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 Happilyeveretc.
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 87
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
To each his own, they did it up until the 60's (or at least were discreet about it) Men had no problem with it then, they didn't want women that slept around, they wanted wives ( that they didn't have to worry ,their friends had first) i myself, feel somewhat the same way, i was married a long time, then engaged, now single and dating, but saving myself for someone i really care for, and really cares for me, It will mean something special, not just a an animal instinct, Humans have brains and emotions
Hooray for you, and your morals
 HikingFitGuy
Joined: 3/20/2007
Msg: 88
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/29/2007 4:02:58 AM

Hey guys....what do you think of dating a woman that has had plenty of fabulous sex in her life, but has since decided to wait for marriage with the right guy? Not that the woman will waver in her decision, but how would men deal with this issue? Just curious!


Because I am not religious, the dating wouldn't last because I ain't gonna go without. All this saving yourself for marriage is the biggest load of ****
 Gideon_70
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 89
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/29/2007 8:20:44 PM
I applaud you!

I do not have sex unless i plan on marrying
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 90
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History
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/29/2007 8:27:11 PM
I'd wonder just how wonderful all that sex you had was. I'm not marrying someone that could be a total du. Why would you take that chance?
 Ready2Mingle2007
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 92
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/30/2007 12:15:05 AM
There is no way I would wait. I would not even wait for a virgin. There is no logical reason why an arbitrary event like marriage should determine when I have sex. IF I ever waited to have sex with a woman the marriage would not guarantee commitment as I would get an annulment on the grounds of sexual incomparability if I did not enjoy sex with her.

IF I ever was with a woman that required this I would openly have sex with other women on the side. However, I would never be with a woman like this because as soon as she told me I would realize she is either stupid, playing games, leveraging, or selfish.

Now, like all the guys who said "yes" I would TELL her I was cool with it. However, if I saw her opinion was not changing then I would say see ya.
 Mathias_Sol
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 93
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/30/2007 12:27:40 AM
.......My youth will come out on this one and say, "OUCH!!! Lady, please, your breaking my balls here."

But other than that, in a small way, to some guys, it would be slightly insulting if not entirely. My thoughts behind this lay within the fact that you said that you've already had plenty of fabulous sex in your life as it is, does this mean you'll brag about it in the faces of the men you date that you've had plenty and you're not giving them any.

Sorry, but to start those morals and values after experiencing in mass and try to go from hot to cold almost in an instant. Some guys on here can be nice and say they'd still date you, but personally, even if I was near a respectable age, I'll go off on a limb and say I'm the bad guy here and say hell no to you.
 randomstoic
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 94
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/30/2007 12:35:54 AM
It wouldn't work for me. I want to live with someone a year before marriage and be at least 1.5 years beyond the first date. It is really important for me that everything work and sex is a major component of a healthy relationship. Besides, some people are sexually incompatible and it would be a shame if they found out after the marriage.
 nameismarcus
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 95
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No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 12/6/2007 9:44:29 AM
Besides, why would a man buy a car without taking it for a test drive?


Say you go to the used car lot. You see a car that, because of all the people that have taken it for a test drive, is covered with dents, it's seats are worn out and the engine stalls. Is that a car that most people would consider buying?



It wouldn't work for me. I want to live with someone a year before marriage and be at least 1.5 years beyond the first date. It is really important for me that everything work and sex is a major component of a healthy relationship. Besides, some people are sexually incompatible and it would be a shame if they found out after the marriage.


People are making too big an issue of the compatibility issue. If you are married to the right person then you both will make an effort to satisfy each other.
 sunsetviewer
Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 97
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 2/20/2008 3:35:11 PM
Respect for the ladies boundaries is a vital part of respect, so if you don't respect that how can you have a good relationship with a lady who has decided to reserve sex for marriage? It seems to me you are wanting what makes you happy and not considering her. Personally I admire the ladies standards and prefer to respect them. A lot of my feelings on the matter are determined by my interpretation of the Bible and it's statement of "one flesh" being created in the sexual experience. If one flesh is created, then relationship attempted with another, there is interference created by the past unresolved attachment. I prefer a relationship without unresolved prior attachments.

Keep up your standards lady!
 djrichpowers
Joined: 9/12/2005
Msg: 98
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 2/20/2008 4:12:22 PM
I'm not window shopping. If it comes down to the point where I think marriage could happen. I definitely want to know if you are good in bed. If you are terrible in bed that's a deal breaker.
 mphzguy
Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 99
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No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 2/20/2008 4:34:16 PM
OP
It would raise a red flag to me that you have some issues to work out and I wouldn't be interested in pursuing a relationship with you.
 mphzguy
Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 102
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No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 2/21/2008 11:04:05 AM
Just because You don't think it's a red flag, doesn't mean WE don't think it's a red flag. It doesn't 'smack' of security in oneself at all, but rather points out a very large lack of secureness in yourself and who or what you are about. You define youself based on carnal knowledge or lack thereof. You put too much importance or emphasis on what you do rather then whom you are doing it with.

If you don't want to have sex, then don't. If you feel a need to wear that like some badge of honor, then yes, you are very confused and in the general opinion of most males who have replied, you simply are not ready for a real relationship.
 tammys43
Joined: 12/14/2007
Msg: 103
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 2/21/2008 5:52:47 PM
men love to use the old" why would you buy a car before test driving it " well because some cars have more "mileage" than others and some brand new. so it would depend on how many"blocks" the car had been around.....jmo:
 sunsetviewer
Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 105
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/5/2008 8:01:20 PM
I wonder if these guys who see a red flag when a woman won't readily go to bed with them have any concern about how many other men she is going to bed with during their relationship. It seems a lot of people in these forums are more in love with what they experience in sex than they are with any sexual partner.

Do you guys who see red flags have any concern about STD's and any other problems from promiscuity? And don't tell me there are absolutely reliable safe sex techniques because I am not that uninformed or niave.

Do these partners love you, just because they love sex with you, or are you perhaps being used in some way? If good sex is all you want in a relationship I hope you are being honest with all partners about that.

I helped care for a man who was suffering from alzheimer's who had left the mother of his two daughter when they were teens. He was dedicated to his new wife, but I always left upset when I saw her treatment of him and his daughters. He also was in debt, though he made good money and none of his family knew what happened to all of it.
I believe he should have seen some "red flags", though it seems the sex was good!

 THE full monty
Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 106
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:30:55 PM
well ,that would real stupid on the guys part .....to marry a lady without having sex with her. oh ,excuse me i mean making love to her........come on its 2008 thats like buying a sportcar and not taking for a testdrive.then ,you finally buy the car and it runs and rides like shit........ ................ ........
 YourDarkAngel
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 107
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:35:19 PM

Hey guys....what do you think of dating a woman that has had plenty of fabulous sex in her life, but has since decided to wait for marriage with the right guy? Not that the woman will waver in her decision, but how would men deal with this issue? Just curious!


I.e., you've had your fun . . . other men have gotten it for free, and now you want to make a man grovel and stall until the right buyer with the goods comes along. Got it.



Next . . .


AND...that is her choice...


And she'll pay for the consequences of those choices. Face it, no one wants to beg for intimacy when others have had it without much fanfare.

I wouldn't trust even mentioning wedding vows with her. Least of all spending money on date.
 YourDarkAngel
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 110
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/8/2008 12:39:09 AM

is that what relationships have become now? just an arena for sex,.. and if the sex isnt good, you discard the woman? I'm so glad women on this site can come and read some of the responses from some men on here. Very insightful, very revealing,.. and ultimately... very disappointing.... Miss Eyre.


What's even more disappointing and vastly more hypocritical is a woman that's had her fun and expects some sucker . . . I mean "real man" . . . to support her and withhold sex.

Prostitution is honest---you get something in the transaction. The above is a sham. Second virginity is a sham.

The problem is that many women who fool around too much become coarse and cynical with men they never would have considered before. Romance and true intimacy is often lost on them.

I think some women really believe men are that stupid to fall for what the OP is doing. Trust takes a long time to rebuild, and when your past history doesn't match the sudden traditionalism that she's expecting now, something doesn't add up. It certainly isn't about a relationship of equals, sexual or otherwise. Now it's about having someone "prove" their love through stalling and testing. What a crock.

This is the metaphysical price you are paying for sexual liberation and feminism, btw. There are men that want to be freed up as well (not just sexually, either), and now someone is supposed to uphold a compact when before it didn't matter?
 sidizzle
Joined: 3/9/2006
Msg: 111
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No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/8/2008 2:14:06 AM
Thats a really good idea, if I had the will power I would do the same! I do actually have a flat mate whos doing it!
 YourDarkAngel
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 114
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/9/2008 10:54:42 PM
It's probably Rock Hunter she's bashing, but just for the hell of it . . . since Miss Ire seems to intent on being a little hostile . . .



And the usual suspects come to this thread, after me,.. to express their misogynist views and their 'sex is all we require from a woman' idealogies.


Translation: a man is sexist if they don't agree with you. Nice try, and nice knee jerk reaction fro you. Maybe you're a misandrist since every man should concede to your personal dogmatic view of relationships or what? I wonder.


Its no wonder some of you are single, with those attitudes.


Actually, there is always someone interested in me sexually. It doesn't mean I'm attracted to them; some of the women I am, some of them are not interesting.

And why do you care if a man that you take to task is single? You're single, too, so I could say that your bad attitude is doing the same thing. Can't get a date, Ire? Maybe it's just plain hypocrisy on your end. Resentment is flowing from your****ail glass, I'm sure.


I see a very old fashioned mind set from some here. Its ok for a man to sow his wild oats.. and then decide to keep his sexuality as an integral and exclusive part of a relationship once he has decided to 'settle down' or become 'serious' about a woman. We would'nt even question it.


YOU are. In fact, you seem to be bothered by the fact a man could enjoy himself. Many men barely get any action, even in marriage. Another reason why being single and free is better.

[quoote]
But, a woman who has a sexual past, is forever condemned by that past,.. she is expected to share her sexuality, because she has done so in the past.

The OP is the one that's changing. No one demanded it so, she did it. But past history isn't something you can erase, man or woman.


She is not allowed to change her mode of operation,.. and she will be reminded what a 'slut' shes been,.. yes, some very hateful attitudes being expressed here.


It's nothing to do with hate---it's a matter of fact. Any woman that plays the field for too long usually becomes coarse and jaded. So do men, but it's easier for women to laid than men. Men have to prove themselves, all women have to do is be sexy and available. Gee, what's the double standard thing, now? It's for men, not just women.

Plus, she's acting prudish when before she was libertine, don't hand me that crap about slutdom. Now days, it's not a stigma at all. And for men, players get castigated but still get women's attention. Men who don't get women's attention (sexually) are considered nobodies---for women, if the are "free" they are liberated, if they are "saving themselves" they are being smart.

Again, what's the double standard thing?



I can only hope that the OP doesnt give in to this sort of pressure,.. and doesnt weaken her resolve, or, worse still, becomes very reticent in discussing her past or even feels she needs to lie about it, otherwise men will view her as 'damaged goods' or sloppy seconds'.


If it walks like a duck . . .



Dear me, gentleman, whats good for the gander must be good for the goose in this case,.. and if a man can have plenty of casual sex in his past, but be allowed to wait when he wants, then so must a woman.


Men who "wait" get nothing. Women can wait and still get suitors. Are you that obtuse about relationships or what?


There is no reason why a woman should be 'coarsened' by previous encounters,.. any more than a man would be.


It happens. That's life. Why you would defend it? You take many men to task, and then you turn around you justify both sexes? Wow, cognitive dissonance, anyone?


If that were the case, is it acceptable for me to reject men on the number of sexual partners they have had? Would you think that reasonable of me?


Women value men who get sexual attention. You probably wouldn't reject a guy like that, either, and despite your moralistic diatribe here.


Would you think it acceptable for me to say to a man who has decided to wait, that I wont date him because he wont give me what he's freely given to other women?


You would be frustrated and upset, too. You know it. In fact, many women pick womanizers because they are perceived to be virile.


Stop treating women as either Madonnas or whores.. get out of your hateful mindsets.


Number one: if she's going back and forth between the two, that's actually what's happening. Two, if you can't manage fact, that's your problem. Personal attacks about "haters" changes nothing, and it's bullshit.



Yes, Rock hunter.. I was tut tutting at your ridiculously obnoxious views.. absolutely I was.. and as a woman who hasnt 'been around the block' I can honestly say that I'm being less judgemental than some of the man tarts on this thread, against the OP.
Miss Eyre.


You're just being judgmental about men (or women, for that matter, but you'd take men to task first, I'm sure) that point out the truth. Stop being a jerk, and deal with it.


Love,
C.
 Akutenshi
Joined: 11/26/2007
Msg: 115
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History
Same exact boat here
Posted: 3/9/2008 10:56:56 PM
I dont have sex now being single...
So i see just having a great companion a bonus ^_^
 YourDarkAngel
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 116
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:02:11 PM

you'd better understand that sex is not something that most women can share without some kind commitment,


You don't get out much or know about how many other women operate now, do you?



am of the opinion, that most men who complain that marriage is an unfair and persecutory institution against men.. have never thought of a pre nup?


It is.

And if a judge (in many states in the US) declares it's not viable, a pre nup can be nullified.

 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 118
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 3/10/2008 2:39:22 AM
Meh! she'll change her mind soon enough. Women are flakey like that.
 girlzdream
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 122
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:17:10 PM
I would think that she has made a bad decision(s) in her past and maybe she has finally come to the conclusion that GOD IS RIGHT and that there is a detailed series of events that leads to marriage: friendship, love, marriage then sex...... Maybe she has decided to let God lead her life, maybe she is trying to live an example for her children or maybe she has decided that, unlike men, that her self respect is worth much more than a nice dinner.... so many guys & girls act like dinner is the going price for unlimited sexual bliss..... people are many times pressured into sex... if we say that we are waiting, people call us prudes or holy rollers..... well, think about this..... when you do get married (if and when) would you introduce your spouse as the "Fabulous Sex Queen/king" and start listing all of thier sexual encounters or would you rather know that they had enough self respect to display self control? Better yet, how many of you guys call women sluts and whores (Or man whores), sleep with them and save yourself for the respectable person to call your own? JUST A THOUGHT

I know that women and men seem to feel like casual sex is the common thing now, but I fear God and, as I tell my kids and their friends: Learn the words S T D, somethings don't come off with ajax and think before you act..... All of our lives are worth more than a one night stand.... In our state we don't lead in much, but STD's we rank almost top...... Sex isn't worth missing out on watching my kids grow up nor is it worth having my kids follow in my footsteps and ruining their lives.... Most people with AIDS, Hep C, Herpes..... didn't plan on getting the gift that keeps on giving.....
 Sardonis
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 123
No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:37:51 PM
Hey guys....what do you think of dating a woman that has had plenty of fabulous sex in her life, but has since decided to wait for marriage with the right guy? Not that the woman will waver in her decision, but how would men deal with this issue? Just curious!


Nice troll post.

I would not get married with out sexual chemistry.
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 125
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No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:14:50 PM

Hey guys....what do you think of dating a woman that has had plenty of fabulous sex in her life, but has since decided to wait for marriage with the right guy? Not that the woman will waver in her decision, but how would men deal with this issue? Just curious!


I guess it depends on the guy's personal experiences. A guy who's had the same and also so 'reformed' would probably not have a problem with it.

A guy who's hasn't had such a 'rich' sexual past could see it entirely differently, especially if the woman goes on about what jerks her ex's were. That sort of thing just doesn't set well with a guy who knows he's not a jerk. It's even worse when she says he's a better guy than her ex's. It's as if he's being punished for the wrongs of her ex's and/or her past decision making.

It has all the appeal for a guy who hasn't been married and doesn't have kids of a woman who was married to some worthless jerk and then being expected to be a father to her kids. Kind of extreme but it's along the same lines.

I wish I could explain it better.
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