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 Golfer4u2011
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 423
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?Page 8 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
because we can change a tire..change the oil..move heavy furniture..etc..etc..and we're suckers for a nice face and a hot bod..
 Darkbutcomely
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 424
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/21/2012 5:32:52 AM

that's easy to understand. He still wants to get in your pants.


This maybe true but I dont fcuk my gay friends I dont fcuk my girl friends and I dont fcuk my guy friends. So they are SOL.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 426
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/21/2012 7:59:35 AM


that's easy to understand. He still wants to get in your pants.

ComplexEnigma said:
This maybe true but I dont fcuk my gay friends I dont fcuk my girl friends and I dont fcuk my guy friends. So they are SOL.


Well, maybe not so much. Maybe they can find someone else to fcuk, someone even more appealing than you.
 NicoleGigi
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 427
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/21/2012 9:11:01 AM
I think it's more of a jealousy factor. Girl likes guy, guy likes girl as a friend. They try to maintain a friendship but feelings might still be there. Guy flirts with girls around her and she feels jealous! It doesnt work out too good I don't think.
 ConnCat
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 428
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/21/2012 12:18:22 PM
This is a fascinating topic, I think. And I'm smack in the middle of the maelstrom.

larissan04 said:


when a woman says she only wants to be friends it means that she is not attracted to you and does not see you as a potential sex partner or relationship partner. if you find yourself being into a woman and she only wants to be friends, then just bolt. don't talk to her anymore, don't try to hang out and be her buddy until you are 100% completely over it and want nothing more from her sexually or romantically. don't put yourself in that situation. you will jsut get hurt and feel rejected all the time.

she doesn't want you, dude. sorry to say it, but she is not attracted to you. period.


This makes perfect sense, hard as it is for many guys to accept. Also, when mopar_runner said that such friendships can really only work when there is no sexual tension on EITHER side makes sense, too. Otherwise, the friendship is one-sided, there is an unbalance of power.

In spite of knowing all that, I literally COLLECT female friends, and let me tell you, it's occasionally torturous. I seem to hang around the ones I'm most attracted to...until I see the light and drop off, when I see there's no hope. But I've had a few "friends" who wrangled several favors out of me before I realized that I was just being used and stopped agreeing to see them.

I've only been back in the dating scene 4 years now (since being divorced), so I've had to re-learn some rules of the road. I will still always speak in favor of female friendships: I offer them many things they can't get from their GFs (e.g. I'm in the psych field, so they love my attending/listening skills), and they offer me that great alternative perspective I can't get from my pals.

I simply can't stay away from women--I love their company, I love the way their brains are wired differently, and I simply love looking at them! So, given that reality, I allow myself some longterm friendships, provided:

--I'm over them romantically;
--They have something to offer ME in the friendship (i.e. I'm convinced they're not simply using me for attention or favors);
--They have someone else in their life--this is not a requirement, but it helps--takes the edge off things for me;
--We have some common interests (e.g. I have many female skiing friends);
--If they have a SO, he'd better not have insecurities about the friendship--I don't want to deal with some guy's pissy jealousy;
--Finally, they are hip to how a guy is wired, is cool with it, and doesn't judge it. For example, if I start moaning how I've spent considerable time on a chick and she hasn't given it up yet, the last thing I wanna hear is some bitter rant about that's all guys want, etc. I want some understanding on the matter.

Regarding the latter, I'll know I've turned the friendship corner with a woman when she starts complaining about how HER guy's not giving it up!

Finally, what I've concluded is that you reap what you sew. I'm someone who gets put in the friend zone A LOT. Why? Because I consistently demonstrate that I'm a great friend, and they wanna keep me around in some capacity! The fact that I'm sometimes very hesitant to stake my sexual claim on women I'm attracted to seems to seal my fate all the more. I'm convinced that I've been friend-zoned as much due to them concluding I'm not interested, as them concluding that THEY are not interested. You reap what you sew.

My name is Geoff, and I approve this message.
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 429
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/21/2012 5:06:51 PM
^^^^ if even older guys who u'd think would be more experienced will hang around women thinking their "female friends" will want more over time then i can't expect the younger guys to see the light and wake up lmfao.

this is really the perfect way to disaster for many guys who take this road as much as it seems to be a rather common male trait. its how alot of women end up thinking every guy they walk past is a doormat. not a good image.

its okay to honestly have female friends to have platonic friendship with but don't hang around them like bad odour's thinking the women of choice(s) will luv u next week. might happen in the movies but rarely in real life.
 Michelangelo1976
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 430
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/21/2012 5:16:05 PM
I don't keep female friends.....if i aint into a woman romantically, then, to be frank, piss on 'er. Women seem to keep a slew of men around on the back burner out of a horrible fear of abandonment stemming from an absent father. However, if she's gonna hang with other men, then in all fairness, i should be allowed the same activities with Wendy Whoppers.

The fact that men fall for their female friends is irrelevant. Women fall for their male friends too.

Yes you do. Yes.....you.....do.
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 431
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 2/21/2012 5:16:09 PM

You may have heard the saying "a guy cant be just friends with a girl he is attracted to", but the same saying doesnt get said for women. Why is this?

Could it be that women just are more interested in having guys as friends than guys are in having women that are friends? Could it be that men just arent as good and handling it when they are attracted to a woman but cant have her?


That's what I've always thought it was. Almost like a jolt to his pride. Some guys can handle that though so Im sure it isn't the same across the spectrum.

I believe generation gaps have something to do with it too, so I can only speak for my experiences with my own generation.
 starlight334
Joined: 6/18/2010
Msg: 433
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/27/2012 9:35:26 PM
One of the roles of a guy as a "friend" for a women is to save her relationship. There are lots of women in relationships with rich guys who don't give a shit on their "activities"....and guess what ? They need to fill up that time. I went through this...not once....multiple times....so I gave them the boot...they did not have anything to share with me just getting...they expected me to call them hahahah...they were f.u.ck.ing their relationship and they expected me to call them to ask them out...for "socializing quality time". f.u.c.k that. They expected me to ask them out to go dancing and "protect" them...and if I made a very little move in the direction of something sexual she replied quickly..."forget about it". Once one of them came back from her boyfriend (who had to travel away for work) at 7 PM on Sunday and called me to look for "filling time" till I gave the the shit of her lifetime. Another one had a boyfriend 12 yeard older then her....yeah come on suckers for "just be friends"

You have to be the guy "holding the candle" so they can be balanced in their crappy relationships they won't like to get rid off...."for some reason". You have to be the idiot sucker.

I am very good friedns with other males and that's plenty I don't need "friends" with women...that is a big BS right from the beginning. except the very rare ocassions when you get stuck by accident in the rainforest and you meet a women and somehow you bond as a friend....now go calculate the odds for that to happen.

What can I say ? maybe a very little percentage of you can make it happen.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 434
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 8/27/2012 10:38:31 PM
Some women do make good friends. Then there are some that can drain you with all there problems. Just like any other friend you need to pick and chose your friends.. besides the good ones can set you up with a few dates..
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 435
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 9/14/2012 8:43:54 AM
Single women don't really just want to be just friends, at least rarely.

They want a relationship with a man, the guy that is friend zoned will also be single. So they feel better about their situation if they can have a companion of the opposite sex with them, it feels more like a couple even if there is no real interest in a romantic relationship.

If the guy wants to be more than friends, it is an ego boost and means at least someone desires them and is less happy than them.

The proof of the statement above is that you will notice very few single women being friends with a happily married man or with a man with a long term GF, it is hard on their ego, hard to be with a man that has no sexual interest in her, and when the man has his wife / LT GF and they are together as a group, hard to be with the happy couple,

It's the same dynamic about money, it's tough for a person of modest financial means to be friends with someone that is much wealthier. If you lose your job and are worried about your future, then you tend to want to talk to others that are more miserable than you.

As in misery loves company.

I am not saying it's impossible for a single woman to be friends only with an unavailable man, but it's rare. The only single women without a love interest that it is easy to be friends with are over 70 years of age and on average don't have any desire to date.
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 436
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 9/14/2012 9:22:10 AM
I don't know where you get your info dragonbits but you've obviously never met me.

All of my "guy friends" are married and I have a lot of them. It has nothing to do with my ego and I DONT want them to be sexually attracted to me, that's messed up thinking. I go out for lunch with them, I talk to them on the phone, some of them help me when I need it because I can't fix jack, I get advice from them and I am friends with their wives.

I won't be "friends" with a single guy, that's where it gets uncomfortable for me. Either I end up wanting more or they do.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 437
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 9/14/2012 9:29:09 AM

but you've obviously never met me.


I am not sure how rare it is. But the single male and single female being friends only is pretty rare for the reasons you stated. The only women I was friends with I knew their husbands first, then became friends with their new wife.
 Stucknbfe7769
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 438
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 9/19/2012 1:30:37 PM
So True, so True... I also think the same way... Thank You !!
 uarealoser
Joined: 9/5/2012
Msg: 439
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 9/19/2012 2:34:42 PM

Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?

Some guys do. But it's mostly a deeply subconscious ploy to be more attractive to women and delusion.

But mostly it revolves around a huge difference between men and women that simply shape their paradigm.
The whole idea of when men and women come into contact with each other, and if they are attracted to some degree to each other, their bodies are flooded with chemicals that prepare the body and promote behavior that will lead to sex (it makes babies!).

One giant difference between men and women is women have the ability (generally used non consciously, sometimes consciously if you've ever gotten into a fight with a woman right before sex or during foreplay) of keeping the chemicals that are coursing through the body, that push towards sex, out of their brain. Men don't have that stop gap measure.

People tend to see other people as "just like them." They come to rational, logical conclusions and form shortcuts about life and themselves.
So women see there is an ability to be "just friends" (or maybe more accurately said would be they take it for granted how easy it is) with men, because there is the ability to control the chemicals that influence sexual behavior from seeping into their brain.

The "problem" comes from when a mans body is flooded with chemicals he isn't turned into sex hulk "Hulk screw!" a torpid rapist running amok. That would be easily identified and avoided behavior.
The chemicals just make him more friendly, smile more, be more placating, tell jokes, hug and want to touch more, get closer to her, look into a woman's eyes, do things for her, be around her more, be more understanding and accepting.
Your basic "friend" behavior.

People can consciously choose to exhibit this behavior, even without the flood of chemical inducement.

So what happens? Men exhibit this behavior, induced chemically, then it wears off, and then they start being not as funny, not as accepting, not as accommodating, not as placating, don't smile as much, don't want to be around as much, then they are a jerk, not a good friend, only wanted one thing. Just like after eating a meal, there is less motivation to go get something to eat.
The guy is frustrated, takes it out on the next person he encounters, or uses other women that induce the chemical reaction to a lesser extent, basically sublimating the relationship he has with his female "friend," and it inhibits his ability to actually get into a long term bonded relationship with others.

Or they exhibit this behavior consciously. It's not induced to a significant degree chemically at first. Then what happens? His perspective changes (loneliness, lack of success dating others, stress in other aspects of their life, her life situation changes and she trips his "potential mate" triggers). He exhibits the old behavior, the behavior he chose as "a rational adult human being" and it's exacerbated with the new chemical inducements.
And all a woman can perceive is the change in behavior "oh, they are a really good friend! We are sooo close now!"
They then come to expect it, take it for granted, and there is a huge potential for things to go just a little bit too far for what is socially acceptable.
Or they could get scared of it and run away thinking he wants more.

Of course some men and women just like the high the chemicals induce and play a "yeah, sure, I'm just your friend" dance just to get a chemical high, and they have a distanced or sporadic relationship.

The difference really is in determining what is more important; motives or consequences.
Some people just want the consequences and hide behind things they believe will guarantee the ones they want, and don't think about what motivates the behavior.
i.e.
I won't be "friends" with a single guy

Other people believe motives are important in evaluating behavior and future consequences.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 441
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 9/19/2012 5:47:53 PM
^^^ you can be her friend and loan her money when she is short at the end of the month or paint the kitchen because she is too cheap to hire a painter.

Those don’t sound like good terms of friendship whether same-sex or opposite sex.

I can imagine a guy tolerating it if he’s “hanging around hoping that the women will break down one day and give it up.” But that’s his hidden agenda and in that sense the manipulation is mutual and he doesn’t have my sympathy even though he’s the one who ‘can’t say no.’

If he’s a true friend with clear boundaries and no hidden agenda, he’ll be more able to say no when he needs too. Without boundaries, he can’t be a good friend to man or woman.

As for finding him lacking in some way, perhaps she just found they were incompatible. Nothing lacking. Just not a good fit for her.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 442
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 10/3/2012 8:54:51 AM

Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?

Who says? I've had 'just friends' relationships with women. And I'd welcome that again. Nothing wrong with that.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 444
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 10/12/2012 10:13:17 AM
we have tools and can fix things?
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 445
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 10/12/2012 10:15:43 AM
Because if a guy isn't gay, he is going to be attracted to a woman.


Gay guys can be your friend, because there is no possible attraction in him.
If he's not gay and talkin about friendship. Tell him to" stop lying, you want my don't you?"
 Phil_an_derer
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 446
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 10/12/2012 3:34:11 PM
I have 7 female friends....two are close neighbours...one is an ex who is my best friend, another is an coworker from my working days....and the others are just friends I have met along the way.....I have been friends with several of them for at least 12 yrs....really we can't have female friends....maybe boys can't, men can....
 Dili_gent
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 447
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Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 10/14/2012 8:04:28 PM
It has nothing to do with Male or Female. It has to do with who had the "power" in the relationship. The person who had the "power" in the relationship is most open to a friendship. And the person without the "power" may or may not grasp to the incorrect notion that if they hang around that the other will "change their mind".

Ouch.
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 448
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 10/14/2012 11:15:36 PM
From my point of view, it's cause every guy friend I've had, I thought it was just friends and eventually they tried to change the relationship in some way, either date, kiss, etc. So, I personally don't believe much in the male-female friendship dynamic.

So if the guy is already attracted to the girl, she would just see "friendship" as the guy lying in wait for his chance. I also think women, if rejected, are less likely to do the chasing and will just put the guy in the friend zone after rejection so she's fine with just friends, where as a guy who gets rejected might be hoping he'll be there at the right time-like a bad break up where he can console her, a lonely day, hang around until she sees how awesome he is.

Just guesses really.
 Octane_Rush
Joined: 9/22/2012
Msg: 449
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 10/14/2012 11:16:59 PM
It is very possible, provided that the two have virtually nothing in common. The less they have in common, the more subconsciously they'll know it won't work.
 Phil_an_derer
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 450
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 10/16/2012 8:03:42 AM
^^^^ my friends and I have very much in common......we hike, bike, kayak, go camping etc... God forbid we even sleep in the same tent ....some people just don't get it and are their own worst enemies....
 funmma
Joined: 3/8/2011
Msg: 451
Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that?
Posted: 10/16/2012 8:44:49 AM
The belief that men and women can't be friends comes from another era in which women were at home and men were in the workplace, and the only way they could get together was for romance. Alot of men are more comfortable with women. They don't have to prove anything to them, especially if they are not in a dating situation with them. Women give better advice than guys. They are easier to talk to. Guys are always trying to figure out who is the big dog. Whatever it is, the guys are always competing. They compete about how much money you make, what college you went to, what your skills are. They try and 'one up' each other. Women don't do that. The only down fall to the whole situation is men become very comfortable in this type of relationship because they have someone to do the "girlfirendy" things with; therefore the need to find romance is left on the back burner because the rest of their needs are being fulfilled other than the "sex".
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