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 NoBuddies_Fool
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 1771
People who just write how are you Page 73 of 78    (38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78)
I don't mind if...the first message is short and sweet...my lack of effort in my answer is reflected...
Last week...I had a faceless...younger man(supposedly) write...meet you for drinks Friday night...I wrote...Hmm...No thanks...then he upped the game by...lunch then..I'll buy....Now, he has insulted me by thinking I will meet anyone "blind" because he was supposedly 5 years younger and with so little effort and then the added insult....was I would go "if" he was buying...
I replied..."sorry, I can buy my own lunch...holding out for someone that wants to put some effort in".....well, then I got some well chosen words on how I should be so lucky to be even asked out, at my age...pfft!!
Thank goodness...there are still some well mannered men...even though they are getting rarer on here.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 1772
People who just write how are you
Posted: 6/22/2014 12:38:15 PM

it's pretty annoying.


What's also pretty annoying is people who complain about every little unimportant thing in life. Communication is communication, short or long.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 8/11/2013
Msg: 1773
People who just write how are you
Posted: 6/22/2014 3:42:48 PM
I'm fine with "how are you." Better than a chapter long intro from a profile without a pic.
 Yamanu
Joined: 6/4/2014
Msg: 1774
People who just write how are you
Posted: 6/22/2014 4:01:02 PM
Raz struck a chord because I'd love to actually have a guy show up to meet me. I can't seem to get "that far" and have answered in different ways to the messages in this thread.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 1775
People who just write how are you
Posted: 6/23/2014 2:50:53 PM
Hemingway114- Another writer, that is great. I really enjoy finding other writers here on POF.
I have a feeling you always read profiles, right?
I know I do.
What is said, or NOT said, in a profile almost always determines how much effort I put into a response.
I know why some people only look at the pics, but to me that's like buying a book based on the cover ;)
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 1776
view profile
History
People who just write how are you
Posted: 6/28/2014 1:13:17 PM
I have received a handful of initial e-mail from women. The women are never my 'type'. The e-mail is always, "Hi", "Hello", or something equally lacking in creativity, so I find it highly ironic that so many women complain about receiving this type of e-mail from men.

Admittedly, if a woman who was my 'type' sent me an e-mail that only read, "Hi", I would offer a brief response, however, my profile is sufficiently full of information about me, that if her subsequent e-mails weren't 'on-point', I would stop messaging. Laziness and lack of effort are a huge turn-off for me. It's no wonder to me why there are so many single women involved with online dating, the ones that I have come across seem highly unrealistic, narcissistic, and give every indication (from their one-sentence profiles, to their one-word greetings, to their seeming lack of conversational skills), that they are, "too good" or "don't need to" to show any initiative, creativity, or even exert any minimal effort at 'getting OR keeping' the proverbial ball rolling.

My profile is hella' long (on purpose). As a matter of fact, I could not add another sentence, even if I wanted to. So, it's almost insulting when a woman who is clearly not my type, can't even be bothered to at least cull something from my profile to start a conversation. For example, I am clearly into photography, and yet none of the handful of women (who I would not be physically attracted to, based on what is written in my profile), could even be bothered to use 3 brain cells to start with.......................hold on, because this is groundbreaking.............................."Hi, I enjoyed reading your profile, how did you get interested in photography?" Now, I would feel compelled to answer any woman who put that (minimal) level of effort into a greeting. And who knows, maybe my interest miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight be sparked from there.

But, nope, that's too much like work for women online. And, since even the most mediocre of women are receiving probably 10 e-mails per day, they don't need to expend any effort, and they don't.
 GnosisMan
Joined: 5/4/2014
Msg: 1777
People who just write how are you
Posted: 6/29/2014 2:17:36 PM
Being able to say the right thing, at the right time, in the right way, to the right woman, in the right amount, and at the right place is tantamount to winning the lottery. I've spent 15 -20 minutes carefully replying to women only to end up being blocked for reasons that the women in question and this site no not reveal.

The same can be said about your profile. No matter how many times you change it, it makes little or no difference. Last year, someone in a forum was seeking advice from others on how to improve his profile and he was inundated with so many disparate and unhelpful views, it was maddening. It just goes to show you that, unlike writing a resume, the personal profiles have no rules yet we are constantly measuring, comparing, concocting, scheming, and fretting over our every word and, to me, it feels like you are being forced into an emotional straight jacket where you are not allowed to be spontaneous -much less express what you deem important in a relationship as I've done in my profiles. But it's all in vain anyway because of the 6 women I replied to in past 4 months who live in my town, none of them was even interested in having a cup of coffee.You would think that living in the same town, it would make things easier, but no. As I see it, the online personals have become an impediment to meeting others and the only way I'll have better changes of finding someone is by getting out of this small town but finding a job elsewhere at my age will not be easy.
 OpalescentCloud
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 1778
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/2/2014 1:12:13 AM
My favorite are the guys who copy and paste a long winded email that they use for everyone.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 1779
view profile
History
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/2/2014 4:46:18 PM
Hey Bestwomanever......... How are you?
 Walbevert
Joined: 6/6/2013
Msg: 1780
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/4/2014 6:50:48 PM
I checked my messages. The majority of them say: Hey there :) Most of the rest: How are you?
It seems that it's universal language between men and women. Ha
 BI0ndE
Joined: 10/21/2013
Msg: 1781
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/4/2014 7:26:11 PM
I do not respond to such messages. but agree, very annoying.
 BI0ndE
Joined: 10/21/2013
Msg: 1782
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/4/2014 7:26:45 PM
I do not respond to such messages but agree, very annoying
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 1783
view profile
History
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/7/2014 7:31:36 AM
I was on Match for about 3 weeks. I received about 75 messages. Any messages that didn't reflect specifics in my profile were immediately deleted. Also deleted any with grammar, spelling mistakes or poorly written. I responded to 3 of the messages that showed good communication skills and all three at least six sentences long....had three meets...met my boyfriend.

I didn't initiate contact With any males. But, if I had , I would have written a single short friendly sentence. This to me is the equivalent smiling to a man across a room. He will then show if he has the initiative, confidence to want to pursue me. I like a man to take the leading role.

Anyways, if a man doesn't put effort into an initial message and customize it to a particular woman, then so be it. He will just get less results. As for it being 'time consuming'...huh? I like an educated, articulate make...it is no effort for a man with these attributes to write a few imaginative and proper sentences.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 1784
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/7/2014 7:17:35 PM
Anyways, if a man doesn't put effort into an initial message and customize it to a particular woman, then so be it. He will just get less results. As for it being 'time consuming'...huh? I like an educated, articulate make...it is no effort for a man with these attributes to write a few imaginative and proper sentences.


It's mostly about the photos and profile. I have written different types of initial emails and it had very little impact on the amount of positive replies that I got back from women. However more women were interested in me when I added new and better photos. Or to a lesser extent when I made adjustments to my profile. In my experience for the most part, it doesn't matter what a man writes on your initial message. If she likes his photos and profile, he will get a positive reply.Unless he writes something that is crude such as sexual remarks.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 1785
view profile
History
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/7/2014 10:08:05 PM
^^^
It certainly mattered to me. I would think the more educated, cultured a person...then good communication skills are valued more. My boyfriend was articulate and imaginative.

I had about 75 messages. Never had any inappropriate sexual remarks.

I wonder what it is that some men find so hard to understand? They keep wallowing in a negativism like little boys pouting. Unfortunately for them, nobody is going to suddenly act like mommy and give them what they want. In the meantime, the confident guys are matching up with quite regularly with the women they are interested in.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 1786
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/8/2014 6:14:07 AM
It certainly mattered to me. I would think the more educated, cultured a person...then good communication skills are valued more. My boyfriend was articulate and imaginative.


If there is mutual initial interest based on the photos and profile, then the follow up email / phone conversations and/or dates can determine if someone is articulate.

I had about 75 messages. Never had any inappropriate sexual remarks.


You were fortunate. Other women have complained about this.


I wonder what it is that some men find so hard to understand? They keep wallowing in a negativism like little boys pouting. Unfortunately for them, nobody is going to suddenly act like mommy and give them what they want. In the meantime, the confident guys are matching up with quite regularly with the women they are interested in.


This has nothing to do with being negative. I simply stated the photos and profile is far more important to a man's success than what he writes in his initial email.
 imokurok77
Joined: 6/2/2014
Msg: 1787
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/8/2014 6:26:17 AM

This has nothing to do with being negative. I simply stated the photos and profile is far more important to a man's success than what he writes in his initial email.


I may be in the minority but I weigh initial message content a bit more heavily than profile text. Particularly if there is a mismatch - if a guy has a wonderfully written profile but his initial message is full of typos, mistakes, text speak, etc I wonder if he even wrote his profile text.

I dated someone for over 2 years that I 'met' here that had very little info in his profile and no pictures. But his initial message (and subsequent ones) just drew me in.

That being said, since we've split up (2 years now) and I've been dating again, I've tried to err on the side of giving people a chance vs eliminating them straight away -- if the profile is good and the message is 'eh', I'll respond. If the message is good and the profile is 'eh' I'll also respond. It's not like I'm pledging my life or life savings to someone by spending a little time getting to know someone.

When I'm fishing (right now I'm not, I'm in the 'getting to know someone who seems great' stage) I try to have ALL reasonable elements in place - recent pics that I'm happy with, a full profile that shows me AND send messages that have content. Why not give yourself the BEST shot?
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 1788
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/8/2014 7:01:16 PM
I've tried to err on the side of giving people a chance vs eliminating them straight away -- if the profile is good and the message is 'eh', I'll respond. If the message is good and the profile is 'eh' I'll also respond. It's not like I'm pledging my life or life savings to someone by spending a little time getting to know someone.


Kudos on your improved approach. If only everyone else would adopt the same.

One down, 40 million to go.........(or however many members there are actually on here now)
 gingham1
Joined: 7/4/2014
Msg: 1789
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/8/2014 7:50:06 PM
"How are you?" is okay for the first email. But if the next few emails don't have more substance, then I will lose interest.
 pinkchick52
Joined: 1/9/2014
Msg: 1790
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/11/2014 3:17:36 AM
EEEEk I do this? : (
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 1791
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/11/2014 4:10:27 AM
Ok......I have tried on a couple of occasions to answer these messages.....but I have ended up with conversations that were more difficult and painful to get going than giving birth!

Now I am sure there are some wonderful men that send out these initial messages and I may be losing out.....but I am finding the older I get the more outspoken I get and the less patience I have......it happens! :)

As a matter of fact......sometimes just for the fun of it......when out in public and a stranger asks me how I am doing today.....I just may answer truthfully and say....."Pretty crappy today, actually.....thanks for asking" It can be quite amusing to see their reactions! :)


Hmmm.......maybe the next message I get like this......maybe I will go into detail about every little freakin thing that has gone wrong that day....and then end it with...."Thanks for letting me vent......So......How was your day?" lol
 oldie_but_hottie
Joined: 2/4/2012
Msg: 1792
view profile
History
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/11/2014 9:18:52 AM
That's my opening line and my favourite one to get. What else is one supposed to start a conversation with. Some times I get no response, sometimes I get a "Good, how are you?" in return, which is great because then I can elaborate on my state of mind at the moment, and the odd time I get a more detailed response. I think the the "How are you line" is the perfect start for a conversation. But I'm in Canada and we may just be more polite ...
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 1793
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/11/2014 9:39:30 AM
You know, I'm ok with a quick message, from someone I'm ATTRACTED to.

This whole thing kinda boils down to a universal truth. Women are not as forgiving as men.

If a woman taps me on the shoulder, or sends a 'copy paste boilerplate' message? Yeah, I'll quickly determine if she's 'hot' and respond accordingly. That makes me shallow, huh?

Yet, a man sends a one liner or a complement and he's a pig. Go figure.
 imokurok77
Joined: 6/2/2014
Msg: 1794
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/11/2014 9:53:39 AM
^^^

Or maybe men and women are just unforgiving about different things? Maybe what men and women are ATTRACTED to is different.

It's often seemed to me (on these forums at least) is that what men deem unforgivable is:

1) a woman being unattractive
OR
2) a woman being attractive who isn't in to them.

You said yourself that you are forgiving IF the woman is 'hot' (which I assume you judge by her pictures). Maybe we determine if a man is attractive not ONLY based on 'is he hot' in pictures, but by some other set of attributes (like how he communicates).

I also think you are cherry picking a bit to find the WORST in 'us' (women) - maybe I missed it, but I don't see every or most women saying 'he's a pig'.

Heck, I've tried to offer a positive slant at times, it's only my perspective, but positing something positive on here that doesn't go with the 'bash of the day' just seems to be ignored. The posts from women who say the negative things (that make me cringe as well) are the ones that some guys seem to seize upon.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 1795
People who just write how are you
Posted: 7/11/2014 10:03:13 AM
I was being facetious and sardonic.

It's the whole Mars/Venus conundrum:)

You know, men are like bluetooth and women like wifi. Men pair with anything close by, while a woman connects with the strongest signal.

It's all in jest...
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