of us attracted to every female we come across. I just don't think we have time to be actual "friends" with every woman we find attractive who chose not to date us.
Free time is limited, and for me, I barely have time to hang out with my male friends...card games are planned in advance...who's watching the kids, etc.... and there's no ego blow or sexual tension involved there.
Now, don't get me wrong....there are reasons I ENJOY my platonic female friendships. They tend to be more open and honest. There's no competition...as we aren't trying to impress each other. We can be ourselves without judgement or risk, and let our guards down. I show them love and they love me back.
I really get why women like platonic male friendships, too. It's positive, male attention and affection they don't have to be related to or trade sex for. I get it. But I believe with the time constraints of life, you can only have so many "true" friends. Not Facebook "see-'em-twice-a-year" friends, but people you actually spend time with.*

True.. time is limited.. and true friendships deserve more than an infrequent text message. I am just shocked by the amount of people who seem to only value the other gender as a sexual object and not a human being first. I guess that's where that comes from.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 404
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/12/2012 5:19:15 PM
It seems whenever I just start to get comfortable expressing affection for a man, he is the one who suddenly emotionally shuts down, suggesting we be "friends." I just always wonder if he means exchanging recipes, call him to talk about the new guy I met, ask his opinion on which dress to wear on a date, invite him over for a pizza party and a game of Twister.
 ixtlan09
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 405
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/12/2012 5:32:40 PM
See: www.laddertheory.com It will explain all of this to you.

The short story is, when a girl tells a guy she just wants to be friends, she is saying he doesn't qualify to have sex with. When a guy agrees to this, he is just waiting for a moment of weakness or indiscretion not he girl's part, so he can have sex with her.
 seabreezeandyou
Joined: 6/25/2010
Msg: 406
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/12/2012 5:40:48 PM
girls just --want to be friends--generally to have guys buy evenings out--or it's a gentle way to tell the guy--never happen
 deere rancher
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 407
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/12/2012 5:42:37 PM
Well ,....I have never wanted to be friends with someone I didn't like ,,,...

In regards to women .....they like having lots of options .!
and men ...... ..they don't need /want the sexual fustration and expense
of a "friend",
 needyone
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 408
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/13/2012 1:06:15 PM
One only has to look at all the prfiles here to see what guys are hesitant over
Wanted nice guy to take me out , entertain me, dinners, wine love attention,
but if you are looking for sex dont contact me???
talk about mixed messages...
As most of the males have seen a nice young lady keeping her male friends
for car repairs, rides, free drinks, dinners,
And the females will all say guys take them out in the hopes that they get some , or the girl has a few friends that he can get set up with,
and then you wonder why ??
lol we all know the answers
 mopar_runner
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 409
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/13/2012 3:56:39 PM
ravenstar66:
Example, I have an ex whom I'm still highly attracted to but the 'relationship' part didn't work for several reasons, we are still friends - because we like each other as PEOPLE.. as a couple, not so much - we don't bring out the best in one another in that way. We have a lot in common though in other areas, we are in the same career field and though we don't hang out often - he is still someone I can talk to and share things with. He's currently involved with someone and I'm HAPPY for him. He is a friend I value quite highly


I think the difference here is that both of you have tried the relationship and both of you now know full well that it will never work. Yet the both of you have come to the determination that you both find in each other the basis for maintaining a friendship/acquaintance level relationship. This differs greatly from the one-sided "friend zone". Popular media has put forth the idea that a romantic relationship can grow out of something platonic but often it simply does not as one party (quite often the woman. judging by these forums and other anecdotal information) does not feel any sexual tension. So one party believes the delusion that by waiting on the other, the other will "see the light" and develop a romantic interest. The times that happens are rare enough to be statistically insignificant. Only when there is no sexual tension from either side can there be a mutual friendship/acquaintance.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 410
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/19/2012 11:37:49 AM
i think women can relate to men on a non sexual basis a lot easier then men can. it's not a criticism of men, it's just a fact of nature. men are wired that way.

when a woman says she only wants to be friends it means that she is not attracted to you and does not see you as a potential sex partner or relationship partner. if you find yourself being into a woman and she only wants to be friends, then just bolt. don't talk to her anymore, don't try to hang out and be her buddy until you are 100% completely over it and want nothing more from her sexually or romantically. don't put yourself in that situation. you will jsut get hurt and feel rejected all the time.

she doesn't want you, dude. sorry to say it, but she is not attracted to you. period.
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 411
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/19/2012 11:42:22 AM
If a girl just wants to be just friends then she isn't attracted to you. Move on to someone that is interested or you will be waiting forever.
 darthbanker
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 412
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/19/2012 11:52:10 AM

Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?

Because biologically and evolutionally one of the things women look for when determining attraction and ultimately bonding for procreation reasons is a guy that sticks around.

Men want to stick around and bond if the woman is going to offer a chance for his DNA to continue.

So men and women are interested in the same thing...just at different times (woman wants him to stick around, then get pregnant, man wants her pregnant before he will stick around)...as regulated by chemicals in their body.

A man sticking around and being "friends" is the same as a woman sticking around and being a FWB.
They are the same relationship.
Just different perspectives. Woman gives a guy sex to get him to stick around. Man gives woman a friend relationship for the potential to breed (a sense of security deep in his head since it's potentially easier to impregnate a bird in the hand than go out hunting in the bush).
Everything else is just rationalizing it for social reasons.

Overly simplified answer. But there you go.
 miltplum
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 413
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/19/2012 10:40:12 PM
Nah....women who collect male "friends" are predators, pure and simple. Has nothing to do with the guy sticking around. If you've been friend zoned you're never gonna get to share DNA with that lady. That's a loser's sneaky philosophy and it doesn't work. I've tried to be friends a few times and it has never worked for me. The women always try to take advantage and there isn't really anything in it for the guy. We only have so much time, after all, so you can't invest a great deal of time in someone who has already decided that you're not good enough to have sex with.
I don't honestly know of any examples where it was the guy who suggested the friend zone. Generally guys are more straightforward and less likely to deal with the friending nonsense. If a guy is not interested he just doesn't call anymore.
Women who shove men into the friend zone don't expect many guys to stick around, and the guys who do stick around have no balls and therefore get no respect. They get to do oil changes and home improvements while somebody else is boffing the lady.
To me, it's a situation where women try to take advantage of stupidity, and sadly, there are plenty of stupid males who get sucked in, especially if the woman is hot.
FWB I dono. I personally don't know any women dumb enough to put up with that. Women take sex more seriously, I think, and usually need to have some fairly strong feelings before dropping their pants. I've never had a woman FWB. For me, it's always been either a full on GF/wife, or friend zone and I run away. I tried many times to be just friends with women and it never once worked out, so I'm very sour on the idea.
 roylee42
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 414
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/19/2012 10:51:01 PM
"I don't honestly know of any examples where it was the guy who suggested the friend zone."

Well here you go. I've done it many times and will continue to do it. I read a lot of books on relationships and I love to have women around me to discuss it with. I cannot say they are ideal situations because I have yet to have one that does not eventually tell me she has always liked me or wants to sleep with me. Just because your experience does not include these things happening does not mean they are not happening everyday. Most women I have known will not take anything from me and instead are always giving me little things.
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 415
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/19/2012 11:06:39 PM
hahaha from what i have seen and heard alot of guy's have got that bad these days or maybe they always somewhat were that desperate that the girl has to be nowhere near hot and they will still hang around her in HIGH hopes like bee's hoping to get to the honey.

and yes women do think ALOT harder than most men before they drop their pants for a guy ( even an average fella ). i know i've encountered this a few times. even when its been a somewhat perfect situation for a NSA encounter the woman would still rather go do her shopping, go home and watch movies by herself lol for the evening ( and no she was not tired, sick had guests coming over or etc etc ). well i think she would be by herself haha.. who knows but it makes a guy wonder what they think.

as for guy's friend zoning women yes i am a guy who DOES have standards. i have friend zoned multiple women i've met ( no sexual interest ). if im not attracted and can't even see myself in bed with them then no its not going to happen. not all female's are average or better looking sorry to say. they are only human after all and so are men.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 416
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2012 11:37:38 AM
We want to have you as a freind b/c when we don't want to have sex w/you.
This is called being in the friend zone.
 miltplum
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 417
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2012 12:07:49 PM
Well dude....it's just that you are so incredibly irresistible that women from all over the world chase you, so you have to put them in their place by putting them in the friend zone. Try to be kind to them and let them down easy. Have a box of tissue at the ready and maybe a good comedy from netflix to help ease their pain at so great a loss.
 roylee42
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 418
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2012 4:36:47 PM
Really? Are you so bitter because you are not mature enough to have friendships with women? What a shame. They can be excellent friends and give great feedback as to what the important things in relationships are.

You know there's more to women than just wanting to get at that box between their legs. If you took a minute to understand that you might find that they for one reason or another find you appealing.

Well you just keep on trucking and enjoying them negative thoughts you have about women and friendships. I will keep on enjoying the ones I make because guys like you make it easy for me.
 miltplum
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 419
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:20:57 PM
Hey pal, I think you're delusional.
I have a buddy who's a well known actor. He's older, but he's still very handsome.
He doesn't even get the kind of attention that you claim to get. You talk as if you have women throwing sex at you everyday. I looked at your profile and pic, and I don't believe you.
It's great that you are able to have women friends. Good for you. I spoke about my honest experience. It is what it is.
 roylee42
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 420
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:31:16 PM
No I don't. I talk as if I have women friends. They probably choose to be my friends because they wish for more. I have no idea as to what's going on in their minds. You make it seem as if I'm talking about thousands of women here. Believe me don't believe me I'm not here to impress you or anyone else. One thing I do do is speak honestly. So if you are offended for some reason that I'm able to be friends with women that is your personal problem. The only reason I'm on a site looking for a friend is I spent a couple of years in prison on a drug charge and since I was released I have chosen not to rekindle any old friendships. I'm a different person today than I was before and have found that I really have nothing in common with those people. Some women will choose to write me off for that as some will not find me attractive but those who take the chance on getting to know me will find a person that holds some strong values and compassion for others. Makes no difference to me I'm far from desperate. Their are people from my past that will happily welcome me back drug free or no.
 mopar_runner
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 421
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/20/2012 7:19:53 PM
coderedjulia1:
If a girl just wants to be just friends then she isn't attracted to you. Move on to someone that is interested or you will be waiting forever.


Well said, but what is puzzling is that there are quite a number of profiles, at least locally, that state on the order of, "Friends first and see if something develops." I'm on record stating that for me friends are few but lifelong but yet I have a lot of acquaintances of both genders. It's quite difficult to convey what I'm trying to say, but there isn't enough time left in my life to develop a "trial friendship" as a friendship for me is built over years, even decades. Perhaps what they're saying is that they want dating but don't want the guy expressing or expecting any sexual tension for some time. At some point she'll decide whether "there is anything more" and the poor schlub will then find out if the time spent was well invested or not.

Like a lot of men I'm looking for the emotional and physical attraction and it's not about getting into the "box between their legs" on the first date. If she is obviously attracted to me both physically and emotionally, the sex can wait until both of us are ready. When it becomes the friendship trap, I'm out.
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